theultimatenono Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I know what I've done. I've been to counseling 3 times. I don't need more advice, I need to take action. And I need to vent. I have been married almost 13 years. I strongly suspect my husband has been cheating for at least 10 of those years. The first time happened with an 18 year old in our 2nd year of marriage. We were previously living together for 3 years, so the infidelity happened in the 5th year of our relationship. Stupid, stupid me. No one ever told me that cheating is a deal breaker. Period! There are no excuses or words that can ever make it feel better or allow you to regain trust in your partner. I made excuses and let him back in too quickly. I rationalized that everyone is allowed 1 mistake. Really? I can't believe I was that naive. It wasn't a mistake, it was what he wanted to do. His ego is larger than Jupiter I now realize. He's always had someone blowing sunshine up his arse and I guess I didn't do that well or often enough. I allowed his tears and fake remorse to sway my first instinct, which was to end things. I did not listen to that little voice inside telling me to cut all ties. Now here I am 10 years later and there have been numerous incidents of infidelity. The 18 year old started with the internet and AOL. The subsequent bouts appear to have also been helped by internet activity. This guy has sent and received emails of private parts, his and theirs. I don't even think Hustler would publish this stuff. He has gotten emails from women asking to get a short stay and watch football naked. There have been numberous solicitations to meet and getiton. These things have happened right under my nose and I've allowed my gut to be ignored. I've stupidly taken the blame for all of the arguments and did a lot of looking at myself and how I communicate. Everything I said or did seemed to set him off. Either my tone was offensive, or I was saying offensive things. He loved to tell me that I thought I could say anything I wanted to. After me defending myself and a fiery argumen with him, I'd walk away from these exchanges, dejected, exhausted, and completely depressed. I could not figure out why I was so offensive to him. Now that I'm older, I realize time is way too precious for this non-sense. This guy played the Jedi Mind Trick on me so effectively. I was always looking at myself instead of holding him accountable and drawing my line in the sand. I have a handicap that limits me for some daily activities. That coupled with raising small children I believe made me fearful of putting him out. But how long can you live with this kind of behavior before you wake up and snap out of it. It has taken me 13 years. I no longer give a damn about what I might be doing to offend him. Tonight after the latest round of internet pornstar rendezvous, I told him to just don't touch me and show attention now. Since he has been caught, his behavior is 180 degrees different from what it has been for the past 6 months. He has been virtually ignoring me and telling me he's tired, or he's too busy to answer my calls at work. He has had numerous esxcuses for coming home well into the evening after the kids have gone to bed; excuses for why he can't answer my text messages, yet I see exchangeds between his number and ohters during the same time he received my texts. Yes - he's too busy for me but not for these other numbers to which he responds multiple times. Since his pattern has been to do these things in starts and stops, I recognized that we are in a start up period. I just can't take it anymore. I'm done with his dysfunctional bull****. I've cried an ocean over the very good men I've ignored throughout the years to stay with this ego maniacal jerk. I'm embarrassed at how many of them knew what I could not see was right under my nose. The worst part is I've NEVER EVER cheated. I have had every opportunity and wanted to do it so very very badly just to feel wanted and cared for again. And I need sexual satisfaction like no tomorrow. I'm not satisfied with my spouse in bed. I have no idea how others feel, but I'm not completely satisfied until the full act is completed. He denies me that pleasure by using withdrawal as a birth control method even though I'm on the pill and we use a condom. I'm left feeling used and cold. It's been like that for at least 7 years. My stupidity put up with that too. I thought he was being extra careful because we can't afford more kids. I think both contraceptives are enough. I still don't understand why he does it. It's very very hurtful and has served to create monumental frustration for me that I'm at a loss how I've managed to live with this and not seek out other fulfillment. It is so time to move on.
tami-chan Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 The worst part is I've NEVER EVER cheated. I have had every opportunity and wanted to do it so very very badly just to feel wanted and cared for again. And I need sexual satisfaction like no tomorrow. I'm not satisfied with my spouse in bed. I have no idea how others feel, but I'm not completely satisfied until the full act is completed. He denies me that pleasure by using withdrawal as a birth control method even though I'm on the pill and we use a condom. I'm left feeling used and cold. It's been like that for at least 7 years. My stupidity put up with that too. I thought he was being extra careful because we can't afford more kids. I think both contraceptives are enough. I still don't understand why he does it. It's very very hurtful and has served to create monumental frustration for me that I'm at a loss how I've managed to live with this and not seek out other fulfillment. "Never ever cheated" is not the worst part. It might be the best part about you. Thank your lucky stars that your husband insisted on using a condom. He still might not be beyond redemption-I think he worries that since he is a cheat, he wanted to protect you from STDs that he might get from his different partners. Stay strong and yes it is time to move on.....
michelangelo Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 You have put up with a lot. Vent away! One thing you might want to do--get tested for STDs. He may have insisted on using a condom for a different reason than preventing pregnancy.
love4me2c Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 So have you left him yet? I sure as hell hope so. What a sad sack of shyte.
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