silic0ntoad Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 For 2 reasons, 1 so she doesnt see you upset and at your worst, and 2 she needs to miss you in order to feel any ounce of guilt for what shes done. She doesn't need to miss you to feel an ounce of guilt for what she did. She needs to lose you completely. And even then, it may take years for her to even understand the wrongness of her actions. This is simply the heart speaking over the mind. Take the best thing she had in life - aka you - and lead it far far away from her. That's called punishment. It's one thing to make enemies. It's another to lose a lover, comrade, best friend, drinking buddy and shoulder to cry on in one go because of selfish acts. One day I promise you she will regret it. They all do. At some point, they do. But remember what I said: Don't try to make her miss you. Take you away, and MEAN IT.
Author bslchump Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 At this point my options are not great. We moved states together to live and go to school. We have until summer until our lease is over, so I have to figure out what I can do about that (sub-clause in the contract saying we can't break our lease). For now I've been avoiding her as much as possible and when I do have to see her I don't look at her and I say little if anything. This works to an extent but hearing her talk/seeing her/hearing her do things still twists my heart. You're right, I can't plan my actions hoping for a REaction. I have to stop thinking about how things will affect her (for once) and focus on myself. It's just difficult to articulate how I'm feeling. I'm sure everyone here knows what I'm talking about, but its this bizarre ethereal feeling where I don't feel grounded. It feels like I never have enough breath and my heart and stomach are busy tying themselves into knots. It's frustrating not knowing how to say it.
LikeCharlotte Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 It's just difficult to articulate how I'm feeling. I'm sure everyone here knows what I'm talking about, but its this bizarre ethereal feeling where I don't feel grounded. It feels like I never have enough breath and my heart and stomach are busy tying themselves into knots. It's frustrating not knowing how to say it. You did a great job describing it. You forgot to add the part where you feel angry and keyed up one minute and like there is a crushing weight that nothing can lift the next. Oh, and what about the inability to concentrate or sleep. You want to scream and cry but you can't. There is no joy. It has been sucked out of everything including the sun and put squarely into the gigantic lump in your throat. Right? Its okay. You will get through it. Don't let her see it. From here on its about you and someday about you and whomever deserves what you have to give. When you start to feel the grip of "bargaining" (read about the steps of grief) DO NOT GIVE IN. At that moment focus on something else. Picture what you want ideally out of a relationship instead of what has gone wrong. Don't feel like someone who isn't wanted because I guarantee that is only true for this girl at this time. There a six billion people on this planet and I bet there are a good many better than her that would want you. I'd tell you to think about something other than a romantic relationship but in the beginning that is a nearly impossible task. That being said, just change the way you allow yourself to think. Here is why: You can do better than her. You want to do better. You want to be happy and you never want to let someone make you feel this way again. You deserve honesty and respect. You deserve to be wanted and adored. You should be able to wake up free of fear and disgust. Keep coming here.
Author bslchump Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 LikeCharlotte, that was a great addendum to my post. It really does feel like I want to scream and cry and just....can't. I'm not sure why, but I can't seem to do it. Your post actually did me more good than you'll know. Tonight I've been strongly considering talking to her to see if we can try again. It's sad, but I was willing to give in to ridiculous things if she asked (if we dated again, she could still talk to/hang out with the other guy, etc.). Pretty disgusting of me to even consider settling that much. I'm not giving in to it. I'm going to assume we are over FOREVER. I was a good boyfriend anyway. I didn't mess up. SHE messed up by letting me go. Thanks. I feel better for the moment.
LikeCharlotte Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I'm not giving in to it. I'm going to assume we are over FOREVER. I was a good boyfriend anyway. I didn't mess up. SHE messed up by letting me go. Thanks. I feel better for the moment. Anytime. Good! That is how I do it. It takes a little time but eventually you see that you didn't lose, the ex did. She lost you. Right here if you need to keep talking.
Author bslchump Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Ok, I miss her this morning and want her back. Everything is reminding me of good times and fond memories. Somebody stop me before I go do something stupid.
LikeCharlotte Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Ok, I miss her this morning and want her back. Everything is reminding me of good times and fond memories. Somebody stop me before I go do something stupid. Stop. STOP. STOP. There is a better choice but you won't meet her if you are wrapped up in her. I know you feel weak but you don't have to BE weak. Do not let someone hurt you and then LOVE them for it. You deserve more.
LikeCharlotte Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 The second 'her' in that sentance should have been italic and covered in scary stuff.
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