Don't know what she's doing

[bslchump]

Hi all. Long time lurker here, first time poster.

 

My girlfriend of 6 years split up with me recently citing general unhappiness as the cause. She said there was nothing wrong with what I did or what I was doing, she just wasn't "feeling it" anymore.

 

Almost immediately she began spending time with her male "friend" from university. I took this very hard and its been difficult living in our 1 bedroom apartment together. I am looking into moving out of here soon though. I just have some loose ends I would need to tie up.

 

So stupidly I grilled her several weeks ago about what she was doing with this guy. She told me that they messed around a little bit and flirted frequently. She said it hadn't gotten sexual at all, just kissing kind of stuff (yeah the word "just" made me want to puke). I've been angry at her ever since (pretty much going out of my way to ignore her and have as little contact as possible even though its been killing me) and told her that I couldn't be friends with someone who would treat me like this. I had hoped that we could have an amicable split and still remain friends, but that she was giving me no time to heal.

 

So last night when I got home from my late class, she sat me down and told me a few things. She said that she talked to this guy and said she cut off all "romantic" contact with him. She said she didn't want to be the kind of girl who moves on so quickly by jumping into a physical relationship. She also said that she wants to be proud of her actions, not ashamed. She wants me to have fond memories of her rather than hateful ones.

 

I really have zero clue how to react to this. Prior to this conversation I had been loathing her. Every time I had a nice thought about her (only about a billion times per day) I would almost immediately squash it with an image of her being happy with him. I've been ranting to my friends (who, to be frank, have been amazing about listening to my bitching) about how angry I am and how she is so disrespectful and selfish. I still FEEL that way, but now for some stupid reason I have this hopeful feeling. I know logically that I DON'T want her back, but these damn emotions keep envisioning slipping back into our comfortable thing together. I doubt very very much this is even an offer because its not what she wants, but that ray of hope is coming back.

 

I didn't respond to her right away. I didn't know how. I don't know whether I should try to start up a friendship and try to sneak my way back into her heart (It actually makes me feel ashamed to think this. I don't know if I could forgive all that she's done), or if I should keep doing what I've been doing and just ignore the crap out of her. My irrational (?) fear is that if this "good showing" of hers is ignored by me and doesn't change how I act towards her, she could run back to him for more emotional support. I don't know if it matters at this point, but it makes my heart sink to think about it.

 

I'd really appreciate some input from the LS community. This whole thing has been wreaking havoc on my life and emotions. I'm struggling to keep treading water and this monkey wrench just got thrown into the mix.

[bl22]

Hi there let me tell you I was in your exact position 2 months ago and im stil trying to cope with losing my gf to someone else. My advice to you and i hope you listen is disappear, dont respond to any of her texts etc...all shes going to try and do is friend you until she feels no guilt and enough time has passed to ditch you completely.

 

Women like men who have pride and morals and if you beg or plead or try and convince her that what shes doin is wrong, you will only make things worse. The only thing you can control is yourself, therefore dont give her any ammo.

 

You will prolong your pain if you carry on contact with her, move out ASAP and just dissapear. Im sorry to say but there is nothing you can do here, its so hard to take and im doing my best but for 2 weeks after i made mistakes of pleading with her trying to make her see that our relationship was worth saving, did it help? No ...Did i make myself look desperate and weak? yes...and she contacted me since...no. Do i think she will contact me 1 day...Yes....but only If i carry on NC and proove to myself that Im worth more than being treated the way shes treated me...and not putting up with any bull**** from anyone again.

 

If you need anymore advice, just ask.

[bslchump]

Thanks bl22. This whole thing is just so hard. I have so many times during the day (last one just happened) where I am doing something normal like cooking or getting a drink and all of the sudden I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.

 

I feel absolutely lost and confused. One second I hate her more than anything and the next she's so beautiful and the best thing ever. I know it's probably normal to think all of these things, but this is killing me. I'm dying to talk to her. I've been struggling for about 5 days now to say and do as little as possible around here. My stomach hurts so badly that I can't concentrate on any of my school work or anything.

 

I wish she was feeling the same way at least. Whenever I see her or talk to her (briefly) she always looks happy and unconcerned. I'm fighting tooth and nail not to ask her if this is REALLY what she wants. I know it is. But I've dedicated so much of my life and future to being with her that I now have to start all over.

 

Tell me it gets better? Every day is worse than the last.

