First time getting cheated on

[DearJay]

Well first off I would like to start off by saying hello to everyone. And this is my first time on this site. Anyways I will start off with my story and see what everyone thinks about it. I was with this girl for 5.5 years. At the start we got together when she was 14 and I was 18. She is now 20 and I'm 24. To give you all some back ground when we first got together it was like fighting a losing battle with her parents. Her mother loves me and has always thought of me as a son since I have gotten with her daughter. Her father on the other hand was a different story. Letitia (Ex Girlfriend) had to always fight with her dad for his approval of us going out. For at least 2years. Always had to fight for me to stay the night. or for her to stay the night with me. Well about the time she turned 16 she had moved in with me for about 6 months. While she was still in school and still living in the same town. Then I got a job transfer working in a town about 45mins away. So we decided instead of her dropping out of school that she move back in with her parents. Because I believe education should come before relationships. Well we decided that I would come down on the weekends and visit with her until she finished highschool. Well she finished highschool around 18 years old. Moved in with me like we planned. Well we still live here in this town. And moved once since living here. Always having her family over throughout the week was ok for awhile but then it got to the point where I went out and bought a PS3 to play while they was here. Kinda my get away if you will. Well about 6 months ago I got a new job that required lots of traveling and 8-10 hour days along with it. So her friend needed some help and I decided that she could move in until she could save up enough money to get a place of her own. Around 4 months ago I came home from a trip from Kentucky. She sat me down and said "Jay I no longer am in love with you. Me and (her friend) are moving out." So at that very instant I got the gut feeling she had cheated on me. As I took her Virginity.Well what was I to do? Nothing I tried to talk to her and nothing. I cried my heart and soul out to her for her to stay. Because I truly loved her. Well she moved out. And about a week later i took her some of her notes and roses from a few years back that she had left. I talked to her for about 5 mins and thats finally when she told me that she cheated on me. So I did what anyone would do. Not talk to her anymore. Well 2 Months after she moved out she had sent me a txt message saying she would like to talk with me. So after totally ignoring her I went to her apartment and talked with her. During those 2 Months I found out that she slept with the guy she cheated on me with another 8 times. Slept with some illegal Mexican 2x. Slept with a guy 3x I hated because he beats his girlfriend.Slept with another guy 2x because she felt sorry he had Drunk (you know what). Then to ice the cake she slept with a friend I have known for over 12years and considered him as a brother. So while I'm finding this all out I asked her the reason she cheated on me. And I Quote. "Jay I went to Wills (guy she cheated on me with) house just for someone to talk to." So I asked her why didnt you leave? "He kissed me and I was to caught up. He picked me up and took me to his bedroom and I was scared so I just let him." She cried her eyes out like I have never seen before but just cant seem to wrap my head around it all. She says I'm "The One" for her and that she would never cheat on me again. And that I should really consider getting back together with her.

 

Sorry its a long story. Would like honest input. Thanks. Jay

[Gettingtired]

So sorry to hear/read what's happened buddy. Not good at all.

 

First of all, please try and type in paragraphs as that was a nightmare to read.

 

With regards to your ex, it's up to you at the end of the day if you want her back. But if it was me she had cheated on and also slept with loads of other guys, I'd kick her to the curb.

She wont cheat again, I bet she wont

 

Cut your ties with this one. You're young and there are plenty more great women out there who wont treat you like a twat.

[What_Next]

First, some advice, DO NOT use real names on forums. You need to protect the anonymous nature of forums like this. I suggest you edit your post and remove the personal details.

 

Bottom line? You're young, there are no kids, you aren't married. Move on, chock it up to life experience and put this situation in your past. This woman/girl has no moral fibre.

[dreamingoftigers]

She must have a crapload of emotional issues to be promiscuous with that many men and still be trying to be in a relationship. DO NOT GO THERE AGAIN. If you let this go, you set yourself up for a lifetime (or however long the relationship lasts) of pain.

