It's days like this where I get violently ill..

[durkadurka]

It's been 6 months since I broke things off with my ex, but in reality it's really only been 4 months.

 

Our relationship was doomed to failure months before that, but it's days like this that I am reminded that it was a self fulfilling prophecy. My ex's best friend was supposed to be getting married late this year, my ex always joked that I would come if we were still together. Who even jokes about that? I mean, really? It really takes shots at someone's self confidence in a time where neither of us had a lot of it left. Or maybe it was when her mother told me she was planning on leaving me. I don't know.

 

Anyways, the wedding day is today. My ex is the maid of honor, and I can't help but feel that I should be there. Unfortunately.. I'm not.

 

It planted the seed of doubt in my mind that spun out of control. Of course, getting her to admit she said such a thing, impossible and not worth the effort.

 

Anyways, we aren't together, and it haunts me. My ex, will more than likely be taking the guy she's seeing, who's 11 years older than her and will stick out like an ugly sore thumb, not only because he's older.. but because he's also really ugly.

 

I woke up to a text message this morning saying her hair looks nice, but the make up is a bit too much and she's not sure how she feels about it. She asked how I was feeling (I've got a fractured ankle, and a cold, in addition to coping with today's events), the only thing that could run through my mind is, how do you think I feel? Miserable because I want to be with you on this amazing day.

 

Meanwhile, the only thing I can think about is why I'm not there with her. I've been really strong for the last few months, but occasionally, events like this that she and I had planned for come up. It hurts me, it's a ****ty feeling to have.

 

I've had to spend the last few days debating the role (or lack there of) that I want to play in her life, and this just adds more salt to the wound. It's not her fault. I just wish we were still a part of each other's lives in a way that brought us both happiness.

Edited December 4, 2010 by durkadurka

[AlisaMarie]

I know that feeling, that "I should be there" feeling. You sound like my ex, he had so many doubts and they just spun out of control and he left me. It lead to months of back and fourth. I am sad and happy to say that I think he is moving on and we haven't spoke in 9 days. I really think it's better that way... if it's off, you really shouldn't be talking and she shouldn't be texting you about her hair and stuff.

 

I did the same stuff... I felt like everything I did I had to tell me ex. Sometimes he would respond, other times, no. Sometimes he would ask me how I was... but it always led back to the relationship, a fight, a get back together moment, then more heartbreak.

 

I really don't understand why we put ourselves through all of this. If you love this girl so much, why did you let her go? What was so bad that you broke up with her? Do you want her back?

[durkadurka]

I know that feeling, that "I should be there" feeling. You sound like my ex, he had so many doubts and they just spun out of control and he left me. It lead to months of back and fourth. I am sad and happy to say that I think he is moving on and we haven't spoke in 9 days. I really think it's better that way... if it's off, you really shouldn't be talking and she shouldn't be texting you about her hair and stuff.

 

I did the same stuff... I felt like everything I did I had to tell me ex. Sometimes he would respond, other times, no. Sometimes he would ask me how I was... but it always led back to the relationship, a fight, a get back together moment, then more heartbreak.

 

I really don't understand why we put ourselves through all of this. If you love this girl so much, why did you let her go? What was so bad that you broke up with her? Do you want her back?

 

In as few words as possible, I broke it off with her because she wasn't making life palatable for herself and I wasn't prepared to continue to make life easy for her with no return.

 

I got us an apartment (which she didn't live in most of the year because she would house sit for most of the year), I took her on fantastic trips to my place in Hawaii, or out on the family boat, I would drive her everywhere, I changed jobs so that our work schedules synced up, I did everything I could. Sometimes, I would sleep over at the house she was house sitting at, she wouldn't let me go home, so I'd go to work in the same clothes for 3-4 days. The list goes on and on.

 

That entire time, she didn't apply for a job, or try and meet new people. Why? Because she didn't want to stay here because she was feeling incredibly guilty about her family.

 

Hell, I had to get into intense arguments with her just to get her to see the doctor when she had serious migraines for a week. Even then, I had to set her up on my insurance because she didn't want to do it herself.

 

I was the one that set her up to pay taxes because she didn't want to.

 

There was nothing I could do about it, I kept on dumping more and more of myself into making it work but I couldn't fix it. I got resentful. I wanted to feel like I was worth something. She got away from what made her the person I first fell in love with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I would like to, eventually, but she has some skeletons in her closet she needs to solve for herself. The question is, whether she will still be interested in me when it's all said and done.

 

 

 

I visited her in Vegas over the weekend, she was still talking about our dream marriage, how she still finds me attractive, and she's so conflicted about me because she's still attracted to me and all this jazz. It's a really uncomfortable position to be in.

[Capital P]

what the **** are you still doing talking to her while she is out blowing some other dude.

You will NEVER get her back by hanging around. Its impossible. you are losing attraction every day you stand for this treatment

 

Man up, stop being a ****ing pussy and tell her you do no want her in your life as a friend. Then go NC. Then you may have a chance with her again in the future.

 

80% of the people on here just need to man up. I dont hear many people come on here who accepted it and moved on, or tried to. There are a few, but even they have at some point pushed them away, mostly during the relationship

[cerridwen]

Have to agree with Capital P on this one.

 

I read your other posts durkadurka about your trip to Vegas and the circumstances around your breakup.

Nothing in your situation precludes you from following the same advice you so often you cite for others: No contact.

[durkadurka]

Have to agree with Capital P on this one.

 

I read your other posts durkadurka about your trip to Vegas and the circumstances around your breakup.

Nothing in your situation precludes you from following the same advice you so often you cite for others: No contact.

 

Never once in my life on these boards do I ever recall citing the bible quote of no contact that people run around screaming like it's the solution to all the worlds problems.

 

I've said, why would you want to talk to her?

 

Anyways, I haven't responded to the text she sent me last night which went something like

 

'Wedding is a success! Speech went well. Hope all is well.'

 

My friends believe she lacks in EQ, I mean, is she nuts? How does she think I'm doing?

[EricaH329]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now.

 

Why are you putting yourself in a position to feel worse, though? You know that by talking to her, you are only prolonging the pain, right? I'm all for NC if it will work in your favor, and it seems as though it's going to work in your favor.

 

You have 2 options (which I hope are as obvious to you, as they are to me). First, you continue contact with her, and be reminded of everything that hurts you (for example: her boyfriend, the wedding you were supposed to be at, what she is doing without you, etc.). Second option, stop talking to her! Stop being constantly reminded of what hurts you.

[cerridwen]

Never once in my life on these boards do I ever recall citing the bible quote of no contact that people run around screaming like it's the solution to all the worlds problems.

 

You're understandably sensitive but again, your situation is not unlike others for whom no contact is the best solution.

 

Too many people delude themselves into believing their situation is "special"; they romanticize THEIR circumstances while the facts remain clear to everyone else. She is seeing/sleeping with someone else. Time to move on.

Edited December 5, 2010 by cerridwen

[durkadurka]

You're understandably sensitive but again, your situation is not unlike others for whom no contact is the best solution.

 

Too many people delude themselves into believing their situation is "special"; they romanticize THEIR circumstances while the facts remain clear to everyone else. She is seeing/sleeping with someone else. Time to move on.

 

It's true.