Ballerfamily Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I was thread jacking, so I started this one Damn, should marriage be this hard? Seperation and Divorce is rampant. I worked my a$$ off to make a good life for my ex and my boys. I kept my moral compass aligned, resisted temptation, was faithful, loyal, spent hours with my boys, coaching,etc,took the ex out every Fri/Sat/Sun and at least once during the week. Told her how pretty she was, how much I loved her, hugged and kissed her every day of my life, had a fairly active sex life ( I would have preferred more:p) but was satisfied. Would have walked to the end of the world for my family. Didnt hang with the boys much (certainly on occasion) frequent the bars without her, etc. If I have to read books, attend marriage seminars, etc, screw it. When the emptiness, unhappiness, etc crept into my life, I fixed myself. I didnt blame and project. I worked on myself. If the other doesn't, it doesn't matter what you do. Everyone says work on your marriage. I say work on yourself, own it, and the marriage will take care of itself. Marriage cant be that hard, its are resolve, its are conflict resolution, its who we pick as are spouse. Its like the religiious maniacs who think to get into heaven you have to wear a halo and sing kum ba ya. Phooey, if its that hard, I will continue to fix myself when i have inner turmoil, and remain single. I have alot of love and compassion to give, you gotta want it my love. God Bless all woman who fall out of love and blame and project. God love ya. I'm free for now
karnak Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I posted this in another thread (as an answer to you). So, sorry if I post it again, but it's my opinion. I think some people are not made for marriage or long-lasting relationships (both man or woman). Some men marry because they want a woman to have their kids and want a full-time servant. Women usually want a guy who'll sire them children and help them take care of them (most lesbians also want to have kids, despite their sexual orientation). As soon as that "Marriage/kids/family life" fantasy has been fulfilled they move on to a carefree life, involving sex with several men and not having to deal with the responsibilities of maintaining a family. Unlike what most men still think, women are very similar to men in their wish to live a "wild lifestyle". Just ask Michelle Langley or other women who speak without fear of social repression.
carhill Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Compatibility is key. With a compatible partner, your ex can have, for her, an exciting and fulfilling relationship. The parameters, for her, are just different than they are for you. The cool thing about being our age is most people have substantial history behind them, both healthy and unhealthy, which contribute to and form their current psyche. Many datapoints to determine compatibility from. The other part is acceptance. Acceptance isn't saying she was a cold, heartless b!tch. It's saying she had/has different perspectives and viewpoints about love and intimacy. To someone compatible, she is a dream come true. Accepting that one isn't that dream, if so, is healthy. She's on a different path. A good marriage is not hard, IMO. Finding a compatible marital partner, OTOH, yep.
Author Ballerfamily Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Compatibility is key. With a compatible partner, your ex can have, for her, an exciting and fulfilling relationship. The parameters, for her, are just different than they are for you. The cool thing about being our age is most people have substantial history behind them, both healthy and unhealthy, which contribute to and form their current psyche. Many datapoints to determine compatibility from. The other part is acceptance. Acceptance isn't saying she was a cold, heartless b!tch. It's saying she had/has different perspectives and viewpoints about love and intimacy. To someone compatible, she is a dream come true. Accepting that one isn't that dream, if so, is healthy. She's on a different path. A good marriage is not hard, IMO. Finding a compatible marital partner, OTOH, yep. Sex with different partners, staying out late, running around with a coed crowd, ignoring your kids etc. No i'm not compatabile, so I accept. Hard for me to say she is good however. But okay, she has different needs LMAO My ex is a mess. But you are spot on. The problem is of course when one changes course in mid stream, and also fails to mention that to there partner or work on themselves. I was a very athletic man, which my ex loved. As I got older, after 2 knee surgeries, I stick more with golf and coaching and watching my boys play.(still in very decent shape. havent had much rejection since divorce:p) My ex has to run in a coed running group 5 times a week, and then party with them after. Cool, sorry. I work physically hard, my knees ache, I'm not joining your coed group. Funny thing, there all single or divorced. Which would lead me to conclude that a married person has no business being part of this group. If they are worth more then me and my boys, rock on. We are incompatable
carhill Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Why am I posting here? It's a *choice*. Each and every day we make *choices*. Life and marriage, as an example of one part of life, is a continuum of *choices*. They change and flow and evolve every second of every day. Few choices are 'perfect'. Nearly all are a balance. Sometimes that balance is predominantly healthy, sometimes unhealthy. Additionally, whether by nature or nurture, some people are more or less likely to reflect upon their choices and form new and enlightened perspectives which impel them to make *different* choices in the future. This is why examining relationship/personal history for compatibility is so important. People really do reveal themselves if one takes the time and has the interest in looking and *accepting*. Love doesn't have to be 'blind'. It can be a microscope, a lens to seeing more clearly. That's another *choice*. MC was instrumental in helping me understand the dynamics of choice, perspective, compatibility and communication. For others, life experience may do the same. Regardless, if one *chooses*, one can grow and feel healthier and happier from *all* life experience, even if perceptively hurtful and negative. We can *choose* how to process that experience.
