Has anyone actually followed the rules, and not got their partner back

December 5, 2010

Mine the first day I whined because I ****ed up and wouldn't shut up so she went to her grandmas. And then once more during I broke down because something happened in my life and I wanted someone there. But other than that I played it really cool and it's now been 8 months. And now that I have had my space and made changes to truely be happy with myself I don't even know where to start to ask for another chance. There were so many times where she was going to come back thou but her family said not to go back to me and then bought her a car. And I was great to her and the only problem we had was arguing about money mostly.

December 6, 2010

Im still struggling to find anyone who left with complete dignity and didnt get another chance.

A girl im sleeping with at the moment, she has an ex who STILL contacts her 3/4 times per day, after about 6 months. So much so that she is moving to another country.

She admitted that if he had given her space she could have sorted it all out. But because he kept pushing and pushing its ruined her attraction for him.

I always try n leave with dignity. I havent said a bad word to my current ex even though i have been well pisse off with a few things.

Emotion just gives them something to be angry about. Give them nothing and what do they have......

NOTHING

December 6, 2010

Im still struggling to find anyone who left with complete dignity and didnt get another chance.
A girl im sleeping with at the moment, she has an ex who STILL contacts her 3/4 times per day, after about 6 months. So much so that she is moving to another country.
She admitted that if he had given her space she could have sorted it all out. But because he kept pushing and pushing its ruined her attraction for him.

I always try n leave with dignity. I havent said a bad word to my current ex even though i have been well pisse off with a few things.
Emotion just gives them something to be angry about. Give them nothing and what do they have......
NOTHING

Good advice Capital P. But it's really damn hard to go against your panic mode once an ex starts breaking up with you. It's hard not to try to plead your case a little once an ex says it's over. Are you saying that it's pretty much over for you if you mess up a little and actually try to use logic once your ex ends it?

December 6, 2010

Im still struggling to find anyone who left with complete dignity and didnt get another chance.
A girl im sleeping with at the moment, she has an ex who STILL contacts her 3/4 times per day, after about 6 months. So much so that she is moving to another country.
She admitted that if he had given her space she could have sorted it all out. But because he kept pushing and pushing its ruined her attraction for him.

I always try n leave with dignity. I havent said a bad word to my current ex even though i have been well pisse off with a few things.
Emotion just gives them something to be angry about. Give them nothing and what do they have......
NOTHING

Well maybe I'll be your test case. We were together two weeks shy of a year. I'm about to turn 33, she just turned 31. She told me none of her other relationships lasted more than one year. Long story short, we were practically engaged. She told me it was the best relationship she'd ever been in. We were looking at rings, and a few days before she broke it off I told her that I had a job interview for a 2nd gig on nights/wkends to save up money to buy one. We had been mutually talking marriage and she had sat her parents down to let them know I was The One and they wanted to meet my parents. I believed I was well on course to an engagement and marriage with my ex.

She blindsided me with the breakup. She never came to me and expressed any dissatisfaction with anything that I had been doing, or aspects in which the relationship was not working. Spending too much/not enough time together? I don't know. Feeling smothered/neglected by me? I don't know. Dissatisfied with our sex life? I don't know. Her behavior up until the end was not noticeably different. I don't think it was infidelity, because our pattern of spending time together was the same, she wasn't becoming harder to reach on the phone, she'd check her email and talk on her cell in front of me, she wasn't dressing differently, no wild mood swings, no dramatic increase or decrease in affection shown towards me. They say with infidelity you can tell something is off or just not quite right before you zero in on it as the cause, but I really don't think that happened here.

When she broke it off, she didn't really give me a reason, not anything that made sense or was logically coherent - for what it worth it sounded like cold feet/jitters/commitment anxiety. She's almost always been the dumper in her past relationships and never let them get past one year, and that pattern appears to have repeated itself. Her biological father abandoned her mom when she was pregnant and told her to get an abortion. Her mom's been married three times. Her older sister told her she married for security and money and not love. From what I can tell, when I think back to the runup to the breakup and search for clues, I think she probably contemplated her decision a few weeks at most. You can't muster up the emotional energy to stay in a relationship for too long and put up a facade.

