Jdw_Icequeen Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Long story short. Broke up about 2 weeks ago. Started focusing on myself he comes by to drop me off diapers I was cheerful. Next day he contacts me saying he won't say there is no chance of us not getting back together and have alot invested in eachother. He wants to be friends and take things slow. I figured that would be fine until I started getting to many mixed signals that started driving me nutso. Found out a few things yelled at him about it... I am almost sure I don't want to be his friend. But am not here to focus on that. Of course Im unsure about everything. I just want some tips on how to get him off my mind. I don't want to think about him anymore. Im posting here because obviously I haven't taken the idea of a second chance completley off the table. I just want to take my mind completley off the table so to speak. I am having trouble concentrating on things I carry on about my day do the things I need to do shopping and just whatever. I have noticed things are less foggy from the beginning of this relationship I definetly haven't been down in the dumps and a miserable mess. Everyone says oh you know just do you and do stuff to make yourself happy. But its really hard. I don't want to think about him for any reason. Its what I want.. I've prayed listen to music take long baths. Get up early go on about my day. I know the biggest thing that will make him disapear from my mind is time. Any other tips how to do it faster??
Trovador Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Think that he doesn't want you in his life, so you will find there is no reason to worry about him... when somebod doesn't want us everything else is a moot point... Don't forfeit being attractive to other guys, knowing that other girls were interested in me helped me a lot, I didn't date right away but those girls kept my head over the water... And I didn't give up my life, if anything I brought more goals and interests into it, so the transition back wasn't so painful... In sum, don't worry too much and don't take yourself so seriously... this happens to everybody all the time... it's just a lesson from life, nothing to kill or get killed for (to cite the old John)... later...
nea clementine Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Somebody once told me that the only way out is through. Know that all the emotions, constant thoughts about him are normal. They suck, I know, but they are necessary in your healing process. Some members here swear by controlling-your-thoughts acts - I don't know because I have never been able to do it. In the end, what always works for me is welcoming the emotions and the memories of the former partner, accepting them for what they are. Linger a while if need be. Then, move on. All the best for you in your healing process.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Well its a bit harder for me because I have agreed to be friends and take things slow and spend time together and see where it takes us.. I am not sure how long I will beable to do that. The longer we remain friends and the slower we take things the more I will end up with doubts and just need to cut free from it.. I have been doing better though, I just keep myself as busy as possible and do things that make me feel better. I have my moments where there is nothing to do and my mind wonders. Atleast now though I have been able to focus on me and what I need to do and its only been a few days. Its these positive days and moments that remind me no matter what happens I know everything will be ok.. Thank you both for your comments!
i made a mess Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to grieve the loss of a relationship. When we try to put on a strong face and just ignore the emotions, they only end up harboring in our system longer and ultimately I think stick with us to the next relationship. I know a few years ago when my ex and I broke up, I was a complete wreck. He was all I thought about, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, etc. It was pure hell. But I started writing my thoughts down in a journal. Anytime I missed him, I'd write down so it was on paper right in front of my face, all of the mean things he'd done to me over the years. From telling me I had no ambition because I didn't want to own my own business, to telling me I was lazy and needed to lose weight, to downright making me feel bad about what few friends I did have. After a month of reading all of the reasons why I shouldn't want him, it made it that much easier to move on. It's easy to mourn all of the good times when you're feeling lonely and it's a fresh break...but look at all of the liberation your getting by being single. You get a chance to find yourself all over again. Learn what makes you happy, and you may see that what you thought was attractive about this ex is in fact completely repulsive. I went from dating the jerk who was a narcissist (sp?) who made me walk on egg shells to keep from setting him off to figuring out what is really important to me and what I want from a relationship.I'm still healing from the mental abuse and now working through commitment issues as a result but I have faith that I'll get my happy ending some day. Get lost in books, workout, volunteer your time to charity, paint, dance, do yoga etc. It does wonders in keeping your mind busy with minimal time to think about the ex.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) I actually did that writing in a journal thing with my ex husband. I wrote down all my feelings even wrote 63 reasons down why I couldn't stand him and why he was such a jerk.. Problem being my ex boyfriend was truly awesome.. I think he has made his mistakes no he isn't perfect. But is truly an awesome person.. I did all the same things you just explained with the not eating sleeping etc. I was a wreck could barley get out of bed going through my divorce. I am no where near as bad as that and I love this man so much more then my ex husband.. Its odd. I would never take my ex husband back.. He even tried to beg me not to get a divorce and yes he left me. Started acting very weird. But it was to late and it was over for me. Every relationship I have had I have done the second chances. One of those relationships were 9 years after my second chance he broke up with me and came back. I ended up leaving him for my own good reasons. I know second chances exsist and can work out in the long run. With that being said. I'm not giving up!! But I am not holding my breath.. I will be happy in the end with or without him... I like your tips I could use some yoga!! Ty! Edited December 9, 2010 by Jdw_Icequeen
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