[strength-abounds]

Welcome to LS.

 

I have one question for you. Why would you want a relationship with a woman that considered you 2nd place?

 

I suspect something happened between her and the other guy that lead to their demise. I also suspect the breakup was initiated by the other guy and she was looking for a soft landing. Women rarely leave a relationship without another one waiting to help their landing. When he dumped her, she knew you were still on the leash at her beckoning call.

 

Don't beat yourself up over it. We have all been there. The best thing to do is start No Contact so you can start to heal over losing her.

[strength-abounds]

Thanks bl22. This whole thing is just so hard. I have so many times during the day (last one just happened) where I am doing something normal like cooking or getting a drink and all of the sudden I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.

 

I feel absolutely lost and confused. One second I hate her more than anything and the next she's so beautiful and the best thing ever. I know it's probably normal to think all of these things, but this is killing me. I'm dying to talk to her. I've been struggling for about 5 days now to say and do as little as possible around here. My stomach hurts so badly that I can't concentrate on any of my school work or anything.

 

I wish she was feeling the same way at least. Whenever I see her or talk to her (briefly) she always looks happy and unconcerned. I'm fighting tooth and nail not to ask her if this is REALLY what she wants. I know it is. But I've dedicated so much of my life and future to being with her that I now have to start all over.

 

Tell me it gets better? Every day is worse than the last.

 

Yes it does get better. The first 21 days are a b****. After the first 21 days are over, the sickness feelings lessons up noticeably and gets better with every sunrise. Hang in there dude.

 

Good Luck and God Bless.

[LikeCharlotte]

Don't let her off the hook. Just tell her the truth. Tell her that she cannot be proud of her actions and trying to do this after the fact is a cop-out. Move on and I would let her know that your friends know as well. Wish her luck in her life and tell her that letting someone come between you is what killed it for her whether she admits it or not now someday she will see that seeking validation outside of an intimate relationship is destructive. The other person always looks better because you don't see their "dirty socks". Leave her with a lesson and close the door. Forgive in your own mind and let her deal with her guilt. Cut contact. Hope that anyone in your life will cut her out as well so you do not have a reminder of the betrayal of your trust and you can heal to trust again.

 

As for her being happy with someone else... I would not count on it. Those who do not love themselves enough to confront issues introspectively and validate by means of cheating are not generally quick to change. It is a shame you have to feel this but I promise you that there are bigger and better things for you. Just hold on to YOU. Someone can and will love you in a way that you deserve to be loved. Don't let her blame get to you.

 

It gets better. We are here to help.

[LikeCharlotte]

Welcome to LS.

 

I have one question for you. Why would you want a relationship with a woman that considered you 2nd place?

 

I suspect something happened between her and the other guy that lead to their demise. I also suspect the breakup was initiated by the other guy and she was looking for a soft landing. Women rarely leave a relationship without another one waiting to help their landing. When he dumped her, she knew you were still on the leash at her beckoning call.

 

Don't beat yourself up over it. We have all been there. The best thing to do is start No Contact so you can start to heal over losing her.

Well said. Never take second place.

[LikeCharlotte]

I feel absolutely lost and confused. One second I hate her more than anything and the next she's so beautiful and the best thing ever. I know it's probably normal to think all of these things, but this is killing me. I'm dying to talk to her. I've been struggling for about 5 days now to say and do as little as possible around here. My stomach hurts so badly that I can't concentrate on any of my school work or anything.

I remember that pain. It is awful. How soon can you get out of the apartment? Is there somewhere you can stay? Stay on LS. Grieve. Let yourself. Its okay. It gets better.

[strangeways]

Don't let her off the hook. Just tell her the truth. Tell her that she cannot be proud of her actions and trying to do this after the fact is a cop-out. Move on and I would let her know that your friends know as well. Wish her luck in her life and tell her that letting someone come between you is what killed it for her whether she admits it or not now someday she will see that seeking validation outside of an intimate relationship is destructive. The other person always looks better because you don't see their "dirty socks". Leave her with a lesson and close the door. Forgive in your own mind and let her deal with her guilt. Cut contact. Hope that anyone in your life will cut her out as well so you do not have a reminder of the betrayal of your trust and you can heal to trust again.

