jlushman Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I'd do anything not to feel this way, thinking about her with another guy is killing me, I found out that she'd kissed another guy on a night out and my heart absolutely sunk. I felt it. I just want to stop thinking about her, I want to be happy again. I want a normal nights sleep instead of sleeping for a couple of hours several times a day. I want to enjoy the things I do again, I want my appetite back. I wish I could just tell her how I truely felt and she'd tell me she felt the same way and we could be together again. I'm starting to realise that she only truely felt a fraction of how I felt about her, even though she said she felt the same. Just needed a place to vent, I'm becoming noticeably depressed to my friends and family but I'm trying to keep on a smile.
SimonSerenade Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I've been there mate, Only just got out of feeling that way though my mind does wonder to her being with others now and again, The best thing to do is let her go and stop all contact with her as soon as you possibly can, If you have anything to say to her, Say it and then leave her be, It's for the best believe me, I tried the begging and pleading and the friendship thing and after nearly 3 months nothing worked, I needed time to heal and I have been doing so since she's not been around, I know how you feel mate as do many others on here, I assume you got the cold shoulder and she turned vile and cruel. It's hard to think of somebody you love doing something with someone else, Gives you self doubts and gives you doubts about how the person you loved got to be this person she is now, Though is may seem she only feels a fraction of what you felt for her, Often more times than most it's far from it, Some people keep to themselves and act strong, You got to do the same, Nothing you say or do now will bring her back, If she should realise she's made a mistake she will find a way back to you if not then it's her loss. You've proven your love by coming to a website like this for advice because she's surrounding your mind, Let go mate and you'll feel a lot better, If she want's to find happiness else where then you have to let her find out for her self if she can be happier without you, If she can't she'll most likely come crawling back, I know it's hard but for now don't contact her, Whatever you have to say, Say it here and pretend she heard it because either way it'll all come down to the same result, At least here you have understanding.
Graceful Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 You want what everyone wants after a painful breakup, and if there were a tried and true way to feel better right away, this website would have very few people on it. So you're not alone, this is a painful process, it does not happen overnight, and the more comfortable you get with the idea that you are healing, the more it will ease your pain. The pain of a breakup is almost shocking, b/c you just don't expect it, do you? Seems impossible it could do such a number on your head. But it does. And to get over it is no different than getting over a serious physical illness where you have to work back your strength and recover. It really is no different. You lose your appetite. You don't feel like getting out of bed. So similar to being sick physically. But what you can TRY to control is not thinking of her with someone else. That is purely destructive for you, and you know what, you're just making something up when you do that, b/c you don't even know what she's doing or where she is. She might be visiting her grandmother for all you know! So just stop thinking about things you don't know that are just hurtful to you. This one person does not define you, and this one r/l does not define you either. You have a sensitive soul, and the fact your r/l did not last just means it was not right for you. Try to keep the smile on your face, even if it is a little fake right now. You'll be surprised that when you try to be a little upbeat, it will make you feel better inside. There is no timetable for you to feel better, so just relax, be present in the moment you are in, and know that you have friends here who really do understand. Love, Grace
strength-abounds Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 It does get better everyday my friend. The depression is part of the grieving process and there is no way to remove it in a healthy way. You need to bunker down and expect it. It will be a burden everyday for awhile. Then, one day you realize that it has lessened. The next day, lessened a little more until one day you notice that it's not that bad. Find an outlet to voice your feelings. Friends, family, therapists. Anything. Writing helps quite a bit also. Find small things that make just YOU happy. A funny movie or reading some of the hilarious posts here at LS. The crazy members (myself included) are great in coping with break ups. This site saved my mental psyche. Good Luck and God Bless.
Author jlushman Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 thanks for reading and posting guys, it means more than you'll ever know to me. Its hard, I've been through this kind of thing before a few years back and it certainly doesn't get any easier. I just want to be back to my normal happy self as soon as possible, sick of thinking about her and feeling down. I know the best thing would be NC but I still see her on nights out which is hard, especially after a few drinks, words come out a little easier then, but sometimes the wrong things slip out if you know what I mean. As selfish as it sounds I wish she could feel what I'm going through, I know shes loving the attention from other guys in the single life and that hurts bad knowing that shes over it so easily and I'm like this. My other ex who I've been through these feelings before about years ago, I hate her now, I made myself hate her, I made myself prevent from having strong feelings towards girls, and when I finally do, this happens. I just hope I don't grow to be bitter.
Graceful Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 thanks for reading and posting guys, it means more than you'll ever know to me. Its hard, I've been through this kind of thing before a few years back and it certainly doesn't get any easier. I just want to be back to my normal happy self as soon as possible, sick of thinking about her and feeling down. I know the best thing would be NC but I still see her on nights out which is hard, especially after a few drinks, words come out a little easier then, but sometimes the wrong things slip out if you know what I mean. As selfish as it sounds I wish she could feel what I'm going through, I know shes loving the attention from other guys in the single life and that hurts bad knowing that shes over it so easily and I'm like this. My other ex who I've been through these feelings before about years ago, I hate her now, I made myself hate her, I made myself prevent from having strong feelings towards girls, and when I finally do, this happens. I just hope I don't grow to be bitter. I just wanted to comment on what you said about hating your ex. Hate is a horrible emotion, and it should be considered a temporary state of mind after a horrible experience or after someone causes you pain. But when that period is over, hate should be over, too. Hate should not remain in your head or your heart on a permanent basis. Same with anger. It serves a purpose,and when the purpose is over, anger as well as hate, should dissipate and end. This is b/c, as you suspect, you do not want to end up a bitter hateful person, and if that emotion lingers or stays in your heart, you run the risk of really damaging your spirit. The goal is to just not care AT ALL. To develop apathy, and when you think about your ex, you feel nothing. Nothing good, and nothing bad, just NOTHING! That is a tall order, I know, but when you let go of all the issues, and when you decide that is a chapter in your life that is closed, you have no need for hatred, you just don't care. It is like looking at the person and seeing nothing, nothing but the air you breathe. Stop projecting anything about your ex, who she is with, how she feels, if she feels bad, etc., WHO CARES? IT is destructive, non-productive and just NOT TRUE. it is as though you are making stuff up to worry about. DO not underestimate how she feels, and even if she does not care about you, is that the kind of person you want for a girlfriend? A cold, hard, selfish person? NO, of course not. SO let her go, let it all go. You're better than that. You deserve better than that. Stop putting her first, put yourself first, heal your heart, that is a much better use of your time. Take care.
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