marigo Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I really cant do this anymore. I thought i was finally close to being okay. At times i feel like i am okay. I did stop crying for a while but i still am sad almost everyday. Not as bad as 8 months ago. I dont know if it's the holiday season and my birthday coming up, I feel so alone. The part i cant accept is that i am the one whos been broken up to and was hurt in the end, but my ex get to be happy with someone else especially at this time of the year. He would really never feel the emptiness im feeling and he would never feel the loss coz he already has someone. I stayed away from facebook for a while since i cant get myself to delete him. I am definitely getting close though. But when you have friends who actually tells you what is going on with him and stuff he posts, of course i cant help but look at it myself. Apparently, my ex has been posting statuses about how much he loves his new gf and how much he cant wait to be with her during the christmas time. I was so heartbroken hearing this from my friends, and of course, i checked it out not too long after. And then the worst of it all, i find out from people that his family will be going to disneyland and his parents would be treating all of them including their bfs/gfs. This hurts so bad. I was with him 2 years and his family never did anything like that. I feel so jealous that why now? Why did they have to do things like this when im no longer in his life? I never really got the chance to be close with his family and thats something i wish i was able to do. Ive always wanted to do something with his family like that but i never really got the chance to. I cant help but think that instead of the new girl, it shouldve been me. The only way i see my ex is through work. Maybe once a week. I havent seen him for the past 2 weeks but i did this week. I actually saw him two days in a row. When we see each other, we just smile. We both dont say hi or bye and it hurts me. I know its hard for me to not say hi, but i see that it comes naturally to him. Almost like its so easy for him to not say hi to me because he really just dont care about me anymore. Im hurting so bad. I dont know what to do. I thought i already went past the lowest point in my life and i am finally starting to go back up. But i think i just went down again and i keep going lower and lower. I feel as though my heart is dead. Broken into pieces. I really dont know how i can put it back together anymore.
angelboots Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 you need to delete him from FB... i know how hard that step can be, i only blocked my ex this morning and he dumped me two months ago but kept yoyoing because he has a mental illness that makes him rather "i love you, i hate you" then u should ask your friends not to mention him. Until you do that every time you log in you are going to re tear the wound you have been left with, that pang in your stomach every time you see something new about him is something we have all felt while doing the "facebook shuffle" Before facebook, break ups meant when it was over people did just naturally drift away, which gave people time to heal. Facebook fools you into a more intimate "feel" with your exs then you would get in real life if it didnt exisit. The pain does get better, but just look after you and focus on doing little things for yourself. I tell myself if i put all the energy i used to put into him, back into myself, life would be pretty rosie actually :-) sorry your in so much pain. its a feeling I am looking forward to throwing away myself. one day, one step at a time xx
SmileyGirl Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 I'm so sorry for your pain. I could not imagine seeing my ex on a weekly basis. Please don't get discouraged because your emotions are going up and down. That is completely normal. My ex and I were together 5 years, had an absolutely awful break up, when I left that day I literally had a sigh of relief,... didn't really think much of him after and then about 14 months later I began to think about him A LOT. You remind me so much of myself a while back, my highschool sweetheart at the time left me to "live the life"... he had just turned 21 and wanted to go out and party and such... I was beyond devastated when he broke up with me. I was literally hysterical. We use to go months without any contact, but it was like clock work every 3rd day of every three months I knew he would call (weird I know... he still does this until this day)... and when my ex fiancee and I were in our break up stage he invited me out to dinner with him. I went just because I was going through a break up and wanted to get out of the house, etc. Well, when I saw him all these years (almost 5 years) later all my hard feelings came rushing back and I couldn't drill into him enough of how much he hurt me at the time. I fondly remember saying to him "After three years and so many promises of the future you threw me out of your life like I was a piece of garbage and moved on like nothing had ever happened" and I will NEVER until this day forget his response. He said to me, "Amanda, don't be naive enough to think I wasn't hurting, I was hurting terribly, you consumed my life for three years. But what man is going to admit that to his ex girlfriend?"... I don't know why that has stuck with me all this time, but it has. My ex fiancee and i have not spoken in almost two years and I can tell you that yes, I do think about him often but I am never naive enough to think that after spending nearly half a decade with someone that they aren't hurting also. Break ups are difficult for both people involved especially after a long period of time. You were with him two years. People (even guys) don't just forget about the other person. It sounds like your guy just found a rebound and TRUST ME, my ex fiancee was a 5 year rebound and rebounds NEVER LAST. Also, don't think he doesn't KNOW you are seeing his facebook. Cheer up and when you see him next make sure you look like a million bucks and show him you have moved on Good Luck to you!