 

As for her being happy with someone else... I would not count on it. Those who do not love themselves enough to confront issues introspectively and validate by means of cheating are not generally quick to change. It is a shame you have to feel this but I promise you that there are bigger and better things for you. Just hold on to YOU. Someone can and will love you in a way that you deserve to be loved. Don't let her blame get to you.

 

It gets better. We are here to help.

 

Great post. Says it all.

[bl22]

Thanks bl22. This whole thing is just so hard. I have so many times during the day (last one just happened) where I am doing something normal like cooking or getting a drink and all of the sudden I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.

 

I feel absolutely lost and confused. One second I hate her more than anything and the next she's so beautiful and the best thing ever. I know it's probably normal to think all of these things, but this is killing me. I'm dying to talk to her. I've been struggling for about 5 days now to say and do as little as possible around here. My stomach hurts so badly that I can't concentrate on any of my school work or anything.

 

I wish she was feeling the same way at least. Whenever I see her or talk to her (briefly) she always looks happy and unconcerned. I'm fighting tooth and nail not to ask her if this is REALLY what she wants. I know it is. But I've dedicated so much of my life and future to being with her that I now have to start all over.

 

Tell me it gets better? Every day is worse than the last.

 

It does get better yes, Im at around 2 months no contact now and im miles better than i was. Ive spent every moment concentrating on getting myself better as well as thinking about her obv. I spent most of my days in the gym or working and eating the right foods which is what you need to do. KEEP BUSY. That is the key, you are lucky you've found this site now before you make any mistakes we have all made.

 

You have to think long term now, the relationship you had is no longer and the only way to reignite this flame without getting ****ed over is by getting over her and starting again which is why i said long term and if it doesnt happen you'll be moved on and wont care. I know how hard itis, I stil have dark days but once you regained your self esteem and confidence in yourself, it gets alot better and you will feel optimistic about life.

 

Say 1 last thing something along the lines of 'I realise I deserve better than the way you are treating me and I dont trust you anymore, I dont want to be friends with you, good luck for the future'

 

DONE, do not reply to anything , delete her from facebook, put her stuff away so it cant be seen, and keep busy. She will probably try to make out its you dumping her in an attempt to shift the guilt, dont fall for it. This is the best way to do it, anything more on your behalf and you push her away.

[bslchump]

Thanks to everyone who posted. I actually noticeably felt better reading each reply.

 

A few things though; the guy in question would NEVER turn her down or break it off with her. He and her have been friends for a few years now and he's always had a thing for her. I could tell. He's never had a girlfriend so he'll probably latch on and not let go. EDIT: I also don't think she's "broken up" with him. I think she's just putting him on hold until I either "forgive" her or something. I think she's FINALLY feeling guilty about screwing me over so badly and so is trying to make herself seem less like a terrible person. But I very much doubt that she's told him it's over.

 

Everything else is spot on though. I DON'T want to be second place. I know I'm a good guy and I deserve so much better. For our entire relationship she rarely expressed any sort of gratitude or love towards me. She's a taker through and through.

 

I think that I can recognize she's a horrible girlfriend makes it harder for me (maybe?) because I SHOULDN'T want her and I KNOW that, but I still do. It's @#$%ing maddening.

 

I have been eating right and hitting the gym since a few months before we broke up. Going to the gym always seems to help boost my mood for a little while, but then one wrong thought and I just spiral back downward. I feel like I'm fighting for my life every second.

 

I'll probably be posting in this thread a lot instead of talking to her. Keep the replies coming if you want! It seriously brightens my day to hear from some people here.

Edited December 5, 2010 by bslchump

[bslchump]

I remember what I wanted to ask everyone. I had told her that I couldn't be friends with someone who was doing this to me (jumping into something with another person so quickly). I think that her stopping any physical romance with this guy was in reaction to that. How should I respond? Do I just say "alright, whatever" or "thats great. I'm glad to hear it" or "too little too late" etc etc etc. I'm clueless how to respond.

 

I DID genuinely want to be her friend even if we couldn't date. She and I always had a great friendship together and in my moments of clarity I wanted to maintain that if nothing else. I don't know what I want now.

 

[LikeCharlotte]

I remember what I wanted to ask everyone. I had told her that I couldn't be friends with someone who was doing this to me (jumping into something with another person so quickly). I think that her stopping any physical romance with this guy was in reaction to that. How should I respond? Do I just say "alright, whatever" or "thats great. I'm glad to hear it" or "too little too late" etc etc etc. I'm clueless how to respond.