I wasn't a perfect boyfriend, but I know she loved me and did want to get married (at some point she changed her mind obviously), and I treated her right without being a wuss or a doormat. It's been seven weeks. I have not called, texted, emailed, IM'd, shown up at her place, etc. I sent her flowers a week after the breakup. No response. She waited a couple of weeks to change her status on fb to single, so I deleted her as a friend and scrubbed her from my profile. Then I mailed her a letter, a reaching out to you kind of letter, not a begging and pleading kind of letter. Told her I respected her decision, but some of the things she said were kind of hurtful and unnecessary. Told her that I thought what we had together was worth trying to save and I would be willing to try couples counseling, but I couldn't wait around for her forever and had to get on with my life. And that if she didn't want to work with me to try and patch things up, then we couldn't remain friends and couldn't stay in touch. No response to that either. She would have gotten that letter 5 weeks ago. So I'm at 7 weeks breakup and direct interaction, 5 weeks NC. She has maintained complete radio silence since walking out of my apt that day.

It's been hard trying to emotionally reconcile the breakup with the relationship itself, because I know she loved me. When somebody loves you, you can feel it. Whether she contemplated it a few weeks at most or a few days like she claimed ("I woke up this week with a funny feeling that something didn't seem quite right"), she made the journey from one end of the spectrum (in love and wanting to get married) to the other (wanting out ASAP) awfully quick.

I am instituting NC because I feel like she left me with no other options. It would have been nice to get a response to my letter ("I got your letter, I understand how you feel, but I made my decision and you need to respect it") rather than completely refuse to communicate with me at all immediately before and after the breakup. You may not want to be with me anymore, but I still deserve to be treated with kindness, respect and compassion. She broke this, so she needs to be the one to initiate the process of fixing it. It's still early enough in the process that I am pining for her very much, but I don't want her to see me at my most vulnerable, and I feel like I have to proceed as if the breakup is permanent. Leaving me sucks but is okay compared to how she did it. She's treated me like I was Ike Turner or Mel Gibson.

I'm proud of myself for having the strength to get through with NC everyday, and for handling this with restraint and dignity, but I'm not optimistic. What do you think?

Edited December 6, 2010 by GreenPolicy

December 6, 2010

I also removed him from facebook after the breakup right away but not because I was angry at him. Since he said he wanted to be left alone, seeing me on facebook wouldn't be helping me at all. Is this another mess up?

I have not angry texted or contacted him at all since he called to pull the plug three weeks ago.

December 6, 2010

I also removed him from facebook after the breakup right away but not because I was angry at him. Since he said he wanted to be left alone, seeing me on facebook wouldn't be helping me at all. Is this another mess up?

Absolutely not. Looking at their fb is not going to make you feel better, it will only make you feel worse. It's not a punitive thing.

December 6, 2010

Good advice Capital P. But it's really damn hard to go against your panic mode once an ex starts breaking up with you. It's hard not to try to plead your case a little once an ex says it's over. Are you saying that it's pretty much over for you if you mess up a little and actually try to use logic once your ex ends it?

If you have respect and value for yourself at all times then you wont go into the begging / pleading mode as much , and its about being honest.

The guy who is saying he didnt do anything but send flowers and write a non needy message.

Those things are both VERY needy. All it communicates is that you want them back.And while you are communicating this they wont come back.

The faster you show them you have moved on, the quicker they will have to deal with the loss.

Im still struggling to find anyone who has left with complete dignity in tact.....

December 6, 2010

If you have respect and value for yourself at all times then you wont go into the begging / pleading mode as much , and its about being honest.
The guy who is saying he didnt do anything but send flowers and write a non needy message.
Those things are both VERY needy. All it communicates is that you want them back.And while you are communicating this they wont come back.
The faster you show them you have moved on, the quicker they will have to deal with the loss.

Im still struggling to find anyone who has left with complete dignity in tact.....

