poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I put this on another section abd realized that everyone on this section isn't totally heartbroken so I figured I'd give it a try. We were together for 3 years and broke up 6 months ago. She moved on that week or the week after-not sure and her and the new guy moved in together. Right then I stopped talking to her. So now she's been emailing me things like "I had the most amazing sex dream about you last night and had to take care of myself when I woke up." Then other times she's just very flirty and says how we shouldn't have given up on our realtionship. So if anyone here can offer any help to me as to what's actuyally going on I would soo much appriaciate it. By the way I too have been dating-I just don't tell her anything about my personal life-Thank you
ReadyforLove Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 She thought the grass would be greener on the other side but now she realizes she made a huge mistake and wants you back. So, are you willing to give her a second chance?
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 If she said "I want you back" then maybe. If it's just random contact then I won't make the move per se. FYI I broke up with her because I had to not because I wanted to. She began to hang out with loosers and smoke nonstop and party...I just still wondering why an ex girlfriend would send me sexually explicit messages. That hasn't been the only time in the last month or so-I mean she's sent some pretty crazy things about our sex life and how she misses things I would do to her-I knew her body and what she liked very well lol
ReadyforLove Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 If she said "I want you back" then maybe. If it's just random contact then I won't make the move per se. FYI I broke up with her because I had to not because I wanted to. She began to hang out with loosers and smoke nonstop and party...I just still wondering why an ex girlfriend would send me sexually explicit messages. That hasn't been the only time in the last month or so-I mean she's sent some pretty crazy things about our sex life and how she misses things I would do to her-I knew her body and what she liked very well lol Well was she cheating on you at the end of your relationship? For her to move in with someone new one week after your relationship ended is pretty shady. Is she still involved with partying and smoking? If you broke up with her for those reasons and she is still involved in that lifestyle are you still willing to give her a second chance? People don't change overnight so don't expect her to be the person you want her to be at this point.
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 If she said "I want you back" then maybe. If it's just random contact then I won't make the move per se. FYI I broke up with her because I had to not because I wanted to. She began to hang out with loosers and smoke nonstop and party...I just still wondering why an ex girlfriend would send me sexually explicit messages. That hasn't been the only time in the last month or so-I mean she's sent some pretty crazy things about our sex life and how she misses things I would do to her-I knew her body and what she liked very well lol I would send her one text, and one only: "If you keep texting me in this explicit manner, I will have no option but to advise your BF you are cheating behind his back. I don't think he would be too happy to see the texts you've been sending me. Please stop texting me and don't contact me any more, at all." And block her, delete her and erase her off everything.
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 One of the things she told me was how verbally abusive he is and he has a terrible temper and he's too emotional and can't stand it anymore. Someone suggested to me that she is using sex as a way to get back to me because as every girl knows guys like sex. So it's sort of like the gateway she choosing to employ?? I mean would any of you talk about sex with an ex boyfriend like this??? I have two other ex girlfriends and they never did it. Well one did but it was 2 years later not 6 months
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Stop worrying about it. Like you said, she didn't say she wants to get back together. She is trying to see how you react, and since we're on the topic, how have you been responding?
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 So you know I'm not sitting around waiting for her or anything like that...Oh I responded haha- I went right back at her with the same sort of talk lol. She was telling me how horny she was now and how she dreams of sucking my d_ck. Now some days she will email me about random things like how she missed going to my families lakehouse this summer for example-so it's not all sex but when it is it IS!!! Sometimes though I will admit I don't respond back to her for a few days
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Ok. So.....(Sorry) You're both being pathetic. This is really dumb behaviour, immature and frankly unfair on both other 'partners'. Grow up. I'm sorry - if you want her to keep texting you in this way, quit asking why she does it, and just deal with it, or get over it. By responding, you are as bad as she is.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I didn't get the impression that you were waiting around for her. I don't know what your dating situation is right now, but if you're in a dry spell, I don't see the harm in casually banging her, just make sure you're still looking for other women. What are you confused about? You don't seem like the kind of person that would ever take her back after this behavior.
reservoirdog1 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 She thought the grass would be greener on the other side but now she realizes she made a huge mistake and wants you back. This. Sounds like she was probably cheating on you with her now-BF; tough to see how she would have moved on (and in!) with him so quickly otherwise. In my view, you have two choices: 1. Ignore her. Don't respond to her texts or emails, and don't answer her calls. Eventually she'll get the hint and piss off. 2. Forward her emails to her BF. Let her reap a bit of what she's sown. Intellectually, the first option is the better one. The second one would be vindictive as hell, but maybe you're in that headspace. Either way, DON'T get involved with her again. Would you welcome a dog into your house that pissed on your rug the last time you let it in? Probably not.
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 I would entertain getting back together with her if somehow we could go back and have the wonderful relationship that we did have for so long. I guess that's part of why I'm asking about her behavior and what it actually means? I've certainly have had exes get back in touch in time but it didn't quite go like this is. I'm seeing someone but it's not serious at all. As far as this being immature-I suppose it is, but it's sort of fun too. Gosh I could think of worse things that people have done
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Then there's little point to your question, really... The 'why' doesn't matter. She just is. The question is, are you going to try to take this forward, or are you two just yanking each other's chains?
