somedude81 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I’m 29 and I’ve had no success dating in the real world. I have yet to have a single girlfriend. I’ve been trying to date girls at my university but for whatever reason it’s not working. Most cute girls already have boyfriends and the ones that are single that I get to know, end up friend-zoning me. It’s making me very depressed. I have thought about getting serious with online dating but have heard how the odds are just really bad for men. The fact that I’m only 5’6 makes it that much harder as most women consider me too short. With an abundance of guys better than me, I don’t know if I should even bother. My preferred style of dating is to get to know the girl a little bit before I ask her out. That way I can see if we have any common interests and if we are compatible. But for some reason, girls just think I want to be their friend Why a single girl thinks that a single guy would just want to be her friend is beyond me. At least with online dating, it should be obvious that I’m not looking for friendship. It just seems much harder to convince a girl to go out with me based on a profile and maybe some emails.
OrdealByFire Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Hey how's it going. I'm 19 and am all sorts of screwed up in the head as far as anxieties and all that crap. I've talked to girls online since I was about 12. I've only really ever had 2 'serious' relationships, and I'm in one right now that's lasted 9 months so far. I've never had a girlfriend either, so don't feel too bad. We met on Omegle.com of all places, and live in the same state. Anyways, in short, yes. Try it. What do you have to lose? The hardest part is just finding someone that won't deceive you. I have trust issues, so I'm more screwed than the next guy.
JaneDoe35 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I’m 29 and I’ve had no success dating in the real world. I have yet to have a single girlfriend. I’ve been trying to date girls at my university but for whatever reason it’s not working. Most cute girls already have boyfriends and the ones that are single that I get to know, end up friend-zoning me. It’s making me very depressed. I have thought about getting serious with online dating but have heard how the odds are just really bad for men. The fact that I’m only 5’6 makes it that much harder as most women consider me too short. With an abundance of guys better than me, I don’t know if I should even bother. My preferred style of dating is to get to know the girl a little bit before I ask her out. That way I can see if we have any common interests and if we are compatible. But for some reason, girls just think I want to be their friend Why a single girl thinks that a single guy would just want to be her friend is beyond me. At least with online dating, it should be obvious that I’m not looking for friendship. It just seems much harder to convince a girl to go out with me based on a profile and maybe some emails. I would give it a try somedude81. Just take it slow......don't ask to meet up right away. I have heard that quite a few men get quite pushy about meeting up. I have been thinking about trying it myself.....but too chicken!!!! And you are NOT too short!!! Too short for what exactly? Why are other guys better than you?
ReadyforLove Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 I think you should try it out. Get your feet wet by trying a free site like POF or OKC first.
Author somedude81 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 And you are NOT too short!!! Too short for what exactly? Why are other guys better than you? Too short to actually let women become interested in me. I can only guess that my height is a reason why women have not been into me. On dating websites I've been to, when women are able to pick the height they prefer it's usually a 5'9 minimum. OKC doesn't have that option so I guess it's a good thing. I would give it a try somedude81. Just take it slow......don't ask to meet up right away. I have heard that quite a few men get quite pushy about meeting up. So don't rush to meet up? I'll keep that in mind. Are there any men out there who succeed in online dating?
BobSacamento Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Are there any men out there who succeed in online dating? Well what do you mean by succeed in online dating? I think you should try it. Keep your expectations low. It sometimes takes a bit of time to get a bite. My suggestions to you: Have decent pictures. Head shot and full body minimum.Profile is important however less is more.Message tons of women.I usually use between 3 to 5 emails before I ask to meet for coffee.
Author somedude81 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 At this point I'd consider getting a reply a small success. Getting a date sounds like a lofty dream. Any tips for an effective profile and first contact message?
BobSacamento Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 At this point I'd consider getting a reply a small success. Getting a date sounds like a lofty dream. Any tips for an effective profile and first contact message? I always like to keep my profile short. I've noticed with women who give their life story you really have no way to break the ice with a question. Don't try too hard to be funny. Don't be self-deprecating. Don't be negative for that matter. Just give a brief overview of yourself but don't tell everything. I'd say two paragraphs max. Just make sure it doesn't look like it was written by 4th grader. As for messages just pick something from her profile that interested you. Maybe it's what she does for work or that she likes the outdoors. Then ask her some questions. Keep it short. You don't want to write a novel. Keep it to a paragraph tops. Get to the point and then get out. If she likes the looks of you and you seem relatively interesting/interested she'll contact you back. Your going to have to do this a lot so you don't want to get burned out.
hearttobreak Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Actually, here's what works. Pick something in her profile or picture and message her about it. Don't be nice, be cocky. You want to stand out from the crowd. Most get 10+ messages a day. For instance, if she teaches in South Central Los Angeles, say hey, so you're a teacher in South Central Los Angeles. Well, why are the kids doing so poorly? Is it because of your teaching? Something like that you will get her attention and then response. If you say, Hi, I am Jonny. Nice to meet you. I see you are a teacher. I am a teacher too! I teach math in high school. How about you? What made you go into teaching? The second message will be passed over. Cocky and arrogant wins the game all the time.