The only mistake I made was sending flowers. In the long run that's not going to keep her from coming back if that's what she wants. I can sleep real easy at night knowing I didn't take it further than that. What sabotages a second chance is the text message terrorism, drunk dialing, begging and pleading to take you back, promising to change, etc.

I was blindsided and wrote the letter as much for closure as anything else. She broke our engagement without giving me a reason. That's a little unusual. I'm not counting on hearing from her again. I agree begging and pleading is bad and I'm relieved that I didn't do it. But there's nothing wrong with trying to talk and sharing your feelings with them and telling them how you feel. If they refuse to talk like she did, then you respect their wishes and move on. Then you use NC as a tool to heal and move on. And of course she knows that in the immediate aftermath of a breakup that I want the relationship to continue. Duh. What would be problematic for me is if I kept contacting her and kept begging and pleading with her to reconsider. At some point down the line she will no longer have any idea what I'm up to and she'll have to confront the likelihood that I've moved on. Enough time will pass that she will now know what life without me is like. We'll see what happens then. In the meantime, I'm moving forward with my life.

Edited December 6, 2010 by GreenPolicy

December 6, 2010

well I'm screwed. I pleaded only during the breakup itself while he was talking to me on the phone and calling it quits. I'm out of the game now.

December 7, 2010

Im still struggling to find anyone who left with complete dignity and didnt get another chance.

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago after he started off saying he had no intentions of breaking up with me but just had concerns and was telling me how he felt. Once I said that I couldn't be with him when he had the concerns he expressed he flipped it around and said we needed a complete break from another. I told him to do what he needed to do. He then said that we needed to cut off all forms of communication. The only thing I asked during that convo was whether it was a break or a breakup to which he responsed "consider it a breakup because I can't speak to you until I know that this is forever." My response was literally "Ok...bye." After 5 years of this on/off game I reached my emotional threshold. Since that day I made no attempts to contact him and he hasn't tried to contact me. I def. left with my dignity and self-respect in tact and it still didn't turn out positively for me.

December 7, 2010

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago after he started off saying he had no intentions of breaking up with me but just had concerns and was telling me how he felt. Once I said that I couldn't be with him when he had the concerns he expressed he flipped it around and said we needed a complete break from another. I told him to do what he needed to do. He then said that we needed to cut off all forms of communication. The only thing I asked during that convo was whether it was a break or a breakup to which he responsed "consider it a breakup because I can't speak to you until I know that this is forever." My response was literally "Ok...bye." After 5 years of this on/off game I reached my emotional threshold. Since that day I made no attempts to contact him and he hasn't tried to contact me. I def. left with my dignity and self-respect in tact and it still didn't turn out positively for me.

Well you still win because he sounds like douchebag and did not care enough to want to be with you.

If the other person is decent and its meant to be then it will usually work out.

Also, it can take years. You have left it in the best way possible and whatever you had done from that point would have only made it worse.

Believe me, he will still have attraction for you, much more than if you had turned to jelly

December 7, 2010

Im still struggling to find anyone who has left with complete dignity in tact.....

Haven't you been playing teeter-totter with the same chick for the last 3 years? I do hope you're experiences are not based on that. Not trying to be a dick mate, just curious.

I think that's a very rare feat. Even the most mature and dignity fueled breakups are most likely going to have one party that is going to try or slip once or twice...Especially if there isn't much explanation for the breakup. It's one thing to say cheat on your partner and get dumped, but when they act out of the blue it leads to a total mind screw.

For me, my ex dumped me via email, right away I deleted her off of FB and didn't contact her. She was moving to another state in 3 weeks and the day before she left I wrote her a 1 sentence email wishing her a safe trip, that's it.

She responded quite receptive with regret of how things happened and it was timing and she doesn't regret any of the time she spent with me and if she wasn't moving blah blah blah....Before I knew it we're now trying "friends."

She was still texting me, commenting on things on fb, etc...

THEN I kind of messed up.

