humanracer25 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 People say "don't settle" but surely everyone settles to a degree?. Unless you believe in fate and some kind of outside force controlling your destiny then it can be presumed that there is probably someone who is a complete or almost complete match for you but the chances of you meeting them in this wide world are pretty slim. Therefore people have to settle, they have to usually go for someone who lives close to them and someone who is single. So we all settle don't we?
SmileFace Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) Yes if you think about it that way. We have no choice but to settle. Then again with that mind set . Wouldn't life just be one big "settle". I don't actually disagree ,since I am a "half glass empty" type of person. But this mind set just won't work. Edited December 2, 2010 by SmileFace
Stung Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 No. I don't believe there is only one person in the world who is perfect for me, I actually think that's a really naive belief. I do believe there are maybe a few dozen people in the world A) with whom I could fall in love AND B) who complement my strengths and weaknesses well with their own strengths and weaknesses. They can be hard to find, depending on circumstances, but there's more than one out there. I am lucky enough to have found one of them at the right time and made the right connection with him. I didn't 'settle,' I fell in love with and married a really good man who fits well with my idiosyncracies--and me with his.
zig Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It's all a matter of wise choices. Some people do settle for someone who isn't a good match for them just to fill empty spaces in their life. I will never settle. Do I expect to meet someone perfect for me? No. There isn't such a thing but I do expect to find someone who I'll be happy with and on my death bed I'll look back and say "I'd do it all over again" There is someone for everyone. Don't ever forget that.
Author humanracer25 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 No. I don't believe there is only one person in the world who is perfect for me, I actually think that's a really naive belief. I do believe there are maybe a few dozen people in the world A) with whom I could fall in love AND B) who complement my strengths and weaknesses well with their own strengths and weaknesses. They can be hard to find, depending on circumstances, but there's more than one out there. I am lucky enough to have found one of them at the right time and made the right connection with him. I didn't 'settle,' I fell in love with and married a really good man who fits well with my idiosyncracies--and me with his. True but unless you believe in God or fate, the chances of such a high match being in such a close proximity to you must be quite low. But you obviously got lucky..
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 People say "don't settle" but surely everyone settles to a degree?. Unless you believe in fate and some kind of outside force controlling your destiny then it can be presumed that there is probably someone who is a complete or almost complete match for you but the chances of you meeting them in this wide world are pretty slim. Therefore people have to settle, they have to usually go for someone who lives close to them and someone who is single. So we all settle don't we? Why is anything less than perfect considered settling? I'm really happy with what I have right now.
Author humanracer25 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Why is anything less than perfect considered settling? I'm really happy with what I have right now. I think it's settling but I never said settling is a bad thing. If you hold out for the perfect match then you might lose out on something less perfect but amazing.
LittleTiger Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I haven't settled. My man and I are as perfect for each other as it's possible for two people to be - an 'almost complete match' as you say...... but then I didn't exactly find him living close to me either. He's on the same planet though, does that count as close?
alexlakeman Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Most of the times I've cheated in my life, b4 marriage, married, after divorce, with gf, etc.... Has been b/c I haven't found the complete package in one person. - One is super hot and great in bed, but unstable - Another would be great all around, but didn't like to party and drinking And so on... In the past year, I've must have gone out on 10-12 first and/or second dates; looking for the perfect match on certain things I don't want to settle on. It's near impossible. I have said all year the following: "You might be looking for 5 components in a potential s/o, but reality is that at our age (women I go for are mid 30's to 45) have our set ways, and no one should expect change at this stage. That said, if I'm looking for 5 components, and I find someone with, let's say 3 out of the 5, then it has life for a ltr, but it is SETTLING; and that's fine. Unfortunately with settling, to me atleast , cheating comes into play "well subject A has certain qualities I like and subkect B has some other qualities I like.... Which more often than not has led to cheating and disaster; so yeah, I am very willing this time to settele .
hydorclops Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 You don't find a person that is great for you and then immediately have a great relationship. You get to know a person and together you build, over time, a relationship. You both get to decide, over and over, every day, what the relationship is. Everything else to me seems like idealized Disney crap.
jimbo Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Since I was getting no where with online dating, I settled for a moderately attractive woman with a dump truck full of baggage. Initially, did not see it was a problem, rose colored glasses, but the baggage and her issues with relationships killed it. Heck, she even said she was horrible with relationships. It's scared me 4 life. Doubtful I will settle let alone date again. The pain isn't worth it.
GoodOnPaper Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 You don't find a person that is great for you and then immediately have a great relationship. You get to know a person and together you build, over time, a relationship. You both get to decide, over and over, every day, what the relationship is. I agree 100% . . . so for guys who aren't in the upper echelon of looks/charisma, why is this approach a certain one-way ticket to the friendzone?
Author humanracer25 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 I agree 100% . . . so for guys who aren't in the upper echelon of looks/charisma, why is this approach a certain one-way ticket to the friendzone? because there are certain people who because of personality,physical appereance etc stand a better chance of building a relationship with you than others. The key is finding them.
alexlakeman Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 The next Q would be what do you settle on? Looks, education? Weight? Personality? Kids / no kids? The most common deal breaker I've run into , that I'm having a problem settling on is a woman's body / figure / weight. Obvviously not talking "fat", but over weight. Living in a sunny area with beach, boating, and pool year round one of the things I find it hard to settle on is "can she wear or does she wear a 2 piece bikini?" Not Looking for Ms size zero or Four either. How fat do other men go on the "settling"? I had a thread a few months ago on THE perfect s/o I dated for a few months but was a tad heavy. Last night went out with Ms Sweetheart, good looks, nice voice, college degree, but had a doughnut(??? Forgot what its called) around her waist.
