Confusedalways Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I'm wondering if any of you have ever experienced this... I am dating this guy- a great guy! He adores me, expresses it written and verbally, loves to spend time with me, etc etc. When we're together, I feel great . I'm happy, I love spending time with him, we laugh, we talk and I trust him a great deal, we have good sex and whatever. When we're apart, my wheels start to turn. I'm nervous I'm settling (I am SO hard on my friends and give them crap when I think they're settling), I get worried I will never have sex with anyone else, I get anxiety over if I want to move somewhere else now I have to factor him in, and I feel like thinks too highly of me. I'm driving myself crazy. Am I over analyzing? I love spending time with this guy- and as soon as I'm with him or talking to him none of those thoughts even cross my mind (except that he thinks too highly of me). Does anyone have a clue what's going on here? I'm wondering if perhaps my brain is registering that this could have a lot of longevity to it, and panicking and creating ways to sabotage/ back out? I just want to think normal thoughts and 'be in the moment' but for some reason I just can't be . Thoughts/ opinions/ advice?
Surrealist Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I'm a guy and afraid I cannot answer that question. It is purely irrational thinking in my mind. Bit like if I was sitting here with nothing to eat but stale bread and water and someone was enjoying a chicken roast followed by icecream for desert and was contemplating throwing it in the garbage because of some irrational thought that they are settling. Just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.
Author Confusedalways Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 Well at least you confirmed I was being irrational. I guess I just need to chill.
D-Lish Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 What's the worst thing that can happen if you chill and just live for the moment?
Surrealist Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Well at least you confirmed I was being irrational. I guess I just need to chill. Yep, I think so too. You have something good don't ruin it needlessly. Best of luck.
Sanman Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Sounds like a fairly textbook case of fear of commitment. To play devil's advocate, what if this is the best you will come across and you choose to leave? The truth is that these things work out due to circumstance as much as commitment. Stop catastrophizing and take things as they come.
hoping2heal Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I'm wondering if any of you have ever experienced this... I am dating this guy- a great guy! He adores me, expresses it written and verbally, loves to spend time with me, etc etc. When we're together, I feel great . I'm happy, I love spending time with him, we laugh, we talk and I trust him a great deal, we have good sex and whatever. When we're apart, my wheels start to turn. I'm nervous I'm settling (I am SO hard on my friends and give them crap when I think they're settling), I get worried I will never have sex with anyone else, I get anxiety over if I want to move somewhere else now I have to factor him in, and I feel like thinks too highly of me. I'm driving myself crazy. Am I over analyzing? I love spending time with this guy- and as soon as I'm with him or talking to him none of those thoughts even cross my mind (except that he thinks too highly of me). Does anyone have a clue what's going on here? I'm wondering if perhaps my brain is registering that this could have a lot of longevity to it, and panicking and creating ways to sabotage/ back out? I just want to think normal thoughts and 'be in the moment' but for some reason I just can't be . Thoughts/ opinions/ advice? Sounds like you don't want to get hurt. This seems like a commonly seen defense mechanism. I don't think it has anything to do with longevity so much as you scared by how the longer things go on - the deeper the hurt would be if it were to end. Since none of these feelings are actually present when you're together, that is just what it sounds like to me.
Lots0fLove Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I seem to think ahead of myself when things are going good or what not with the man I am dating and I am a female I think its a vounerablity im not sure but it is annoying to over analyze a situation where u can't seem to grasp the moment while ur together. try to just free ur mind and chill out a bit we all get consumed sometimes.
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