XxBleedXxLikeXxMeXx Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Okay well I sorta stumbled onto this site from looking on google, about how to cope with break ups and what exactly rebound relationships were. But yeah I will try to explain the best way I can about what happened. I have been up until this month in a 2 years, and four month relationship. When we started out everything was great and we were always around each other and enjoyed to be in each others company. Along the way during those two years, we occasionally broke up here and there over stupid stuff, but she would always call me within a week wanting to get back with me or to ask if I wanted to go out for coffee, or just to stop by. But for the most part our relationship was a good one. Our last break up before this one was back in September, over a comment I left on myspace, telling some girl I have known for a couple years, she was looking good. I meant it as like as a way as "hey long time no see, you look like you are doing great". But my ex took it the wrong way, and we broke up. Now within a few days she called up wanting to go out for coffee, and she was very flirty, and told me how she was wanting me even though we weren't dating again..yet.. But within the next couple days we hung out and she told me she wanted to get back with me but she wanted me to prove I was serious about the relationship by getting a job. Well fast forward to October, and I am busy going to school, looking for a job, and when I am not doing the above, I am trying to balance out time for myself, with my guy friends, and her.. but when we hung out it got to a point that we just sorta hung out without going anywhere or doing anything. I then noticed she was starting to stay later at work, and become somewhat distant... But it still seemed like things were doing alright. Then fast forward to November 3rd, I had a feeling something was wrong and I went to confront her in person. I went to her house, and she was with her friend "who is a girl", and when her friend finally left we went to her room to talk, and after a minute of silence she said "you don't love me anymore do you." I was like "What?" "No of course I do, why would you say that?" Her reasoning was because I was looking around the room, but the reason I was because I was trying to think of a way to ask her what was on my mind. But yeah I finally told her how I felt and wanted to know what was going on, and if she still felt happy being with me ect ect. She reassured me that she was fine and that she still loved me and wanted to be with me. But then she said something that got under my skin. She said that she knew that she was prickly and a bit controlling about me hanging out or talking to friend's that were girls...but because she was hanging out with some guy friends, "that I knew about mind you" she said it would be okay for me to do the same with my friends that were girls. So long as there was no funny business. I responded by saying "the same goes to you." and she told me she knew that, but when I brought up I really didn't have friend's anymore that were girls she jokingly stated "yeah that's probably why I am fine with it" I also ended up staying the night with her and then the next day..... The next day I got up and she was in the shower, I told her I was about to leave and get ready to take care of some stuff before I had to go to class. she told me "alright" and we kissed before I left. Later that night after I got out of school, she texted me and told me I needed to call her when I wasn't busy. When I called her back, she told me she thought about it and said she wanted to break up, but she worded it in a way where I had to say "So we are breaking up?" She said she still wanted to be friend's and she said she just felt like the spark was gone, and that she couldn't wait for me anymore to get a job so we could start our future of marriage, kids, ect. I then asked her if there was someone else, which she responded with a no, and said there was no one else involved. I admit by this point I got kinda upset, because she told me how everything was fine the night before and that I knew she was "bull****ting" me when she told me things were fine, from how she kept looking around the room and not into my eyes. I then told her that was "****ed up" she got mad and hung up. I tried to call her back, she wouldn't answer, so finally I texted her saying "that was really immature and really cold what she just done." She texts me back stating " I am not going to argue with you and you can call it whatever you want." So a week goes by where we don't talk and then I try to talk to her on the 10th, she tells me that she doesn't want to talk for awhile because it was to hard, and she needs time to let things set in. I then apologized for how I acting during the break up. Well fast forward two days later, I spoke to her once more and she informed me she was "seeing someone else" though she claimed they were just talking. I found out through some friend's it's a coworker from work, who is also her boss's son. Which she does end up telling me later on. So by this point, I am thinking "okay she lied about breaking up with me without someone else being involved." I then find out she went out on a date with him the very next day after we broke up, and to a few of her friend's she bragged about not being with me anymore, and saying the new guy was a lot more active then I am. Her meaning being, that he takes her out on dates