zengirl Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 People say "don't settle" but surely everyone settles to a degree?. Unless you believe in fate and some kind of outside force controlling your destiny then it can be presumed that there is probably someone who is a complete or almost complete match for you but the chances of you meeting them in this wide world are pretty slim. Therefore people have to settle, they have to usually go for someone who lives close to them and someone who is single. So we all settle don't we? "Don't settle" to me means, Don't be in a relationship that isn't what makes you truly happy just because you're afraid/lonely/etc. It doesn't mean to wait for some idealized view of perfection. What's perfect? The truth is, with most people, if you gave them exactly what they think a Perfect Partner is, they'd ultimately find out they're unhappy. The truth is, most people idealize nonsense when they could be interacting with real people and finding real happiness. If someone makes you happy (helps you make yourself happy, really), helps you grow as a person, and is someone that you can build a life with based on friendship, sex, common values, love, and fun, then you're not settling at all. Is that challenging to find? Sometimes. But I've seen plenty of people find it and build great relationships together; it's not like it's a winning lottery ticket. It just feels like one. I agree 100% . . . so for guys who aren't in the upper echelon of looks/charisma, why is this approach a certain one-way ticket to the friendzone? The Friend Zone does not exist. The approach is not the issue---the girl just isn't into you. Perhaps it's because you're approaching girls who want looks and charisma, over compatibility. I mean, everyone wants SOME looks and charisma, but I know plenty of average looking guys -- including some I find downright unattractive -- who are in great relationships with people who find them attractive and wonderful.
make me believe Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I actually do think that most people settle. From what I see in real life and read about on LS, people find somebody they find interesting/cute/funny, they ignore any red flags they see, they assume that the other person will eventually change for the better, and they settle for the "emotional connection" that they claim they have because once they get involved, they are too scared to break up and start over. Then, of course, all of the things they "settled" for are exactly the things that they complain about & want to change about their partner. Personally, I don't feel like I settled for my fiance at all. I was single for about a year & a half before I met him, and I was super picky about who I was willing to get into a relationship with.
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