EricaH329 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Unknowingly dated a person that was already in a relationship with someone else? I don't know what made me think of this, but I once dated a guy (for a couple of months) who had asked to be exclusive. I declined because I had just moved about an hour away, and didn't want a long distance relationship. One day, a few months later, he had called my cell phone back to back for about 30 minutes. When I got back to him, he told me that I was on speaker phone and his wife (who he had just married) found out that him and I dated (and slept together) while the two of them were engaged and wanted to know all the details. :eek: It was news to the both of us! Anyone else have anything similar happen?
Mellisa Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I once dated a guy turned out to be married:o.The time i found that out(which was from the internet two month after our broke up) i was completely shocked and disguested.It was horrible because emotionally i had been quite invested in it... I would say the way you had to find it out was even worse than mine but somehow you didnt sound hurt or angry.I guess that's probably because you hadnt been so invested in it like i had been which is good.The guy is a douchebag without doubt.I cant believe he had the nerve to call you like that and expect you to do what?Kindly explain to his new wedded wife that what happened between you two didnt mean anything?If that's the case,you shouldnt find it hard to clarify things for them and would probably do their marriage a big favor by doing so.But if you feel angry or hurt which you are entitled to feel,besides telling him to **** off and slaming the phone,you've got quite a bit to go through emotionally afterwards. Both you and the wife are the victims who had been kept in the dark of this man's infidelity and deception.It sucks to be caught up in cases like these because people always assume it's the wifes that should be more hurt and angry and compared to what she have to go through yours are just nothing.In a worse scenario,you are frowned upon as a bitch or slut the man cheated on his wife with regardless of the fact you are a victim too..Blame it all on the man! Good luck on dealing with the situation.I hope it'll be easier and less painful for you.
Author EricaH329 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 I once dated a guy turned out to be married:o.The time i found that out(which was from the internet two month after our broke up) i was completely shocked and disguested.It was horrible because emotionally i had been quite invested in it... I would say the way you had to find it out was even worse than mine but somehow you didnt sound hurt or angry.I guess that's probably because you hadnt been so invested in it like i had been which is good.The guy is a douchebag without doubt.I cant believe he had the nerve to call you like that and expect you to do what?Kindly explain to his new wedded wife that what happened between you two didnt mean anything?If that's the case,you shouldnt find it hard to clarify things for them and would probably do their marriage a big favor by doing so.But if you feel angry or hurt which you are entitled to feel,besides telling him to **** off and slaming the phone,you've got quite a bit to go through emotionally afterwards. Both you and the wife are the victims who had been kept in the dark of this man's infidelity and deception.It sucks to be caught up in cases like these because people always assume it's the wifes that should be more hurt and angry and compared to what she have to go through yours are just nothing.In a worse scenario,you are frowned upon as a bitch or slut the man cheated on his wife with regardless of the fact you are a victim too..Blame it all on the man! Good luck on dealing with the situation.I hope it'll be easier and less painful for you. Oh wow, i'm so sorry you had to go through that!! How long did you date him before you found out? I wasn't very emotionally invested at all in my situation. We had dated for about 2 months, but it wasn't anything serious. We saw eachother maybe once a week. I wasn't very hurt when I had found out, I was more shocked than anything else. I felt absolutely terrible for his wife. I can't imagine what she must have been going through, having to call a random woman and ask about her husbands infidelities. She actually called me back then next day (without him around) and pleaded with me to tell her anything I might have left out because he was on the phone. I told her everything. Bless her heart, she forgave him. After everything I told her, I don't think i'd be able to forgive someone who did that to me!
Crazy Magnet Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 When my exH and I started dating he was currently living with and engaged to another woman that I had met before. He fed me some story about how she left him many months before and moved in with another guy and took all his stuff/ran up a huge credit card bill for him to pay off, etc. It was long distance so I had no way to verify until I visited him. When I went to visit his friends corroborated his story so who was I to think any different? By that time she had actually moved away but they were still together. I think he was supposed to follow her or something. I have no idea. Oh boy, way wrong. He finally broke it off with her when we got engaged. YIKES!!!!! She found out we were engaged a week or two later b/c he emailed her our wedding announcement. Oy. Had I only known then.....
