Can't pull myself out of this pit. My story.

[fiat500]

I was never afraid to be alone. Before I met my ex I had been single for two years and I was perfectly fine. I was content. I figured out what I wanted to do and I've been taking steps to move toward my dreams. I had a late start. I went into the military for a bit after high school, then wasted more time and got a degree in something I completely hated.

 

I started hanging out with my ex in March of this year and things didn't get serious until June. We had known each other through a mutual friend the year before. He pursued me in the spring but I always shot him down because I knew he was going away to live at his university for the first time. I told him he would come to resent me if we went out because he would feel that I would be holding him back at college. There's a lot of girls and opportunity there. He insisted that he wouldn't be going through any transitional phases since he wasn't a teenager so eventually my heart overrode my logic. We are almost a year apart in age (not a big deal) but I ended up being right about my fears anyway.

 

We had a great summer but things started going downhill for me when his language professor started flirting with him on his facebook wall. She's young and cute and she'd fish for compliments on his wall and make stupid comments like "it was soo hot in class today I kept making mistakes!" They were the type of things that really aren't innocent jokes if you really look at them. He would always get defensive if I brought it up and it would hurt me. He'd insist she was only joking.

 

I'd like to think I wasn't over reacting because I had no problem with him having pictures of his last ex girlfriend up in his FB albums, she seemed to really affect him but I didn't know about this until the end of our relationship. I also had no problem with him talking to girls and hanging out with other girls. But this professor bugged the sh**t out of me for some reason.

 

It got harder to talk to him. He's never lived away from home and if I brought something up he'd snap at me or react in a way that I never expected him too. I never yelled at him but every time I tried to talk about something that I disagreed with he would just be so snappy and defensive over it.

 

It didn't help that he chose to only talk to me over facebook messenger or text. It was asking too much if I asked him to call me. I didn't need to be talked to every day or every other day. I just wanted to talk for 10-15 minutes on ONE weekend day. I loved his text messages he sent me on phone but even that dwindled.

 

I drove up to his college whenever I could. I brought him a picnic one day two months ago and he told me he didn't feel close to me because we were always fighting. I had a been in a relationship for 2.5 years prior to this one and what he calls fighting isn't really fighting. We were having misunderstandings because a.) he only talked to me through messenger and b.) he was always stressed out and lashing out, thinking I was attacking him. I couldn't even express my feelings to him because he thought it was a fight.

 

The last straw was three weeks ago. He posted sappy lyrics on his wall and his language professor commented asking if he was talking to her. I mean, come on. Would anyone find that annoying or immature? Joke or not, that sucks. So I commented right under her for the first time ever. I never said anything until then. And all I said was "hey (ex's name) don't forget to give her flowers before you read it to her." It was not an attack on his professor. I said it to him. Because he claimed they were joking so why should he take offense? But he did and he erased my comment saying it was stupid.

 

And he ended things over facebook messenger. Before that I was pleading with him to end it a different way. I told him I would drive up to him. I offered him a break a few months before because I noticed he was different. And he didn't take those options. He had to wait until he saw me as less than a person.

 

He called me the next day to confirm the breakup. Nice of him. We talked in circles. I was out of my mind. I pleaded a little, but then accepted and said Goodbye. He told me "no, wait." and we went around in circles again until he said he wanted to be alone and wasn't interested in me anymore. Keep in mind, I never yelled at him or even got into a real argument with him. I've gotten into much worse with close friends. But he thought this was bad. Five months is not a long time to get to know someone. But he claimed it was. He took an incident that happened over the summer and told me that I changed and I wasn't the cool girl he once knew. I asked him if it ever happened again and he had to answer no. He wasn't giving me a chance.

 

I'm beyond the point of devastation. It will be three weeks tomorrow since he contacted me to end things. I feel like less than the scum on the bottom of a garbage can. I don't know how to get through this. I wish I never went out with him. It took everything within me to not wish him a happy birthday a few days ago. He doesn't give a flying f***k about me. I'm such an idiot for wishing he would give me a second chance.

[dk.bnz.chi]

so u're an idiot 4 wishing 4 a second chance but u still want it. so u still want 2 b an idiot or u still want what?