Author marigo Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 you need to delete him from FB... i know how hard that step can be, i only blocked my ex this morning and he dumped me two months ago but kept yoyoing because he has a mental illness that makes him rather "i love you, i hate you" then u should ask your friends not to mention him. Until you do that every time you log in you are going to re tear the wound you have been left with, that pang in your stomach every time you see something new about him is something we have all felt while doing the "facebook shuffle" Before facebook, break ups meant when it was over people did just naturally drift away, which gave people time to heal. Facebook fools you into a more intimate "feel" with your exs then you would get in real life if it didnt exisit. The pain does get better, but just look after you and focus on doing little things for yourself. I tell myself if i put all the energy i used to put into him, back into myself, life would be pretty rosie actually :-) sorry your in so much pain. its a feeling I am looking forward to throwing away myself. one day, one step at a time xx Angelboots, Thank you for your advice! Deleting him on facebook is probably the best thing for me right now. Although, you're right, it's probably the most difficult thing to do. I dont know what it is but i cant get myself to delete him. I am a very sentimental person and i like to keep memories. Sounds dumb because it is just facebook but even though i dont read our past comments or messages anymore, knowing that they're still there, it doesnt exactly make me happy but it's the feeling that i'm keeping our old memories even back before we started going out. But you're definitely right about putting your energy into making your life better than putting it all to him. Because I gotta admit, half the time i feel exhausted even if im not doing anything. I feel that thinking about him and being sad about him sucks up all my energy. I'm so sorry for your pain. I could not imagine seeing my ex on a weekly basis. Please don't get discouraged because your emotions are going up and down. That is completely normal. My ex and I were together 5 years, had an absolutely awful break up, when I left that day I literally had a sigh of relief,... didn't really think much of him after and then about 14 months later I began to think about him A LOT. You remind me so much of myself a while back, my highschool sweetheart at the time left me to "live the life"... he had just turned 21 and wanted to go out and party and such... I was beyond devastated when he broke up with me. I was literally hysterical. We use to go months without any contact, but it was like clock work every 3rd day of every three months I knew he would call (weird I know... he still does this until this day)... and when my ex fiancee and I were in our break up stage he invited me out to dinner with him. I went just because I was going through a break up and wanted to get out of the house, etc. Well, when I saw him all these years (almost 5 years) later all my hard feelings came rushing back and I couldn't drill into him enough of how much he hurt me at the time. I fondly remember saying to him "After three years and so many promises of the future you threw me out of your life like I was a piece of garbage and moved on like nothing had ever happened" and I will NEVER until this day forget his response. He said to me, "Amanda, don't be naive enough to think I wasn't hurting, I was hurting terribly, you consumed my life for three years. But what man is going to admit that to his ex girlfriend?"... I don't know why that has stuck with me all this time, but it has. My ex fiancee and i have not spoken in almost two years and I can tell you that yes, I do think about him often but I am never naive enough to think that after spending nearly half a decade with someone that they aren't hurting also. Break ups are difficult for both people involved especially after a long period of time. You were with him two years. People (even guys) don't just forget about the other person. It sounds like your guy just found a rebound and TRUST ME, my ex fiancee was a 5 year rebound and rebounds NEVER LAST. Also, don't think he doesn't KNOW you are seeing his facebook. Cheer up and when you see him next make sure you look like a million bucks and show him you have moved on Good Luck to you! SmileyGirl, Thank you for the nice words! Im sorry for everything that you went through from your most recent break up and what happened with you and your high school sweetheart. I know that the pain is felt by both parties, just a different kind of pain i guess. I know my ex was hurt too when we broke up but of course, that didnt stop him from finding his happiness. I cant really blame him. What he's doing is what im supposed to be doing. I understand why that line from your ex is stuck on you though. Maybe because since we're the ones that was broken up to, we tend to think that the dumper doesnt hurt and so when he admitted that to you, in a way it feels good because knowing he was hurting means that you truly meant something to him if you know what i mean. Your story about ur 5 year relationship being a rebound is interesting though. Just curious, what happened? I mean even if it is a rebound, you guys lasted 5 years. Maybe im just amazed coz i heard rebounds only last a few months, but i am surrounded by people who go on rebounds that actually lasts and have been together for years. I do try to look good whenever i know im gonna see him at work. I always try to pretend that i have moved on. But i dont think it's working. I think i become too weak whenever i see him that "showing him i moved on" doesnt really work. Ugh. Its frustrating!
