U1987 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 So a while ago, I used to go to this cafe regularly before work and school. I wasn't sure but I had kinda sensed for a while that one of the girls who worked there was flirting with me each time, so I got her number and we went out about a week later. We went out for drinks, first to a band venue then a club. We actually briefly made out later that night, in her driveway when I dropped her off home. I was pretty confidently we would be dating or at the very least, hooking up from that point on, but she acted really strangely from then on. Whenever I went to her cafe before class and work, she would always tell me about little events (a show here, a party there) and invite me. Usually, I was busy with class or work so I couldn't commit right away, but told her to text or call me later in the night with more details. She never did call back after inviting me in person. Whenever I called, she either didn't respond or responded a day late, after the fact. I was getting pretty tired of this, so after about a month of this back and forth I texted her "Hey I'm confused. Every time I see you, you chat me up and invite me out, but you never pick up respond when I try to call or text you. What's up? Because I don't like playing cat and mouse." She only responded "Hey, I'm sorry but I think we should just be friends." I was pissed. I texted back "Could've told me that a few weeks ago instead of keeping me waiting. Thanks for wasting me time. And btw, "friends" don't act interested in someone and ghost for a month." I never went back to the cafe where she worked and she never got back to me, until now, about another month later. She just randomly texted me out of the blue, asked "Hey, how have you been?" I replied, "Been good. Plowing through finals. What about you? What have you been up to?" She replied, "Nothing much. Why haven't I seen you in __________ for a while?" How should I respond? Is she starting to warm up to me again? I don't want to get my hopes up and let down if she isn't. What would be a good response?
Mad Max Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Frankly, I would have deleted her number as soon as she started to flake.
ascendotum Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Frankly, I would have deleted her number as soon as she started to flake. Just saw this, as I am about to leave the house, and had to comment..while Max's answer is not the one you will want, its spot on. I would have done the same.
WTRanger Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 She just started the cat and mouse game again. She baited the trap and you just got snapped into it. I agree with everyone so far, you stop responding. Unless she says, "I've changed my mind and I think you are the sexiest man alive and we should go out on a date."
dispatch3d Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 "I was only going there to hit on you. When you said lets just be friends I focused my attention elsewhere." All I would say, cause it's the truth and she's a huge writeoff anyways. edit: wouldn't do any of the others because I have no reason to make enemies. She may have hot friends. I'm still not going to be her patsy though.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 No she's not warming up to you, she's keeping the door open so she can use you as a emotional tampon and time waster on the phone. Really, a month to contact you should be obvious enough.
AshleyMB Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I know it sounds terrible, but sometimes some girls will do stuff like this simply because they miss the attention. They may not even do it completely consciously. I think to be safe you should definitely follow the advice given here so far. Although I have been in the circumstance where I had a guy that I wasn't really interested in (although we did make out once when we first met) who ended up really liking me, and I acted kind of 'cold' towards him for a while so that I wouldn't lead him on. He ended up overtly telling me how I felt after we were friends for a while, but I told him all I was looking for with him was friendship (I just didn't feel the same). However, after getting to know him and seeing what a great guy he was, I actually did decide to give it a chance and I ended up really falling for him. However, in this instance when I realized that I started liking him as more, I made the effort to be very clear about my intentions and wanting to see him again, and I was apolgetic for what happened with us previously. Anything else is indicating moderate to low interest, and is just screwing you around.
Crazy Magnet Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I wouldn't bother to respond. If you think by communicating with her you will get your hopes up then don't talk to her. She's not going to change her mind and suddenly like you now. She probably wants the ego boost.
SmileFace Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 You don't respond to a girl who flaked a month ago.
dispatch3d Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 She's likely just looking for friendship. So yeah I probably wouldn't reinitiate contact, but I would still respond to the question. Makes no difference to me (ie. she's not angry, if she gets mad then I may stop responding just because I don't involve myself in drama).
westrock Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Whenever I went to her cafe before class and work, she would always tell me about little events (a show here, a party there) and invite me. Usually, I was busy with class or work so I couldn't commit right away, but told her to text or call me later in the night with more details. Her actions don't put her in the best light, but you need to look at your actions too... What's up with this "call me later in the night with more details" line? Maybe she thought you were the one playing cat and mouse by being non-committal whenever she would invite you. Why couldn't you have just said "Yes!" or "Sorry, I have class/work tonight, how about this weekend?" If you still like her then reply back positively or drop into the cafe and talk with her. Maybe she is interested.
zengirl Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 A month? Don't bother responding. Move along.
