mr.dream merchant Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Time and time again I see that women don't go for the nice guys. What makes you a nice guy? I see those same women saying they go for the guys who make them work for it. Does dating have to be such a game? It always puzzled me. Why must it be a game of who's more willing to play hard to get in the beginning? I'm a pretty straight forward guy. If I'm interested in you, I'm gonna let you know. I see something I like? I go for it. I'm also raised military. So I respect my women, I'm chivalrous, a bit on the cocky/confident side, attentive, dependable. Is that being nice? If a woman I'm into needed to call on me for something, given my hands were free, I'd be there for her. I'd compliment her (not all the time, but occasionally). I'd make it known that I want to see, spend time with her. Schedule dates. I mean, is there such thing as being too available? If you like someone, and they like you, why put them through games, and hold out on them? Why not take the time you have available and get to know them, spend time, be with them? One thing I'm not on top of is being in control all the time. Sometimes, for dates, I may not know where to go. So when the lady chimes in an idea, I'm usually with it. Is that unattractive? An example would be the last woman I was involved with, I was in control as far as movies, dinners, moonlighting went..but when we wanted to party, she knew all the spots, all the days, times...I felt pretty....out of control in those situations, and she could tell she's had way more experience partying than I. Is that points off? I'm assertive to a certain degree, but I always like to meet my partner half way. "let's grab dinner on the beach tonight, I get off of work at 6, I can pick you up by 9..sounds good?" Is that not being assertive enough? Too nice? What's the deal? What exactly do women want in a guy? Next time I meet a woman should I just blow her off the 3rd date in? "No sorry, I'm hanging out with my boys tonight" when in reality I want to see her? To me that's being untrue to yourself, and playing highschool games. Is that what dating has really come to?
carhill Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 MDM, I think the key is acting equally assertively on your boundaries as you do on your interest. If the dynamic isn't working for you, immediately, end it. Be proactive. I've done this a few times since coming back 'on the market' and, TBH, it feels good, not that I rejected someone, but that I was true to my boundaries and didn't play games. Straight up. I have a few temptations from past bad habits facing me now and I'll see how the new boundaries work. We all have weak spots and those are the ones best focused on for growth. Perhaps things are different in your age group. IDK. I can tell you that *some* women in my age group still play as many games as a generation ago. The growth is not becoming an unwitting player in their game. IMO, stick to your authentic self and choose more carefully. Having been married, the superficial things which often drive the dating 'game' have nothing to do with the real and elemental compatibilities which make or break a marriage. I dated a fair amount while younger and it took being married to really see that message. Got it now. Nice is good. Good is better. Assert your truth.
runner Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 One thing I'm not on top of is being in control all the time. Sometimes, for dates, I may not know where to go. So when the lady chimes in an idea, I'm usually with it. Is that unattractive? An example would be the last woman I was involved with, I was in control as far as movies, dinners, moonlighting went..but when we wanted to party, she knew all the spots, all the days, times...I felt pretty....out of control in those situations, and she could tell she's had way more experience partying than I. Is that points off? wow lots of 'nice guy' threads on here lately it can go both ways, she can either find it cute that you don't know 'the spots' that she does, or she thinks you're being a drag, and this latter sentiment means that she just finds you incompatible with her and her needs. but ultimately, you shouldn't and need not care if this is 'points off' or what not. i would focus on keeping to a healthy balance of give and take- being assertive at times and letting her make suggestions on what to do on other times. what is 'unattractive' i think is a guy who is too passive or always goes along with anything she wants just because she wants it, despite your reservations.
terra Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 From your description of yourself in your post I think you sound like a very nice guy - not a push over but a nice guy. I think that those terms are often confused. Anyways, being a nice guy will get you a lot further in life. I think you will have a better chance finding a nice stable woman with good self esteem.
Recommended Posts