Author Ballerfamily Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 and to add, we were compatable in every way when we were marriage. We were compatable in every way. I enjoyed she did, and she I. I handled MLC, she didnt
karnak Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I guess the reason women weren't prone to this kind of behavior was due to fear of social rejection (which really occurred). In these last years, as society has become more morally "loose" and social taboos are falling women are more and more starting to have attitudes which were once only associated to men. In fact, not so long ago it was still widely believed that women did not enjoy sex and that they only did it to please their male partners. In fact, women are more demanding than men concerning sex. And they really love it as much as we men do. They only pretended they didn't enjoy it because society forced them to think as such. I still remember a time (more than 20 years ago) when a woman would be labelled a "whore" just because she admitted she enjoyed sex (and she was referring to sex with her husband). I personally have since acknowledged that women have the same sex urges as men. And I have no problem with that. The only problem I do have is when women decide to enter a marriage and start a family without even knowing if that is the kind of thing they really want for themselves. Many women are "players" by heart. They love the game of seduction and the pleasure they obtain when they manage to "conquer" a new man. Just as it happens with so many male "players".
Author Ballerfamily Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 and to add, we were compatable in every way when we were marriage. We were compatable in every way. I enjoyed she did, and she I. I handled MLC, she didnt and to add, we were compatable in every way when we were married. We were compatable in every way. I enjoyed what she did and liked, and she I. I handled MLC, she didnt. I remained faithful, she didn't. So now we be incompatable. Cool. Own it. Live it. But they don't. She is the saddest looking thing I've ever seen. But her OM loves it. They are compatable. See, I see my ex as more then an easy lay. I see her as the love of my life, someone I would have gave my life for. You gotta want it. If she was happy, and if they were all happy, compatability would be the problem, now wouldn't it? Maybe I'm way off
Surfer203 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I think my wife and I were very compatible too.. we shared in everything. It was great.. how compatible is she with her new man? Does he live a clean lifestyle, is he willing to change his dietary beliefs for you, does he have the same values and goals as you?! NO!
Gunny376 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 As I posted in your other thread ~ you could have been the perfect man/male/husband ~ and it still wouldn't have been enough! Not because of any of your failing / shortcomings ~ but because of hers. And that can come from a number of things ~ from her childhood on up. Who we are and become ~ is the sum of our life experiences and the people that we interact with. At the end of the day? If you did all you could do ~ did right by the DW and dear children? Gave all you had to give? Did all that you could do? Then let it go? I can tell you from 53 years of living that I gave all that I had for the DW and children, for the Corps and my Country. You know what? In some's eyes it wasn't enough! I worked every weekend and holiday for the last six years ~ and still it wasn't enough to keep me from getting fired for having made a typo error on a certifcation form! (Apparently there's a difference between a .090 and a .009) out of sixteen different elements and 79 different alloys of lead. Be you a man or woman ~ there's just only so much you can do to satisfy, paicify, others? And there's still no pleasing them no matter what you do? Its like the old song "Garden Story" (Sorry I've forgotten the name of the singer!) "Its allright now! I've learned my lesson well! There's no pleasing everyone! So you might as well please yourself!"
eamherst14051 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Ricky Nelson........Christ, I can't believe I remember that!!!!!
Gunny376 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Ricky Nelson........Christ, I can't believe I remember that!!!!! THANKS! NOW I FEEL REALLY OLD!
carhill Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Ain't it grand to feel old? Gives 'hard' a whole new meaning
Gunny376 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Ain't it grand to feel old? Gives 'hard' a whole new meaning LOL! :lmao: You and I just aren't right!
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