 

I DID genuinely want to be her friend even if we couldn't date. She and I always had a great friendship together and in my moments of clarity I wanted to maintain that if nothing else. I don't know what I want now.

 

Do not give her friendship. A long long time needs to pass for that and by then you may feel differently. Read my above post. You say "I don't care why you stopped. You started in the first place. Continue with what I said above about life lessons and her letting someone else in. Get out of your place as often as possible and close the door. Once you heal you can decide. Tell her you don't have a plan for friendship at this point.

The End.

 

(((((HUGS))))

Stay Strong

We're with you.

[LikeCharlotte]

If you find the pain too much to deal with then say nothing. You are number one.

[bl22]

I remember what I wanted to ask everyone. I had told her that I couldn't be friends with someone who was doing this to me (jumping into something with another person so quickly). I think that her stopping any physical romance with this guy was in reaction to that. How should I respond? Do I just say "alright, whatever" or "thats great. I'm glad to hear it" or "too little too late" etc etc etc. I'm clueless how to respond.

 

I DID genuinely want to be her friend even if we couldn't date. She and I always had a great friendship together and in my moments of clarity I wanted to maintain that if nothing else. I don't know what I want now.

 

 

 

Trust me here, my ex told me she was going to cut out the other guy from her life for me, that it was just friendship only. I trusted her, within 2 weeks theyd kissed again and she turned cold on me, didnt want to know me.

Dont listen to what shes saying she will hurt you, just dont respond atall to it....just live your life and dont show her you are sad, if you really really need to respond just say to her 'look the trust is gone now, what did you really expect' then leave it at that. IT WILL HURT TO SAY THAT , but its the only way, within a few weeks she'll do it again otherwise...and guess what your looking like a fool who gets walked on which = less respect she has for you. Shes already lost respect for you by accepting another guy...you need to regain that, regain it by being strong. I know how it feels and I wish I'd done this straight away instead of believing her lies.

[LikeCharlotte]

AAARRRG. The last post about her guy friend I missed until just now. Look, it doesn't matter if she did or didn't do what she said. She hurt you and it won't heal because she took it back. She can run wherever she wants to. Let her. You can do better than this. You sound so sincere, aware and giving. There is a better match for you and wasting your time on her isn't getting you to it any faster.

[bslchump]

You guys are right. I'm just not going to respond to her. I'll keep up my "cold distance" thing and just do my best to stay strong.

 

Winter break is coming up and we'll be flying home together. Plane tickets are already bought so that can't be helped. The trip home will be awful but then I'll have a few weeks where I won't be living with her. I plan on spending a LOT of time with some friends. When I'm home I'll start to figure out what I can do about my living situation.

 

My friend suggested that she's very hurt by me not responding anymore. He said that everyone agrees that the new guy is far less attractive than I am, and that she is really just jumping to the first person who can satisfy her need for constant emotional attention. Since I've been responding to EVERYTHING since we split, she's shocked now when I'm not even looking at her or paying attention to her. I'm tempted to believe this because it would make me feel better that I can get to her (childish, I know, but sue me!).

 

bl22 and LikeCharlotte, you guys have been awesome so far. I wish we could chat more!

[silic0ntoad]

You guys are right. I'm just not going to respond to her. I'll keep up my "cold distance" thing and just do my best to stay strong.

 

Winter break is coming up and we'll be flying home together. Plane tickets are already bought so that can't be helped. The trip home will be awful but then I'll have a few weeks where I won't be living with her. I plan on spending a LOT of time with some friends. When I'm home I'll start to figure out what I can do about my living situation.

 

My friend suggested that she's very hurt by me not responding anymore. He said that everyone agrees that the new guy is far less attractive than I am, and that she is really just jumping to the first person who can satisfy her need for constant emotional attention. Since I've been responding to EVERYTHING since we split, she's shocked now when I'm not even looking at her or paying attention to her. I'm tempted to believe this because it would make me feel better that I can get to her (childish, I know, but sue me!).

 

bl22 and LikeCharlotte, you guys have been awesome so far. I wish we could chat more!

 

Having read your story, and dealt with this scenario more than once, I can feel your pain.

 

Everything she is telling you doesn't matter. It's all nonsense. When people are involved in this type of situations emotions are entirely too powerful for the mind to function in a truthful manner. Everything flies off the handle.