I thought I had another chance and went for it....which was my mistake. We bounced a few emails back and forth. I merely said I understand she wants and needs space, but do we have a hope for working through things. She responded that she didn't know and needed to find herself and then went on to insult me in how I acted post breakup (by deleting her and not responding to her email). Using my balls, I stood up for myself which I don't regret at all. I merely said how would you feel getting dumped via email? At 13 it could be acceptable at 26 it's pathetic. I didn't say or do anything, and to hold that i deleted you off of fb and kept my distance, against me is very immature and cold. Remember, you dumped me...

Of course she got defensive and did the "well if I'm so awful you shouldn't want to be with me anyways." For the sake of being mature and caring I tried to rectify it and move forward...She had her hesitations, but was responding.

The final straw was similar to Greenpolicy, I wrote her a very nice email (pathetic, but that was our only form of communication), telling her my feelings but also proposing a break while we tried to work out issues (issues I still to this day don't even know were!)I knew she was in a new state and wanted space and well I didn't want to beg, but I did want us to give it another go...She never responded....I was shattered and realize now this was pointless....The real killer was finding out 5 days later she had a new bf (through a friend).

She had someone new less than a month and a half later all while leaving me hanging in the worst of ways. I highly doubt anything I did or didn't do would have changed that.

She sent me a private msg on fb a month back, wishing me the best and said she understood if I didn't want to be "friends" (she made sure to put quotations around it). Going by her display picture at that time (i dont creep her profile) she still has this new guy...I rightfully ignored it, which gave me some empowerment but not much...

Like Greenpolicy I was left baffled about how things sunk so quickly. She refused to give me closure, which till this day has made it difficult to handle at times. Gone are the feelings of missing her, but the anger for being so poorly thrown away and treated is still active. With time, things have gotten a lot easier to deal with. Though, that msg she sent me reopened a door I thought was closed...I know she only sent it to relieve guilt she had. It wasn't for me, which just made me more angry.

I was a fantastic bf to her...I have the dignity of knowing that and thankfully I'm an attractive guy so getting girls isn't a issue. Still, those factors don't outweigh the bitterness of being so wrongfully treated. I'm still in limbo in not wanting to date anyone else, which sucks since I've had to reject advances from a few smoke-shows. Heck I was so heartbroken I even turned down some rebound sex from an ex-fling...I'd be lying if I said I didn't regret that lol...life goes on though.

I doubt anything I did or didn't do would have changed how things unfolded. It's been almost 6 months now, and I think at this point she's not coming back. I'm just happy I didn't dig myself into a complete hole of regret and pathetic pleas. After she left me hanging back in June, I vanished. I will continue to do so. Even if I don't feel it emotionally, I will act out like she's dead to me. I deserve better than what I was handed.

Edited December 7, 2010 by SeriousBob12

December 7, 2010

Sounds like she was already seeing someone when she was with you.

All im saying is, its a long term thing. Even though you probably wont want her back in a few months / years time, these things usually come around.

And that is if

1) You are a high value guy

2) You dont fall to pieces

3) you werent too needy through out the relationship

4) You seriously handled your **** in the bedroom.

Its rare for a woman to get an orgasm, if you give her that then its unlikely she will find another guy who can match up.

Im going over my last 10 years of relationships and im saying that each time, even one i totally ****ed up, i had another chance 2 years later, but didnt want it.

My current ex broke up with me about 10 months ago. I moved on, she then wanted me back. We got back together, same problems surfaced, she broke it off.

At the moment her last text to me was saying she loved me and saying she wanted to meet up for sex. I didnt respond

As far as i am concerned, im pretty sure i could get her back if i had wanted, but i didnt reply.

so i can say that things always do come back around, based on my above 4 points.

A lot of the stories on here involve guys being depressed in the relationship, smothering, that kinda stuff. In those circumstances its unlikely they will be back

December 7, 2010

Sounds like she was already seeing someone when she was with you.

