my body is a cage Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 This weekend was a nightmare for me. I went to visit school and we had a party which was fun. However, when I get drunk I flirt with EVERYONE around me except the people that I actually like.... I had texted the guy who broke my heart over the summer earlier in the week because it was his birthday and said we should get coffee. He said "sounds good." Lo and behold, he was one of the first people to show up at our house (not surprising, he's in my group of friends). We didn't talk that much, out of shyness on my part, but I did want him to approach me. When I talked to him he seemed interested but gaurded. I didn't really flirt with him at all. The next day I found out that he might be seeing this freshmen. She is tall and skinny and quite pretty. I feel so pathetic, but when I heard they had dinner together I was utterly distraught. I hate being so internalized, so I decided to just ask him for coffee then and there, decide to give things a go in stead of letting things build up internally. He didn't respond for two hours. I took this as a total rejection. I really fell in love with him over the summer, and I know he really cared for me at one point, but I feel like he doesn't anymore and I can't get over him. I just wanted to spend some time with him. Eventually I decided to go home because I was in such a bad mood so I texted him saying nevermind I'm on my way home but it was fun seeing you enjoy your weekend. He wrote back almost immediately "I will. Coffee next time?" This made me feel like he saw my text message before and ignored it. I don't know. I wish I could get over him. I've met tons of guys since him, but none of them make me feel the way he did. I just want someone I love to love me back, for once. I want him to love me and to undo the hurt that he has caused me, or maybe at least be willing to have coffee with me Do you guys think he's just not interested?
carhill Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Do you guys think he's just not interested? If he had been, using your opener, he would have set up a firm coffee date while in person at your house. Don't worry, I used to chase disinterested, unavailable and broken women. No indignity in that. Your advantage is that your attractiveness will bring you many potentials. Men generally do not have such advantages. So, sit back and enjoy the attention. Lastly, you'll likely do much better with meeting a compatible man once you let go of the emotional attachment to this man. Easy to say and hard to do, I know.
Author my body is a cage Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 If he had been, using your opener, he would have set up a firm coffee date while in person at your house. Hmm. Yeah I mean things got so serious between us so fast before, I feel like it's very awkward. When I saw him at my house, my thought was "Oh well now we can hangout without having to get coffee since we've established we want to hang out," but I really didn't get a chance to interact with him that much (because I was too busy flirting with other people... ugh). Also I could tell he felt a little shy around me... he is shy. (like me). It really hurts to think he's just not interested, because I know he was very interested at one point... do you think it could just be that he doesn't want anything serious and since we almost became serious before, he is staying away from me? I don't feel attractive, since the guys I like never like me back ... I'm always confident until we actually hook up and then I doubt myself... I tried putting myself out there this time but did so awkwardly.
carhill Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 His easy manner with you, as well as his supposed dinner with the freshman lady, indicates to me that his 'shyness' is situational or contrived. Having been one myself, even a shy man, sufficiently attracted, will act in a positive and clear manner on that attraction. You essentially provided him with a number of big, bright, very green lights and got ho-hum in return. My only reservation, personally, would be ambiguity about whether you were in a relationship or not; if you've made it clear you're available, then his inaction is about as clear a signal as I think a man can provide, absent the usual response I get from women rejecting me 'I don't like you in that way'. Would it be better for you to hear that?
Author my body is a cage Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 My only reservation, personally, would be ambiguity about whether you were in a relationship or not; if you've made it clear you're available, then his inaction is about as clear a signal as I think a man can provide, absent the usual response I get from women rejecting me 'I don't like you in that way'. Would it be better for you to hear that? Maybe it would be better for me to hear that, at least so I could know. Even though it would really hurt... I know he was very romantically interested in me before, and I am very romantically interested in him... he sold his camera to come visit me over the summer and we had such a nice time together. I just want to be with him :-( I feel like I'm not good enough, that I did something wrong... maybe if I could flirt with him and not ignore him and be more lighthearted he would like me...
waynesworld Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Sorry, but it doesn't sound like he's interested anymore. Who knows why? There are myriad reasons, but they're irrelevant at this point. Yeah, I know, unrequited love sucks. But remember, he's just a boy. There will be others, better ones.
Author my body is a cage Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Sorry, but it doesn't sound like he's interested anymore. Who knows why? There are myriad reasons, but they're irrelevant at this point. Yeah, I know, unrequited love sucks. But remember, he's just a boy. There will be others, better ones. Yeah, I'm starting to accept this I think too much time has passed and there has been too much ****/ uncertainty between us. Why would he even bother to say "coffee next time?" though? Or why would he bother to say that coffee sounds good?
eerie_reverie Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Yeah, I'm starting to accept this I think too much time has passed and there has been too much ****/ uncertainty between us. Why would he even bother to say "coffee next time?" though? Or why would he bother to say that coffee sounds good? Cause he sucks? Cause he enjoys the attentions? I'm sorry to be blunt, but this guy is not only a loser with way too many issues for anyone to deal with, but clearly not into you. It's time to accept that and look for somebody who might have something positive to bring to your life.
Author my body is a cage Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 (edited) Cause he sucks? Cause he enjoys the attentions? I'm sorry to be blunt, but this guy is not only a loser with way too many issues for anyone to deal with, but clearly not into you. It's time to accept that and look for somebody who might have something positive to bring to your life. So he's clearly not into me because he didn't respond to the first text message? What should I do about it, just forget about him and forget about the "coffee next time" part? It just hurts because I know he was so into me before, and I so into him. I feel like I did something wrong. Edited December 7, 2010 by my body is a cage
DuskCrush Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 He doesn't want to pursue you but he doesn't want you to stop liking him. That's what it sounds like...he encourages you but doesn't follow through...seems like he just likes the attention. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't beat yourself up for his loss of interest. You gave him opportunity after opportunity. Just text back and tell him --sorry but no coffee--you blew it! LOL.
Author my body is a cage Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Just text back and tell him --sorry but no coffee--you blew it! LOL. Ugh, too late, I already texted him back "fo sho" in an attempt to seem non-chalant. I don't know.. things on this board always seem to be so black and white. Like he's CLEARLY not into me... maybe it could be a grey area in between? Once upon a time he was very into me, which is what hurts about him not being into me now.
waynesworld Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Ugh, too late, I already texted him back "fo sho" in an attempt to seem non-chalant. I don't know.. things on this board always seem to be so black and white. Like he's CLEARLY not into me... maybe it could be a grey area in between? Once upon a time he was very into me, which is what hurts about him not being into me now. Your hilarious attempt at nonchalant 'ebonics' aside, I think the point is that if he hasn't shown that he's clearly into you, why spend so much time and effort thinking about him? It isn't worth it. Once upon a time should probably stay that way - things change. So cheer up and listen to some Arcade Fire.
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