 

You have to accept that it's over and move on. First, she's a liar. Just some kissing stuff? What is this, 1960? Where the biggest deal was feeling a girl's chest? Come on now. We all know better, and in my experience the "Just this, just that" horse **** these betrayers spit out is nothing but a chemical trail designed to suck you in and let you down easy.

 

My advice? Ditch her. Sit on opposite sides of the plane. If she bothers trying to chat you up, simply tell her "Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, I'm tired. I'm going to nap for the flight." End of story. It's better that you cut her off ASAP then keep this cancerous filth around you. The less outside influences we have that endanger our integrity the better.

[bslchump]

Ugh. Mornings are so difficult. She's always the first thing on my mind and it just kicks off every day terribly.

 

I feel like total crap today. I have a massive school project due that I need to spend hours working on and I can't even change out of my pajamas. She on the other hand looks completely unconcerned with anything thats been going on. She's attempting to chat me up and is smiling and all that jazz. I just kept up my barriers and went back to my computer.

 

I've been trying to make up excuses to talk to her or something. I've even thought about apologizing for my behavior (getting angry at her even though she deserved it). I just feel in such a constant state of flux that its difficult to latch onto anything solid. Sometimes I'll read the replies posted here and think "They're right, to hell with her. She's been mistreating me so why would I want to be with her?" But then other times I just completely flip.

 

I haven't done anything stupid yet, but every day I feel my resolve weaken a little bit. I desperately want to ask for a 2nd chance, but I recognize at the same time thats a really dumb and pointless thing to do. I didn't do anything specifically, she just "fell out of love", so how could I possibly get another chance? I guess the only thing I CAN do is keep acting towards her the way I have been.

 

I'm sorry for sounding like a broken record, but it helps to write it all down.

 

Does anyone have some cheerful stories or anything that would take my mind off of this?

[LikeCharlotte]

I am glad we are helping. I don't have any great story to tell. I can however relate. I had to live with an ex for 3 months after a break up once. He basically dropped out of our life and ignored me but waited for me to get fed up. When I asked him why he was acting that way when I thought we were planning to get married and buy a house he said "because you are delusional". I found out later that he was just trying to wait until our lease was up.

 

If I can do it, you can. I just toughend up and got through it. Im glad hes gone. I have a much more suited mate now!

[bslchump]

I am glad we are helping. I don't have any great story to tell. I can however relate. I had to live with an ex for 3 months after a break up once. He basically dropped out of our life and ignored me but waited for me to get fed up. When I asked him why he was acting that way when I thought we were planning to get married and buy a house he said "because you are delusional". I found out later that he was just trying to wait until our lease was up.

 

If I can do it, you can. I just toughend up and got through it. Im glad hes gone. I have a much more suited mate now!

 

I'm so sorry to hear that. Isn't it amazing what people we loved can do to us?

 

I'm just consumed with jealousy now. Every time I see people kissing/having sex/etc in movies/tv/etc, I think of her and him. I know they havent gone that far, but it guts me to think thats probably what she wants.

 

My friends have said that even in the unlikely event of her asking to get back together, I shouldn't. I want to say I'd say "no", but I don't think I would. I'm dying to tell her how I feel. I even started writing her a note but then deleted it and decided to post here again.

 

Ugggggghhhhh. Why am I so confused?

[silic0ntoad]

Ugggggghhhhh. Why am I so confused?

 

 

You'll be confused. For a while. Then it'll all click. Something will make sense. Then something else.

 

It's the nature of these types of things.

 

When T left me with the infamous and maligned "It's not you, it's me. he's just a friend. But I love you, I am not in love with you." I was crushed. I searched for many answers, but I was asking the WRONG questions.

 

Instead of "Why did she do this" or "What the hell is wrong with her" I began asking "Why would I be with her in the first place" and "If I don't deserve this type of treatment, why do I pine for her." Those are the questions you'll find yourself asking.

 

Mornings and nights always suck. My routine turned into one of simply and purely exhausting myself, so I fell asleep quickly and arose refreshed. It helped. Exercise, good books, and going out to do things in nature helped me.

 

You have to understand that things will get WAY worse before they get better. My breakup still echoes through my life, and it was 18 months or so ago that she dropped the bomb on me. I shoulda seen it coming, but those in love are the blind.

