AlisaMarie Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It's been one week today since I have last talked to/seen my ex. I have fallen into a pretty deep depression. Even though we've been apart for 5 months... the on and off and little bit of communication in between gave me some hope. The longest we have not communicated was 2 weeks. I am very scared to get past that 2 week mark because I feel that I have lost him forever (which is probably ideal). Idk, it hurts. If you're with me on one week and still hurting, please talk about it with me!
lvixen Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I was in the same situation as you with an ex of mine. We broke up and I was completely devastated, but he still wanted to be "friends" so I gave him that chance. Every time we talked, there was some hope in my heart that we would get back together. Hell, he even led me on at times. Until one day, he said, "I'm in love with this chick." That's when I finally decided to go NC with him. It hurt like HELL, every day I wanted to contact him and cry, telling him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him. But I stayed strong. You should, too. This is a very, very tough time for you right now. Contacting your ex will do you absolutely NO good. You have to keep that in mind. However, staying the course and not contacting him will only do you good. As for when it gets better? Unfortunately, it will take more than a week, far longer than that. I'd say, from personal experience, you'll notice some difference after a month of NC. After that, it only gets better and better. It took me 6 months of NC with my ex before I finally got over him. Was I crying and being depressed that whole time? Nope, and I doubt you will, either. Be strong for yourself. He doesn't care about you, but you should care about yourself. Take care.
qinboxmail Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It's been one week today since I have last talked to/seen my ex. I have fallen into a pretty deep depression. Even though we've been apart for 5 months... the on and off and little bit of communication in between gave me some hope. The longest we have not communicated was 2 weeks. I am very scared to get past that 2 week mark because I feel that I have lost him forever (which is probably ideal). Idk, it hurts. If you're with me on one week and still hurting, please talk about it with me! Delete any type of communication you have with him then you'll able to move on.
Leandro Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 No one can tell you how long it takes till you feel better, but you will with time. Don't break NC for any reason. Stay strong!
Wilie Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Come-on Alisa, We are both on the same NC time-line.. today has been bad for me to.. but we both want to feel better... keep yourself busy somehow.. anything will work.. let's both make the 30 day NC.. we can do it.. Will
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Thanks guys, I just need more distractions. Right now I am just waiting... letting time pass hopelessly. I am neglecting MY life, but I am letting the thoughts of him do it. He doesn't know I am pining. In our most recent meetings I always acted like I was happy and fine either way. I don't think he ever saw me cry. If he knew what this was really doing to me I would die. One week, and many more to come. Willi- one week today for you too, eh? I hope you're doing better than me. The good thing is that I am very stubborn. I won't break NC. But I still hurt inside knowing that he may not either. I would like to get a text or something just so I can ignore it. Selfish? Maybe... but he has been very selfish to me all these months since our break up in July.
b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Thanks guys, I just need more distractions. Right now I am just waiting... letting time pass hopelessly. I am neglecting MY life, but I am letting the thoughts of him do it. He doesn't know I am pining. In our most recent meetings I always acted like I was happy and fine either way. I don't think he ever saw me cry. If he knew what this was really doing to me I would die. One week, and many more to come. Willi- one week today for you too, eh? I hope you're doing better than me. The good thing is that I am very stubborn. I won't break NC. But I still hurt inside knowing that he may not either. I would like to get a text or something just so I can ignore it. Selfish? Maybe... but he has been very selfish to me all these months since our break up in July. You will feel better girl! Trust me, the best thing to remember is that you're not alone. That's why this website is so theraputic, you meet people who are going through exactly what you're going through and you'll meet people who have been through what you're going through. I can 100% relate, my ex and I have been apart since October, and I've been in NC for 2 weeks (I wished him and his family a Happy Thanksgiving, I see nothing wrong with that, and I just wished his sister a happy birthday, I see nothing wrong with that). I feel good, but everyone's different. Some people take longer than others, it doesn't mean this person loved this person any less. A sign that you love them is letting them go. To be honest, the quote that has helped me is this: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. A lot of things we're going to say may not make sense now, but in time, you'll be able to relate and give advice to somebody else going through what you're going through. I will always love my ex, I will always care about him and he will always hold a special place in my heart, but I've reached the point where I don't want to be with him anymore. If you asked me if I wanted to be with him maybe 2-3 weeks ago, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But now that I've let it sink in, digested the breakup, separated my logical thoughts from my emotional thoughts, I am able to say, I don't want him back. I will always be grateful for the things he did for me while we were together, and I'll remember how he made me feel when we were near each other, but I cannot excuse the fact that he just gave up on me. If you care about someone, you wouldn't let them go if you already had them. And I cannot excuse the fact that he just started dating a girl he's known for a month, after 2 weeks of our break up. I forgive him, but because he did that, he doesn't deserve me. You'll start to feel better! Trust me, I thought I was going to be stuck feeling like crap forever, but it fades. Everyday, you get stronger, and you feel less pain. Just keep your head up, I have faith you can do this! We've all been through it, and we're alright, you can do it too! And don't forget, you can always talk to us about anything!
