just_some_guy Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I'm sitting in my office dreading what I need to go off and do instead of having lunch. My STBX was dealing with some depression again. She posted an odd message on her FB, now no one can seem to get her on the phone and she didn't show up for work. Her relatives called and asked me to check on her, they are worried. Don't know what I will find, I suspect she will be fine, just not answering the phone or whatever. Then it will be me, playing the rescuer again. Or maybe she did do something to herself. Or arguably worse, the car will be gone and no sign of her anywhere. No note, no nothing. F***k all this drama.
TigerCub Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I'm sitting in my office dreading what I need to go off and do instead of having lunch. My STBX was dealing with some depression again. She posted an odd message on her FB, now no one can seem to get her on the phone and she didn't show up for work. Her relatives called and asked me to check on her, they are worried. Don't know what I will find, I suspect she will be fine, just not answering the phone or whatever. Then it will be me, playing the rescuer again. Or maybe she did do something to herself. Or arguably worse, the car will be gone and no sign of her anywhere. No note, no nothing. F***k all this drama. Hey just_some_guy, I'm so sorry that all this is happening. I don't know your full story, but that is just a terrible thing to have to go through. I hope that your STBX is ok, wow!!!! That kind of thing must make it so incredibly hard to walk away (because she puts in you in the care taker role) You mentioned that she has been depressed before - has she ever tried therapy? Hope everything turns out ok. I wish you all the best
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Excuse me asking, and I don't mean to sound callous, but - Why the hell, if she is your EX - is this still anything you are expected to deal with? You're not with her any more, and she is not your responsibility. if her relatives are worried - THAT worried - they should get off their butts and get with the program, and go check on her, not you.... If you don't need this drama, then don't have this drama. "I'm sorry, I really cannot deal with this any more. This is why *ex* and I broke up. She is not my problem to deal with any more, and while I wish her only well, and no harm, I can't keep turning my life to include her, because we are not together any more." Is what you say....
Author just_some_guy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 Well Tara, she is legally still my wife and her nearest relatives are 3000 miles away on the other side of the country. She's in the hospital now, where the professionals can take care of her. I will check on her cats in the mean time, since they need to be fed and looked after. I'm now at my home, decompressing.
AlisaMarie Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I know it's drama, but I commend you for being there for her know that no one else can be. Given that she is your ex, it's not like you want to see anything bad happen to her. I would drop anything if any of my exes needed me for reasons as such. Depression is not to be taken lightly. You don't know how deep their pain can run. I pray that she is ok, and that your separation/divorce goes more smoothly in the future. Take care dear.
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I'm so glad she's in the hospital and being looked after. I hope she's able to get the help she needs, be on meds combo that with counselling. Sorry that her family isn't closer, maybe her mom/dad or sibling will come see her once she's out of the hospital? Would take the pressure off of your shoulders to have help, once she's home.
BambooLand Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Why the hell, if she is your EX - is this still anything you are expected to deal with? it doesn't mean people stop caring about one an other just because they are splitting up. I'm sure the OP hopes she has a good life after the drama they went through and will look afte rher welfare even after they split. It would be devastaing to me if I broke up with someone and they did suicide because of it. I wouldn't want that to happen and I would go check to see if something was going really wrong. Hope all is getting better OP.
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Why the hell, if she is your EX - is this still anything you are expected to deal with? She is still his wife, he said soon to be ex. Plus, it's obvious the guy has compassion and consideration, still cares about her to check up on her. I think anybody would, no matter what circumstances. Imagine if he didn't deal with it, didn't check in on her? Knowing he 'could' have but chose not to? He did the right thing. Drama or no drama.
PegNosePete Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I think anybody would, no matter what circumstances. Nope not me. My STBX chose to cheat, chose to leave, chose to throw me under a bus. If she chooses to do something else then it's not for me to sit by her bed and tell her it'll be alright.
Author just_some_guy Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 Did the right thing. Asked after her, visited a short while, brought her clothes, insurance card and stuff. She's in for 72 hrs observation. What a mess, groggy, out of it. Not my problem, at least for a few days. I'm tired. Just tired.
slowbutSURE Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I don't have to tell you but I will, you're a good man and did the right thing. Good luck to you and hope your STBX comes out on the other side ok.
TaraMaiden Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Ok, Thank you for that, I get it. But you have to look after yourself too.... Things like this are completely draining, in every sense of the word. While you look after her, who's looking after you? Take care, be well. I hope all continues to improve, but temper your compassion with wisdom, not a sense of obligation. And I mean that in the kindest way possible.
Author just_some_guy Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 While you look after her, who's looking after you? Absolutely no one but me. There is no soft place to rest my head, no one to hold my hand, no one to tell me everything will be ok. Just her family, demanding to know how to reach her, her asking for more stuff and help from me. Sigh. In the mean time, I'm back in the office working today to make up for the afternoon I missed yesterday. Survived the corporate buyout. Now the new owners are trying to cut out all of the "old" guys who make too much money. Rather than just lay me off, which means paying out my retention contract, they ordered my management to create a paper trail and fire me in sixty days for-cause. Luckily, one manager told them to pound sand and tipped me off to what the new corporate HR directive is. Life just gets better and better.
