My breakup.

[xeros]

Hey, I'm new here and I just need to talk to people with similar experiences.

 

We were together for almost 6 months. It might not seem like a long time but we grew really close. There were no actual problems. No arguing or anything, which is pretty amazing compared to my last relationship before that. Anyway, about a week before she ended with me she didn't talk to me or see me a lot. I put this down to her being busy with college stuff at the time, which was a genuinely busy week for her. The little things began to worry me, like not saying "I love you" when we texted each other goodnight. On a Saturday morning after work she asked me to meet her, in which she told me "It just wasn't working" for her. This absolutely devastated me. The following week has been even more unpleasant upon finding out she left me for one of my best friends, in which two weeks before he told her how he felt about her. It also turned out my friends knew about this, but they didn't tell me due to not wanting to upset me and being sworn to secrecy.

 

I'm extremely angry at this, as well as feeling lost and upset. She was just the best thing to happen to me, and it was such a great relationship until the time before she left me. I've been through this all before, a few months before we started going out my long term 3 year relationship ended in which she left me. I know I should be coping better due to experience, but I just really want her back regardless of what's happened. I think that because it was so good for both of us she might start to realize and remember, I just need to keep up the NC rule. I started 3 days ago after finding out why she left me. I was very angry towards her and she was extremely guilty and apologetic and I just stopped making contact because talking to her made me feel worse. I just hope something'll go right now.

 

She's a lovely, intelligent girl who's thoughtful and kind. Nobody has a reason to dislike her before this so it's extremely out of character to go off with someone else, and that's making it even more upsetting and confusing for me, as well as the behaviour of my apparent 'friend'.

[jam88]

Hey mate i'll try help you here Firstly 6 months is a good amount of time together, 6 months will count as good memories.

 

A the point i want to get through to you is that your too good to wait around for someone who cant make their mind up.. she may come back but why wait for someone who does this and shows no affection.

 

If she was seeing you and someone else as a potential mate then you should get out of that relationship if you get that feeling.. her loving attitude moves from you to him as hes the new guy shes trying out. basically if she aint acting interested then always get out or discuss why shes being like that but nothing more.

 

Its great that there was no arguing or anything, that for me tells me during the relationship there was many good moments but this also tells me she may have had her way with you.. sometimes no arguments is bad simply because you let her win every argument. Im not saying you did or anything btw.

 

'about a week before she ended with me she didn't talk to me or see me a lot. I put this down to her being busy with college stuff at the time, which was a genuinely busy week for her'

 

this is down to her losing attraction for you. Its either because she is immature or its because you became unattractive to her.

 

I dont know if you showed any signs of a Beta male.. you know like getting upset, putting her before yourself or even letting her get away with murder because these sort of things dont show the man that is hidden within you.

 

If you feel you did everything right then it could simply be shes spoilt and think shes deserves to try other guys.. if thats the case then you should move on and NEVER look back. By experience I find the girls who have many guy friends usually are more likely to cheat.

 

'It just wasn't working" for her. This absolutely devastated me. The following week has been even more unpleasant upon finding out she left me for one of my best friends, in which two weeks before he told her how he felt about her'

 

first of all your friend is a prat.. no doubt about that.. how he could do that.. it just shows his desperateness not to go for his own girl.. and it also shows disrespect (no offence). And i reckon he did it right behind your back too the ****. anyway shes just as bad as him.

 

some great advice tho.. she doesnt really love him at all. she just wants a rebound to get over you! so the best thing to do is ignore what she is doing and move on. If you stick around she will get over you.

 

If you dont stick around she will find it hard to get over you. Look at this way.. do you think she is pathetic for doing this? and do you think she is wrong for doing that with your pal? that can help you realise whats shes doing really is pathetic.

 

ALSO whenever a guy tells a girl he loves her etc she seems to be the type who just falls for it regardless of whos she was seeing at the time (you).. how disrespectful of her.

 

Man if my ex gf had said yes to every guy who threw themselves at her while seeing me id tell her to get stuffed lol.

 

I know your angry, feeling lost and upset and its a terrible feeling what you need to do is get rid of these emotions asap so that they these emotions dont make decisions for you (e.g acting on emotion). think logically for now and dont talk to either of them 'two' and forever.. i wouldnt. A friend who sees your gf behind your back and an gf who thinks she can try all your friends out? I'd be grossed out.

 

'I think that because it was so good for both of us she might start to realize and remember, I just need to keep up the NC rule.'

 

I realise you've been here before and done NC. so get stuck in again like last time you tried and do even better than last time she may remember or she may not but if she doesnt be prepared for the worst. infact i think you'll be happier that she doesnt come back (atleast not now).