shocked_confused Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It's been one week today since I have last talked to/seen my ex. I have fallen into a pretty deep depression. Even though we've been apart for 5 months... the on and off and little bit of communication in between gave me some hope. The longest we have not communicated was 2 weeks. I am very scared to get past that 2 week mark because I feel that I have lost him forever (which is probably ideal). Idk, it hurts. If you're with me on one week and still hurting, please talk about it with me! Hey Alisa, I'm feeling the same as you, except i'm at 2 weeks NC, before that it was veryyy LC. Oddly, I was almost unfeeling for about a week and a half of NC. but now that I'm over 2 weeks now, I'm feeling anxious because all these thoughts of him possibly finding someone else keep popping in my head. I refuse to break NC tho, but i'm half hoping he'll try to talk to me. UGHHH...this sucks. Anyway, keep up the great work with NC, let's all make it to 30 and then set a new goal! lol.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 B_rouse, you are very encouraging! You seem very strong in the way you look at things. I love your upbeat approach to this... and your ability to forgive so soon. I am happy you are seeing the glass half full. Keep it up sweetheart! And thank you for being there for me... and all of us here! lvixen, you made some very good points. I hope you are feeling better. shockedconfused, it seems we are having the same feelings right now... kind of hurt that they haven't "checked up" on us. Mine always did before so yes, I am wondering what he is doing and where he is distracting himself. This will get better... it just has to.
b_rouse Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 B_rouse, you are very encouraging! You seem very strong in the way you look at things. I love your upbeat approach to this... and your ability to forgive so soon. I am happy you are seeing the glass half full. Keep it up sweetheart! And thank you for being there for me... and all of us here! lvixen, you made some very good points. I hope you are feeling better. shockedconfused, it seems we are having the same feelings right now... kind of hurt that they haven't "checked up" on us. Mine always did before so yes, I am wondering what he is doing and where he is distracting himself. This will get better... it just has to. Well, I'm your typical positive polly that sh*ts out rainbows.
GreenPolicy Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 (edited) I'll tell you something. I'm on Day 31 of NC, and Day 47 of the breakup. She blindsided me when we were looking at rings together and talking about marriage, and when I believed the relationship was nowhere near fragile or shaky ground. The first six weeks, I endured severe separation anxiety. "I miss her and I want her back." That was pretty much my entire thought process. That's normal. But I am starting to think about what reconciliation would likely entail. We weren't just bf/gf. We made a commitment to marry and share our future together. And she never came to me with problems she had in the relationship or things that she wanted to change. And she broke our commitment to each other without ever sharing her fears and concerns with me, or giving me a chance to fix things in the relationship she was unsatisfied with. That's a betrayal of trust. Infidelity is a betrayal of trust on such a deep level, and it's usually a relationship killer. In my heart of hearts, I don't believe she left me for specifically somebody else, but her breaking our commitment in such a way is similar to infidelity in that it is a betrayal of trust. And if we got back together, things would not be the same. They could be different and better, but they could also be the beginning of something toxic and not worth renewing. After her emotionally flaky bull****, can I trust her again and not get all paranoid and be able to take her at her word when she says things are fine? Or would I flip out the first time I called her and her phone went to voicemail? Would I throw this episode in her face in an argument whenever she pissed me off? Would I let this episode color how I treat her and be unfair to her? For us to have any chance at successful reconciliation, I have to be able to trust her again, and that is a lot easier said than done. Sometimes it's less work to start fresh with somebody else than to do the hard work of repairing what you had with your ex. I want what I had with her back - that's where my pain comes from. But I realize now that I can't have what I had with her again. I can have something different if she comes back around, but I can't have the same thing as before she left me. It would be a lot of hard work for both of us to make sure that what's different is better, instead of a repeat of the breakup. So I can honestly tell myself that I'm not sure if I would get back together with her even if I got The Call. It would depend on my availability at the time, how I felt, and what exactly she says and is willing to commit to differently this time around in terms of actions and not just mere words. I have to balance what we had with how she left me. I think we get so fixated on wanting our exes back that we forget that we should not have to suffer like this and endure subpar treatment just for the sake of not being left alone. And if we really wanted reconciliation to be successful, we won't just happily welcome them back. We will insist that they earn it, without being punitive and unforgiving. In some ways, getting The Call is a wrenching dilemma: no matter what you choose, I don't think you're going to be completely 100 percent satisfied or content with your decision. I loved her and she brought me such joy to my life, and I want that again, but she also hurt me deeply, and I could be risking that again as well. Edited December 3, 2010 by GreenPolicy
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 Rouse... Keep ****ting out the rainbows. It makes me happy. GreenPolicy... Thank you for that awesome insight. You made such amazing points about how it would actually be. We did however, get back together a couple times. Yeah, it was great for a week, but then all my fears set back in. I expressed how insecure I was everyday. Of course when my insecurities proved to be true- he backed out only to tell me he couldn't take my insecurities... HA! If he really loved me and wanted to be with me... he would have eased my mind, not leave again! He's just a liar anyway. He has some personality disorders as well and refuses therapy because "it's a waste of money." Well he was a waste of my love. BLAH. (needed a vent) From now on I am going to **** out rainbows like rouse!