and stuff. Well we don't speak for another week, and then we talk again but it's to say how things are and she says she is still just "talking" with that guy, though she really likes him, and she goes on to say how her feelings for me just sorta disappeared and she felt like the spark was gone. She also said her heart and soul felt broken, from problems we had in the past and how things never seemed to change. I then informed her I wrote her some poetry to try and express how I really feel and I read them to her, her response involved going silent, sounding like she was going to cry, and saying they were really good.. after that we just sorta reflected on old times before saying goodbye. Well another few days go by, and her brother talks to me about it, and he was the one who told me he thought it was a rebound relationship. That my ex is seeking comfort with someone else, because he is giving her the attention that I was neglecting her in the past month, which is the same time she claims her feelings for me changed. Well after another few days, we talked off and on and she told me how she didn't think it was wise if we hung out, or talk for awhile because she was "seeing" someone. When I mentioned that I thought they were just talking, she said they were taking things slow, but that she was pretty much with him..and they can't let their coworkers or his parents find out. Keep in mind they are "together" after only about two and a half weeks after we broke up. I have also heard from my sister and another friend who are friend's with her, she tells them the same thing about wanting to take things slowly, and that she really wants it to work with this guy.. but my sister personally thinks it's all just infatuation because she has known this guy since around the time we got back together in Sept. Well as a little more time passes on, my ex talks to me here and there, because I started the talking. >_< I mentioned how I missed her and would like to see her sometime just as a friend..but she said it wouldn't be a good idea because of the guy she was seeing wouldn't like it. Plus she wouldn't want me to be anymore hurt.. well I then tell her I was starting to feel like I was getting over it... and that I felt like I was slowly starting to move on. Well she replied with a "yeah" and I said it was true, and she said she was "glad". Her next response? She asked if I was seeing/talking to anyone. I told her no and that I wouldn't try as long as I still had feelings for her. She said that she felt the right one will come around for me in time. But here's where it starts to change up.. she starts texting me out of the blue and letting me call her, so she goes from NC to saying I can talk to her and we can still be friend's and every time we are about to stop talking she tells me I can text her later if I want. Then when I brought up seeing each other, for the first few tries she said she still didn't think it was the right time..and then goes on to say "but you know if i just happened to run into your when you are hanging out with my brother that would be fine, or you could come say hey to me for a minute, doesn't mean we still can't be buds." But then the next day she says maybe next week, and then before I knew it we were hanging out this past Saturday...this is where it gets hectic. I came over to her place with a friend who was trying to get with my ex's sister who was also there. We all had a little drinking down, and I did some flirting with her after getting a buzz going. She seemed to be flirting back somewhat as she was smiling and seeming to be playful.. but then my ex's sister and my friend decide to leave to go to another party. Well my ex says I can't stay because we are drunk and alone, and I said "fine I will go home." Well she tells me I can't, and said that I couldn't leave until I sobered up. So she had me stay to watch a movie with her... Well throughout the movie, I kept noticing I was looking at her and she would look at me but after awhile she told me to watch the movie. Well after the movie finished we went into her room, where her dog was because he had been throwing up earlier in the night and she said how she didn't know what she was going to do with him. I then told her if she needed help taking care of him, I volunteered too because I love her dog. She told me she couldn't and that it would be awkward. I asked why? Her response? She brings us up, and brings up how we aren't together anymore.. Well before I know it she is talking about us and the new guy, and saying how she felt like her heart skipped a beat when she first met him ect ect. Saying how he treats her really well and is really nice to her, and he is "very old fashioned" in the way he treats her. She then goes on to say how with us, she felt like things died because of how nothing seemed to change with my schooling or not finding a job, and she couldn't wait another 3 years for me. I then got somewhat upset and asked her what she was gonna do if this guy was playing her? I say that just because he is 18, she's almost 20, she just met in Sept...and not to be judgmental but I have never met a 18 year old who just got out of high school, looking for anything serious or long term commitment with someone they just met like this guy is claiming. Well anyway..she tells me that she was willing to take that risk and that if he does play her, she will just deal with it and move on. But she thinks it won't happen and that he's serious about things...and