 

'I just stopped making contact because talking to her made me feel worse'

 

This recenty happened to me too.. the more you talk to someone you love/loved you seem to realise what type of person they are and how sick they make you feel inside. Ive actually ignored my ex sometimes simply because she acted childish.

 

Anyway i know it hurts as it does for me but you've always got the ppl at the forum at your back good luck man and keep the NC going to work on yourself and to forget about those two.

Edited December 4, 2010 by jam88

[xeros]

Thanks for the advice man, I really really appreciate it!

 

It's the same kind of stuff my friends are telling me, that it just isn't worth it to tear myself up over this. They've lost a lot of respect for the two of them as well, especially my friend. They say as much as they don't want to get involved in someone else's affairs, if it's necessary they would side with me because they know he's in the wrong and that he's a backstabber. I doubt I'll ever be friends with him again, regardless of what we've been through. God forbid I run into him.

 

As for her, I guess I can't really blame her for her feelings. She's a genuinely lovely girl and she had an error of judgement and a change of heart that just happened to hurt someone a lot. I have to admit I've broken up with someone before and hurt them deeply because I 'can't help my feelings'. I guess I partly know what it's like.

 

I actually broke the NC to seek some closure and it went particularly well. I explained I wasn't angry anymore because it was largely not her fault, and I told her I just had a really good time. She accepted this and apologised some more, I told her to keep the stuff I left round her house, it was nothing important. On the whole, I feel a bit better.

 

I'll continue to update as I get better, thanks for listening (:

 

 

So should we say goodnight

And give it one more try?

This isn't worth the fight

So let's just say goodbye.

 

[jam88]

No worries mate

 

They are right your friends. She doesnt deserve your time or your love. You've done your part and she doesnt want it anymore.

 

'they know he's in the wrong and that he's a backstabber.'

 

this to me would tell me he deems your ex as a more important person in his life than you. my best friends ex gf once threw herself at me but i politely said 'no' as i would never dream of dating my friends gfs or exes. stinks of desperateness from the both of them.

 

If you do run into him just ignore him and dont speak to him. its not about being mad at him its just about 'you' now. these two people can say sorry but its not enough and i would not talk to them. alot of disrespect from two people who are supposed to be close to you dont deserve any of your time.

 

'As for her, I guess I can't really blame her for her feelings. She's a genuinely lovely girl and she had an error of judgement and a change of heart that just happened to hurt someone a lot'

 

I wouldnt stick up for her personally.. you cant change how someone feels thats right but HER going out with your friend is her basically taking the p*ss out of you.. its like shes 'used you' to provide herself a new bf.

 

ALSO do you think she chose him because she loves him or because she wants to annoy/manipulate your feelings? I think the second.

 

Infact the reasoning is she dated your friend because 'hes like you' but abit different. Infact hes totally different to you but everytime she sees him shes only reminded of you. And she cant get over you like that. Best thing to do is stay out of the way of them both

 

She may try to make you jealous while shes with him but the best thing to do is just to ignore it. I hope you dont see them around tbh.

 

Focus on your happiness for now. Update us if anything happens good luck!

[xeros]

I think she chose him because he's a bit of an alpha male. Whereas I'd call myself an intellectual, he's muscley and has trouble spelling, even with predictive text. Also I think she's very easily lead after a couple of **** relationships in which she got a bit hurt. 2 people showing interest in her would be overwhelming to her.

 

She wouldn't have done this to hurt me. She's just been mislead. They aren't going out or anything right now, and tbh I'm not even sure if they will be for quite a while due to her feeling incredibly guilty it seems. I'm sure the other guy doesn't give a second **** about my feelings, he's shown me that already! I know it's not gonna work out, they're incredibly different people, and if he's proved he can do something so incredibly cruel to me with little consideration for anyone's feelings, god knows he'll hurt her in some way.

[dk.bnz.chi]

so u r an intellectual p...y?

first time u got her,what were u? a p..y? no,u weren't ,but u became one and she left u. the guy she likes is the same guy u were 6 months ago

end of story.let's play soccer

[xeros]

Wow, it's been a bit over 5 months since it's happened, and you know, life always goes on. I don't feel the slightest bit upset over it anymore. Counting my blessings and so forth.

 

I just came back to say a massive thanks to anyone who offered me help, I really appreciate it! (:

[Mov]

Wow, it's been a bit over 5 months since it's happened, and you know, life always goes on. I don't feel the slightest bit upset over it anymore. Counting my blessings and so forth.

 

I just came back to say a massive thanks to anyone who offered me help, I really appreciate it! (:

 

Nice one for coming back and saying so mate!

 

A lot of people on here will take heart and trust the fact that time will help them more than anything.

 

There is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel