Madgick1 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 You are talking about 2 things. One is letting her know that she quickens your blood and interests you as a potential partner/relationship/companion (interest as in physical and mental). The other is having sex with her. For the first, you need to signal fairly soon if you see her as a POTENTIAL possible relationship and that you admire her a bit separate from other women. Women (probably the same as men) can size someone up fairly quickly, "yes, for sure", "no way", and "hmmm...maybe". I've heard people can determine within minutes whether someone is a yes or no. For me a maybe turns into the yes or no within an hour or so. So if I meet someone and spend 20 minutes with him on day one and a half hour on day 2, I know by the end of day 2 what the status is of everyone. It's almost automatic. What helps to push a maybe into a yes, is the alert admiration and keen interest in his eyes. It's symbiotic, it quickens my blood and raises my interest. If I know he's interested and I'm lukewarm, I can't help but wonder what the result of his interest would be if I 'nurtured' it. Sometimes that's all it takes to make a maybe a yes. And it's not a formal thing. I think most men do it too. It doesn't matter if you are madly in love with someone else, married, pregnant, old; women just size up men, and know very quickly, yes, no or maybe. It doesn't mean you'll ever act on it; you just know. If you get a yes or maybe, but don't act on it, don't pique her imagination with some sort of implied or romantic sexuality, a women will generally lose interest and put you in the friend catagory or ignore you. (Sometimes women, like men, will 'yes' a member of the opposite sex and nothing will discourage their fantasy--but that's not what I'm talking about here). It's that suggestion of romance or sexuality that keeps you OUT of the friend zone. You are confusing it with deciding to bed her. If you let a woman know she quickens your pulse and seems different from all other women and she is receptive to you (gives you a yes), you can 'court' her for a long time, get to know her all you want, providing you supply her with a continuous supply of 'spark'. It makes her feel like a woman. And it's the feeling like a woman that draws her to a man. Without it, she feels like a friend or less, and in such a case, who needs a man? You want to wait 6 months or a year before you have sex, you want to be sure of her first, that's fine; just keep feeding her pieces of that special admiration that implies sex between men and women. I'm not saying that great romance and wonderfl long term relationships do not ever grow out of a friendship; but it's seems to be a more accidental thing and sort of rare. Knowing she takes your breath away makes women interested in you as a man. Making her feel like a friend, makes you a friend. This is just my opinion of course.
Madgick1 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 The other thing is that most men do let women know one way or another that they see her in a sexual/romantic way--even men who are very religious or have no interest in acting on a sexual impulse for a long time. When a woman doesn't get that signal, she assumes she's in the 'no' catagory for men, and unless she's obsessed or acting on some fantasy, she loses interest and moves on. Her yes becomes a no.
Author somedude81 Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 The main issue I have with asking out a girl right away is that I'm not even sure if I even want to get to know her. If she says no then I've basically gotten a rejection for nothing. I'm not the kind of guy whose going to ask out 10 random girls in a day. What's kind of worse than that is what do I do if she actually says yes? That means I'll be stuck with some time with a girl I don't know at all who I don't feel anything towards. Can i ask under what situation do you see yoursef starting to "want" the girl? It happens after a few conversations. I see how we get along and what common interests we have. After we've hung out one or two times, then I start to get the idea of getting physical with them. It's definitely not, see hot girl, want to jump her bones right away. There is one problem I have with all this. I don't want to sleep with every woman I get a third date with. I'm going to go against the flow here and say a woman has to commit to a relationship with me before I sleep with her. The funny thing is, the women who I have slept with early are the ones who when we broke up after say 6-7 dates it was easy for me to move on. The only heartbreaks I've had were with women who I really liked (no sex) and it never worked out. Does that make any sense? I really don't think sex makes the deep connection you all say it does. Love is love, sex is sex. Emotional connection is not equal to sex. The only thing sex might do is get you a few more dates and fun nights. Either the girl likes you or doesn't. Personally I find a girl that sleeps with you before having an established relationship to be a skank. Next. I