How do I approach this friend who is potentially leaving the platonic zone?

[Questionable1]

Normally I'm really good at picking up whether or not one of my platonic male friends is trying to move into the romantic realm. There's a guy that I work with who I am good friends with. We have a lot in common blah blah blah. But having said that, I would never date him. I'm not attracted to him at all!

I have an active profile on a dating site. He also has one but he would sign in sporadically for the past few months. Now for the past few weeks he's signing on almost daily and he views my profile whenever he signs in. He also invites me over to his place a lot for dinner and movies. Sometimes we'll also go out for lunch. I always assumed these weren't dates because we each pay for ourselves. But he really seems to be moving in on the kill recently. I don't want to ruin this friendship. Perhaps he isn't interested in me but I wish he would back off a little. Some people have been wondering if we're dating and I don't want them to get that impression. Should I do anything? I was thinking about not hanging out with him as often as I do now but I'm worried that will destroy our friendship.

[somedude81]

Sigh, I really hate how women are able to separate friendship from interest. For a man it just seems so natural to move from close friends into a relationship. It's the friends first thing, but it just doesn't work for women.

 

This is a very common problem.

Normally I'm really good at picking up whether or not one of my platonic male friends is trying to move into the romantic realm. There's a guy that I work with who I am good friends with. We have a lot in common blah blah blah. But having said that, I would never date him. I'm not attracted to him at all!

Why not?!

 

I don't want to ruin this friendship.

Ugh, I hate that line!!

 

The friendship is already ruined. That happened as soon as he liked you. Either way I don't understand how dating can "ruin" a friendship. Odds are the guy never cared about the friendship in the first place. A man's natural instinct is to sleep with women, not become their BFF.

 

He was probably just using the "friendship" as a cover to get closer to you. If not, he may have genuinely wanted to be your friend at first, but as time when on, he began to get attached, which is perfectly normal for a guy.

 

Should I do anything? I was thinking about not hanging out with him as often as I do now but I'm worried that will destroy our friendship.

How about find out why you like to spend time with him and like his company, but don't want to date him.

 

If you're certain you don't want to date him, then stop spending time with him as it's just giving him hope.

[Questionable1]

Why not?!

He's much shorter than me, very skinny, odd face, and has a weird haircut. I don't care if this makes me sound superficial. I'm just not physically attracted to him and I've learned from the past that I cannot date and have sex with someone who I do not find to be physically attractive IN MY EYES. I don't mind being friends with someone like that, but in a relationship it matters for me.

[BobSacamento]

He invites you over for dinner and movies...do you go?

[Surrealist]

He's much shorter than me, very skinny, odd face, and has a weird haircut. I don't care if this makes me sound superficial. I'm just not physically attracted to him and I've learned from the past that I cannot date and have sex with someone who I do not find to be physically attractive IN MY EYES. I don't mind being friends with someone like that, but in a relationship it matters for me.

 

 

Completely fair enough in my opinion. Perhaps you just need to make things clear in a tactful way? Probably easier said than done but you'll end up despising this guy, I know I would if the woman I wasn't interested in didn't get the hint. But then I make DAMN SURE I give out 'the hint' and when they still don't get it, I end up getting really annoyed. The key here though, is I would ensure NO AMBIGUITY and leave NO ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION.

[carhill]

What interests do you share in common? Friendships revolve around shared interests, generally. As an example, I had a number of friendships with lady drivers when I used to race cars. We had auto racing in common.

 

Do you ever accept his invitations to his house? Invite him to yours? Pretty normal for friends.

 

If your spidey sense is saying he's jonesing for some romance, then be direct. Tell him you enjoy his company but do not see him as a romantic prospect. Ouch. That sounds brutal. Heard it many, many times in my 20's and 30's. That's what men have to live with. You get to dish it out. Sucky job but someone has to do it.

 

Somedude, this guy has it easy. I've dealt with women who flirt with me, are suggestive physically and sexually with me, share intimacies with me and then write it all off to being 'just friends'. These are the attention whores, the Hoovers. The OP doesn't sound like one of that bunch. It got so bad that I honestly don't believe women when they do show any interest. I just laugh. I'd rather be alone and enjoy the honest and heartfelt love and concern of my few long-time female friends.

 

It's funny OP, I've spent time recently and traveled with a female friend of one of my female friends and, no, I didn't find her attractive in a sexual way, but I'd never use such negative words (like you're describing this male friend) to describe her. Nice lady; good heart; had a lot of challenges in life; recently had a stroke while driving and fortunately survived. We're all human. It isn't always pretty. Good luck