flyfishin Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I did a post the other day but I wanted to update the situation. So the ex boyfriend of my girfriend of 3 months sent me two facebook rants in private messages. one stating how she cheated on him 3 years ago and he broke up with her, she told me the opposite when she first met me that he cheated on her (i know this has nothing to do with me lol). but he kept saying basically how she is going to cheat on me etc and how she did to him several times blah blah blah. than he goes on about saying they broke up a few months ago and she has no business posting pictures of us on facebook and how sick of it he is. she denies being in a relationship a few months ago with him eventhough he claims that. she said they tried working things out over the summer and went on a trip and things didnt work out. now when i first met her she never told me about this trip with him and claimed to not have dated him since 3 years ago when they broke up. so is this a lie or a secret that is really none of my business? he even commented talking trash under one of our pictures together on facebook and then she blocked him on facebook and deleted the comments. about a month ago she changed her status from single to in a relationship. i was there when she did it, no lie about 5 minute later this guy calls her and asked her if its true she is seeing someone and she said yes and please stop calling. the next morning while at work she said he called again asking if she is happy with me and she said yes and he promised to leave her alone. she called me and told me about this right after he called so fast forward two weeks ago she talked me into joining facebook. that day she changed her status from in a relationship to in a relationship with me so everyone can see it and that's where the trouble with this guy began. but there was a couple of things that made me uncomfortable. One they were still friends on facebook since we were together but i did know this and she was up front about it He posted on her under a couple of her family pictures twice since we've been together that i didnt know about since i wasnt on facebook yet. And I found a post she posted under his wall around halloween time and i wasnt on facebook yet. it was very innocent and her and another girl were just saying lol to a halloween joke he posted but still made me uncomfortable seeing it. I asked her if she ever posted on his wall and she denied it. then i told her about the post i saw and she claims to have "forgot" about that post. so basically she lied or forgot. and she said its not a big deal as im making it to be and if she was hiding anything she would've never asked me to join facebook. she seems to be very much into me and i have no other reasons besides this to feel funny. on thanksgiving i met all of her family,etc. think she was cheating seeing me and this guy at the sametime and chose me and he got bitter? or am i completely unjust with that theory?
carhill Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 1. Prior to 'in a relationship' with you she might not have considered any contact with her ex as 'cheating' regardless of the nature of that contact. 2. She appears to be sharing with you her contact with him contemporaneously. I'm sure she's happy to share the cell phone records to support that. 3. I would suggest both of you back away from Facebook until your relationship is more solid. Too many ambiguities from the past right now, IMO. Ask her to agree to that. Her friendships don't revolve around Facebook. I'm sure they're quite solid in real life. 4. If you gain knowledge of him calling her or her calling him, ask her to change her phone number and have no further contact with him. Her willingness to do so would be a positive sign. Alternatively, if she insists he's just a 'friend' now, great, invite him over for beers and he's welcome to bring his SO or date, along with your favorite beer. The boundary is she can't have things both ways if she wishes to have you in her life. Don't let the family part fool you. That perception deceived me a number of times in my past dating and love life. Everything isn't always as it seems. Look at *her actions*, now that the ex is out in the open. Actions, including inaction, don't lie. Some ex'es can be a pure PITA. Perhaps hers is one of those. With your support and her honest efforts, she can be rid of him. If she waffles, erase her.
Author flyfishin Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 thanks much for the advice carhill! needed that!
Author flyfishin Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 any other input or opinions anyone?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 any other input or opinions anyone? Yes, it's always a great sign about an ongoing relationship when one partner joins Facebook. She may as well have asked you to bang her best friend, just to see if you would take her up on it. You went for it...
phineas Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 Don't let the family part fool you. That perception deceived me a number of times in my past dating and love life. Everything isn't always as it seems. Look at *her actions*, now that the ex is out in the open. Actions, including inaction, don't lie. This threw me also. Inviting me to her family gatherings, showing me off to her friends. I've never had that happen before. usually they keep me away from their world until they've decided to keep me around.
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