mostly agree with youngskywalker. I don't have any interest in early sex. And I want to have an emotional connection with somebody before I sleep with them. I've been with women that I didn't feel anything for and the whole experience just seemed empty. Ideally I'd at least like to know the girl for about a month before I want to have sex with her. Which means I'm not going to be trying to get some from day one. One point I need to make is that most of the girls I meet are from my college. So I would see them at least twice a week in class. You are talking about 2 things. One is letting her know that she quickens your blood and interests you as a potential partner/relationship/companion (interest as in physical and mental). The other is having sex with her. For the first, you need to signal fairly soon if you see her as a POTENTIAL possible relationship and that you admire her a bit separate from other women. Women (probably the same as men) can size someone up fairly quickly, "yes, for sure", "no way", and "hmmm...maybe". I've heard people can determine within minutes whether someone is a yes or no. For me a maybe turns into the yes or no within an hour or so. There is absolutely no way I can tell if there is a potential with a relationship with somebody in an hour of meeting them. All I can do is determine no and maybe. Do women decide that quickly? If so that seems really unfair because there is no way somebody is going to know who I am just from one meeting. How soon is fairly soon to let a women know a man is interested? So if I meet someone and spend 20 minutes with him on day one and a half hour on day 2, I know by the end of day 2 what the status is of everyone. It's almost automatic. Are you talking about dates or is the 20 minutes include the time you first met them? What helps to push a maybe into a yes, is the alert admiration and keen interest in his eyes. It's symbiotic, it quickens my blood and raises my interest. If I know he's interested and I'm lukewarm, I can't help but wonder what the result of his interest would be if I 'nurtured' it. Sometimes that's all it takes to make a maybe a yes.Hmm, so you can tell by his eyes if he's interested. That's interesting Funny how you say that his interest can push you if you were lukewarm. I've never had that work for me If you get a yes or maybe, but don't act on it, don't pique her imagination with some sort of implied or romantic sexuality, a women will generally lose interest and put you in the friend catagory or ignore you. (Sometimes women, like men, will 'yes' a member of the opposite sex and nothing will discourage their fantasy--but that's not what I'm talking about here). It's that suggestion of romance or sexuality that keeps you OUT of the friend zone.One issue is that it's very easy to miss the woman's yes or maybe. Unless she outright tells me or flirts very heavily, I would have no idea if she said yes or maybe. What really bugs me is that women that are not interested will still hang out with me. So I can't even determine her interest because shes spending time with me. You are confusing it with deciding to bed her. If you let a woman know she quickens your pulse and seems different from all other women and she is receptive to you (gives you a yes), you can 'court' her for a long time, get to know her all you want, providing you supply her with a continuous supply of 'spark'. It makes her feel like a woman. And it's the feeling like a woman that draws her to a man. Without it, she feels like a friend or less, and in such a case, who needs a man? You want to wait 6 months or a year before you have sex, you want to be sure of her first, that's fine; just keep feeding her pieces of that special admiration that implies sex between men and women.The first thing is that it takes me a little over a week of interacting with her for her to start "quickening" my pulse. During that time we're having friendly conversations and I'm trying to see who see is. If a see a potential, then I'll ask her out. As for sex, I have no intention of waiting six months. I'd say a little under a month is fine with me. From what I gather, most men would like have sex with somebody right away, the first day the met her if I could. And that's why I made this thread. How much time does a woman give a man to let her know he wants to sleep with her, before he is freindzoned forever?
youaretheone Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 I have tried both scenarios. First, I asked a girl out, made my interest known but did not advance too much physically because I wanted to get to know her, not to bed her. Then she lost interest and befriended me, because I did not try to escalate with her. Second, I asked another girl out and tried to escalate with her on the first few dates. Then she misinterpreted my advances and told me at the end of the date "I am not the woman you can take home and have sex with.". It looks like there is a perfect mixture of "getting to know" her and establishing sexual contact at the same time and I could not find the ingredients yet.
