humanracer25 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I understand the whole being friends first then dating but I heard a lot of people say "my husband/wife is also my best friend". To me that is odd because I could never imagine a partner being a best friend. My best friend is the one I have known from school therefore has been part of my life for long long time. With my ex girlfriend I saw her as a friend sure but not a best friend. She was my partner and lover, and in some cases that is even more important to me than a best friend though I would find it hard to choose between the two. I just can't imagine someone who you dated and then married or whatever suddenly becoming your best friend. What about the best friends you had when you are single?
Mad Max Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 You should be able to confide anything to your partner. So in that respect, your partner should be your best friend.
zengirl Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I don't know that the person "suddenly" becomes your best friend, but it is the person you'll be spending the most of your time with for the rest of your life (if you marry them), so it seems natural to me that they become your best friend. Not that your other friends go away, but it's part of growing up and getting married for them to become less important as you build your own family, etc. I don't think it's necessarily "sudden" but happens as the relationship progresses.
Els Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 It isn't that uncommon for 'best friends' to come and go. I quite admire you from having the ONE best friend since school, but as for me, having moved around for high school, college, university, etc, I have had quite a few 'best friends' in my history. In fact, sometimes more than one at a time, in different aspects of my life (one in class, one in church, one in the cybercafe that I frequented...). The good thing about 'good friends', which is probably a better term than 'best friend', is that you aren't limited to just one. I would expect my partner to hold me as at least as close a friend as the closest of them, and I offer no less.
musemaj11 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 For a lifetime partner, its not going to work unless your partner is also your best friend. If you would rather talk to your best buddy than to your wife, then its doomed for.
Stung Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 IMO, yes. However, they should not be your only friend.
Mellisa Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I understand the whole being friends first then dating but I heard a lot of people say "my husband/wife is also my best friend". To me that is odd because I could never imagine a partner being a best friend. My best friend is the one I have known from school therefore has been part of my life for long long time. With my ex girlfriend I saw her as a friend sure but not a best friend. She was my partner and lover, and in some cases that is even more important to me than a best friend though I would find it hard to choose between the two. I just can't imagine someone who you dated and then married or whatever suddenly becoming your best friend. What about the best friends you had when you are single? Well,if it's going to be long term, it's better to have someone who can also be a good friend in a way that you can take about anything with them knowing they wont judge you,someone understands you and someone you have a mental connection with.Can you have serveral best friends without having to decide who's the best friend?I dont know what would happy to my best friend if i find the man who can also be my best friend..I only know i'll try my best not to lose her.But so far, my experiences have been the"men in your life come and go but best friend stays forever"
JamesM Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 For a lifetime partner, its not going to work unless your partner is also your best friend. If you would rather talk to your best buddy than to your wife, then its doomed for. IMO, yes. However, they should not be your only friend. These two posts say it best and most complete. My wife is my best friend, but she is not my only friend. But if I were to put another friend above her, then it will certainly put a strain on the marriage...especially if that other friend were a woman. With the right partner and with time, I think the best relationships are between two individuals who consider the opposite person their best friend. However, if that person is the only friend, then I think the relationship will also suffer because then that expects too much from the partner.
murah989 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Your partner should be your best friend. However, I'm a firm believer in not putting all your eggs in one basket. Perhaps its my lack of faith in organic relationships.
quankanne Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I can't quite buy into the "my spouse is/needs to be my best friend" ideal because the dynamics of those relationships are so very, very different ... and often, you've known your best friend longer than you have your spouse! that's not to say you shouldn't treat your spouse with the same kind of understanding and patience you do your friends, but making him/her your best friend and then expecting that relationship to be the same as your marital one is inviting trouble, IMO. Because there are things that go on in a marriage that you deal with that you normally wouldn't tolerate in a friendship and vice versa. And to be honest, my husband – who's brought a lot of light and joy and love to my life – doesn't get me the way my closest friends do, and he never will because he's got certain expectations of me as a spouse that my friends don't have and that adds challenges to the playing field.
O'Malley Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Yes; the best relationships do have a solid foundation of friendship that doesn't alter significantly if other elements do. As other posters have said, both people need outside friendships to keep a healthy balance and not become overly dependent.
Hopeful30 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I honestly used to think it's a bit bizarre to be best friends with your lover. But then I met my ex. I suppose it makes sense that they become your best friend because you share everything with them. Whenever you have a problem, you share it with them, and ask them for advice. Especially if it's concerning them and the relationship. Instead of running to your friends and asking for advice, you two talk about it yourselves. I think it's rare to find that though.
irc333 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 A lot of men wind up agonizing over a woman they try to be "friends" with, because of this philosphy, only to fail miserably. So you have a crap load of guys fawning after a "female friend" and then never able to even as far as a date with her. It's not pretty. lol I understand the whole being friends first then dating but I heard a lot of people say "my husband/wife is also my best friend". To me that is odd because I could never imagine a partner being a best friend. My best friend is the one I have known from school therefore has been part of my life for long long time. With my ex girlfriend I saw her as a friend sure but not a best friend. She was my partner and lover, and in some cases that is even more important to me than a best friend though I would find it hard to choose between the two. I just can't imagine someone who you dated and then married or whatever suddenly becoming your best friend. What about the best friends you had when you are single?
carhill Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Living is about change. Embrace it. Divorce teaches one many lessons about 'friendship'. That's the good news out of an otherwise painful life experience. I recall, as a younger man, being 'demoted' as my male friends married and had children with their wives. Life, for them, 'changed', as it did for myself. Same with female friends. Probably the best way to understand this dynamic, OP, is to get married. It will all become clear then
theBrokenMuse Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 By best friend, it's simply meant that having a partner who you can build a solid emotionally and intellectually based rapport with (akin to that of a very close friend) is extremely important (to most people) in terms of long term fulfillment.
make me believe Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I've had the same best friend since I was 11. It's not my fiance. lol. I don't consider him to be my "best friend" because he's not a FRIEND, he's my partner. I consider him family, and there's just no comparison between a life partner and a best friend. They play massively different roles in my life. It's not that I put my best friend above my fiance - of course not! It's just that "best friend" and "life partner" are two totally different things to me, and they don't overlap. The relationships are completely different & not comparable. So I find it odd when someone insists that you have to be "best friends" with your SO. Basically I agree with what quankanne said.
SmileFace Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Your partner should be your best friend but not your only friend.
sumdude Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Your partner should be your best friend but not your only friend. I pretty much agree with this. Now if only my current best friend (who is also an ex GF) believed it too things would go a little smoother in life. But that's not the way it usually happens so onward I go.
Stung Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Oh, well. Personally I think if someone who is in a healthy and loving serious longterm relationship says their SO is not their best friend, they're really just arguing semantics. Of course my husband can't be exactly like my best girl friend to me, he's a guy, he doesn't always get that point of view. He brings other strengths to bear. I have other friends I've been close to for over twenty years, and we are still close. They know me deeply as they have seen me grow up and move through many stages of life and being, and I love them--still none of them is on the level my husband is on. He's the one I talk to every day, the one I curl up with at night, the one who always has my back, who will grow old with me. We're parents together, landlords together, our schedules and lives are interdependent on one another. He took care of me after my C-section, when I couldn't even turn over in bed by myself. When my friends visited with flowers and baby toys he was the one who half-carried me to the bathroom and helped change my bandages. He's my lover and partner and yes, my family and yes, my best friend. My other great friends are still important in my life, and they sometimes fill in some gaps my husband misses--because no one person can be everything for another, that's not balanced--but he's the main guy, he's it.
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