 

Try to find someone with a better character.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

She literally slept with 5 guys in 2 months! Sheesh...there is no question about what you SHOULD do! That is leave this mess behind you. Once you find a "normal" chick you will thank us all! She is so not worth the trouble at all.

 

Your young...not married and have no kids. This could've been so much worse if you had those with her..but you don't! Consider yourself way lucky! Enjoy your single life..and have fun searching for a REAL princess!

[RobD70]

It's hard to take relationships seriously at such a a young age, especially now a days. I remember hearing lot's of these stories back in my early twenties, hell it even happened to me more than once.

 

Your ex is a lying slut, you need to run and don't look back. If you try to work thinks out with her it will end badly for you.

[strength-abounds]

Welcome to LS.

 

Taking your ex back after her 5 different affairs will do nothing for your mental condition. It will always be in the back of your mind when she is out without you. The chances that you will be able to trust her is slim to none at best.

 

Secondly, accepting her apology and reuniting with her will condone her negative behavior. She needs negative reinforcemnt for this behavior, otherwise it WILL happen again. I'm willing to stake money on this. 1 affair and it's possible she would have regretted it; but 5 different dudes?

 

Come on brother, suck it up and run the other direction. We all know it's easier said than done; but trust me, it can be done. You will be so much better off.

 

Good Luck and God Bless.

[Owl]

I'm not sure what the question is here, or what advice you're seeking.

 

Are you hoping to resume a relationship with her?

 

Are you wanting to figure out how to remove her from your life?

 

What "goal" are you wanting to reach here, that we can give you advice on?

[DearJay]

Well I would like to resume a new relationship with her. As I feel that she is truly sorry for what she has done. But conventional wisdom on the other hand says not to. Just trying to get others input and honest opinions I suppose.

[strength-abounds]

Well I would like to resume a new relationship with her. As I feel that she is truly sorry for what she has done. But conventional wisdom on the other hand says not to. Just trying to get others input and honest opinions I suppose.

 

Jay, it will never be a "new" relationship. Sure, you can say you want to start over, but it will never be "new". Conventional wisdom should win out here. She cheated on YOU dude. Never make someone a priority that considers you an option. Trust me, I have been there and done that. Not fun my friend.

[michelangelo]

I'm not so sure that your wife only started this cheating recently.

 

And I am not so sure she is done with it either.

 

You will pay a huge price if you take her back when she has such an unexamined and deception way of living.

 

Do not take her back under these circumstances.

 

And get some perspective for yourself from a psychologist. I think you need some.

[Doing it Since '78]

I bet you a million dollars Dear Jay that she is preggo and is going to try and stick you with the baby- Why else would she all of a sudden want you back, she's the one for you? boooyyyyy stopppp

 

Do yourself a favor run, dont walk dont gallop dont stroll run away-she is loose bro

[Owl]

Well, there's a lot going on here man.

 

I'd say that if you were to try to rebuild a marriage after all of this, you'd need a ton of help to do so.

 

There is a LOT to deal with here.

 

On your side, you're going to have an immense amount of lost trust to deal with...and resentment in how you were her "only" and now you're "one of many".

 

On her side, she'll have to figure out how to rebuild/regain your trust. She'll need to figure out how she can keep from repeating this performance again the next time she "gets the itch".

 

You both would need to learn how to "safeguard" your marriage.

 

But that assumes that she can deal with her guilt, and you can deal with the betrayal.

 

If you decide to do this...you're going to need to have some serious resources. Marriage counseling and individual counseling for both of you. Maybe even family counseling to try to overcome the issues with her family/dad.

 

Given what's happened...if you decide to try to reconcile with her...you're going to be taking one heck of a risk.

[Doing it Since '78]

Well, there's a lot going on here man.

 

I'd say that if you were to try to rebuild a marriage after all of this, you'd need a ton of help to do so.

 

There is a LOT to deal with here.