 

You'll find a bit of yourself through this experience. We all do. I think of life as a blank page, and in every tribulation we find a piece that fits somewhere in our image of life and the world. I know it's hard to seperate it at this point, and I am probably rambling, but make sure you get one thing straight, and fake believing this until you truly do believe it: She isn't GF material. Her actions have made her unworthy of my endearing devotion. She isn't friend material. Friends do not decieve. She isn't who I loved, cared about or shared me life with. That person exists now as a memory, however tainted by her actions that memory may now be, they may be sweet nothings; but they are yours to do with as you desire.

[bslchump]

Silic0ntoad, your posts are pure gold. I have been asking all the wrong questions. I know the answers to things like "why would i even want to be with her?", and they aren't logical at all. I mean, someone who sneaks around behind my back, withdraws her love and affection, and jumps on another guy immediately, all the while demanding the same treatment and interaction we had when we were dating, is not deserving of my attention. I KNOW this, but my heart still hurts.

 

I haven't been to the gym in a while now. I've been keeping myself busy with television shows and some video games with friends back home, but I think i'll go right now.

 

It's so difficult right now because I have to live with her until I can figure out when I can move home. Sometimes I'm feeling alright, just absorbed into a show or game or something, and then I hear her in the kitchen and my heart just sinks. I can't wait until I'm home for winter break. I'm going to immerse myself in my friends. Hell, maybe even the time apart will make her miss me. Then maybe the shoe will be on the other foot!

[silic0ntoad]

Silic0ntoad, your posts are pure gold. I have been asking all the wrong questions. I know the answers to things like "why would i even want to be with her?", and they aren't logical at all. I mean, someone who sneaks around behind my back, withdraws her love and affection, and jumps on another guy immediately, all the while demanding the same treatment and interaction we had when we were dating, is not deserving of my attention. I KNOW this, but my heart still hurts.

 

I haven't been to the gym in a while now. I've been keeping myself busy with television shows and some video games with friends back home, but I think i'll go right now.

 

It's so difficult right now because I have to live with her until I can figure out when I can move home. Sometimes I'm feeling alright, just absorbed into a show or game or something, and then I hear her in the kitchen and my heart just sinks. I can't wait until I'm home for winter break. I'm going to immerse myself in my friends. Hell, maybe even the time apart will make her miss me. Then maybe the shoe will be on the other foot!

 

 

Skip the missing you part. You have to understand that NC, or in this case, LC (since you live together) isn't to get her back, isn't to make her miss you. It's primary goal is to seperate you from the source of your pain. It is for you, to seperate, move on, and grow, without obstruction. I like to think of the missing you part as collateral heartache; while it helps you heal, it MAY make her miss you. But don't count on it.

 

Remember when I said above in times of high emotion people don't think logically or clearly? Well, you have to brush aside any thoughts of making her miss you. At this point, it's survival mode. She is in self satisfying mode; keeping you hanging onto every little scrap and thread she can just so she has a pillow there to break her fall if things go south with any of her new "Just friends, just a kiss."

 

DON'T give her that satisfaction. Tear it away. Get busy. Lift weights. Change your diet. Change your music. Go for runs. Go out with friends. Another thing that helps is setting a date. It's something to talk to friends for support, it's another to obsess over your break up. LS should be the place you post your thoughts and get support. When it comes to the physical world, set a date. At that date, abruptly stop talking to your friends about it.

 

Why do I say to do that? It helps their mood. Good moods are contagious. If you're constantly bitching about the bitch, your friends will be drug down. If you set a date and focus on keeping your bitching about the bitch here, it will lift the moods of your friends and thus elevate your own when you're with them.

 

Like I said, it gets worse before it gets better. Always does. I was in some really, really dark places last summer. Now I'm in the shade. Next comes dawn, then the full light of high noon. Just how life is.

 

But DON'T give her the satisfaction of even CARING about making her miss you. When she doesn't, your melancholy may just back fire and give her even more firepower.

 

Remember; we aren't powerless as dumpees. We have the power to speak the loudest - by saying nothing at all.

[bl22]

Living with her has to be the worst possible thing that can happen at this stage...you need to be away from her as much as possible!

For 2 reasons, 1 so she doesnt see you upset and at your worst, and 2 she needs to miss you in order to feel any ounce of guilt for what shes done.

 

Stay out the house as much as possible!! Dont be there when she is, go to the gym, go to friends, go anywhere but where she is. What are your options?