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Got cheated on but refuse to work it out

gkwolfman84

By gkwolfman84
in Infidelity

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gkwolfman84 Member

gkwolfman84

Posted
Posted (edited)

My soon to be ex GF cheated last week and now keeps on begging me to work it out, how it was a mistake, yada yada yada

 

How can this be worked out when I see nothing but the her and the OM and the many times they must have done it behind my back?

 

However, in refusing to accept her pleads I'm I being a hypocrite? I too cheated on an ex GF 7 years ago and really did get caught. I didn't even apologized (will be doing it tomorrow when I see her at work again) so I think this is karma.

 

I really can't think of what way it will work out. I see nothing but a disgusting woman who slept with another man while claiming to love me. I'm the verge of crying.

 

I'm I really being a hypocrite now for wanting out?

Edited by gkwolfman84
bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted

I would say we all reap what we sow. Are you a hypocrite...maybe. Did you want another chance with your previous GF? How old were you? I ask your age because I believe the time that we all probably make these type of stupid decisions is in our teen years. If you were of an mature age...well. All of these things are neither here nor there...but if you can't deal with her cheating...don't. It can only hurt you both in the end.

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gkwolfman84 Member

gkwolfman84

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Posted (edited)
I would say we all reap what we sow. Are you a hypocrite...maybe. Did you want another chance with your previous GF? How old were you?
There was no point for me of asking for another chance. I was too mortified/embarrassed to even explained because there was nothing to talk about after getting caught so I left that day. I just couldn't face it and even if I would have ask for another chance, had she given me one I know it would have never been the same. I know this was mean to not even apologize but there was no way this could have been fixed.

Bentnotbroken I was 18 years old at the time (now I'm 25).

 

There are certain things that just can't be simply forgiven as when you had an argument with someone or forgot the keys, cheating is one of them. Since I saw no point in trying to get back with my previous ex, I tried moving on (always regretted still) and just not cheat ever again. I haven't cheated ever since but now I'm the one on the other side of the fence.

Edited by gkwolfman84
fltc Established Member

fltc

Posted
Posted
My soon to be ex GF cheated last week and now keeps on begging me to work it out, how it was a mistake, yada yada yada

 

How can this be worked out when I see nothing but the her and the OM and the many times they must have done it behind my back?

 

It can't be worked out, why even try? Dump her, you'll never stop seeing her and the OM in your imagination and you'll never be able to trust her again... NOTE: the previous items may be YOUR problem, not hers, but they'll prevent you from ever recovering from the affair.

 

I'm probably a minority here but cheating is, for me, unforgivable. I'd never consider trying to repair a relationship once my partner cheated.

wicar1 Established Member

wicar1

Posted
Posted
My soon to be ex GF cheated last week and now keeps on begging me to work it out, how it was a mistake, yada yada yada

 

How can this be worked out when I see nothing but the her and the OM and the many times they must have done it behind my back?

 

However, in refusing to accept her pleads I'm I being a hypocrite? I too cheated on an ex GF 7 years ago and really did get caught. I didn't even apologized (will be doing it tomorrow when I see her at work again) so I think this is karma.

 

I really can't think of what way it will work out. I see nothing but a disgusting woman who slept with another man while claiming to love me. I'm the verge of crying.

 

I'm I really being a hypocrite now for wanting out?

 

You are doing the right thing, you have the right to dump her.

Just dump her and forget about it.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

It seems you have learned the error of your ways, now you know how it feels to be cheated on, so will not do it again in your future relationships. Karma maybe? But just dump her, move on, and hopefully you'll have a cheating-free future.

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted

Well, I'm likely to be a bit harsh here, but what the heck.

 

You had an affair years ago, that you never regretted nor apologized for.

 

She cheated last week.

 

Sounds like neither of you are good relationship material...you'd both be better off avoiding committed relationships.

 

Time to go your seperate ways.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

I don't think you will be able to get past your current girlfriend cheating on, and you'll have to move on now.

 

I am really happy that this painful experience has made you look at your own past behavior, and that you are going to do what you can to make amends for that. That is a big deal and it's the right thing to do.