 

On your side, you're going to have an immense amount of lost trust to deal with...and resentment in how you were her "only" and now you're "one of many".

 

On her side, she'll have to figure out how to rebuild/regain your trust. She'll need to figure out how she can keep from repeating this performance again the next time she "gets the itch".

 

You both would need to learn how to "safeguard" your marriage.

 

But that assumes that she can deal with her guilt, and you can deal with the betrayal.

 

If you decide to do this...you're going to need to have some serious resources. Marriage counseling and individual counseling for both of you. Maybe even family counseling to try to overcome the issues with her family/dad.

 

Given what's happened...if you decide to try to reconcile with her...you're going to be taking one heck of a risk.

 

Owl-They are not even married bro, this is his girlfriend

[Owl]

I should have realized that.

 

That goes for one more reason why I also wouldn't recommend trying to rebuild a relationship after this.

 

If she does this now...the risk of her doing it again when you're married and the REAL pressures of having kids/paying bills/etc... kick in...is just enormous.

 

I don't suggest that you try to "get back with her". But the advice I gave earlier still does stand as the only possible way I could see that the two of you MIGHT be able to.

 

I don't give you good odds though...sorry man.

[road]

Sounds as if she's pregnant and doesn't know who the dad is, and you probably make a good living.

[Linda9999]

I have kids almost as old as you, and I know how hard you can fall in love at that age, but you need to cut it off with this girl as soon as possible, and get yourself tested for STI's. Unless you want to keep dealing with this stuff. Because she will continue.

[jonnyonionring]

don't even think about touching her! God only knows what she might have picked up! Seriously it happened to me. It was sooo embarrassing having to go to my doctor to find out what my cheating partner had passed on to me.( i didn't know about the cheating til it was too late) It was like a kick in the face.

At least you know about what she was up to and have a choice. Could you actually kiss her now without thinking about where her mouth has been? Get rid of that tramp or you'll never get over what she has done, believe me you won't ever stop thinking about it.

[wicar1]

She's a s****. I am sure you know it by now. Dump the b****. Make sure she didnt give you any STD.

[macgyver359]

Lession Dude, my brother sounds just like you do. Back 10 years ago my brothers girl friend / wife was seeping with everybody, when he was working 5:00am to 6:00pm trying to start his company. He got hepatitis from her, and it damaged his liver. That is how he found out, that she slept with a new man almost every 1-2 months for 10 years. (he got married at 2 years) that's like almost 50-80 guys that she came clean about, over about 2-3 months. (trickle truth). He finely set up a PI to follow her at night. What he saw made him have nightmares for years. He got out a year later.I think your girl has had a bad childhood, more or less. (Very hard to fix) Yes I can see that it was just a few guys, like she wanted to soil her oats. Girls do not think that way. She now thinks that she needs stable money, and a person that is trusting for a family. She wanted to find a new man ASAP and it did not work out. (trade up) I think she might be pregnant or had a bad very bad time with one of her new men, so now she says (s**t I had a good guy what did I do). It scared her to know what is really out there. You need to know that she is a high maintenance girl. If you do not show her a good time , she will suck what she has to, to have a good time... My brother to this day, has a hard time kissing girls at all. He now has a very very nice girl, she is the one for him. (He still misses her in the end, but he knows that she could never be trusted in the end)

[rhett89]

Jay,

 

I'm REALLY sorry that you're going through this. It sucks.

 

As many others have said, you need to walk away from this one. I know your heart is trying to convince your mind that you can work it out. Maybe you can. But there are literally MILLIONS of others out there that do not have the baggage you'd carry along if you stay with this woman.

 

Do yourself a HUGE favor and let her go.

 

You can think fondly of her. You can still care about her. You can still appreciate all the time you shared. BUT . . . DO NOT CONTINUE TO BE INVOLVED. You WILL regret it sooner or later.

 

All my best.

 

RHETT