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 That's the point of my question. Simply put why would an ex girlfriend,i.e. motivation behind, be texting or email me about sex specifically at times? I wouldn't have started anything up that way to talk to her. Another thing I want to add is believe it or not she literally met this guy a week after I broke up with her. She did not or had not ever seen him before, but she did go from being really upset to really happy after she met him
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 That's the point of my question. Simply put why would an ex girlfriend,i.e. motivation behind, be texting or email me about sex specifically at times? I wouldn't have started anything up that way to talk to her. Another thing I want to add is believe it or not she literally met this guy a week after I broke up with her. She did not or had not ever seen him before, but she did go from being really upset to really happy after she met him *sigh*. This has been said so many times, it needs recording somewhere as a "Universal Truth": Second-guessing an ex's actions, or trying to see how their minds work is a completely pointless exercise. It can't be done. Nobody can get into their mind and really find out exactly why they say/do stuff. Hell, most times, they don't know themselves. The question is never "Why do they do.....?" The question is always, "What am I going to do about it?"
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 Wow thanks Taramaiden...I'll see if I can retune the world to black and white before I leave work too, right after I hope I figure this out though hopefully..Anybody else want to take a crack at this??
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 You don't get it. Look - If you really are curious as to why she is doing this - why don't you just ask her? It's more than likely that she will wonder the same thing herself. Her answer will be vague, and "I dunno, I just...." I would put money on it. Things like this are never black and white, and thinking you can get valid, consistent answers to situations like this is (a) very common, and (b) piddling in the wind. Trust me on this one.
Art_Critic Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 One of the things she told me was how verbally abusive he is and he has a terrible temper and he's too emotional and can't stand it anymore. True or not she had a motive in telling you that.. so you would NOT send her BF the text messages.. Dude.. you are so not over her.. you just said you would take her back if she said she wanted you back.. This is going to end badly... She lives with the guy but she is sending you text messages behind his back.. She is cheating on him.. So you really want to be her friend in this ?.. being an emotional tampon for an ex will give you a heart break you haven't felt yet.. Her motive is she needs an ego boost.. She is using you..She is using her BF..
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 It's not affecting me one bit emotionally. It was 6 months ago since we've split up so I'm over that hump for good. There's no going back to being upset or anything like that..I mean is it possible that because we were together for so long that she's maybe comparing me and him or something?? All I'm saying and I know nobody can read anyones mind is there has to be an actually explanation for this type of behavior form her. She's using the sex card for a specific reason with me...Come to think about it I've talked to my exes in the past while in a relationship with someone else and it was never about sex or anything like that
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Like I said - ask her. That's the only way you'll get the answers you're looking for. or not. as the case may be. but be careful. The words 'nest', 'kicking', and 'a hornet's' spring to mind....
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Next time she sends you a message, don't hold back, call her on it. Tell her, "Okay, come over and lets ****". Just have some fun with her and don't look beyond just the sex.
Author poorguy Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 That's a good idea lol..I guess what I was wondering was she sort of jumped in head first with the new guy and I cut all contact with her. When I started talking to her again she was saying all fo these things about us and how she drives by my house, and thinks about me nonstop and all fo this. I responded to her but very casually until well..this
Flirt Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Here's one plausible explanation: Some women (and men) like to string multiple people along just in case, because they can't stand the thought of being alone for one second, crave constant attention and don't care whom they get it from. You're just an easy target, because she probably knows you fairly well, knows what buttons to push, and stringing you along will give her ego an orgasm. She may not even like you at all anymore, but if you make yourself available, she will lead you by the nose as far as you let her.
ShatteredReality Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 It's not affecting me one bit emotionally. It was 6 months ago since we've split up so I'm over that hump for good. There's no going back to being upset or anything like that.. You cannot be so definitive with something like that. Dude. Seriously. One of the biggest reasons Exs are always a "threat" to the new person is because it's so much easier to go somewhere you've already been than to charter new territory. You can more easily fall for someone you already fell for. You can more easily jump into bed with someone you've already slept with. That is one of the reasons everyone says NC for life or very little contact and such. Why is she talking to you about sex? Cause she used to and cause she liked it. Does her current bf abuse her? Verbally or otherwise? Perhaps. If he does she should leave that relationship. If she cheats with you he'll eventually find out and it will suck royally for her and very possibly you as well. Talking to you gives her a boost - you respond and she likes it. If he's abusing her she doesn't feel sexy or pretty when he's around...so she needs to know she is those things and you're willing to give her that. However, if you just want to bang it out and see where it goes - have a blast, you don't need anybody here to tell you to do that. Also - TM is right - ASK her if you want to know her true motives. I agree, she'll probably say something thin like "I'm not sure...." Or Better - "I just...miss you..."
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Like I said, call her on it. Tell her to come **** and if she does, then keep doing it. If she doesn't, just stop responding to her.
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