she told me if they don't work out that doesn't mean we would get back together anyway. Now here's where I got stupid, I started to put my hand on her's and looked her in the eyes as she continued to speak to me and I began to rub her neck.. well after awhile she finally grabbed my hands and had me stop touching her so I stood up. I said I was feeling better and that I was going to go..well as I am heading to the door I told her that if she really feels like she will be happy with the new guy that's all I care about and she had my blessing on it. But before I knew it I walked up to her and hugged her, and as we were hugging I began to kiss the side of her neck before she broke the hug and looked away. She then said she wishes that I could hate her.. and I told her that I didn't and still cared deeply for her and before I knew it again.. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her I loved her as I walked out the door. >_< KEEP IN MIND PEOPLE I WAS STILL KINDA BUZZED. Well the next morning I left her a voice mail saying I was sorry if things got out of hand the night before and stated that when she was ready or comfortable for her I would like to meet up for coffee, to try and patch things up.. which I will assume was stupid to do because when she got back to me she told me that she didn't think it was the right time. So we talk briefly after that and she asked how I was and what I was up too. I told her, and then she says "Yeah I dunno, I think it's funny you tried to say I was emotional, when in reality I was just upset. ^_^" I said "I guess so, sorry" her response "haha it don't matter..=P". That took place on Sunday, and we only spoke very briefly yesterday but it was just about what we were doing and talking about how her dog was. But then I found out today that my sister hung out with her and my sister told me that I was brought up in the conversation, and my ex stated that it made her feel weird when I made "advances" on her. Which another friend told me my ex told her the same thing and said it "annoyed" her. After that my sister said she seemed to be really happy, and talk about the new guy and how they are taking things slow, and that they have been hanging out ect ect. What do you think is going on in her head? Is she trying to move on seriously or what? She tells people I annoyed her that night and saying all this stuff like she told me not to try anything, but that night she never told me to stop, it was only after like ten minutes did she put her hands on mine to move them off her when I was resting them on her knee, and it's like.. she claims to be feeling bad too and all that..but she tells everyone else how that annoyed her and that she was fine? So yeah that pretty much sums up what is going on with us, as of now I have decided to do the NC rule for a few months. Because this is driving me crazy. Don't get me wrong, I still would like to believe this could all be somehow worked out, and my neglecting her, ignoring her from time to time, and all the other little things is what caused her to get with someone else. But I am prepared for the worst as well if we can't get back together. I do love this girl with all my heart, and I know that probably sounds overused and cliche but it is how I feel. What's funny is in the time we were together I couldn't find a job no matter how hard I tried.. now I am looking at getting hired in the next few weeks at two separate places, and debating on working at both for extra money. I am also getting my GED in Jan. But yeah I do have a few questions I hope someone can answer... 1. Why is it she still seems somewhat flirty? She does maintain some eye contact with me and while we were talking earlier in the night I was over she smiled. 2. If she has moved on, why would she get upset at me calling her pet names? When we first started talking again, I called her sunshine and she told me not too because it brought up bad memories but ended it with a "=P". 3. Is her leaving me and going out on a date with the guy she left me for the next day considered a rebound relationship? 4. Why does she still have pics of us on facebook? She has untagged herself from some but they are still up, and the album of us wasn't deleted but hidden. If anyone is curious as to why I think that just ask and i'll explain. But yeah I asked her why myself and she claimed she hadn't gotten around to taking them down, but it's been over 3 weeks and they are still up, and she has uploaded other pictures of herself since. 5. Does it sound like she honestly has fallen for this guy, or is it Infatuation from him giving her attention? 6. Is there anyway I can fix this or get her back? 7. Based on what I have said, does it sound like this guy is just trying to sweet talk her and be nice to her just to get some? Or do you think the guy actually likes/cares about her even though they have known each other for like 2 months. Also keep in mind that they are different, from what I was told, he likes rap music, she hates rap, he dresses preppy, she dresses Gothic and likes techno. This is what has me the most curious because I can't figure out if again he only likes her because she's an attractive girl at work, and she likes him because he's filling the void I was leaving in the attention department. >_< But yeah that's pretty much all I have to write right now.. Sorry if it seems like a lot, I just want to make sure to be really thorough...If anyone can help me out please do! I will appreciate it!