[fiat500]

is this a weird pep talk or something?

 

I haven't talked to that boy since he contacted me to rip my heart out and I am keeping far away.

 

I'm always up for taking my fair share of the blame and acknowledging my shortcomings and fixing them but yes, right now I stupidly wish things didn't end the way they did.

[dk.bnz.chi]

hey Fiat,r u proud of yourself? and why is that? and no,this is not some pep talk,unless u want it 2 b

[fiat500]

Proud of what?

 

I liked him. Probably too much. And I was loyal.

[fiat500]

I think the only things I can be proud of is that I tried my best as a girlfriend, he even told me before he ended things that he never had girlfriends do for him what I did or support him the way I did. I learned my lesson. I will never give as much as I did ever again though. And I disappeared right away after he told me things were over by phone. I never initiated contact.

 

Doesn't stop me from feeling like the biggest idiot that ever lived though

[Capital P]

U tried too hard unfortunately.

And he was the wrong person for you. There isnt much you can do but stay NC. I think over the months you gradually pushed him away.

Let him miss you , they always come back once you have other options

[fiat500]

I pushed him away by being there for him. I'm really disgusted with myself I probably looked so pathetic in his eyes I intend to keep NC. I don't think he;ll ever miss me. He probably sees me as I see myself.

[fiat500]

anyone ever wake up with that feeling of anxiety in the middle of your chest? i've been waking up with that feeling for the past two weeks now and it's not going away.

[swfc_77]

if you tried you best what more can you do.

 

if he came back tomorrow would you try your best-best or not really bother that much and fall into the "playing games trap"

 

if you tried your best theres nothing you can do, obviously he thinks he wants more from someone, and really can you be bothered with the time and effort in trying to please some who has done this to you.

 

honestly i think when you meet someone you shouldn't have to try anything, things will just flow nicely. of course you have to make them smile and laugh and treat them well, if thats not good enough the F**K THEM OFF.

 

let some other mug have a go.

[fiat500]

well. maybe i didn't try my best. i could have handled things better? it's just that I didn't know I was going to be thrown into limited contact and the only contact was through messenger. i didn't get the chance to fix things. at all. and i still want that chance.

 

 

This is my third week of NC since he contacted me to break things off. I have not texted or called whatsoever and didn't even wish him a Happy Birthday . still continuing NC.

Edited December 6, 2010 by fiat500

[fiat500]

if you tried you best what more can you do.

 

if he came back tomorrow would you try your best-best or not really bother that much and fall into the "playing games trap"

 

if you tried your best theres nothing you can do, obviously he thinks he wants more from someone, and really can you be bothered with the time and effort in trying to please some who has done this to you.

 

honestly i think when you meet someone you shouldn't have to try anything, things will just flow nicely. of course you have to make them smile and laugh and treat them well, if thats not good enough the F**K THEM OFF.

 

let some other mug have a go.

 

I wouldn't try so hard. That was my error. I would have usually just gone with the flow. I realize the mistakes I made. I just never got that second time to correct what I did. But I have not been chasing after him since the break up. So I have to give myself a little credit.

[swfc_77]

I think the only things I can be proud of is that I tried my best as a girlfriend.

 

life's too short to waste it on people who are not contempt with a good thing.

 

i still miss my ex like mad, i love her to bits. but i would never take her back because i'v wasted enough time on her already.

[swfc_77]

do you mean you wouldn't try so hard if you got back together?

 

if you did put effort and time and commitment into the relationship before, then its not you with the problem, its him.

 

i wouldn't suggest any sort of second chance for anyone, i'v done it and believe me you slip back to your old ways between blinking.

 

if the guy couldn't accept and embrace you for how you are and who you are and the way you treat a relationship then obviously he's not right for you.

 

the only thing i would suggest and i might be way off, when you said you tried your best do you mean you tried to make everything perfect because my ex did this, and believe me theres no such thing as a perfect relationship. she wanted to improve things that simply didn't matter and saw problems where really there wasn't anything there.

 

how can i put it, like she got obsessed with changing things for the better when all she was doing was wrecking the relationship.

