Leandro Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 yeah... I can feel it getting a little better. Not crying as much. But I still can't get his cute little effin face out of my head. It makes me sick. I wish he would try to communicate so I can at least test my strength and ignore. Idk... eff it. He likes trash now. Stepping down. They usually do. I don't even remember what my ex looks like anymore, kinda sad I guess. You don't want him to contact you. Yea, you can ignore him, but its just going to put him on your mind longer.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Ok, need to vent. It's almost been 2 weeks. Ok, well today is day 12. The days go by so fast but I just wish it was like a year that has gone by. I can't help it. I search for pain. I found some pics of who I am suspicious of him getting close to and she's georgous. Way prettier than me. Although I know she's a lowlife, she's so pretty and I can't stand it. She doesn't have the greatest body... but who cares!!!! He's over me and wanting to be close to her... he made the decision... I must reap what I sow. I don't want to be close to anyone ever again! I will never share my heart with anyone! Even reading everyone's sorrow just goes to show you that there is no hope. Nobody means it when they say I LOVE YOU. It's a bull**** phrase and I never want to hear it again from a man!!!!!!!!! In my experience, they love what has a better ass and boobs and whoever will boost their ego and bat their fake eyelashes at them! I am soooo sorry LS friends... I feel sick and crazy right now. I feel like I am withdrawing from an addiction and I don't knwo how to escape this. I don't feel good, time is not on my side, and the only thing that can take away my pain right now is him. I feel like texting... just a hit, ya know? Please stop me.
WTRanger Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) You think you feel bad now? Wait until you reach out and he doesn't respond. Then you'll feel like crap with a heaping side of remorse. What this new girl looks like is irrelevant. Would you rather he left you for some 600lb large Marge? The only fact that is relevant, is that he left you. And why are you looking this girl up? You shouldn't do that to yourself! I know we are all curious in nature, but you've got to stop. It's hurting you and only you. You are letting your Ego control your emotions, and your Ego is always a mischievous bastard who wants to keep you down in the dumps. You really have to stop thinking that you'll never love again. You have to love again. Just because things didn't work out this time, doesn't mean everything for ever and ever is always going to be fercocked. As dumb as an analogy as it is, Babe Ruth lead the league in home runs in the same season as he was the strike-out leader. Sometimes you whiff out, sometimes you hit some dingers. You'll only ever know the result if you swing the bat. Not swinging is a 100% guarantee that you'll strike out. It's okay to vent, but you can't let those ventings drive your future thinking. Then there is always this way of thinking about a breakup: Yeah, and I'm sad! But at the same time I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad. It's like--it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now, is if I felt something really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is, like a beautiful sadness. Edited December 8, 2010 by WTRanger
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 You think you feel bad now? Wait until you reach out and he doesn't respond. Then you'll feel like crap with a heaping side of remorse. What this new girl looks like is irrelevant. Would you rather he left you for some 600lb large Marge? The only fact that is relevant, is that he left you. And why are you looking this girl up? You shouldn't do that to yourself! I know we are all curious in nature, but you've got to stop. It's hurting you and only you. You are letting your Ego control your emotions, and your Ego is always a mischievous bastard who wants to keep you down in the dumps. You really have to stop thinking that you'll never love again. You have to love again. Just because things didn't work out this time, doesn't mean everything for ever and ever is always going to be fercocked. As dumb as an analogy as it is, Babe Ruth lead the league in home runs in the same season as he was the strike-out leader. Sometimes you whiff out, sometimes you hit some dingers. You'll only ever know the result if you swing the bat. Not swinging is a 100% guarantee that you'll strike out. It's okay to vent, but you can't let those ventings drive your future thinking. Then there is always this way of thinking about a breakup: Yeah, and I'm sad! But at the same time I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad. It's like--it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now, is if I felt something really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is, like a beautiful sadness. Why is it that when I read you posts I feel at ease. I am really just venting. I know I have to stop looking. It's part of my analyzing problem. I have to know why and how... but if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else... I have to remember that no matter what... I did my best, and it wasn't enough for him. At least I know I did my best. Are there things I would go back and do different? You betcha! Like leave after not only the red flags popped up... but after they were waving in my face relentlessly. Thank you WT... cheers to 2 weeks creeping up!