Author U1987 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 So how does this sound as a response? "I was hoping we would date, but when you said you lets just be friends, I focused my attention elsewhere."
westrock Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 "I was hoping we would date, but when you said you lets just be friends, I focused my attention elsewhere." Your reply explains what happened, but no hint whether you want to see her again. If you're fine with that, then send it, otherwise add something more on the end indicating some interest such as you'll drop by the cafe next time you're in the area.
Author U1987 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 Your reply explains what happened, but no hint whether you want to see her again. If you're fine with that, then send it, otherwise add something more on the end indicating some interest such as you'll drop by the cafe next time you're in the area. I'm afraid that would come off as desperate. Is there any way to subtly indicate that I'd be willing to see her if she made a conscious effort to go out of her way and reach out to me, rather than vice versa?
westrock Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 I'm afraid that would come off as desperate. Is there any way to subtly indicate that I'd be willing to see her if she made a conscious effort to go out of her way and reach out to me, rather than vice versa? She is reaching out to you with her text. What more do you want? Alternatively, add on the end "Give me a call sometime" and see if she calls you.
Crazy Magnet Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 She is reaching out to you with her text. What more do you want? Alternatively, add on the end "Give me a call sometime" and see if she calls you. As a female I wouldn't bother to respond or call to "give me a call sometime." If he wants to date me, then he can call me. I believe she has already stated her non-interest in dating you. You can ask if she has rethought he desire to be only friends. That should tell you how to proceed.
Author U1987 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 As a female I wouldn't bother to respond or call to "give me a call sometime." If he wants to date me, then he can call me. I already did that many times a month to two months ago. The ball is in her court. How do I make her realize that?
dispatch3d Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Your reply explains what happened, but no hint whether you want to see her again. If you're fine with that, then send it, otherwise add something more on the end indicating some interest such as you'll drop by the cafe next time you're in the area. I agree with this. The subtly let her know but not take any initiative is going to get you nooooo where. To the how do I make her realize the ball is in her court question. Dude, no. Look you tried that strategy earlier and it didn't work. Do something different. edit: also respond faster to texts!
jerbear Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 The ball maybe in her court but she sent you a text. It is like a lame return of the ball. 1) How about you call her and ask her about her intentions? 2) Respond with "Whats up?" 3) Don't respond and ignore her 4) Show up the cafe and ask her when she gets off 5) Don't respond and see if she calls you 6) Respond back, "Thanks but not interested, good luck" 7) Text her to call you; pretty lame for a guy to do that It seems you are interested in her and she knows that. I don't think she is interested in something and has low interests. She is looking for a quick ego boost.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 I'm afraid that would come off as desperate. Is there any way to subtly indicate that I'd be willing to see her if she made a conscious effort to go out of her way and reach out to me, rather than vice versa? So are you trying to put in effort and time to date her or are you doing so you can make her put out? Here's a rule of thumb- Casual sex should come easy, not hard. ( lol no pun intended).
dispatch3d Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 yeah I think the most aggressive option is probably the best choice if you are going for her. Luke warm just won't work. It could easily be her looking for attention/ego boost, or it could be she decided to give you another shot. Really hard to say. I don't like attaching meaning to things though, so just do what makes you happy man.
Author U1987 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 I agree with this. The subtly let her know but not take any initiative is going to get you nooooo where. To the how do I make her realize the ball is in her court question. Dude, no. Look you tried that strategy earlier and it didn't work. Do something different. edit: also respond faster to texts! She texted last night so it was almost 24 hours. I already texted back "I was hoping we would date, but when you said you lets just be friends, I focused my attention elsewhere." Should I attach any follow up?
Mad Max Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 She texted last night so it was almost 24 hours. I already texted back "I was hoping we would date, but when you said you lets just be friends, I focused my attention elsewhere." Should I attach any follow up? No. Focus on other options. If she was truly interested in you, she wouldn't have flaked to begin with.
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