How do I become confident to myself and stop being "plastic" (or phony)?

[exoduse22]

Whenever I talk to people other than my family members, I have a face that instantly sends a sign that I don't like or not interested to the guy I'm talking to, but I'm actually just not sure if he is interested in me so it is like I'm half-hearted. I notice that I keep adjusting to the personality of the guy I'm talking to; I'm just being "plastic" (or phony), but I cannot help is because I do not want anyone to hate me that is why I'm not being myself. Even at public places, I care too much about what people think and I sometimes feel like a loser and sometimes confident depending on my mood. This also had a psychological effect on me. Every time I just ate and if I am at crowded places, like the Church, I get a paranoid feeling of barfing because, going back to being plastic and phony, I care about what people think and even though I know its just psychological, it just wont go away. I also sometimes tend to look at a person, a look that is telling the person that I don't like them, but that is not what I really mean I just sometimes get tired and lose the "energy" to socialize.

 

Please help! How to make myself act like who I really am and accept that not everyone can be your friend??

Edited December 4, 2010 by exoduse22

[Yamaha]

Do you like yourself?

 

If you do then you should have no problem showing yourself to others.

If you don't then you might try to "cameleon" yourself to fit your circumstances.

 

Be more accepting of yourself and others will, as well.

[hART]

I'm introverted and have this problem sometimes too (especially with being drained). I found once I got useto socializing with people, by going back to school or taking classes at the gym, this happened naturally. It is the tension from feeling like you aren't going to be accepted, but you will be if there are people similar to you. Find ways to relate to others on a genuine level, once life experience comes into play this just happens. Don't be afraid of who you are or what your dreams are, people will respect you for being you. It takes time for everyone to stop being plastic when they meet someone new, especially someone they are attracted to. Be patient with yourself till it happens.

[Ometeotl]

Try accepting this aspect of yourself.

 

I wise man once said, you can never be more or less than who you are.

 

peace

[DragonSlave49]

If someone ever tells you that you're fake or plastic you need to tell them to **** off. But say it with a smile.

[Feelin Frisky]

What might help is to start imagining that everyone else has their own insecurities about themselves and measuring up--even if they don't project that in their appearance. Everyone IS somehow concerned with their own manner, their own issues, their own shortfalls JUST LIKE YOU. So you have to free yourself from the belief that other people have nothing else in their mind but to concentrate on you and what you are doing. In reality they don't notice even a small portion of the things you notice about yourself. They are occupied with themselves just as much in their own way.

 

When you begin to really live this fact and know it all the time, you will cease obsessing about yourself from moment to moment. Perhaps you might benefit from medical help with this too. Your "feelings" seem to be "flooding" into you about these matters--and, these matters are what we might call "phobic" which means that they are an irrational fear. If you receive medication for this like a med of OCD, your feelings will begin to subside so that you can govern them with new reason. You will be able to use your newly freed mind to put these unreasonable feelings to rest.

[exoduse22]

@Feelin Frisky

Thank you very much!

[Disillusioned]

Why? Does your real self creep people out?

[I am healed]

I think you need to make a slow and consistant effort jumping out of your comfort zone. I think over the last couple of years you have become comfortable trying to please everyone and when you aren't you feel that you are in some way betraying them, so instead you opt to be plastic. I think Feelin Frisky made a wonderful point most people won't care and notice the majority of the things you are focusing on because they are too busy thinking about their own lives.

 

So my advice is start pushing yourself to start being real with people in small doses. Take some risks, be honest, be real. Don't go all out at once take it one step at a time slow and consistant. In the end you have to realize it's really not that hard being ourselves once we realize and overcome the self imposed barriers (mostly your self soothing need to please others) which alienate us.

[kingston123]

i always like to read some good and informative

blogs and this blog is also so good and helpful.

thanks for taking time to discus this topic..

[sugerplum]

I think you should try your best to be more social. I know how our minds can trick us into feeling inconvenienced and awkward. just do your best to smile and get along!