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Didn't read it all, sorry. Just addressed the questions below, because it's basically what every new person with a breaking heart asks. And these are the answers you will pre-dominantly get.... 1. Why is it she still seems somewhat flirty? She does maintain some eye contact with me and while we were talking earlier in the night I was over she smiled She flirts with you because it gets a reaction from you, boosts her ego, and lets her know she can still yank your chain. 2. If she has moved on, why would she get upset at me calling her pet names? When we first started talking again, I called her sunshine and she told me not too because it brought up bad memories but ended it with a "=P". You shouldn't even be talking to her, period. Read the link in my signature. 3. Is her leaving me and going out on a date with the guy she left me for the next day considered a rebound relationship? It doesn't matter. If you're broken up what she does is her business, what you do is none of hers. 4. Why does she still have pics of us on facebook? She has untagged herself from some but they are still up, and the album of us wasn't deleted but hidden. If anyone is curious as to why I think that just ask and i'll explain. But yeah I asked her why myself and she claimed she hadn't gotten around to taking them down, but it's been over 3 weeks and they are still up, and she has uploaded other pictures of herself since. Some women are hoarders, and they think that getting rid of stuff like this, means they're erasing, and she doesn't want to do that. Call it her personal record of experience. 5. Does it sound like she honestly has fallen for this guy, or is it Infatuation from him giving her attention? Second-guessing what ex's do, never works. Forget what she's doing to get over you. Focus on what you need to do to get over her. 6. Is there anyway I can fix this or get her back? No. If she's slept with another guy, you really want her back, now? 7. Based on what I have said, does it sound like this guy is just trying to sweet talk her and be nice to her just to get some? Or do you think the guy actually likes/cares about her even though they have known each other for like 2 months. Also keep in mind that they are different, from what I was told, he likes rap music, she hates rap, he dresses preppy, she dresses Gothic and likes techno. This is what has me the most curious because I can't figure out if again he only likes her because she's an attractive girl at work, and she likes him because he's filling the void I was leaving in the attention department. >_< See point 5. But yeah that's pretty much all I have to write right now.. Sorry if it seems like a lot, I just want to make sure to be really thorough...If anyone can help me out please do! I will appreciate it! Go complete No Contact and do it like you mean it. Or else you're just fooling yourself, but not fooling her.....
Author XxBleedXxLikeXxMeXx Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 (edited) Yeah two weeks into NC she tried to texting me asking if i knew anyone who could take her dog and saying she knew we weren't talking but that she needed to get rid of him. We talked briefly and she mentioned again that she knew we weren't talking and then I told her that I felt like I was crowding her because I always had to talk to her to talk to me. She then goes on to say that she wouldn't mind if I texted her now and again to say hi or whatever. Well we talk a little bit afterwords and things seemed fine, then lastnight I get a text with her being really pissed off and accusing me of getting onto her facebook, she claims that someone has been getting on it and into her email account. Which for the record wasn't me. I tried to tell her that, and also said that the reason I wasn't talking to her aside from feeling like I was crowding her was because I was trying to move on, and that she can think whatever she wants because I don't care anymore if she wants to be mad at me. She responded with saying she would think whatever she wanted and told me to stay off her ****. Well this b/s goes on for another half hour before she says she was just going to drop it, by that time she also asked if her brother helped me do it because the person who told her that I did it, said he had a hand in it as well. I said it seeing it wasn't true regardless, I hadn't talked to him that much anyway, and he's in GA for the military. She makes it sound like she is find at this point and that's about it. But I find out later on tonight she tells a mutual friend I am a douche and a liar, and saying something about how I said I was trying to move on was a lie too. Now I didn't know she said that until after I talked to her tonight, and well how things went down pretty much we talked for a minute on facebook, and over text messaging, and then she said "don't take this the wrong way but don't post a lot on my FB because I don't want to upset ****. I said okay but that also makes me want to ask you something that has been bothering me. She