Author EricaH329 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 When my exH and I started dating he was currently living with and engaged to another woman that I had met before. He fed me some story about how she left him many months before and moved in with another guy and took all his stuff/ran up a huge credit card bill for him to pay off, etc. It was long distance so I had no way to verify until I visited him. When I went to visit his friends corroborated his story so who was I to think any different? By that time she had actually moved away but they were still together. I think he was supposed to follow her or something. I have no idea. Oh boy, way wrong. He finally broke it off with her when we got engaged. YIKES!!!!! She found out we were engaged a week or two later b/c he emailed her our wedding announcement. Oy. Had I only known then..... Ouch! How did you end up finding out about all of this? And did you confront him when you found out?
Crazy Magnet Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Ouch! How did you end up finding out about all of this? And did you confront him when you found out? Alas, no. I never got to confront him on it. I was long gone by the time I found out the real story. I had to contact the girl to give her some information and we compared stories. Otherwise I would never have known. Even his parents lied to my face about the whole thing. Regardless it was past the point for confrontations and I was trying to move on with my life. He's totally got his new wife snowed too. I feel so bad for her. She's oblivious as to what she's gotten herself into with this man.
Author EricaH329 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Alas, no. I never got to confront him on it. I was long gone by the time I found out the real story. I had to contact the girl to give her some information and we compared stories. Otherwise I would never have known. Even his parents lied to my face about the whole thing. Regardless it was past the point for confrontations and I was trying to move on with my life. He's totally got his new wife snowed too. I feel so bad for her. She's oblivious as to what she's gotten herself into with this man. People like that are just heartless. There is no other way to describe it. They aren't just betraying one person (their gf/bf, husband/wife), but they are also betraying and deceiving another person. Personally, I don't get it. How a grown adult can make a conscious decision like that. I think I would have done the same thing in your situation, and not contact the guy to let him know. I can't imagine how that must have made you feel, to find all of that out. I'm sorry I truly believe in Karma, though. They are fully aware of what they are doing, and it will one day get back to them.
tinktronik Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I spent a weekend with an old flame who had told me he was divorced. It turned out later that he was engaged and his fiance was pregnant at the time. He has attempted to contact me intermittently since. I never contacted her and don't respond to him at all.
Eeyore79 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 It has happened to me a few times The first time, I had a whirlwind love affair with the guy and I thought it was going to be my Happy Ever After - boy was I wrong. I dated him for two months, thought we were madly in love, then poked around on Facebook and found that one of his "friends" was listed as being in a relationship with him! Yep, he had hidden his relationship status from me. Apparently he'd been with the poor girl for four years, had lived with her for three years, and she had to go away for work but he was supposed to be following her in a few months time. I was absolutely destroyed, not just by losing him, but also by the fact that he had blatantly lied to me and I'd fallen for it. The second time, I had some sort of sixth sense - on our third date I randomly asked the guy if he had a gf, and he said yes! I was utterly shocked. She was away at university so he thought he would fool around behind her back. I once had an ex visit me and spend the night, only to discover years later that he actually had a girlfriend and had cheated on her with me. I've also had a guy who was wearing a wedding ring ask me on a date... when I pointed out his ring, he said he had a wife in another country, but in this country he was single!
Author EricaH329 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 I've also had a guy who was wearing a wedding ring ask me on a date... when I pointed out his ring, he said he had a wife in another country, but in this country he was single! I've had something like this happen to me as well. A guy had asked for my number, but told me (all in the same breath) that his wife doesn't ever have to know! Seriously? I have more respect for them, though, than the ones who don't tell at all. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did Especially the guy you actually fell in love with. I thought my situation was bad, but it doesn't compare. I hope you've moved passed it. Personally, I would never knowingly become an OW. For any reason, what so ever. So it angers me when i'm put in that situation, basically forced into the OW position, unknowingly.