All im saying is, its a long term thing. Even though you probably wont want her back in a few months / years time, these things usually come around.
And that is if
1) You are a high value guy
2) You dont fall to pieces
3) you werent too needy through out the relationship
4) You seriously handled your **** in the bedroom.
Its rare for a woman to get an orgasm, if you give her that then its unlikely she will find another guy who can match up.

Im going over my last 10 years of relationships and im saying that each time, even one i totally ****ed up, i had another chance 2 years later, but didnt want it.

My current ex broke up with me about 10 months ago. I moved on, she then wanted me back. We got back together, same problems surfaced, she broke it off.
At the moment her last text to me was saying she loved me and saying she wanted to meet up for sex. I didnt respond

As far as i am concerned, im pretty sure i could get her back if i had wanted, but i didnt reply.
so i can say that things always do come back around, based on my above 4 points.

A lot of the stories on here involve guys being depressed in the relationship, smothering, that kinda stuff. In those circumstances its unlikely they will be back

Can you expand on smothering? I felt like we had a healthy balance in our relationship. We hung out on weekends and once during the week. Couples tend to mutually smother each other in the honeymoon/falling in love stage and then they back away a bit after that wears off for the sake of balance.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that in my situation, the entire time we were together, I got nothing but positive feedback. I was the first guy she ever introduced to her biological father. She sat her parents down and told them that I was different from all the other guys she'd dated before and she wanted to marry me and I was The One. She said all of her old exes would annoy her to the point that she would break it off (learning from her past that she's almost always the dumper). And she told me that I wasn't like that, that I was normal and well-adjusted and it was different with me. Her friends approached me and told me that I was a great guy and they'd seen some of the losers that she'd dated before and I was different. And she told me that she agreed and this was the best relationship she'd ever been in.

I really believed that we were on course to get married. We referred to each other as our fiancee. Less than a month before she broke things off, she reminded me that her parents wanted to meet mine, since they thought I'd be their son-in-law. Five days before she broke up with me she sent me an email where she talked excitedly about me buying her an engagement ring. I told her I had a job interview for a second job on nights/weekends to pay for a ring. When I look back at the month preceding the breakup, it dawns on me that she contemplated breaking up for a few weeks at most. She'd never been in a relationship longer than a year, she has almost always been the dumper, and she repeated that pattern with me by breaking things off two weeks short of our first anniversary.

Trust me, I used to be a chump when it came to women. I didn't lose my virginity until well in my twenties. It's only been in the last four years that I've had two serious relationships, including this one, as well as a slew of FWB situations. I have attained a lot more romantic competence than I used to have.

The way she broke things off, I just don't feel like I have much insight into what happened. What she basically told me is this: "I don't think I can love you the way you want to be loved and need to be loved, when you give me compliments I don't feel like that person on the inside, I've never been in a relationship longer than a year and I always do this, I woke up this week with a funny feeling that something didn't seem quite right. You're everything I've ever wanted in a man, I still love you, but I can't get married, I can't be in a relationship right now." She had trouble accepting compliments from me throughout the course of the relationship. She's very pretty, but she doesn't seem to believe it. Her biological father abandoned her mom when she was pregnant and told her to get an abortion. Her mom is on her third marriage. Her older sister married for security and not love. What she told me about her past relationships is that either the guys treated her like **** and dumped her (the last guy she dated before me did a hit and quit on her right after they *officially* became a couple), or she found them annoying after a while and dumped them, like a few months. Before me, she'd had only two other relationships last as long as a year and in both cases it sounded like she was the dumper.

I am not an innocent victim in the sense that I made mistakes that hurt the relationship, but she never once came to me and expressed dissatisfaction or things that needed to change. I would very much like to have insight into what happened so that I can apply those lessons for future relationships.

I've talked to a lot of people about my situation, and the common theme that seems to emerge is this is something with her, some sort of anxiety and fear about being in a long-term committed relationship. I thought about infidelity, but our pattern of spending time together hadn't changed, she wasn't harder to reach on the phone and stuff, she wasn't dressing differently, she would take her cell phone calls in front of me, check her email on her laptop in front of me, etc. The sex had fallen from once a week to every other week, but there were a few extenuating circumstances for that (the last month we were together there was a bit of a pregnancy scare and I didn't initiate sex for two weeks, she then got her period, etc). But the sex hadn't completely disappeared. I really don't think that's it. It's been two months since she broke things off and I don't dare check her fb, so for all I know she might already be in a rebound situation. But I don't think she cheated on me and I don't think she left me specifically for somebody else.