Coolsbreeze Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I will always love my ex, I will always care about him and he will always hold a special place in my heart, but I've reached the point where I don't want to be with him anymore. If you asked me if I wanted to be with him maybe 2-3 weeks ago, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But now that I've let it sink in, digested the breakup, separated my logical thoughts from my emotional thoughts, I am able to say, I don't want him back. I will always be grateful for the things he did for me while we were together, and I'll remember how he made me feel when we were near each other, but I cannot excuse the fact that he just gave up on me. If you care about someone, you wouldn't let them go if you already had them. And I cannot excuse the fact that he just started dating a girl he's known for a month, after 2 weeks of our break up. I forgive him, but because he did that, he doesn't deserve me. I had the same thing happen to me. She broke up with me almost three months ago and not even a week later, after our breakup, she already had another boyfriend. And she met this guy while she was still involved with me. I look back at what she did and I don't think I can ever excuse her for what she did. To drop someone like they didn't even matter, is just the biggest insult to the relationship we created. And the worst part was that she was never honest about her feelings for him. It's a shame that she gave up on something so great with us because in all the times I was with her I never mistreated or lied to her. I treated her in the way that I would want to be treated. And it was a real shame that she didn't want to work on us either and just gave up so easily. But in the end she knows what she did and how she left things with me. And I know in my heart that if she felt that way towards me then she doesn't deserve my affection or my love.
Leandro Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I had the same thing happen to me. She broke up with me almost three months ago and not even a week later, after our breakup, she already had another boyfriend. And she met this guy while she was still involved with me. I look back at what she did and I don't think I can ever excuse her for what she did. To drop someone like they didn't even matter, is just the biggest insult to the relationship we created. And the worst part was that she was never honest about her feelings for him. It's a shame that she gave up on something so great with us because in all the times I was with her I never mistreated or lied to her. I treated her in the way that I would want to be treated. And it was a real shame that she didn't want to work on us either and just gave up so easily. But in the end she knows what she did and how she left things with me. And I know in my heart that if she felt that way towards me then she doesn't deserve my affection or my love. You must be my twin Coolsbreeze.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 Ok, so last night I had my first little feeling of.. I DON'T CARE! It lasted for a little while and it was so exciting that I couldn't sleep. But when I woke up... the pain was still there. Baby step? I am not sure. But it's 8 days of NC. My mind is still racing though.
Damaged23 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Ok, so last night I had my first little feeling of.. I DON'T CARE! It lasted for a little while and it was so exciting that I couldn't sleep. But when I woke up... the pain was still there. Baby step? I am not sure. But it's 8 days of NC. My mind is still racing though. Don't worry, it happens. Must nights after i get home from school i am in suh a great mood, I barely think about my ex, don't cry, i even laugh!, but then in the mornings i am a mess!! So don't feel alarmed, it happens to the best of us. Keep doing w.e u've been doing, and slowly but surely you will get better.
