am i normal?

[swfc_77]

this might be an odd question and might be in the wrong section, but my ex has left me questioning whether i need to change my life.

 

just a bit about me and some feedback would be ok.

 

im 23, i work in construction and have my own small business, which usually turns over quite well but with the economy and xmas things are slow, i feel like im old before my time this maybe due to things my ex said to me.

 

i am fit and athletic, i like to have a few beers with friends but the people i drink with and socialise with are a lot older than me, 26,31, 52,60 you know i dont drink in bars full of 18,19,20 year olds as i find they dont have much respect and i would probably end up fighting, this led to my ex taking the pi55.

 

i'v done the drugs and all night raves as i use to dj around these parts,i did enjoy it but i felt the drugs and partying was taking me somewhere i din't want to go.

 

i do socialise but i dont go out of my way to make new friends, i dont suck up to people, if i dont like someone i cant really sit having a beer in their company, as it just annoys me.

 

i enjoy fishing and take the old guy next door as he is bad on his feet, just because i know he enjoys the company and cant really get out, he's 74. my ex use to moan that i spend more time with him than i do her, which was not true.

 

when i was with my ex saturday nights i could take it or leave it, a nice meal or cimena or just a film at home and a curry, it didn't bother me. plus holidays she wanted to go to these places full of bars and nightclubs, where as i wanted to see different things in the world and generally have a rest as the summer months are heavey with work.

 

dont get me wrong i do enjoy a good blow-out every now and again, but standing in the same nightclub, seeing the same faces, paying stupid ££$$ for watered down beer doesn't really do it for me.

 

i still live at home with my dad, this is where my ex lived with us for nearly 2 years.

 

i am moving to holland in jan, all being well. i want to go because my ex lives near by and i dont really want to be around here anymore, i dont want to hear about her with so an so and doing this and that with her life. i just fancy having a bit of time alone, and seeing a different side of life and of course to get away from her, are these the right reasons?

 

i feel like i dont have much to show in life, a hand full of friends and a van full of tools.

 

the reason i get on with older people is that they show a lot more respect and also teach you things in life, also conversation seems to be more mature and interesting, dont get me wrong we take the pi55 out of each other but its the company i enjoy, why would someone use this to attack you.

 

my ex also said i was lifeles and had no personallity, what does she mean by this. i have goals and want to acheive things. does doing a days work coming home puttin my jogging bottoms on and chillin out for the night make me lifeless.

 

i dont know why i put these things on here, just nice to get it out.

[swfc_77]

p.s before i met my ex i was into drugs and partying and dj'in, she calmed me down, this is what she wanted.

 

why would she change me into something she didn't want

[swfc_77]

i dont really let people get so deep into my life like i did her maybe out of fear of being told i wasn't good enough and rejection like this.

 

it's now making a difference with how i want to move forward.

 

i would like to have someone there to love and to please, someone to support and to see life with, also someone to trust like i did her, someone to call my partner and friend like i did her.

 

but im scared that this will all happen again, i meet someone and let them in to be told its not what they want. to be told once your not good enough is bad, could i handle it again?

 

she treat me like **** to be honest, i think i let her walk all over me. but what were the options. i wanted this girl, just wanted to make her happy.

 

she has left me feeling im not really good enough, fast enough, hard enough for anyone. emotionally speaking

[Fern]

STOP!

 

I've been where you are right now but your thinking is all screwed up. Bear this in mind - for this is the truth:

 

THE WAY YOUR EX TREATED YOU IS HER FAULT. SHE IS TO BLAME FOR HER OWN ACTIONS. NOT SOMETHING YOU SAID OR DID. SHE WILL NOT BEHAVE ANY DIFFERENTLY TOWARDS THE NEXT GUY SHE'S WITH.

 

I've tortured myself with this type of thinking now my ex is with a new girl, imagining him being all lovely and sweet and loving with her - and you know what, he probably will be like that for the first few months, but he STILL THE SAME PERSON. He hasn't changed - he'll be an ******* to her eventually too.

[swfc_77]

yeah i know what your saying i just feel i have no energy anymore, i'v worked hard to get where i am in life over the last few years. i dont want any sympathy from anyone, she's just left me feeling not sorry for myself but like im replacable when i put a lot of effort into it.

 

my emotions are up and down from anger to confusion, not self pity or tears - hurt but no tears.

 

i am questioning whether i got her under false pretence's so to say, you know i was out partying, dj'in, looking good and feeling good and she wanted a part of it but when we got together it kind of calmed down.

 

i know she looked at me for what i had and what i did and i dont agree with that, and when she stripped me down to the bare bones maybe she didn't like what was underneath which was a safe, respecting, slighthly confused young man.

