xpaperxcutx Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 This is one thing I don't get. Ever since I started dating again, I noticed an increasing amount of men looking for " friends" than they do for dates. They go online and post how they're this and this, and expects a girl to be fun and and open yet, they're not looking to date. Obviously, they haven't stated they're looking for casual sex but I'm beginning to wonder whether it's become a trend to state " looking for friends" as a code for casual hookups. I have no need for friends, since I can easily befriend as many people as I want in real life. I might come across one or two whom I can see myself befriending, but overall, I'm looking to start dating seriously in the long run. Guys and girls, is this a turn-off or what?
jerbear Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Guys and girls, is this a turn-off or what? As a guy, if a girl allows the FWB or casual sex relationship, it is easy for us; no commitment, no expectations. Also it helps lowers the girl's guard, "oh he is only looking to be 'friends'"
nice-easy-day Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Obviously, they haven't stated they're looking for casual sex but I'm beginning to wonder whether it's become a trend to state " looking for friends" as a code for casual hookups. Hmmm you know, You might be on to something there. I did the online dating thing a few times just looking for some hookups and always put "looking to meet some new friends". Never questioned my intentions until now.
SmileFace Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I have noticed this as well. It is like "Want to come to my place and "watch a movie"?"-on a first date Or "So when are we going to "hang out" ? " lol , Anyway I don't see it as a turn off. Since when I see this listed on profiles I usually know what it may actually mean. Can't really be mad at someone for selling a polished turd, right? Someone may actually want that polished turd. Really can't be mad at the salesman, just have to find a next one . :-) What I am trying to say is that people are looking for different things. Just have to find someone the same wavelength as you.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 As a guy, if a girl allows the FWB or casual sex relationship, it is easy for us; no commitment, no expectations. Also it helps lowers the girl's guard, "oh he is only looking to be 'friends'" And if I was really naive, I imagine I would fall for it. Also, you know something, the ones who are looking for " friends" are actually the ones who don't even act friendly. In fact, they actually state in their profiles " Message me if you're fun, hot and sexy". Lol WTF
hearttobreak Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 As a guy, if a girl allows the FWB or casual sex relationship, it is easy for us; no commitment, no expectations. Also it helps lowers the girl's guard, "oh he is only looking to be 'friends'" Yep, and it opens you up to STDs too. You have to be nuts to do FWB nowadays. The guy is screwing other women the girl is screwing other women. Never understood this rational thought. No one ever thinks of the consequences of your actions... Until, it's too late. Now, you get a gift that stays with your 4 life. Herpes, HIV, HPV, Hep. B. Very stupid to do. Most to give and receive oral with protection. In the heat of the moment, what are you going to do? Me, I have ALWAYS put on a jacket. Then again, I've never been in a FWB. One ex suggested and FWB, and I bounced. She found another guy that would do FWB with her very fast. She is now being treated for Chlamydia. Good luck with that FWB thing.
carhill Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Men are pragmatic. They do what works. Simple as that. Whatever means to effect reaching the goal.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 Hmmm you know, You might be on to something there. I did the online dating thing a few times just looking for some hookups and always put "looking to meet some new friends". Never questioned my intentions until now. You or the girls you dated?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 I have noticed this as well. It is like "Want to come to my place and "watch a movie"?"-on a first date Or "So when are we going to "hang out" ? " lol , Anyway I don't see it as a turn off. Since when I see this listed on profiles I usually know what it may actually mean. Can't really be mad at someone for selling a polished turd, right? Someone may actually want that polished turd. Really can't be mad at the salesman, just have to find a next one . :-) What I am trying to say is that people are looking for different things. Just have to find someone the same wavelength as you. If they're looking for friends, how is it a date? That is the exact reason I don't like ambiguous titles. It's quite unconventional to hang out and yet, expect me to be " available " when they, themselves, are not.