 

Don't lose touch with these experiences, and you WILL be able to be "good relationship material" and find a partner who is as well.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
There was no point for me of asking for another chance. I was too mortified/embarrassed to even explained because there was nothing to talk about after getting caught so I left that day. I just couldn't face it and even if I would have ask for another chance, had she given me one I know it would have never been the same. I know this was mean to not even apologize but there was no way this could have been fixed.

Bentnotbroken I was 18 years old at the time (now I'm 25).

 

There are certain things that just can't be simply forgiven as when you had an argument with someone or forgot the keys, cheating is one of them. Since I saw no point in trying to get back with my previous ex, I tried moving on (always regretted still) and just not cheat ever again. I haven't cheated ever since but now I'm the one on the other side of the fence.

 

 

I think 18 is pretty young and within what I think of as the immature learning phase...but I do think that the offering an apology is a step toward mature growth and I do think that you probably are better off away from the current situation.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

How did you find out? Did she confess or was she caught?

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gkwolfman84 Member

gkwolfman84

Posted
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Posted
Well, I'm likely to be a bit harsh here, but what the heck.

 

You had an affair years ago, that you never regretted nor apologized for.

 

She cheated last week.

 

Sounds like neither of you are good relationship material...you'd both be better off avoiding committed relationships.

 

Time to go your seperate ways.

Owl this isn't the same woman from 7 years ago. She is my current now ex GF that I dumped for cheating.

 

I cheated on a past relationship 7 years ago when I was 18, got caught and ran away like a coward not even giving her an explanation nor apologized. I just recently apologized and it was accepted. She is now happily engaged to another man and I do wish her the best.

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gkwolfman84 Member

gkwolfman84

Posted
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Posted
How did you find out? Did she confess or was she caught?
The OM phoned my cell # and told me everything. I then proceeded to look at her email and found the evidence explaining in details about their affair.

She obviously denied it until I brought the printed page. It was then she started crying and begging me to take her back, that it wouldn't happen ever again and it being a mistake. Yeah right like I'm stupid enough to fool for it!:mad:

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

Posted
Posted

Let this be a lesson learned. Your youth doesn't excuse your actions.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Well, you learned to lessons here. You saw how your cheating was devastating to one person. Now, you truely knows how it feels. And on top of that finding out from the OM! What was he doing? Rubbing your face in it?

She had no intention of ever telling you, and maybe wanted to continue this secret relationship with this guy. Or she broke it off and he wanted to get back at her, I don't know.

 

The choice is yours. Personally, time to move on in my opinion. She may say that she made a mistake, and yes she did. But, that's a mistake that she'll have to live with, because you don't have to.

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gkwolfman84 Member

gkwolfman84

Posted
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Posted
Well, you learned to lessons here. You saw how your cheating was devastating to one person. Now, you truely knows how it feels. And on top of that finding out from the OM! What was he doing? Rubbing your face in it?

She had no intention of ever telling you, and maybe wanted to continue this secret relationship with this guy. Or she broke it off and he wanted to get back at her, I don't know.

Apparently she lied to the OM about being single and this has been proceeding for nearly 5 months until he found out.

 

He is the one who broke it off with her and phoned me after finding out her lie through a hi5 account and later on facebook.

 

I don't even care what is true no more. The point is she is worthless and would have definitely continue if neither me nor him would have discover what type of person she is.

creighton0123 Established Member

creighton0123

Posted
Posted

In the first situation, you can pass it up to being young and... well... motivated.

 

Now, you may be settling down and wanting companionship.

 

If you know that you're unwilling to and unable to overlook infidelity, politely and calmly let her know that her level of infidelity is a major deal breaker and you don't want to try to make it work. Wish her the best and go your separate ways.

 

Don't blame her. Don't blame yourself. Don't make her apologize. Don't apologize for anything. Hell, if anything consider the relationship a stab at romance that ended successfully for you since you've learned a valuable lesson (You now know how it feels to be on the other side of infidelity and that will go a long way in making sure you don't cause the same heartache to anyone else in the future).

 

Best wishes,

 

Creighton

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