Thinking today...

[alg24]

I was thinking today how the affair (the physical part is over now. And we are not seeing each other in that way anymore) really affected me. It makes me hate myself on a certain level. It has made me feel paranoid and trashy. Many close friends knew about the A. They saw the different phases I went through with this person. The guy I had an A with was a lot older than me and very unstable in many ways—also abusive. But I feel apart of me is lost… Gone forever… Others feel/felt that way? I told a good friend of mine the other day (we live in a very small town) “I feel like I have a horrible reputation and everyone hates me.” She replied telling me that truthfully she had never heard anything about me—good or bad. Perhaps this is guilt? I use to be so happy, playful… I engaged in this A at a very young age. (19) and it went on for awhile.. But now I feel a piece of me is gone. I am so paranoid… angry at the world… hurt… living in this small town with the wife is difficult. My respects to her and she is a good person… We do not run in the same business/personal circles but close enough. I want people to like me. But I feel ashamed. Disliked. Feel like everyone hates me. This small town is a very fast paced seasonal town. Its not uncommon to see drug using or other people sleeping around... Anyway, I am typing all over the place...

[whichwayisup]

Wow, I was just thinking of you recently and wondering how you're doing! So glad you've posted an update..

 

Alg, you need to work on forgiving yourself. Yes, you made a big mistake, but HE was the older and wiser one who should have known better, you were younger when the A started, he took advantage of that fact.

 

Hold your head up high and walk down the street with a smile on your face. fake it until it just happens naturally.

(the physical part is over now. And we are not seeing each other in that way anymore)

 

The physical part of the A is over, but do you still see him on occasion? Maybe it's just the way you've worded it, makes it seem like he is around abit still..

[alg24]

Hey-

 

Thank you.

 

Yes its over. I will never go back there. The wounds are open-- but I guess I will need time to let the heal. When it ended I saw him a little--- we had some business together we had to deal with... But now that we have dealt with that I do not go anywhere near him.

 

I just feel so much sadness and anger...

 

How are you doing?

[BB07]

Hey Alg.........I'm hoping that you can continue getting past this and find yourself in a much better place.

 

You do have to grieve it, but if you feel like you are stuck there, get some help to move on.

 

You are much too young to let this bring you down and you have so much good ahead of you. Just make careful choices in the future, OK?

 

Hugs....

[fooled once]

I was thinking today how the affair (the physical part is over now. And we are not seeing each other in that way anymore) really affected me. It makes me hate myself on a certain level. It has made me feel paranoid and trashy. Many close friends knew about the A. They saw the different phases I went through with this person. The guy I had an A with was a lot older than me and very unstable in many ways—also abusive. But I feel apart of me is lost… Gone forever… Others feel/felt that way? I told a good friend of mine the other day (we live in a very small town) “I feel like I have a horrible reputation and everyone hates me.” She replied telling me that truthfully she had never heard anything about me—good or bad. Perhaps this is guilt? I use to be so happy, playful… I engaged in this A at a very young age. (19) and it went on for awhile.. But now I feel a piece of me is gone. I am so paranoid… angry at the world… hurt… living in this small town with the wife is difficult. My respects to her and she is a good person… We do not run in the same business/personal circles but close enough. I want people to like me. But I feel ashamed. Disliked. Feel like everyone hates me. This small town is a very fast paced seasonal town. Its not uncommon to see drug using or other people sleeping around... Anyway, I am typing all over the place...

 

Hi sweetie.

 

You are feeling paranoid for no reason. I understand why you feel the way you do about yourself, but it is TIME FOR YOU to FORGIVE yourself. You were a 19 year old girl searching for love. This pig took advantage of you. He used you. He abused you - literally.

 

Now, looking back, you realize what a huge mistake the entire A was.

 

FORGIVE YOURSELF.

 

And learn from it. That is what our experiences are - learning experiences. Take what you have learned and apply it going forward. Never again get involved with a MM. Never again allow someone to disrespect you. Never again settle for anything than the best.

 

No man is perfect. But MM are far from perfect - many are liars, manipulators, users and have no sense of honor and respect.

 

The town isn't talking about you or pointing fingers when you walk by. I promise. You may have been "the talk" before, but it is over and they have moved on to talking trash about someone else. But remember, we all gossip and judge others in our own ways. HOLD YOUR HEAD high and get on with living LIFE. Do not let anything hold you back. Do not go backwards move forward.

 

YOU have to let it all go - ALL OF it - the anger, the hate, the disappointment, the frustration - ALL OF IT.

 

xoxo

 

I am proud of you!!

[skywriter]

hi alg24!

 

It's very nice to hear from you, especially hearing that you are moving forward without the MM.

 

You've had to learn alot of hard lessons at such a young age.

 

I can't help but be reminded of the ole' saying, "Everything happens for a reason".

 

With everything that you've shared with us in the past about the MM, I can't imagine what those reasons would be.

 

However, I believe that when the time is right, you'll be rewarded with a person that will realise, what a special person you are alg24, and love you as you rightfully deserve to be loved.

 

Thanks for checking in with us alg!