[fiat500]

do you mean you wouldn't try so hard if you got back together?

 

if you did put effort and time and commitment into the relationship before, then its not you with the problem, its him.

 

i wouldn't suggest any sort of second chance for anyone, i'v done it and believe me you slip back to your old ways between blinking.

 

if the guy couldn't accept and embrace you for how you are and who you are and the way you treat a relationship then obviously he's not right for you.

 

the only thing i would suggest and i might be way off, when you said you tried your best do you mean you tried to make everything perfect because my ex did this, and believe me theres no such thing as a perfect relationship. she wanted to improve things that simply didn't matter and saw problems where really there wasn't anything there.

 

how can i put it, like she got obsessed with changing things for the better when all she was doing was wrecking the relationship.

 

No, I didn't try to make things perfect. I just wanted to treat him like his previous girlfriends never treated him like. I bought him tickets to see his favorite band and drove up to his university to see him. I didn't shower him with gifts or anything. I just wanted to treat him well.

 

The ex that you're talking about...is this the one you tried to get back together with?

[swfc_77]

me and my ex were together for 2 yrs basically things were good i treat her well like you did yours, and i tried to keep our feet on the ground and not get wrapped up too much in unrealistic distant dreams.

 

we split, she went with someone else, he moved in with her mom after 2 weeks, she cancelled a £1500 which i paid for and got nowt back for.

 

he was a prick, she came running back, gave me an STD, moved back in and fu..cked off 3 months later with several inconsistent immature excuse's.

 

if you tried your best (as i did) and treat them well (as i did) and they dont want it, then why bother with them. they are not going to change.

 

sounds like he had it good to be honest, let it be his loss

[swfc_77]

i'v just re-read your original post again after reading it last night.

 

makes me laugh how you describe having a misunderstanding or diagreement, with him saying its fighting. nail on the head. immature, we did this with the same outcome.

 

i would talk-she would talk-i would talk-she would end up screaming her point across

 

plus with the facebook thing, he's out of order with this female tutor, you dont want that you should have gone mental and rightly so.

[fiat500]

me and my ex were together for 2 yrs basically things were good i treat her well like you did yours, and i tried to keep our feet on the ground and not get wrapped up too much in unrealistic distant dreams.

 

we split, she went with someone else, he moved in with her mom after 2 weeks, she cancelled a £1500 which i paid for and got nowt back for.

 

he was a prick, she came running back, gave me an STD, moved back in and fu..cked off 3 months later with several inconsistent immature excuse's.

 

if you tried your best (as i did) and treat them well (as i did) and they dont want it, then why bother with them. they are not going to change.

 

sounds like he had it good to be honest, let it be his loss

 

You're right. People really don't change. But at least he'll never know how I feel. I'm not blowing up his phone or stalking him. I've been keeping how I feel mostly to myself and on this forum.

 

Thanks for responding. You're really sweet. My guy friends tell me the same thing. That he's losing a good thing. I guess they're not making it up to make me feel better.

[fiat500]

i'v just re-read your original post again after reading it last night.

 

makes me laugh how you describe having a misunderstanding or diagreement, with him saying its fighting. nail on the head. immature, we did this with the same outcome.

 

i would talk-she would talk-i would talk-she would end up screaming her point across

 

plus with the facebook thing, he's out of order with this female tutor, you dont want that you should have gone mental and rightly so.

 

Yeah. He doesn't know what a fight is.

 

Lol. I have an extreme amount of patience. And I wanted to handle his professor with class. I thought I did. I mean I could have just cursed her out and called her names but I didn't. I just made a joke. I didn't want to look trashy.

[swfc_77]

people dont change, no matter what they say and how much they protest.

 

people might change how they approach things in life and do things different, but deep down when they switch auto-pilot on, its just the same.

 

my ex protests she's all family and friends and doesn't want a guy, but i know she'll be up to something just for the male attention.

and when she does get into another relationship which wont be long from now, she'll switch auto-pilot on and be exactly the same as she was with me. spoilt, materealistic, money-mad, immature, disrespecting and basically not someone i want anything to do with. i realise i loved the girl, but i dont actually like her as a person.

 

and your right...... i am a sweet guy