NoIDidn't Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I read this thread earlier and didn't comment on it then. SG, you've gotten comfortable with your situation and seem to be pretty sure of where you think its heading. I get that. I remember another OW - now former OW - that I liked then and now that was similar, and she had the rug pulled out from under her just by speaking to the W that the MM was supposedly separated from. In fact, there have been numerous OW over the years that were certain that the "being true to themselves" worked so well that they were getting exactly what they wanted, and come to find out the MM wasn't telling them the absolute truth about either his true feelings (about his M and/or his W - as in he really did love her, or that the marriage still had plenty of life in it). I get what you are saying. I really do. But I've also seen enough bad outcomes - even after a marriage to the MM - to know that being true to yourself means keeping your eyes wide open to all possibilities, not just the one you think you are going to get. Being true to yourself is being honest with yourself, not glossing over uncomfortable truths, and recognizing that you aren't the only person in any endeavor. The other people in these situations matter. And I'm not even talking about only the W. The way the phrase is used in this thread, it does come across as be selfish so long as you get what you want. It comes across as don't listen to anything that don't repeat what you want to hear. I'm sure that was not your intention, but that's the way that parts of it read. Being true to myself has always meant simply being myself in all situations. I don't think I could truly be myself in an affair. I don't think many in affairs (love affairs) are being themselves in that they are keeping a secret they don't want to keep. They are waiting for the relationship to transition before they can really find out what certain things that people not in affairs take for granted are like with their lovers. They don't have the freedom to be themselves, basically. And if I'm not being myself, I'm certainly not being true to myself.
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