SmileFace Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 If they're looking for friends, how is it a date? That is the exact reason I don't like ambiguous titles. It's quite unconventional to hang out and yet, expect me to be " available " when they, themselves, are not. Because would you go along if it wasn't a date? Haha it is just a marketing tool lol. Ok I am not saying all guys are like this but many are. **** I was looking for FB , I would list looking for friends as well. :-)
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 Because would you go along if it wasn't a date? Haha it is just a marketing tool lol. Ok I am not saying all guys are like this but many are. **** I was looking for FB , I would list looking for friends as well. :-) Good point. But it does get distasteful that people don't care about being in relationships anymore.
humanracer25 Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I think it is basically a secuirty measure for both guys and girls. By stating you are going out as friends it avoids: 1) one of you or both of you expecting too much and being under pressure to fall in love with each other after a few dates 2) one of you or both of you feeling awkward if you meet and it doesn't work out and you aren't attracted to each other. If someone says they are looking for freinds it means "let's date and if I like you then it might lead to something but if not we can be "friends". I don't mind that setup in real life becasue if it is someone local that you know or work with then you can certainly still be freinds with them and hang out etc in a non romantic way. With internet dating it is difficult because obviously you are meeting people who you want to date and if you weren't dating them then would you really go out of you way to meet them on a regular basis, esp if they aren't local? It is an issue perculiar to internet dating I think, and remember a lot of people on those sites have negative ideas about relationships (divorced,let down etc)
OceanGirl Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Friends = casual sex or FWB I don't even respond when I see this.
nice-easy-day Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 You or the girls you dated? Myself. Recently I've come to question the intentions of women. I've always thought they were the innocent ones who only gave up sex so that guys would like them. I've learned to be more careful.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 (edited) I think it is basically a secuirty measure for both guys and girls. By stating you are going out as friends it avoids: 1) one of you or both of you expecting too much and being under pressure to fall in love with each other after a few dates 2) one of you or both of you feeling awkward if you meet and it doesn't work out and you aren't attracted to each other. If someone says they are looking for freinds it means "let's date and if I like you then it might lead to something but if not we can be "friends". I don't mind that setup in real life becasue if it is someone local that you know or work with then you can certainly still be freinds with them and hang out etc in a non romantic way. With internet dating it is difficult because obviously you are meeting people who you want to date and if you weren't dating them then would you really go out of you way to meet them on a regular basis, esp if they aren't local? It is an issue perculiar to internet dating I think, and remember a lot of people on those sites have negative ideas about relationships (divorced,let down etc) That's an interesting point. But the purpose of a dating site is to date, hence the use of " friends" is contradicting in itself. I understand the need to ease into dating, but my problem is with the fact that they use such platform to " hook up" and remain in such a disposition because it suits them. Don't misunderstand, I have no problem with casual hookups, but the way they go about it is deceptive and really conniving. Edited December 4, 2010 by xpaperxcutx
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 I am taking a wild guess that the starter of this thread is talking about Plenty of Fish. Why fault someone for looking for friends when the website offers that as an option when creating a profile. I don't consider Plenty of Fish a dating website, rather more of a networking site. Yes there are options for a serious relationship, but there are also options they give you for talking, hanging out, and email. I can only speak for myself, but if I say I am only looking for friends, it is not for casual sex or a friends with benefits. It is perfectly normal to want to be friends with a woman and then see if anything becomes of it. Don't all relationships start out as friends ? I for one, don't jump into relationships and tend to avoid labels. So friends for me doesn't mean a booty call. Actually if I had to refer to a site, it would be Okaycupid, but I rather not state one because this phenomenon can occur on various " dating" dates. I'm not trying to fault anyone in particular, I only find it somewhat suspicious and all the more ridiculous that people actually use " dating" sites to meet friends, not potential SOs. Notice the emphasis on friends.
DreamInside Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I hear you on this! I think it's a "loop-hole" that men in relationships try to use so that way they can provide a lame excuse for having a profile on a dating site. Disgusting...feel bad for any woman that bought that BS.
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 looking for friends Just a wild guess, but it's their OUT if there's no connection.
Green Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 They are obviously looking for something romantic or they wouldn't specificaly be looking for female friends. They either A) think its cool to say that and look at it as something with less pressure... some men are so afraid of rejection they do lame things like this... or B) its code for casual sex... probably A) because its lame either way I personaly don't use online dating as I'm good at spotting hot women in the real world and making them mine.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 They are obviously looking for something romantic or they wouldn't specificaly be looking for female friends. They either A) think its cool to say that and look at it as something with less pressure... some men are so afraid of rejection they do lame things like this... or B) its code for casual sex... probably A) because its lame either way I personaly don't use online dating as I'm good at spotting hot women in the real world and making them mine. LOL Green, you don't need online dating because you're already in a relationship. I'm just using it to broaden my searches. Most of the guys I meet in real life, I have a habit of friendzoning.