responds with "what", and I gave her a call explaining that I wanted her to take the pics of us off facebook. She claims she did meaning the actual album of us. But I said how I noticed she still had some other pics up in other albums we shared, and that her profile pics were still covered with pics of us kissing, cuddling, holding hands, ect. She then gets a defensive tone and says for me not to look at them then, and tells me that she has been meaning to take them off but she hadn't got around to doing it yet, but that she would later tonight. She seems fine after that and says that she had to go Christmas shopping with her mom and would talk to me later. Well a few hours later, I find that she blocked me on facebook. I texted her asking if she was mad at me about asking her to take our pics down and she says no..but that she doesn't think it's best we talk for awhile. I asked her why and she said it's because the new guy doesn't like it, and that she doesn't blame him. I was kinda dumbfounded by this, because she said earlier that it wasn't a problem and again she seemed fine on the phone when we spoke earlier. I said okay, and mentioned that I thought it was a sign he didn't trust her, she responds with "that's not it..but ok." After that we just talked back and fourth for a minute and I requested to call her one last time, to get everything off my chest on my view on things and she said that wouldn't be a good idea, and that it wouldn't make a difference because she has moved on and that she didn't want to hear it. But then she also goes on to say she might call me after she's done watching a movie with her mom. By now guys I just gave up, and said ok and told her that despite what she thinks and even if she didn't believe me, I told her I never lied to her. She just says "yeah", and that was the end of that. I think now it's a safe bet she was just playing mind games with me, and leading me on somewhat to keep me on the sidelines in case things didn't work out with that guy, or perhaps she is pissed because I brought up taking those pics off of facebook which by the way have been up since when we broke up on 11/4/2010, and when I mentioned a week into our break up about them she said she would take them down when she had time. But seeing it's been over a month and a half, and seeing as people have commented on them since, and she even liked a few of the comments she knows they are there and made no attempt to take them down until I said something again today. Regardless I am going to go complete NC and even if she does try to talk to me, I am going to ignore it. I will say though that this really sucks, and this is my first serious break up. I was with this girl for almost three years, and we had that whole marriage, kids, growing old together b/s planned out. If anyone has any tips on how I can move on easier/faster. I would appreciate it. Or if you wanna share your thoughts on what happened and what you think is going on in her crazed mind be my guest. P.S: Also for the record when we started talking again after the 2 weeks of NC I wasn't attempting to try and get her back. I really was just trying to be her friend. Edited December 18, 2010 by XxBleedXxLikeXxMeXx
homebrew Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Not trying to pile on here but I will be honest with you since you are not being honest with yourself... You are in no shape or form ready to be friends with your EX. Everyone (including your EX), knows this. Just so you know... It is WAY TO SOON, you are no way near over her, she is immature, you want more than a friendship, etc. You are just opening yourself to more pain and hurt by trying to be her friend and by responding to her. Go read my thread called "No Contact for Dummies". It will explain why you are doing what you are doing and how best to proceed. On a whole different note... Facebook Everyone I know that uses it and from the countless stories here on LS.... It sure does create a lot of needless drama and in a lot of cases was the tool used to cause a lot of pain and heartache! I for the life of me cannot understand what the fascination is all about. It seems like for the people I know, co-workers, etc. it does more damage than good. This coming from a 38 year old... So I am even talking about older people here and not teenagers. For those of you that say it has not affected you or your relationship in negative way.... My response to you is... YET! To a degree, I understand why women would want one... (They love drama, soaps, lifetime channel, etc.) However, why on earth would a MAN need / want one? The only reason I can see a MAN needing one is if you are a public figure, promoting a business, artist, band or a private facebook with only your REAL FRIENDS and FAMILY. Facebook is like the new VW Bug... It's girly and you don't see any (straight) guys driving them. Do you think John Wayne or Clint Eastwood would be on facebook if they were not a public figure? The answer is he!! no! Real Men don't Facebook!
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