paddington bear Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 A girl might be attracted to you, but if you don't make it clear that you are interested in something more than friendship from the offset, she will feel rejected and write you off.... An easy thing to do would be to actually say: I like to take things really slow at the beginning - thus letting them know 'yes, I am interested, but no, I'm not going to try and bed you immediately, so don't freak out that I don't like you because of that' What you have to remember is that women expect men to try to bed them, they will generally rebuff the first couple of attempts if it is too soon in the dating process, but conversely they want to know they are desired. If they don't feel they are desired, they aren't going to want to carry on with anything. Who wants to feel undesirable?
Madgick1 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 How much time does a woman give a man to let her know he wants to sleep with her, before he is freindzoned forever? All women are different. But me, 2 months ago, someone caught my eye. He gave me the appropriate signals of interest, all the eye contact, body language, edging into personal space, encouraging me to talk, etc... He let me know straight out three times he wanted to move the relationship from work to social (go out for a drink, etc), he introduced me to some of his colleagues, told his brother about me, has had contact with me every week (except one when he was out of town half of it) regarding this or that little something; read receipts show he reads and responds to my emails instantly, he calls back immediately if I leave a message on his phone; he told me something he claims he's never told anyone else, and he made a detailed effort to let me know where he was (in town or out, interviews, off site, etc...) when I have no need to know and he has no obligation to know (we are two people at different companies who met at a conference and locked eyes), and I think he told me so I wouldn't feel neglected and kept saying when he got back, we'd get together. So he did the first step, signal his interest. But he's been very busy: He's been out of town 32 days during this period, plus there was the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend, 3 days when he was in town but out of the office on a work site, and another 3 days when he was in office but so busy with interviews on behalf of my company, he wasn't at his desk--meaning 42 days of 63 since we became interested in each other, he's legitimately been unable to contact me. There's only been one Saturday when he hasn't been out of town or really not free (returned on a Thursday, left again on a Monday) that would have been appropriate for a date, however, it was the one Saturday in 2 months he'd been home--and he'd only been home for 3 days, so if he'd wanted a Saturday date, he'd have had to have called Wed-Fri, which is kind of rude and last minute (at least to us oldtimers). And he was leaving town again on the following Tuesday. So he's really had no opportunity. He comes back tomorrow. I'm off with holiday activities the following week. So there's perhaps this Saturday for a date, but again he'd have to call on Wednesday, which is bound to be horribly busy at work, leaving Thursday or Frid, which frankly is kind of late in the week to ask for a first date. And if it's not this Saturday, there's no available time for me until Jan. So by the time he gets around to asking me out, it will have been 3 months since I last saw him. He did everything right, he was legitimately busy---and you know what, I've sort of lost interest. I barely remember what he looks like. He's a memory. I'm not going to friend zone him, I have enough friends. I was looking for a bit of romance. So for me the open window was about 10 weeks. I suppose he will contact me in January and we'll go out, and maybe he'll rekindle that interest in me. I really did like him and was interested. But it has to be fed. And through no fault of his, it wasn't. I don't want to bed quickly either; but I do want to know you are interested in considering it; that there's a chance that the time and thought I invest in you might lead there and to a romantic relationship (as opposed to a work relationship or friendship). If I don't get it very early (within the first few meetings), I friend zone you. If I do get the signal that you are interested, but things lag, I lose interest. The momentum is gone, other opportunities appear.
Madgick1 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 A girl might be attracted to you, but if you don't make it clear that you are interested in something more than friendship from the offset, she will feel rejected and write you off.... I don't know if rejected is the right word, she'll more likely feel that there's nothing there and her effort and interest will be wasted, and write you off. But the sentiment is correct--and far more succinct than I managed.
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