I wish I hadn't sent the flowers, but the message on the card was basically harmless ("I love you. I miss you."). I sent the letter because I felt like we didn't have a proper breakup conversation. She pretty much blindsided me and left after 15 minutes and not much more reasoning than what she gave me. I wanted to tell her how I felt. No begging, no pleading. All it said was that I respected her decision, that I understood getting married is a big step and could be scary, but we could always tap the brakes a little and take things slow. And that I thought what we had was worth trying to save through couples counseling, but I had to get on with my life and couldn't wait around for her. And if she wasn't willing to work with me to save the relationship, then we couldn't be friends and couldn't stay in touch. Didn't you say yourself that you need to stand up for yourself and tell your ex that you don't want to be friends? I sent the letter two weeks after she broke it off with me. I figured if I waited any longer, like 2-3 months or whatever, it would signal that I was still torn up about this and had not gotten over. Didn't call, text, email, IM her once after she left my apartment. The flowers and the letter were the only two things I did to initiate contact.

I'm not going to sweat it too much or beat myself up too much. Anything more on my part would have been too much. Since then I've been hunkered down in NC and am trying to move forward. I have a trip to California planned for my birthday in February. I'm already in good shape, but I've been working out as a way to stay in shape and physically feel better. I've put in some applications to volunteer at the SPCA, United Way, Red Cross, etc. I've made it to 36 days of NC. I don't expect to hear from her again, but under the circumstances, I think I handled things fairly well and I believe I kept my dignity and self-respect intact.

Edited December 7, 2010 by GreenPolicy

December 7, 2010

Look, i cant reply to everything on here , im hoping someone else can

All im saying is 75% of people on here are guys.

No one has dumped Brad Pitt

Relationships take work , dont expect to relax and maintain the attraction

You get too emotional and they have you by the balls. Once they have that they decide if its what they really want

December 7, 2010

Also, I have enough self-respect and dignity to realize that it's not healthy to so fixate on getting back together with her to gloss over the fact that she's treated me like **** in how she left. Leaving me sucks but is okay compared to how she did it. You made a commitment to marry me, I deserve more respect, consideration and kindness than you gave me. Even if she did come back around and tried to get back together with me, I don't know how that process would play out or if I could. I would have to be able to forgive and trust her again, and that's not easy. And for her part, she has to be able to be confident and content in a committed relationship. Her issues aren't going to be solved in a few counseling sessions.

My pain comes from wishing things were back the way they were, but I can't go back to that. Right not my game plan is to treat it as if the demise of the relationship is her fault, but act on my personal weaknesses as if it were mine. Give her the blame but assume the responsibility. There's a void that's been left by her leaving, and I need to fill it up with things that make me happy and content being single. I want to be the best possible person I can be when I'm healed and ready to be in a committed relationship again. I'd like to tiptoe back into the dating scene in a month or two. Right now my emotions are still all over the place and I know that I need to get myself together before I can run game.

December 8, 2010

Well you still win because he sounds like douchebag and did not care enough to want to be with you.
If the other person is decent and its meant to be then it will usually work out.
Also, it can take years. You have left it in the best way possible and whatever you had done from that point would have only made it worse.
Believe me, he will still have attraction for you, much more than if you had turned to jelly

HAHA well he was def. a d-bag to me. I treated him so well and didn't ask for anything. When I felt like I wasn't being treated right I would speak up and he would get annoyed. He was never willing to put in more than he was comfortable giving. I see all of these things but why do I still feel like I wasn't good enough? That there was something about ME that he didn't like. I know the best thing is NC. But after treating someone so well and always being there for that person how can he act as though the past 5 years didn't exist? I really thought that by now I would have at least gotten a text or email inquiring as to how I am. I know the same could be said for me, as I haven't reached out but I know men just don't think like women do. I doubt he even thinks about me at all and that's just so sad to me.

