thezappa Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Hi im new here and I wanted to get this off my chest and get any of your thoughts on my situation. its a bit long so sorry in advance and thanks for reading. Had no luck in the second chance threads so thought i would give it a go here. Was going out with my boyfriend for a year and sunday week ago he broke up with me. We had a big fight the saturday night before the break up over nothing and had been fighting a bit over the weekend but we made up or so i thought. He said its just something he has to do but isn't sure about it. He sayd he loves me but just doesn't feel like he puts as much into the relationship as me and doesn't know if he wants to. We were both crying on the phone and he wanted me to ring him the next day but I didn't. He then rang me. He said its something he needs to do. No changing his mind as its what he feels right now. He said its really hard but he isn't happy with himself and cant give me what i deserve. He didnt want to do it and put me through so pain but he has too. He also said it wont be the last time we talk or see each other. He said he would contact me soon just needs to clear his head. Last thing he said was he loves me. Then he text me the day after asking how I was. He said he is so messed up about this and that he is ok one minute and sad the next and that he feels terrible for hurting me and then asked to hear from me in a few days. He said he misses me and even used my pet name then told me he loves me. I told him not to tell me he loves me after breaking up with me. He said he needs time and just to give it a week and see where we are then. We both agreed on not changing our facebook status until the week wasover, I found out thst he had the privacy setting on only I could see the relationship status where as no one else could and there i was with mine up for everyone to see. I was so hurt so I told him its over and I dont think i can be with him again and the week was just unnecessary. He said just stop this and give us a week please and then asked if i didnt mind can he call me in a week and if i do to tell him then. He said sorry for changing it and it was a f**k up of a bad decision and that he would just take it off like i had. and that he is just asking for a week, he needs time to realize what he wants and he is sorry and just give him some space please. He said he will probably regret it and the thoughts of never seeing meagain or talking to me again made him cry but this was said the day of the break up(he did it over the phone) He rang after a week of no talking. We talked about our week and had a laugh. its over though..and i dont know why its all confusing. i dont think he knows either. I think it was now because of the fight we had the night before we broke up. His parents kept calling him a failure and loser and that night i was shouting down the phone to him saying his parents were right and he is a **** boyfriend and all this...i didnt mean any of it. I was very drunk. he doesnt seem to want to give it a go...he got me a present. He said the week away was ok but he wasnt happy not having me there and having someone to talk too. We met up on tuesday to give back stuff and he tried explain....all I got from it was that he isn't happy with himself when he is alone and only happy when around me and cant depend on someone else to make him happy. So he wants to be alone and independent and when he is happy with himself then he can make someone else happy.Basically he hates relationships. What I dont understand is if you love someone and as much as he says he does and care about them(he even got me a present) then you want to make it work with them. But I dunno... I had a nice time though after the whole talking about it we decided on one last good laugh together so we reminisced and talked for a few hours and in the end we went our separate ways. I did cry my eyes out on the bus journey home but I couldn't help that. We haven't talked since the meet up so nc for 3 days..any thoughts on my situation?
shocked_confused Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 (edited) I'm sorry your going through this. I know what you're going through because its what I'm dealing with right now too! My bf dumped me after 6 years about a month ago. He moved far away for a job and decided he wanted his independence and experience his new life on his own. Nothing was really wrong with the relationship itself. We weren't perfect, but we didn't have problems that couldn't easily be fixed either. Boy was I devastated. We had very minimal contact for the first week and a half after the breakup (a couple texts and emails)...but now we've been in NC for over 2 weeks now. I think you should keep up the NC for a while to allow yourself to heal. Hang out with your friends more, and exercise a ton. Not only will you look better, but you'll feel better too. and go on a couple shopping sprees Again I'm sorry your going through this. I wish I could give you more insight, but the truth is, I'm as lost as you are! I wish I knew how everything was going to play out! Anyway, good luck to you and I hope everything works out for the best for you. Edited December 3, 2010 by shocked_confused
AlisaMarie Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I have heard that whole I am lost and don't know who I am. Like you mentioned in your post, if you love somebody... why would you chose to be without them. IF he REALLY loved you... he would work on his issues with YOU by his side. Therefore, I feel that it's just bullsh*t excuses. Like shocked_confused, I am right in the middle of being lost about my situation. All we can do is cut ties and try to move on and let fate take its course. You don't want to be waiting for him to feel better... that's just not fair at all. NC until he is ready to prove that he is ready to take on life's issue by your side. Until then, let him go. And don't lay in bed for a week like me... I got so behind in my college work! Now I am scrambling... and that's hard to do when you feel half alive. Keep us posted! You have friends and people here who care especially if your friends and family are sick of hearing about it!
Leandro Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I have heard that whole I am lost and don't know who I am. Like you mentioned in your post, if you love somebody... why would you chose to be without them. IF he REALLY loved you... he would work on his issues with YOU by his side. Therefore, I feel that it's just bullsh*t excuses. Like shocked_confused, I am right in the middle of being lost about my situation. All we can do is cut ties and try to move on and let fate take its course. You don't want to be waiting for him to feel better... that's just not fair at all. I agree. BS excuses and don't wait around for him. Please don't We are here for you!! Keep up the NC !
Author thezappa Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 thanks guys my friends and family are sick of me going on about it but they put up with it. I do believe him when he says he isn't happy with himself and i know there isn't anyone else he's after.... Mutual friends have said he's depressed about the whole situation and hates that he has hurt me but he had to do it as he isn't happy in himself. I understand though, its not healthy to only be happy around one person but i dunno. just have to keep going on.......its just do hard and well i dont want to. I would love nothing more than to just get into bed for a while and not wake up for a few weeks....all know thats not going to happen!
Leandro Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 just have to keep going on.......its just do hard and well i dont want to. I would love nothing more than to just get into bed for a while and not wake up for a few weeks....all know thats not going to happen! Yea, i wish i could go to another country for a while. Or go to some sweet DUMPEE FREEZING CHAMBER, where they freeze you for so many months and you body goes threw the coping process that way when you wake up, your done.
AlisaMarie Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 If you find that freezing chamber... let me know... I am in!
Author thezappa Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 Yea, i wish i could go to another country for a while. Or go to some sweet DUMPEE FREEZING CHAMBER, where they freeze you for so many months and you body goes threw the coping process that way when you wake up, your done. Oh that sounds amazing. I would pay them millions for that. But I guess if you don't through it you don't learn from it....easier said then done though. It crazy how many people are going through this. Its good to not feel so alone, like your the only person feeling this agonising pain and sadness within your chest. Like at any moment it going to burst out. I felt ok yesterday, it didn't bother me. The best day I had in 3 weeks. Today was a bad day, spent most of it reading. unfortunately I feel like tomorrow will be a bad one too but im ok with it, i think.
Leandro Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Yea, you're not alone. There are hundreds of break ups a day. It just get better with time though.
Author thezappa Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Ive been having bad days the past three days. I had a panic attack yesterday and actually thought i was having a nervous breakdown I would to know other peoples thoughts on my break up ^ I would love to get him back.
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