Yamaha Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 It just means they flat out want casual sex. A guy looking for a relationship is not going to put the breaks on getting serious but friend implies non-committal.
irc333 Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 (edited) Yeah, I actually saw this profile on a dating site, pictures with this woman and her fiance'....and NO they were not swingers either, at least THEY would have an excuse....here is what she said in part of her profile addressing her so-called engagement: I do have an active profile, but I am engaged(!) to someone special and I care very much for that person. My profile is still up because I am addicted to this site's questions and want to answer all of them. I don't mind questions, comments or concerns pertaining to my profile, but please don't message me wanting to "connect" (just no), meet up, et cetera, unless you are willing to include my SO! New friends are neato, but he would have to be included in said activities. Otherwise, it's just weird. I sent her a note addressing her engagement, saying that if I were her fiance', I would NOT approve of her profile being there, besides isn't looking for "Friends" something Facebook and Myspace are for? LOL It would be be friggin' "wierd" to even entertain the idea to have a man invite him and his fiance' to spend ANY time with them. It's creepy on her part to even suggest it. I ALSO question, I've noticed when people are looking for "Friends" , ever noticed the ONLY friends they're looking for is the opposite sex, right? LOL NEVER with the same sex. I always see in THEIR profile "Woman seeking Man".....so why the "Friendship facade"? This is one thing I don't get. Ever since I started dating again, I noticed an increasing amount of men looking for " friends" than they do for dates. They go online and post how they're this and this, and expects a girl to be fun and and open yet, they're not looking to date. Obviously, they haven't stated they're looking for casual sex but I'm beginning to wonder whether it's become a trend to state " looking for friends" as a code for casual hookups. I have no need for friends, since I can easily befriend as many people as I want in real life. I might come across one or two whom I can see myself befriending, but overall, I'm looking to start dating seriously in the long run. Guys and girls, is this a turn-off or what? Edited December 4, 2010 by irc333
dispatch3d Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 good point. I wouldn't make friends on dating sites. It's weird.
Green Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Yeah, I actually saw this profile on a dating site, pictures with this woman and her fiance'....and NO they were not swingers either, at least THEY would have an excuse....here is what she said in part of her profile addressing her so-called engagement: I do have an active profile, but I am engaged(!) to someone special and I care very much for that person. My profile is still up because I am addicted to this site's questions and want to answer all of them. I don't mind questions, comments or concerns pertaining to my profile, but please don't message me wanting to "connect" (just no), meet up, et cetera, unless you are willing to include my SO! New friends are neato, but he would have to be included in said activities. Otherwise, it's just weird. I sent her a note addressing her engagement, saying that if I were her fiance', I would NOT approve of her profile being there, besides isn't looking for "Friends" something Facebook and Myspace are for? LOL It would be be friggin' "wierd" to even entertain the idea to have a man invite him and his fiance' to spend ANY time with them. It's creepy on her part to even suggest it. I ALSO question, I've noticed when people are looking for "Friends" , ever noticed the ONLY friends they're looking for is the opposite sex, right? LOL NEVER with the same sex. I always see in THEIR profile "Woman seeking Man".....so why the "Friendship facade"? U sent this woman a msg haha you must have found her cute. Seriously why not make a fake account with a cartoon character as her profile pic and just ignore people who msg her if she loves the questions... plus the questions are meant to MATCH YOU UP... I'd be PISSED if this was my fiance and would END things if she refused to STOP
irc333 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) Get a load of this one....there's this woman, she must've had a NOVEL dating profile...apparently she said she just got out of a relationship and was wanting to take things slow, but was looking for that unconditional love and be able to grow old with that special someone, someone who has decent morals and scruples. She said a lot of things that I thought would make us a good match. Her profile must've been 2 pages worth of an autobiography about her and what she's looking for in a mate. I sent her a well thought out and written email noting a lot of things in her profile. The next day, her profile was still up, but she deleted ALL that content, and just said, "Not looking to date, just talk"...and shortened her profile down to hardly anything. THis was on OK Cupid and at the bottom where it says, "Message me if ONLY looking FRIEND to meet for coffee and 'talk' This was after I sent her my message, I feel like sending her a follow-up message of "Um.....so what happened with that long profile of yours? And why are you looking for friends, you ARE aware this IS a dating site, right?!" BUAH AHA HAH AHAAHAHA!! What the heck this woman was thinking ?? I am wondering though, if I should "Go along" with this 'Friendship" just so I can get a coffee "date" with her? LOL that way, I can pose as a "friend" under the "guise" of looking for something more. LOL I wonder if she's just trying to pull the "friendship" guise as well. Edited December 9, 2010 by irc333
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