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How can I choose between physical and mental chemistry?

Sarah1977

By Sarah1977
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Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted
Comeon Titania it's not that bad. I have every confidence in your ability to take the garbage out at night if need be? ;)

 

Al-terna-tively, you can always opt for the guy who is not the perfectly intelligent, good looking, handsome, considerate, caring man who is a great performer in bed, and with some personal resolve and perhaps some gentle persuasion and urging, you can help develop that not so perfectly intelligent, good looking, handsome, considerate, caring man who is a great performer in bed into a perfectly intelligent, good looking, handsome, considerate, caring man who is a great performer in bed for you? :)

 

 

Thanks Surrealist. You have more faith in my ability to take out the trash, then my own father does.

 

Actually I have been feeling that it is too hard to find someone that i don't find something wrong with. It's all me. Like I have got this great guy who is perfect in so many ways accept one, and I don't think the one thing is something I can overlook. And mostly when I meet men they are wrong in the exact same way. So I think I am wanting something that isn't available in any of todays models (so to speak).

 

It's too annoying, depressing and disappointing to think about.

sumdude Established Member

sumdude

Posted
Posted
Thanks Surrealist. You have more faith in my ability to take out the trash, then my own father does.

 

Actually I have been feeling that it is too hard to find someone that i don't find something wrong with. It's all me. Like I have got this great guy who is perfect in so many ways accept one, and I don't think the one thing is something I can overlook. And mostly when I meet men they are wrong in the exact same way. So I think I am wanting something that isn't available in any of todays models (so to speak).

 

It's too annoying, depressing and disappointing to think about.

 

Well, so what is it? What's the one thing? BTW it's except not accept but perhaps accepting is the important word?

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted
Well, so what is it? What's the one thing? BTW it's except not accept but perhaps accepting is the important word?

 

 

I'm sorry about the bad grammar, my bad.

 

I can't say, because he knows about the forum, and I don't want him to know, since it isn't something he has any control over. Nor has any other man. And it's something you just can't find out when you first meet someone either.

 

And I get the accepting joke. It's so true. I really wish I could so much that you can't believe. Because this is probably the greatest guy I have ever met.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Comeon Titania it's not that bad. I have every confidence in your ability to take the garbage out at night if need be? ;)

 

Al-terna-tively, you can always opt for the guy who is not the perfectly intelligent, good looking, handsome, considerate, caring man who is a great performer in bed, and with some personal resolve and perhaps some gentle persuasion and urging, you can help develop that not so perfectly intelligent, good looking, handsome, considerate, caring man who is a great performer in bed into a perfectly intelligent, good looking, handsome, considerate, caring man who is a great performer in bed for you? :)

 

Or, you could find someone who has mental and sexual chemistries with YOU (which is what I inferred the OP wants in the first place), as opposed to requiring a stereotypical combination of ONLY the best parts of Brad Pitt, House MD, (insert favourite porn star's name), Mahatma Ghandhi and St. Peter... which is probably the male equivalent of your list.

Surrealist Established Member

Surrealist

Posted
Posted
Or, you could find someone who has mental and sexual chemistries with YOU (which is what I inferred the OP wants in the first place), as opposed to requiring a stereotypical combination of ONLY the best parts of Brad Pitt, House MD, (insert favourite porn star's name), Mahatma Ghandhi and St. Peter... which is probably the male equivalent of your list.

 

Yes, indeed.

 

I'm sorry about the bad grammar, my bad.

 

I can't say, because he knows about the forum, and I don't want him to know, since it isn't something he has any control over. Nor has any other man. And it's something you just can't find out when you first meet someone either.

 

And I get the accepting joke. It's so true. I really wish I could so much that you can't believe. Because this is probably the greatest guy I have ever met.

 

Buggar I think I know what you're talking about. Sometimes our genetic limitations are most disconcerting. :(

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted

Buggar I think I know what you're talking about. Sometimes our genetic limitations are most disconcerting. :(

 

Thankyou Surrealist, for understanding.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Yes, indeed.

 

 

 

Huh. So, you're agreeing that you misinterpreted the OP's post, then?

kdark Established Member

kdark

Posted
Posted

I had no idea that men who are respectful, intelligent, and compassionate outside the bedroom, but like things rough, sweaty, and brutal inside the bedroom were that hard to come across.

 

Makes me feel good about myself.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

Great for you, kdark. :)

 

I personally did find them rather rare, but that's probably due to my (rather unrealistic, I admit) preferences for 'exceptional intelligence', as opposed to just 'intelligence'. The fact that most of the men I knew grew up in a very traditional Asian culture (and are very sexually uneducated) doesn't help the 'freak in the bedroom' part either.

Mellisa Established Member

Mellisa

Posted
Posted
I have had this problem all my life and it's NOT about looks. It's about chemistry. Physical and mental.

 

What I've found is I'm mentally attracted to a certain type of guy. Super intelligent, funny, smart, kind hearted, confident. These are the types of guys who I feel a special connection to, like we're on the same wavelength. We can talk for hours, cuddle, get along, similar values and morals, etc. However, although I find these guys good looking, they ultimately disappoint me in the bedroom. There is just no physical chemistry.

 

On the other hand, the guys in which I have a TON of physical chemistry with....to the point where I just want to rip their clothes off every time I see them, I have no intellectual connection with. Seriously, I can't even pay attention to these guys when they're talking. It's like I'm a kid in a peanuts cartoon listening to one of the grown ups. Wha, wha, wha, wha. Yet, I'm blown away in the bedroom every time.

 

In the past, I've always ultimately chosen the smart guy. I used to think the physical chemistry could be improved with hard work and determination. I am generally really up front with my physical needs and I am clear about the 'type' of stuff I like to do in the bedroom. But the reality is with these guys, we just don't enjoy the same *cough* activities. If the guy does what I ask to please me, it is obviously forced and not fun for him. If he doesn't, I get bored sexually.

 

 

And obviously you can't take a guy you're physically into and expect him to suddenly grow a brain and a sense of humor.

 

So what should I do? I could wait my whole life for the total package, but I starting to think this doesn't exist for me. The personality traits I'm attracted to are the exact opposite of what I like in the bedroom. I can't expect to find a Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde.

 

It's really frustrating because I've had this issue my entire life and history is repeating itself this very second. I have my smart guy. I have my sensual guy. No idea who to pick to be exclusive with.

 

Who would YOU pick?

 

I dont think it'll be a good idea to pick the sensual guy who you have no mental connection with to go exclusive with.They are the fwb or **** buddy material but not life partners.As important as sex is, it only accounts a small propotion of the time in our life.We dont have sex all the time and as a matter of fact,there will come a day when we no longer have sex.What happens outside of the bedroom is a bigger part of life.Therefore qualities of personalities like being smart,funny,confident are more importnat than a good ****,of course assuming sex with the former is at least ok in that situation

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