ConstantCraving Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) People say "don't settle" but surely everyone settles to a degree?. Unless you believe in fate and some kind of outside force controlling your destiny then it can be presumed that there is probably someone who is a complete or almost complete match for you but the chances of you meeting them in this wide world are pretty slim. Therefore people have to settle, they have to usually go for someone who lives close to them and someone who is single. So we all settle don't we? I think its a case of what makes us happy and what doesn't. Say for example, I meet this amazing woman who rocks my world...BUT she never reads books, she has no interest in current affairs and all she watches on TV is crap like "Strictly Come Dancing" [uSA readers: "Dancing With The Stars"]. I'd SETTLE for that. That's not too much of a compromise. But I'm sure we can all think of things we wouldn't compromise on under any circumstance, can't we? Edited December 2, 2010 by ConstantCraving poor grammar
ConstantCraving Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Last night went out with Ms Sweetheart, good looks, nice voice, college degree, but had a doughnut(??? Forgot what its called) around her waist. Muffin Top. I don't mind fat women as long their clothes actually fit them.
Stung Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 You don't find a person that is great for you and then immediately have a great relationship. You get to know a person and together you build, over time, a relationship. You both get to decide, over and over, every day, what the relationship is. Everything else to me seems like idealized Disney crap. This. And while I do feel I am lucky, I also dated for roughly fifteen years before I met my husband when I was thirty. In that time I figured out what I needed and wanted in life and a partner, and worked hard on my relationship skills. I don't believe in God or fate, and my husband lived almost 900 miles away from me when we met. I didn't just throw a rock and hit him next door.
Author humanracer25 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 I think its a case of what makes us happy and what doesn't. Say for example, I meet this amazing woman who rocks my world...BUT she never reads books, she has no interest in current affairs and all she watches on TV is crap like "Strictly Come Dancing" [uSA readers: "Dancing With The Stars"]. I'd SETTLE for that. That's not too much of a compromise. But I'm sure we can all think of things we wouldn't compromise on under any circumstance, can't we? Yeah I get a lot of messages that say "don't really read apart from the sun newspaper". NEXT...........lol
jimbo Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 You mean muffin top? I've never dated size zero, but I dated girls who were through 2 - 6. The one who has the six, started to gain more weight due to meds, but I did not mind. It was out of her control. However, when she continued to gain weight and would not work out or even dance with me to work off the calories, I was really not attracted to her any longer. She told me, just a year or so ago, she was as high as a 12. Sadly, if I am not attracted to a woman anymore, I have no interest in sex. I find once the sex stops, the relationship stops soon after. And yes, I work out constantly to keep in shape. I do not do it for dating, I do it for me. I would hope, that a woman would do the same. This one would not. So, if you add the bad food, meds and zero workout, well duh, yea, you're going to gain weight!. I met her at 127 or so. When I left, she was hovering around 140. I'm 160.
ConstantCraving Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I agree 100% . . . so for guys who aren't in the upper echelon of looks/charisma, why is this approach a certain one-way ticket to the friendzone? There. is. no. such. thing. When a girl says "let's just be friends" she means "I don't find you physically attractive and/or successful enough to date". I should know.
ConstantCraving Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Yeah I get a lot of messages that say "don't really read apart from the sun newspaper". NEXT...........lol You are limiting your options mate. If you want to avoid women who list "The Argos Catalogue" as their favourite book, then you will need to go after the brainy academic ones specifically. That's fine if you're a rocket scientist yourself, but if you mop floors, stack shelves, or work security (like me) then forget about it.
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 The truth is, you have to hit the gym ( for guys), and do lots of pilates and keep in great shape ( for women), and also have a healthy interest in current affairs, and be interested in learning new things and bettering yourself. Unless you look good, take care of yourself, and are reasonably well read, you are not going to attract quality partners. On the other hand; people who do look after their bodies, and are reasonably ed, educated ( at least average), and who have a decent personality, WILL find people who they click with, who they want to be with ( because their good qualities make their quirks and faults worthwhile) Basically, you have to be a quality person to get a quality partner. However, even the greatest people are fallible; no matter how great two people are together, each person in that relationship WILL have issues or traits that their partner will not easily be able to deal with. I do not feel that finding a person you want to spend your life with, but that has some personal problems or faults, is " settling", because WE ALL have SOME things about us that we can IMPROVE. Quality people who are above average in looks, intelligence, and charisma, will find other worthwhile people who they want to spend their lives ( or a great deal of their time) with, and they will ACCEPT eac others less than perfect qualities. Sadly, people who are poorly educated, do not care about what is happening in the world, are not ambitious or interested in bettering themselves, and who are unnatractive or average; such people will have to settle. Lesser quality people would either have to hit the gym and read some books and look into other areas of self improvement, or they would not be able to get an attractive, intelligent, quality partner; they would have to settle for the best that can attract, and tollerate a partner who was also not that well educated or attractive. Ultimately, we attract people in our intellectual and physical leagues, or roughly similar; and if you are lower down on the ladder, you either need to improve yourself, or " settle" lesser quality partners.
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I am about to do a Pilates DVD, then go for a walk in the sun, then go buy a swim suit and go for a swim ( summer here in AUS!) I have a lot of personal flaws, and am socially inept at making friends. I also do not know much about current affairs. However, I am fiercly interested in learning about a variety of subjects, and I KNOW that for nice, smart guys to want to talk with me, I have to be able to contribute things in order to have meaningful conversations with them. So I work on my fitness, and I plan to learn more every day so I can connect with more people, on a wider variety of subjects. I believe this will lead to me finding partners who I WANT to be with; not people I am with just because I need a partner, and will settle for the best I can get.
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