LessIsMore Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I have been dating a great guy for a little over 2 months. We met online (plenty of fish) From the start he has been wonderful. We see each other 3-4 times a week, and he calls every night we aren't together. He spent Thanksgiving with me and my parents/siblings and the same is expected at Christmas. I took my dating profile down much sooner than he did, like a month after we started dating. He had his up until last week but he had changed his status from single to "not single/not looking". I was guilty of checking up on his profile a few times a week seeing if he had taken it down. I didn't push the issue at first because I wanted him to take it down on his own, not because I questioned him about it. I have a coworker that also uses the website, and she contacted him seeing if he she could "bait" him to go out with her. She offered and I went along with it. She is a very attractive girl and he did write back to her saying he was just looking for friends because he was dating someone (me). So he passed with flying colors. About 3 weeks ago we decided to be exclusive. He was actually the one to initiate the "talk". Upon becoming "official" I assumed he would be taking down his profile. But even after spending the entire Thanksgiving weekend together I still saw him "online now" a few days later. This highly offended me. But I decided to ask him about it very casually. I sent him a text saying as I was making sure my profile was deleted I saw his profile was still up. He responded at first telling me he hadn't used it since we got serious. I told him I knew that wasn't true because it said he was "online now" I said that it worried me if he was still "browsing" profiles but that I knew there were other uses for the website, like using the message boards or forums. He said he didn't have any use for it anymore and he would delete it that day. He did end up deleting it like an hour later. We saw each other the next day and he told me he deleted it. I told him I wasn't trying to be controlling but I just wanted to make sure we were both on the same page about the status of our relationship. I explained that if he was on there because he wanted to see other people that he needed to tell me and I would do the same. He assured me that he only wants to date me but I can't shake the fact that he was still on there. It makes me feel like he is "settling" or dating me until something else comes along. I'm developing strong feelings for him and I want to know that he feels the same eventually. Am I make too much of this "online now" thing??
Art_Critic Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Not wanting to sound harsh but jesssssus... Him taking down the profile after you asked him wasn't enough and being in a relationship where you are both exclusive isn't enough ?.. You have to basically make a mountain out of a mole hill at this stage .. So he didn't do it right then and there.. maybe he was still tying up emails with other girls he was in contact with .. or maybe he was looking a bit.. who really knows why he was online at that point..or maybe he was online checking to see if you were online Unless you have reason to think he isn't being exclusive to you then I highly suggest you drop it and just enjoy the relationship.. Good luck...
Author LessIsMore Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Not wanting to sound harsh but jesssssus... Him taking down the profile after you asked him wasn't enough and being in a relationship where you are both exclusive isn't enough ?.. You have to basically make a mountain out of a mole hill at this stage .. So he didn't do it right then aand there.. maybe he was still tying up emails with other girls he was in contact with .. or maybe he was online checking to see if you were online Unless you have reason to think he isn't being exclusive to you then I highly suggest you drop it and just enjoy the relationship.. Good luck... I know, I know. I don't plan on saying anything else to him about it. If I didn't see him online I'm sure I wouldn't feel this way..
ShatteredReality Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I don't think you have anything to worry about. Social sites are more like an addiction these days. He's probably got a Facebook or MySpace or something also right? He didn't delete that did he? Those can be glorified dating sites in and of themselves. And there it's possible that he didn't want to admit to being on it because he was afraid of ticking you off but also being embarrassed of that type of addiction. Keep your eyes open, but don't stress it. The relationship is too new to be putting too much heavy stuff on there to carry...
Cracker Jack Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Honestly, this isn't a big deal. He deleted the page, so you shouldn't even be worried about it at this point. You don't want to start your relationship focusing on things that don't really matter to the big picture.
Author LessIsMore Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Honestly, this isn't a big deal. He deleted the page, so you shouldn't even be worried about it at this point. You don't want to start your relationship focusing on things that don't really matter to the big picture. I'm sure your right. Guess its my own insecurities.
TooAccepting32 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Hey I understand where you're coming from. I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's not like you've written him off or anything. I think that's more than fair. You have a right and a responsibility to look out for yourself and to be honest, being on a dating site can be suspicious behaviour. If you were no longer comfortable with it, who says you have to be exclusive with someone who's on a site that's primary purpose is for dating? I'm not big on people putting partners in a position to doubt if it can be avoided. You have a right as an individual to pick a man with whatever characteristics you want. Including men who don't hang out on POF while they're dating you. I had a similar situation. I just told him that it doesn't work for me to be exclusive with someone who's on POF. I said I'm ok with being on POF and dating other people, or being exclusive and being off of POF.. either or. He chose to remove his profile. It would have shown me more if he had taken it down on his own and wasn't hanging out on there. (mine did that too). That's fine.. it just takes a little while longer for me to see he is dedicated enough for me to get close to him. I've kept it in the back of my mind, but I haven't focussed on it. I focus on myself, my life, what makes me happy... In the mean time, he'll either prove to be dedicated and I'll move in closer, or not. If not, so what. My life is full without him, and then I'm free to find someone who would treasure me properly.
GorillaTheater Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I have a coworker that also uses the website, and she contacted him seeing if he she could "bait" him to go out with her. She offered and I went along with it. She is a very attractive girl and he did write back to her saying he was just looking for friends because he was dating someone (me). So he passed with flying colors. Holy cow. You better hope he never finds out about that little stunt. If he does, you might not pass so colorfully.
TooAccepting32 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Holy cow. You better hope he never finds out about that little stunt. If he does, you might not pass so colorfully. yea that's true! yikes! I was tempted to do that.. I'm not going to lie. I didn't want to give it that much attention though. Better to focus on doing stuff that fulfills you and if he finds someone else then so be it. You're still on track.
ReadyforLove Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I wouldn't be too worried especially since he told your coworker that he is dating someone (you) BUT, men on dating sites (especially free sites) usually have dating profiles on multiple sites. So just because he got rid of the POF account, that doesn't mean you are totally in the clear. ...Do a google search of his POF screen name...
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