 

deep down i dont want to be famous or rich, i jut want a quite enjoyable life. i want to travel and see things but i want to do it with someone, no point seeing something great in life when there's nobody to turn to and say "look at that"

 

i dont know im just confused a bit, maybe looking at ways i can avoid this happenin again, looking at what went wrong on my side.

 

why do people chase something thats not there, some people think that being single is mad parties every weekend, loads of sex and drugs being free and independent when in reality its not, its quite lonely and eventually rather quicky becomes boring.

just as being with someone is not all lovey dovey, its hard bloody work and tests your emotions and trust, and as above becomes boring.

 

i know life is what you make it but, no matter what you have or where you are the other side of the fence always looks more appealing.

[strangeways]

yeah i know what your saying i just feel i have no energy anymore, i'v worked hard to get where i am in life over the last few years. i dont want any sympathy from anyone, she's just left me feeling not sorry for myself but like im replacable when i put a lot of effort into it.

 

my emotions are up and down from anger to confusion, not self pity or tears - hurt but no tears.

 

i am questioning whether i got her under false pretence's so to say, you know i was out partying, dj'in, looking good and feeling good and she wanted a part of it but when we got together it kind of calmed down.

 

i know she looked at me for what i had and what i did and i dont agree with that, and when she stripped me down to the bare bones maybe she didn't like what was underneath which was a safe, respecting, slighthly confused young man.

 

deep down i dont want to be famous or rich, i jut want a quite enjoyable life. i want to travel and see things but i want to do it with someone, no point seeing something great in life when there's nobody to turn to and say "look at that"

 

i dont know im just confused a bit, maybe looking at ways i can avoid this happenin again, looking at what went wrong on my side.

 

why do people chase something thats not there, some people think that being single is mad parties every weekend, loads of sex and drugs being free and independent when in reality its not, its quite lonely and eventually rather quicky becomes boring.

just as being with someone is not all lovey dovey, its hard bloody work and tests your emotions and trust, and as above becomes boring.

 

i know life is what you make it but, no matter what you have or where you are the other side of the fence always looks more appealing.

 

swfc, it's really very simple. Some people know what they want some people don't. Some people think they know what they want and deep don't they don't. they get what they think they want and then they think they're missing something. The reasons my ex got with me are the excuses she gave to me for leaving.

 

Reasons for my ex getting with me:

 

I'm 28 I've spent 9 years getting off my tit's (booze, drugs, f**king). I've had enough of that.

I want stability.

I want to get married (eventually, I never pushed, she did)).

I want kids (eventually, I never pushed, she did)).

You're a the best man I've ever met.

You're an amazing father. I love your kids like my own.

 

reasons for leaving me:

I'm only 28 I want to get off my tits (booze, drugs, f**king) I've not had enough of that.

I don't want stability.

I'm too young to get married (I never pushed, she did)

I'm too young for kids (I never pushed, she did)

You're a the best man I've ever met. You're too good for me.

You've got kids.

 

What the f**k can you do. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

 

Did you get her under false pretences? No you f**king didn't. She knew what she was getting. You're right, life is what YOU make it. Someone that says that want to come on for the ride and jumps off when they get scared, F**k them. They don't deserve us.

 

They were on the right ride for all the wrong reasons. Guess who pays for it?

 

Are you normal? yes you f**king are!

Edited December 4, 2010 by strangeways

[davisc123]

this might be an odd question and might be in the wrong section, but my ex has left me questioning whether i need to change my life.

 

just a bit about me and some feedback would be ok.

 

im 23, i work in construction and have my own small business, which usually turns over quite well but with the economy and xmas things are slow, i feel like im old before my time this maybe due to things my ex said to me.

 

i am fit and athletic, i like to have a few beers with friends but the people i drink with and socialise with are a lot older than me, 26,31, 52,60 you know i dont drink in bars full of 18,19,20 year olds as i find they dont have much respect and i would probably end up fighting, this led to my ex taking the pi55.

 

i'v done the drugs and all night raves as i use to dj around these parts,i did enjoy it but i felt the drugs and partying was taking me somewhere i din't want to go.

 

i do socialise but i dont go out of my way to make new friends, i dont suck up to people, if i dont like someone i cant really sit having a beer in their company, as it just annoys me.

 

i enjoy fishing and take the old guy next door as he is bad on his feet, just because i know he enjoys the company and cant really get out, he's 74. my ex use to moan that i spend more time with him than i do her, which was not true.

 

when i was with my ex saturday nights i could take it or leave it, a nice meal or cimena or just a film at home and a curry, it didn't bother me. plus holidays she wanted to go to these places full of bars and nightclubs, where as i wanted to see different things in the world and generally have a rest as the summer months are heavey with work.