I should have seen the red flags though when just last year he told me he had too many personal issues he needed to resolve before he could succeed in a relationship. I don't know if he got GIGS or if he genuinely wasn't happy but I def. didn't get any warning signs of an impending breakup. And why am I so scared that the next person he's with he's going to give the world to and treat like a queen?

December 8, 2010

Like Greenpolicy I was left baffled about how things sunk so quickly. She refused to give me closure, which till this day has made it difficult to handle at times.

Closure is only something you can give yourself. What I have had to accept is that what she told me during the breakup conversation may very well be the best way she could articulate how she was feeling and what she wanted to do, even if it was bizarre to me.

What I've had the hardest time with is that I felt she owed it to what we had together to try and make it work through counseling or whatever before calling it quits. It's not like we dated for 3-4 months and she said she was done. She made a commitment to marry me. Leaving me is not a crime and is of course her right. But I was hurt that she never came to me and expressed any dissatisfaction with the relationship or anything that I was doing that she didn't like. And right before it happened we were still talking about marriage, getting the parents together for dinner, looking at rings together so I'd know what she liked. To pull the rug out from under me and blindside me with the breakup is indeed a total mind****. I'm amazed I didn't do anything more than the two gestures I made post-breakup.

Begging and pleading and promising to change are big NO-NOs, but a tiny bit of pushback and reaching out to them immediately afterwards under the circumstances is understandable. I don't regret sending my letter at all, but I wish I'd not sent the flowers. But I can sleep easy knowing that if she starts to miss me 4-5 months from now or whatever, she's not going to refuse to reach out to me because I sent her flowers immediately after the breakup.

December 8, 2010

I followed the rules and so far no reconciliation. I'm okay though, have my good and bad days but I'm not beating myself up over things anymore.

She left me for another guy and apparently I wasn't as attentive as he was. What broke my back was she left me for another guy then during our "breakup talk" let it slip that she had planned it for 3 mos. Oh yeah, she was moving in with him as well. Geez.

Trust issues and all that. I couldn't handle thinking about her thinking of him while telling me I was her only one. Yeah, sick but I should've known better.

I was in shock for awhile. Kept the line of communications open, tried to be receptive to her coming back. I'd see her every now and then around campus and she was changing, cold and very much shutting me out:

"I don't want you to contact me anymore!" I suppose it don't get plainer than that.

Enter "no contact" I hated how she was treating me and how I would just wuss out when I saw her. I never showed it but a sighting of her made me so happy and then I'd crash just as hard. Screw that! NC until I got better.

A contact 4 mos later right after xmas, half hearted texting and then nothing. My birthday, Valentines' day, her birthday -- all went by and no contact. I had enough, changed my email and phone number and tried to move on.

I was okay until May, she sent me an email and tried to call my old number. For some odd reason I was in contact with the guy that got my old number and he was sympathetic to my plight and promised to keep me posted if she called again. She didn't.

I have no idea what the email said, no idea as I deleted it right away. Could not stand the idea she was gonna tell me she was engaged, pregnant or all of the above. Just couldn't handle it. But it still bothers me, what did she write??

Thank god for older lady friends. One took pity on me and gave the best advice to date:

"IF she wanted you back, she knows how and you'd know it..." I use that statement for support when it gets rough.

15 mos. I miss her alot but I'm not anywhere close to calling her so I suppose I'm riding this bronc into the ground. I hope its over soon.

January 19, 2011

My ex dumped me out of the blue. We were together about 10 months Not much answers and he was really callous to me. I've done everything right, but I still haven't had even one contact from him. Why?

January 19, 2011

Usually when someone dumps you they tell you why right away even if they're not directly saying it. There's really no reason why you should ask them. The reason why you get dumped is because your partner either didn't feel admired enough and is not interested in you anymore. The latter being the biggest part obviously since they have no desire to continue the relationship.