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Friends... I am almost at the 2 week mark, is I get past this... it would be the longest I haven't talked to him in 5 months. This is really hard for me because I feel as if he really doesn't care anymore and he new girl and fulfillng his wants/needs. If you really aren't in love with someone, why bother coming back so many times? I let him come back because I love him and he just let me down. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Like if I am not on his mind at all period, I guess it would be easier to let go... but I feel like he wants to reach out to me too. Or I am wrong and he is busy with whatshername.
Leandro Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Friends... I am almost at the 2 week mark, is I get past this... it would be the longest I haven't talked to him in 5 months. This is really hard for me because I feel as if he really doesn't care anymore and he new girl and fulfillng his wants/needs. If you really aren't in love with someone, why bother coming back so many times? I let him come back because I love him and he just let me down. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Like if I am not on his mind at all period, I guess it would be easier to let go... but I feel like he wants to reach out to me too. Or I am wrong and he is busy with whatshername. we really don't know what's going threw their heads. But keep up the good work Alisa!! Don't stop at 2 weeks.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Thanks leandro. I may have broke NC by snooping around on fb a little. Shame on me. I suppose it's better than to text or call him. I just can't stop thinking about all the whys and what ifs. It sickens me to have that heart wrentching pain ever second of every day of my life. I don't know how to rid myself of it... no matter what I do. The temptation of a text is eating me alive right nowwww. Damn.
WTRanger Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Like other addictions, the need to text is fleeting. It lasts only for a short time, so you've got to stay strong. Please, stop with the facebook as well. You've got to control yourself better than that. Anytime I want to check the girl in my situation's facebook, I say to myself out loud, "Nope. I'm not going to do it!" I even turn off my computer if I have to. You can control this, you just have to be smarter than your impulses. Believe me, not a day goes by where I don't want to reach out or check in on her in some way, but I refuse to. Not at least until my mental state with her is in a better place than it is now. I know that desire will pass quickly and I'll feel better. If I check, I give in and feel worse not only for giving in but for what I'll find or not get back in return.
Leandro Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Thanks leandro. I may have broke NC by snooping around on fb a little. Shame on me. I suppose it's better than to text or call him. I just can't stop thinking about all the whys and what ifs. It sickens me to have that heart wrentching pain ever second of every day of my life. I don't know how to rid myself of it... no matter what I do. The temptation of a text is eating me alive right nowwww. Damn. I know it's eating you alive, but with time and NC, it will go away. No more snooping around on fb . That pain in the chest will go away over time.
angelboots Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Beautifully broken... I love it. I remember with my ex, he had a moment where he was sooo angry then started crying. He was almost acting like a little child the way his bottom lip quivered and tears fell from his eyes, but they seemed to be pouring from his soul. I felt so needed by him that only I could take him and his ways on. I felt that I could make it better. He blamed me for his pain, but I know... as well as you do... that we were triggers to a pain that we cannot understand. I had no clue that less than a year later... he would be the cause of my tears. I miss him so much angelboots... maybe I am the crazy one. I do know exactly how you feel Ailsa.. completely End of day 4 NC.. feels like eternity but i am just trying to stay strong. We need to look after ourselves.... x how are you holding up now?
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 not good. my friend came over and helped me put up my tree. I cried so hard because I just wanted him here with me. I imagined him helping her and her kids put up theirs. It's sick! I deserve to be treated good and loved! I never hurt him! I don't understand I wish he would get out of my head angelboots! I am losing it.
Leandro Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I deserve to be treated good and loved! I never hurt him! I don't understand I wish he would get out of my head angelboots! I am losing it. Yes you do deserve to be treated good and loved. You're not losing it, you're still fighting. It will get better with time, trust me and others.
Damaged23 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 . If you really aren't in love with someone, why bother coming back so many times? I let him come back because I love him and he just let me down. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Like if I am not on his mind at all period, I guess it would be easier to let go... but I feel like he wants to reach out to me too. Or I am wrong and he is busy with whatshername. Alisa, I guess the reason why they came back so many times was bc they missed the good times, or felt lonely..I really don't know . You took him back before and he let you down. I think if u were to take him back again, he would let you down again. At least my ex has( I think like 3 times ) Letting go may not be the easiest thing to do, but it is the best choice we can make, and if he wanted to reach out he would have done so. Sometimes I think about my ex and i'm not really sure what it is I miss. Our relationship was not the best one, he wasn't the nicest guy and I was not as happy as I could be. I miss him, but i'm kind of relieved he hasn't contacted me, it gives me time to move on.
Recommended Posts