SmileyGirl Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 marigo, I just typed a super long message and accidentally deleted it, don't ya' hate when that happens! You seem like you really have a good head on your shoulders, and I think with time you will be better than ever! As far as my story... It's quite long,... The summer after high school I got a retail job and I trained at the store he worked at 45 minutes away... I was still with my high school sweetheart at the time but we were beginning to fight a lot. Needless to say, J, my ex fiancee and I flirted quite a bit but would never cross the line because I had a boyfriend who I genuinely wanted to work things out with and he had a girlfriend who he wanted to marry. Summer came to an end and I went back to my neck of the woods and 4 months later J sends me a text saying that he was transferring to my college and that him and his girlfriend broke up and coincidentally my boyfriend and I had JUST broken up. We started to hang out a lot and actually became inseperatable. It was a running joke for many years that when we met we didn't even really like each other we just found so much comfort in one another because we were both going through the same heartbreak. About a year later we just started referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend and I became extremely close with his large family. At this point, our relationship was really nothing special between us.. we never did anything nice for each other and it felt like best friends with the title of boyfriend/girlfriend. Well, about a year and a half into this whole thing, his ex girlfriend calls him and wants to hang out. I was pretty hurt. Looking back now, I'm sure I just felt jealous because I wanted my ex to call me!... he told me he wanted to go out with her because he couldn't "move on" with me until he was sure there was nothing between them. I am a very independent girl and watching my parents abusive marriage I would never allow a man to walk all over me. I told him do what you need to do but don't expect me to be sitting here waiting for you. Well, he went out with her and half way through their date he told her that he had a girlfriend that he wanted to be with and this was nothing of what he expected. At eleven o'clock at night he showed up at my door and begged (on his hands and knees) to have a REAL relationship with me. This, I believe was the start of our relationship. We dated all through college,... we were living the life.. we traveled across the country... made so many great memories. He was everything I always said I wanted in a man. He was thoughtful, romantic, (while I would never admit it) I always felt protected with him... don't get me wrong we had our issues... we are both selfish beyond belief and when we argued we REALLY argued... we always had a massive power struggle but despite it all we had massive amounts of trust in one another (more than I ever had in a relationship, until this day) and despite having bad tempers we DID communicate our feelings with one another. Our senior year of college, after a trip to Disney World he took me to a castle and proposed to me. In his speech when he was proposing he said to me "Everyone had us pegged as never lasting because of how we started... "... we both knew we were rebounds to one another from the very start... The following summer, we bought a home together... My name could not be on the mortgage because I had massive amounts of student loans. Needless to say, we were VERY excited and that Valentine's day he surprised me with a puppy to symbolize "the beginning of our life together"... We finally moved into our home and despite me working days and him working nights we managed to constantly argue. It was so sad to me and it was beyond unhealthy. One particular Saturday night, we were arguing about something (Until this day I can't even remember what it was) and he slept on the couch. We woke up that following morning and he tried talking to me like normal, I remember he asked me "is there anything you want to put on the grocery list"... I ignored him. He finally said to me "this is not going to work, you need to leave"... It was not that easy to just pack up and drive away, I owned literally EVERYTHING in the house. We began screaming at one another and he calls his mother (at 24) and she drives over (45 minutes away), packs my stuff up and puts it on the driveway. Until this day, I can't help but wonder what a 24 year old guy tells his mother (whom was always like a mother to me) to make her do such a thing. Needless to say, my parents and I uhauled all my stuff to their house, he owed me money (his mother wrote me a check), I gave him my engagement ring, we signed off on an "agreement" and we have never spoken since. After that day, I literally had a sigh of relief and didn't think about him for a good year. I reconnected with a lot of my girlfriends, went out a lot, dated a bit and never looked back at that time in my life. I dated a guy for seven months, it was the MOST immature relationship I had ever been in and we finally broke up and I couldn't help but constantly think about my ex fiancee and the things that made us compatible for five years. After dating someone else, I realized I had everything that was important to me right in front of me. Needless to say, I felt so much anger that after five years, he couldn't handle an argument that ultimately ended our relationship without calling his mother. More importantly, I was even more hurt that he could just throw me out, just like that after five years. Like I said, I have thought about him a lot after a year and dwelled on what if I had just answered him. In my heart, I know the answer. I know we would have just had another argument that would have lead to this... but it doesn't make the wonder any less thoughtful. As much as your ex sounds like a jerk, and I feel awful for saying this but his actions were a lot like mine. Since I was 15 I jumped from one relationship to the next, and now at 24 I am staying single because I KNOW I can not have a meaningful relationship off of a rebound. Like you said, everyone deals with emotions and break ups differently. I dealt with our break up by going out with friends, seeing other people, etc. I know my ex and I know he was beyond hurt. Not even a week before he was pressuring me to set a date for our wedding, and not even two nights prior were we having sex. I have emotional issues myself (I watched my parents abusive marriage for over 15 years... finally they are happy!) and for so long, when I was upset it would make me feel better to say and do hurtful things to the other person. It would make me feel better for THAT moment. I was in no way innocent in our break up, but I still felt like I deserved more than to be thrown away with the weekly garbage pick up. I still know my ex is hurting... our dog (who was our baby!) went missing in October, I sent him a text, an email, etc. and he never even responded. He still has me blocked on facebook, etc. Also, I recently won a very large piece of business for my freelance and it was all over the newspapers and I was sad that he couldn't even congratulate me, but I guess when the time is right and we BOTH feel indifferent, thats when him and I can talk again. I know how your feeling, there are many times I feel like I can't move on until I say everything of what I felt to my ex. But I'm slowly learning that moving on is all about YOU. They say the hardest part about a break up is not only losing your lover but also your best friend. I could not agree more. Cheers to moving on! (and making it through this entire post! LoL ) I promise it will get easier!
Turning Leaf Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 @ OP, I'm sorry for your loss. Stop focusing on the pain, and look at the pleasures in your life. They are there, you are not seeing them.
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