No contact does mostly work for the dumpee but can be used as a weapon against the dumper because you're pushing them away as well. By implementing NC you're not allowing them to hurt you anymore, see you at your most vulnerable, and if used correctly you're not allowing them in.

I feel like for this reason it should be used right away.

Men and women are obviously different though. NC might be able to get an ex girlfriend back but it might not get an ex boyfriend back.

What if your in NC for months and out of the blue they contact you? Im asking how would you really know if she wants you for a relationship or start one slow or she's bored and she just decided to call you but doesn't really want anything to do with you?

January 21, 2011

So true...I've had guys go NC after a breakup and I had no desire to contact them because I wanted nothing further to do with them! NC was a gift in those cases.

Were they jerks though?

February 3, 2011

Yeah my ex turned out to be a complete *******. My first bf wasn't though

Edited February 3, 2011 by Sugarkane

February 3, 2011

My recent ex did a similar thing to what happened to Greenpolicy

February 3, 2011

Sounds like she was already seeing someone when she was with you.

All im saying is, its a long term thing. Even though you probably wont want her back in a few months / years time, these things usually come around.
And that is if
1) You are a high value guy
2) You dont fall to pieces
3) you werent too needy through out the relationship
4) You seriously handled your **** in the bedroom.
Its rare for a woman to get an orgasm, if you give her that then its unlikely she will find another guy who can match up.

Im going over my last 10 years of relationships and im saying that each time, even one i totally ****ed up, i had another chance 2 years later, but didnt want it.

My current ex broke up with me about 10 months ago. I moved on, she then wanted me back. We got back together, same problems surfaced, she broke it off.
At the moment her last text to me was saying she loved me and saying she wanted to meet up for sex. I didnt respond

As far as i am concerned, im pretty sure i could get her back if i had wanted, but i didnt reply.
so i can say that things always do come back around, based on my above 4 points.

A lot of the stories on here involve guys being depressed in the relationship, smothering, that kinda stuff. In those circumstances its unlikely they will be back

you seem to have a lot of experience and I am wondering what your take on my situation is.

1. I'm a high value guy (good degree, done a lot with my life, handsome etc).

2.Not sure if i fell to pieces. this is where my q is.

I had a 6 month relationship where 4 months where long distance. We fell in "love" and told each other it all the time etc. She told me I was the only one for her blah blah you know the whole story already cause its the same as everyone else. But after I made a visit to her 5000 miles away ( Long distance was going to be over in a few more months), she changed the moment I left. Got very cold and told me she had moved on etc. I later found out she had started dating a guy a few days after I left. I know for a fact she wasnt before I left because she just met the guy.

Anyway As for not knowing if i fell to pieces. I texted her and told her how hurt i was and called her a liar. Said that I couldnt believe that she would treat me this way. It was about 5 texts over the span of an hour. She responded to them all very rudely berating and insulting me, then she told me to lose her number and never call agian. I told her I wished I had never met her and that was it. That was a month ago. Do you think that is completely losing it or no?

3. I think she considered me needy because one of those insulting berating things she said to me when I found out about the new bf was that "i thought all the things I said until i found someone who doesnt constantly need me as a crutch in his life."

I don't think i was needy at all. Just wanted her to show some interest and dedication.

4. She said I was more physically attracted to me than any other man ever. And that I was more well endowed than any man she has been with. But during our visit she made me feel like **** and I was having trouble getting it up.

She couldnt orgasm never had before even by herself. (she is 22)

So there is a chance that there isn't much desire left after that.

So basically my question is should I expect her to have completely forgotten about me already. To not think about me and to not care about me after all this? Or did I handle it well enough (no contact except that one time) and have enough going for me that someday she will be thinking about me and contact me to apologize or whatever. I do not want her back and im moving on pretty quickly after the way she treated me at the end but as anyone would know it would feel good to know that she did care/cares/ has some sort of feelings about me.

What do you guys think? I am not sure what I honestly think myself. I could see it going either way.

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