Snowdrop Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I dumped my boyfriend on Wednesday after he continued to not put in more effort since I moved to France for the year. I'd been unhappy and feeling very unloved for over a month but every time I told him he said he'd try harder, but he didn't, he was too wrapped up in his own world and would 'forget'. I think he took me for granted because I've always stuck by him through everything (we've been together 3 years) so I decided to break it off because I couldn't see what else I could do if I kept on telling him. After, I heard nothing, he didn't want to even fight for me now. I rang him on Friday and tried to talk to him about why I'd done it but he just said, 'yeah I can't make you happy, I've tried but I can't do what you want at the moment, I can't do anymore 'at the moment, I think you made the right decision etc. etc.' How can he give up so easily? Id that what he really thinks or is he trying to save his pride? What's the best way for me to act now? I can't go on with him not putting effort in but I don't want to be without him either?!!! I go home for xmas in 2 weeks, do you think maybe seeing him will make him feel better? Please reply
hoping2heal Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I dumped my boyfriend on Wednesday after he continued to not put in more effort since I moved to France for the year. I'd been unhappy and feeling very unloved for over a month but every time I told him he said he'd try harder, but he didn't, he was too wrapped up in his own world and would 'forget'. I think he took me for granted because I've always stuck by him through everything (we've been together 3 years) so I decided to break it off because I couldn't see what else I could do if I kept on telling him. After, I heard nothing, he didn't want to even fight for me now. I rang him on Friday and tried to talk to him about why I'd done it but he just said, 'yeah I can't make you happy, I've tried but I can't do what you want at the moment, I can't do anymore 'at the moment, I think you made the right decision etc. etc.' How can he give up so easily? Id that what he really thinks or is he trying to save his pride? What's the best way for me to act now? I can't go on with him not putting effort in but I don't want to be without him either?!!! I go home for xmas in 2 weeks, do you think maybe seeing him will make him feel better? Please reply I think it was pretty cut and dry, already. He checked out of the relationship so you broke it off with him. When you tried to talk to him - no he didn't really fight, or make a fuss - because as I said, he already was in the process of checking out and detatching anyway - which is why you felt unloved - because he pulled away and quit putting effort in. Maybe the distance was too much for him, too. However, I'm merely looking at it from what you've described. I guess I would go NC and you can see if he makes any attempts to reach out. He already knows by you calling - that it isn't really "over" for you. So, just wait and see but at the same time, brace yourself.
Author Snowdrop Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Thanks for your reply Yeah I think what you said is probably true. I first brought up the idea of breaking up with him 5 weeks ago, he pleaded and cried. He then came to see me in France and we had an amazing time, ever since he went back to England he seems to have given up and not been able to cope with the situation. But surely if he misses me soo much that would make him put in more effort to talk to me rather than detaching completely? I think NC is the only way to go as I'm not sure quite what I want. He does have alot of my stuff though (and my grandad's camera-which he wants back) so a meeting at Christmas is looking likely, will that make me feel worse if I see him?
hoping2heal Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Thanks for your reply Yeah I think what you said is probably true. I first brought up the idea of breaking up with him 5 weeks ago, he pleaded and cried. He then came to see me in France and we had an amazing time, ever since he went back to England he seems to have given up and not been able to cope with the situation. But surely if he misses me soo much that would make him put in more effort to talk to me rather than detaching completely? I think NC is the only way to go as I'm not sure quite what I want. He does have alot of my stuff though (and my grandad's camera-which he wants back) so a meeting at Christmas is looking likely, will that make me feel worse if I see him? Well, it will make you feel worse if you see him and he acts normal. That is the risk you take. Maybe he just realised he couldn't handle this type of arrangement and felt it was better to check out before he got hurt. You won't really know one way or the other until you see him, if you decide too.
Recommended Posts