Madgick1 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Why a single girl thinks that a single guy would just want to be her friend is beyond me. Really? I think single guys want to be friends sometimes. Are you saying that's not only not true, but ludicriously not true? Do most of the men here agree with that?
runner Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 go for it. i wouldn't, but that's just me. i prefer being a flirt IRL, and prefer to not disclose so many things about myself- how many i've killed, where i hid the bodies, etc. as for your height, do not fall into this i'm too short pity party; you're only shooting yourself in the foot. confidence and sense of humour is key (and dressing well doesn't hurt either i suppose). but you can be your height and have women percieve you to be 12' tall if you really work on that. and if you come across a girl who refuses to see past your height, well, forget her then, you dodged a bullet.
runner Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Really? I think single guys want to be friends sometimes. Are you saying that's not only not true, but ludicriously not true? Do most of the men here agree with that? i don't. i routinely put women in my friends-zone- colleagues, friends' spouses, etc. i think it's perfectly normal for a girl to assume that a single guy only wants to be friends, if that's what he's conveying. and back to the OP- you really need to establish romantic interest as quickly as possible, like within the first meeting, within the first 15 minutes even and if you don't, well ... hence being put in her friends-zone.
Author somedude81 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 You really need to establish romantic interest as quickly as possible, like within the first meeting, within the first 15 minutes even and if you don't, well ... hence being put in her friends-zone. That's a very good point and something I might make a thread about. I simply don't have "romantic interest" in a girl within the first 15 minutes of meeting her. I don't look at a new girl and think, "She's amazing I want her to be my girlfriend." I don't even have any sexual interest in a girl I just met. Actually, here's what works. Pick something in her profile or picture and message her about it. Don't be nice, be cocky. You want to stand out from the crowd. Most get 10+ messages a day. For instance, if she teaches in South Central Los Angeles, say hey, so you're a teacher in South Central Los Angeles. Well, why are the kids doing so poorly? Is it because of your teaching? Cocky it is then. Now if only I could pull it off since I'm not cocky at all.
SunsetRed Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Online dating should be used as a way to increase your chances of meeting people. It should not be used with the expectation that you are going to have an instant gf. I've tried online dating and the guys who have that attitude of "I'm going out with you to see if you'll be my gf" are a turn off. Try meeting a girl with the attitude of "hey, I'm meeting this new friend. Friendship is all you should expect out of meeting someone on line. If it turns into something more, then great. Like I said, online dating increases your chances of meeting people, thus increases your chances of finding a gf but finding a gf should not be your immediate goal of trying it.
Author somedude81 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Online dating should be used as a way to increase your chances of meeting people. It should not be used with the expectation that you are going to have an instant gf. I've tried online dating and the guys who have that attitude of "I'm going out with you to see if you'll be my gf" are a turn off. Try meeting a girl with the attitude of "hey, I'm meeting this new friend. Friendship is all you should expect out of meeting someone on line. If it turns into something more, then great. Like I said, online dating increases your chances of meeting people, thus increases your chances of finding a gf but finding a gf should not be your immediate goal of trying it. Thanks for the advice. Then maybe it isn't for me, because the only reason I'd do online dating is to find a girlfriend. I have zero interest in making new friends. I'm not even really looking for hookups either. I'm not expecting to get into a relationship very quickly. But I'm only interested in meeting people who that will be a possibility.
alexlakeman Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 It works, just focus on fine tuning your profile and have current pics.. not from 2 yrs ago... and when you send an email, FOCUS, mention something in their profile that interests you.. finish it with an open ended question, make it easy for them to click reply. My only problem is cash flow to go on so many dates
runner Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 (edited) That's a very good point and something I might make a thread about. I simply don't have "romantic interest" in a girl within the first 15 minutes of meeting her. I don't look at a new girl and think, "She's amazing I want her to be my girlfriend." I don't even have any sexual interest in a girl I just met. Cocky it is then. Now if only I could pull it off since I'm not cocky at all. yea neither do i- it's virtually impossible to know whether someone is a compatible long-term partner in the first 15 mins. unless you're some extremely dillusional freak, that is but that's not the point i wanted to get to. perhaps you just need to stay away from flirting with girls you don't really have immediate sexual interest in, and approach those that you do. personally, i usually have at least half a boner in my pants when i approach a girl that i'm into and you know what- it comes off in my body language and if she fancied me to begin with, well, off to the horizontal olympics Edited December 5, 2010 by runner grammar nazi within
Crazy Magnet Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Dating is the process of determining gf potential. You must must must ask these girls out right away. Stop getting to know them first, that will always make you the "friend." You have to ask them out either the first or second time you talk to them. Spend the dating process trying to determine if you two are compatible. The worst thing that happens in online dating is that it doesn't work, and that's not all that bad in the grand scheme of life. Men who got my attention in messages came across as witty and intelligent. That cocky crap I deleted. I also deleted things like "wanna f**k?"
Author somedude81 Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Runner and Crazy Magnet I replied to your posts in my "How quick" thread as they are more suited there than here. It works, just focus on fine tuning your profile and have current pics.. not from 2 yrs ago... and when you send an email, FOCUS, mention something in their profile that interests you.. finish it with an open ended question, make it easy for them to click reply. I have no idea how to make a decent profile. I have on on OKC but it's less then half finished.
JaneDoe35 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Runner and Crazy Magnet I replied to your posts in my "How quick" thread as they are more suited there than here. You inspired me to give online dating a go. Signed up last night. It was crazy. Took my photo down after 15 minutes as I was overwhelmed by weirdo's giving me their number and suggesting immediate hook-ups. I felt incredibly intimidated which is unlike me as I am quite confident and not really shy. I did get chatting to one guy though - He could spell!!!! I have no idea how to make a decent profile. I have on on OKC but it's less then half finished. I am happy to look at your profile if you like.
JaneDoe35 Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Sorry somedude81 - my message ended up in the middle of yours!
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