Mellisa Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 It has happened to me a few times The first time, I had a whirlwind love affair with the guy and I thought it was going to be my Happy Ever After - boy was I wrong. I dated him for two months, thought we were madly in love, then poked around on Facebook and found that one of his "friends" was listed as being in a relationship with him! Yep, he had hidden his relationship status from me. Apparently he'd been with the poor girl for four years, had lived with her for three years, and she had to go away for work but he was supposed to be following her in a few months time. I was absolutely destroyed, not just by losing him, but also by the fact that he had blatantly lied to me and I'd fallen for it. The second time, I had some sort of sixth sense - on our third date I randomly asked the guy if he had a gf, and he said yes! I was utterly shocked. She was away at university so he thought he would fool around behind her back. I once had an ex visit me and spend the night, only to discover years later that he actually had a girlfriend and had cheated on her with me. I've also had a guy who was wearing a wedding ring ask me on a date... when I pointed out his ring, he said he had a wife in another country, but in this country he was single! Wow, did that put you off men?
Mellisa Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Oh wow, i'm so sorry you had to go through that!! How long did you date him before you found out? I wasn't very emotionally invested at all in my situation. We had dated for about 2 months, but it wasn't anything serious. We saw eachother maybe once a week. I wasn't very hurt when I had found out, I was more shocked than anything else. I felt absolutely terrible for his wife. I can't imagine what she must have been going through, having to call a random woman and ask about her husbands infidelities. She actually called me back then next day (without him around) and pleaded with me to tell her anything I might have left out because he was on the phone. I told her everything. Bless her heart, she forgave him. After everything I told her, I don't think i'd be able to forgive someone who did that to me! We dated for about 5 months and then i had to break up with him because he was pulling off.He's from another country with a wife back home.The whole time he had never wore the band that's why i had never thought in a million years could he be a married man!Now looking back, i still get the chills when i think of the fact that someone could lie that much to you face..it's like they looked into your eyes and everything they told you was a lie.It's horrible when you think you know someone and then they turn out to be this completely different person that has another life you have no idea of..
Mellisa Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Oh wow, i'm so sorry you had to go through that!! How long did you date him before you found out? I wasn't very emotionally invested at all in my situation. We had dated for about 2 months, but it wasn't anything serious. We saw eachother maybe once a week. I wasn't very hurt when I had found out, I was more shocked than anything else. I felt absolutely terrible for his wife. I can't imagine what she must have been going through, having to call a random woman and ask about her husbands infidelities. She actually called me back then next day (without him around) and pleaded with me to tell her anything I might have left out because he was on the phone. I told her everything. Bless her heart, she forgave him. After everything I told her, I don't think i'd be able to forgive someone who did that to me! It somehow doesnt sound very appropriate or classy-calling up a random women to check out her husband...But, to be honest, if i were her, i would probably do the same.
Eeyore79 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Wow, did that put you off men? After those experiences, I didn't date properly for two years. The first one especially was really heartbreaking, because I thought we were genuinely happy Oh well, I got over it and I have someone nice and trustworthy now
Feelin Frisky Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 No. I did't "date" anyone like that. I did regulalrly boff women who were unfaithful however. But there wasn't any "dating" about it. It's called "f__k buddy". I did not pursue though. They were the ones who wanted the buddy and I was free and in need.
Mellisa Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 After those experiences, I didn't date properly for two years. The first one especially was really heartbreaking, because I thought we were genuinely happy Oh well, I got over it and I have someone nice and trustworthy now Good to hear:) You've come a long way and deserve a trustworthy man at last:)
Cee Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 It's happened, but it never lasts more than a week or two. Usually the guy tips me off and I do fact checking on Facebook. It's pretty easy to find leaks in privacy settings. And if a guy is in a serious relationship, it will show up on a basic FB profile, despite us not being friends. There may be relationships I've had where he was with someone else. But I prefer not to think about that too hard. I like to believe that the majority of people are honest.
tigressA Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 This happened in my last relationship, but I didn't find out for certain until weeks after I ended it. Good old Facebook! I found pictures of my ex and this woman who he had called a "friend" together with our mutual friends in one of the friends' photo albums. They were over 2 months old. My ex had never wanted pictures of the two of us on Facebook, nothing about our status, etc. I had been suspicious about the woman from the moment I first found out about her because she was always all over his Facebook, commenting on his pictures/status updates, etc...but I never said anything. Labor Day weekend when I was at his place and in the shower I saw a hair on his shower wall that had to belong to another woman...I still said nothing. Squelched it. I dumped him early last month for other reasons. After I found those pictures, I deleted our mutual friends from my Facebook. They had known about it and said nothing to me.
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