 

dont get me wrong i do enjoy a good blow-out every now and again, but standing in the same nightclub, seeing the same faces, paying stupid ££$$ for watered down beer doesn't really do it for me.

 

i still live at home with my dad, this is where my ex lived with us for nearly 2 years.

 

i am moving to holland in jan, all being well. i want to go because my ex lives near by and i dont really want to be around here anymore, i dont want to hear about her with so an so and doing this and that with her life. i just fancy having a bit of time alone, and seeing a different side of life and of course to get away from her, are these the right reasons?

 

i feel like i dont have much to show in life, a hand full of friends and a van full of tools.

 

the reason i get on with older people is that they show a lot more respect and also teach you things in life, also conversation seems to be more mature and interesting, dont get me wrong we take the pi55 out of each other but its the company i enjoy, why would someone use this to attack you.

 

my ex also said i was lifeles and had no personallity, what does she mean by this. i have goals and want to acheive things. does doing a days work coming home puttin my jogging bottoms on and chillin out for the night make me lifeless.

 

i dont know why i put these things on here, just nice to get it out.

 

 

swfc_77

 

I'm guessing by your username that you are from the UK, and are a football man. Same as me, and I am 24.

 

I can tell you that you are normal (if there is such a thing). I've come out of a relationship this year that started when I was in my late teens, and back then I was into drugs/drink. Life used to be a constant party and it was great.

 

Fast forward 5 years, I am single again but the landscape has changed. My mates are all in relationships, some with kids, mortgages etc. I still enjoy a drink at the weekends and have a decent social life but I feel slightly lost. By the end of my relationship I was the one picking my ex up steaming drunk from parties, and I would be more interested in a quiet night in.

 

You are who you are mate. I can't be arsed with pubs full of teenagers anymore. I want to see a bit of the world, I've done the lads holidays and they were great at the time but it's not my scene now. I matured in the course of my relationship, I'm not interested in going out to pull lots of girls etc. I enjoyed sharing time with somebody I genuinely care about.

 

It doesn't matter who you are or who you used to be, if your ex can't appreciate you then she isn't worth it. Don't beat yourself up.

[Crusoe]

You sound normal to me, in fact you sound like you've got your head screwed on nice and tight. Don't play that self doubt game.

 

A handful of friends and van full of tools is all you need. Add that to your trade, the skill in your hands, and the world is yours for the taking.

 

Oh, and some of those great sights in the world, trust me, it is often more rewarding seeing them alone.

[youngskywalker]

Dude, you're mature and she isn't. It's as simple as that.

[alwayshoping]

hey swfc Im not going to repeat what everyone has said (all very good advice).

Hope your doing good buddy, you really need to go NC ive hit 90 days today and tbh its been so hard but i finally feel like ive given myself closure and really do think about her a lot less! I feel alone but i don't care because I know that we can both do better.

 

I wish there was advice I could give you but tbh time and NC are the only real cures (I know its crappy) but thats all you can do for now. Every-time you want to text or call her just call anyone else or post on here. Before you know it things will start moving forward in your life, slowley but surely old friend x

[swfc_77]

yeah i am a football man,

 

i can understand what everybody has said, i know she is immature and she is also very spoilt.

 

thank you for the kind words, im not fishing for compliments but i just had a wobble about my life.

 

i'v never really done this before, a relationship. i know it was only 2 years but we did evrything together, she lived here, i would come home to her everyday and she would come home to me.

 

she eat here, washed here, slept here everything she was part of the family words cant describe where she got in mine and my families life.

 

to drop it and go without looking back has just shocked me and still its not fully hit me.

 

like i'v said she treat me really bad at times and dragged me backwards through a thorn bush to say, but i felt like i'd made my choice and had to work at it as she was so deep in my life.

there were times where i wanted to end it but i dont like quitting, i like working at things and seeing/enjoying the end result.

 

maybe im just a bit scared of whats in front of me, we sort of made plans and i was moving and working towards them together, now things have changed.

 

i still have my goals and dreams i suppose i'll just go back to that plan.

 

thanks all.

[dk.bnz.chi]

r u a guy or a girl?

[swfc_77]

yeah i am a football man,

 

there's a clue for you sunshine, you'll have to let us know when your dvd's out son. fly off the shelve's

[dk.bnz.chi]

if u play soccer ,u might be normal "sunshine"

[dk.bnz.chi]

and u should send her some bbq ribs too

[dk.bnz.chi]

but leave her b4 u send the ribs so u can make contact and ask 4 the ribs back.

and after this dilemma u might have the answer u were waiting 4