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 You need to talk to a lawyer about your work situation, asap. That is awful, sorry that's happening to you. Sounds like you need a friend, don't you have a good buddy you can open up to and trust? Or even consider counselling for yourself to help cope with everything.
tinktronik Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Sounds like life is pretty stressful right now. If you need an ear we're here for you.
You Go Girl Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Just_some_guy, How caring and compassionate of you. I would do the same, for an ex, for an old friend, heck for a complete stranger. Life is precious. People are fragile. Chin up--you're a good guy, and life does have a way of rewarding those who deserve it, it's just not always apparent in material wealth, etc. The reward is in your soul, knowing you did someone who was hurting some good. What greater wealth is there?
TaraMaiden Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Absolutely no one but me. There is no soft place to rest my head, no one to hold my hand, no one to tell me everything will be ok. Just her family, demanding to know how to reach her, her asking for more stuff and help from me. I thought as much, that's why I asked.... I know how this feels, to be the super-duper dependable strong one that everyone seems to look up to, and you rise to form and act the part, but really, sometimes, you wish, just for once, that someone else would take over and give you a break. Well, we can't do that for you, but perhaps if we (or certainly I for one) promise to be here for you, at least you can vent to your heart's desire, and get it all off your chest. We can't do much, but what little we can do, we'll give it our best shot.... In the mean time, I'm back in the office working today to make up for the afternoon I missed yesterday. Survived the corporate buyout. Now the new owners are trying to cut out all of the "old" guys who make too much money. Rather than just lay me off, which means paying out my retention contract, they ordered my management to create a paper trail and fire me in sixty days for-cause. Luckily, one manager told them to pound sand and tipped me off to what the new corporate HR directive is. Life just gets better and better. There's a word for people like that, but I'm supposed to be a lady, and besides, I think writing it, is a ban-able offence. Take it as read though, that's my low opinion of them. Right on, about the 'legal advice'. Good luck. Take care and be well. Or maybe now you know, at least forewarned is forearmed.....
Author just_some_guy Posted December 5, 2010 Author Posted December 5, 2010 Thanks. I was wishing for that last night. I'm Mr. Emergency responder. I NEVER panic in a crisis. If there was a live firefight, you'd want me leading the charge. This is the third life-save for me. Wife #1 was a drug intervention, dad was a heart attack, now wife #2 suicide attempt. After it all quiets down and I'm all by myself, does it hit me. Late last night, it finally hit me. I was shaking a bit, feeling the hurt, tears in my eyes. Just wishing someone who was interested and actually capable of caring about me could tell me that everything was going to be ok, to hold me, just for a little while. But there never is. She's all bruised up from getting drunk and swallowing lots of pills and falling down all over the place. The house is a mess with wrecked furniture. To make it all just a little better for me, the case worker at the hospital was looking at all of her bruises and eyeballing me. I know she was suspecting me as the cause of her injuries. You could see it in social worker's eyes. They have to investigate me, I'm sure. Now that I've been tending the cats, I can see she's been on a wild spending spree for months. Stuff still in boxes from Amazon and QVC all over the house, expensive electronics, cameras, and all kinds of things. The UPS guy came after the ambulances left on Friday with more boxes of who knows what. On the work thing, I've already seen a lawyer. It is very difficult to prove age discrimination and big corporations have big legal departments who supervise their big HR departments so that all the i's and t's are dotted and crossed. But here I sit, alone, steeling myself up for the day, to go tend her cats, to answer relatives phone calls and emails. To face the inevitable finger-pointing that she wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't left her, whether expressed or implied. Then back to work on monday, to document my friday afternoon absence, to explain how I will meet my schedules. Grind, grind, grind.
denise_xo Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Thanks. I was wishing for that last night. I'm Mr. Emergency responder. I NEVER panic in a crisis. If there was a live firefight, you'd want me leading the charge. This is the third life-save for me. Wife #1 was a drug intervention, dad was a heart attack, now wife #2 suicide attempt. After it all quiets down and I'm all by myself, does it hit me. Late last night, it finally hit me. I was shaking a bit, feeling the hurt, tears in my eyes. Just wishing someone who was interested and actually capable of caring about me could tell me that everything was going to be ok, to hold me, just for a little while. But there never is. She's all bruised up from getting drunk and swallowing lots of pills and falling down all over the place. The house is a mess with wrecked furniture. To make it all just a little better for me, the case worker at the hospital was looking at all of her bruises and eyeballing me. I know she was suspecting me as the cause of her injuries. You could see it in social worker's eyes. They have to investigate me, I'm sure. Now that I've been tending the cats, I can see she's been on a wild spending spree for months. Stuff still in boxes from Amazon and QVC all over the house, expensive electronics, cameras, and all kinds of things. The UPS guy came after the ambulances left on Friday with more boxes of who knows what. On the work thing, I've already seen a lawyer. It is very difficult to prove age discrimination and big corporations have big legal departments who supervise their big HR departments so that all the i's and t's are dotted and crossed. But here I sit, alone, steeling myself up for the day, to go tend her cats, to answer relatives phone calls and emails. To face the inevitable finger-pointing that she wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't left her, whether expressed or implied. Then back to work on monday, to document my friday afternoon absence, to explain how I will meet my schedules. Grind, grind, grind. Good luck to you, jsg. Try to take care of yourself, and I hope in due course you'll find someone else to take a bit care of you as well.
Recommended Posts