Leandro Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Ok, so last night I had my first little feeling of.. I DON'T CARE! It lasted for a little while and it was so exciting that I couldn't sleep. But when I woke up... the pain was still there. Baby step? I am not sure. But it's 8 days of NC. My mind is still racing though. That's right, baby steps. It gets better with NC.
b_rouse Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I had the same thing happen to me. She broke up with me almost three months ago and not even a week later, after our breakup, she already had another boyfriend. And she met this guy while she was still involved with me. I look back at what she did and I don't think I can ever excuse her for what she did. To drop someone like they didn't even matter, is just the biggest insult to the relationship we created. And the worst part was that she was never honest about her feelings for him. It's a shame that she gave up on something so great with us because in all the times I was with her I never mistreated or lied to her. I treated her in the way that I would want to be treated. And it was a real shame that she didn't want to work on us either and just gave up so easily. But in the end she knows what she did and how she left things with me. And I know in my heart that if she felt that way towards me then she doesn't deserve my affection or my love. Haha you're 100% right! I was very insulted! And to be honest (and since I'm a girl) I compared myself to her the first week they were together, and I have only one word to say to him, down-grade. Alright, bitterness over, she can have my leftovers, I'd rather invest my time finding a guy that'll never give up on me. Even if that means I get too busy with school (Bradley, I'm sorry I want to become a doctor and I'm sorry it takes up a lot of time. I thought you were understanding about my career aspirations, but you want someone to be with you at this very moment at the drop of a hat. Sorry I'm independent and know what I want in life). Once he grows up, he'll realize he made a mistake, but by then, I'll be happy and giddy with another guy.
b_rouse Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Ok, so last night I had my first little feeling of.. I DON'T CARE! It lasted for a little while and it was so exciting that I couldn't sleep. But when I woke up... the pain was still there. Baby step? I am not sure. But it's 8 days of NC. My mind is still racing though. That's how it starts! Just remember you'll have good days and bad days, but eventually, the bad days will be less and less dramatic.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 Haha you're 100% right! I was very insulted! And to be honest (and since I'm a girl) I compared myself to her the first week they were together, and I have only one word to say to him, down-grade. Alright, bitterness over, she can have my leftovers, I'd rather invest my time finding a guy that'll never give up on me. Even if that means I get too busy with school (Bradley, I'm sorry I want to become a doctor and I'm sorry it takes up a lot of time. I thought you were understanding about my career aspirations, but you want someone to be with you at this very moment at the drop of a hat. Sorry I'm independent and know what I want in life). Once he grows up, he'll realize he made a mistake, but by then, I'll be happy and giddy with another guy. My ex went from nasty (to wonderful me) to even more nasty. He stepped WAY UP, then way back down. I know "she's a really nice girl" ha ha... that means she's nasty. I don't want to be mean... maybe she is nice. I mean, low lives need love too. I am sorry... I am venting.
b_rouse Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 My ex went from nasty (to wonderful me) to even more nasty. He stepped WAY UP, then way back down. I know "she's a really nice girl" ha ha... that means she's nasty. I don't want to be mean... maybe she is nice. I mean, low lives need love too. I am sorry... I am venting. Haha girl, vent away! My best friends and I had some fun ripping the girl apart the day he got into a relationship...but I realize I'm better without him! I've become a better person, I'm more outgoing, I can talk with people more easily. I'm looking at guys again (hello cutie in my humanities class)! Once I've realized it's over, and there's nothing I can do except except it and move on, I feel as if I'm me again...but 2.0 me. And cutie in my humanities class, oh yes, I'm talking to you on Monday...You better be ready because I will look DANG good. I'm wasting no more time on whats-his-name...I'm on day 48 of the break up and I've wasted 40ish days of my life on him, being sad over this break up. Hello, I want those 40 something days back! No more sulking, I've felt like sh*t those 40 days, now I'm using that sh*t as fertilizer to flourish my garden of happiness. (Wow, that sounds really lame). But yeah, I think I can officially say, "I don't want him back!" And mean it!
Coolsbreeze Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 My ex went from nasty (to wonderful me) to even more nasty. He stepped WAY UP, then way back down. I know "she's a really nice girl" ha ha... that means she's nasty. I don't want to be mean... maybe she is nice. I mean, low lives need love too. I am sorry... I am venting. Same with me, the week right after my ex broke up with me she talked to me like I killed her cat. She was just absolutely mean and talked to me without an ounce of respect. And I never treated her badly or disrespected her, and I always made time to talk and listen to her. I have a feeling that her new boyfriend had a hand in making her act this way towards me. But whatever the reason the result was it showed me her true colors and it showed me where I ranked in her life. At least I can take comfort in knowing that I was absolutely patient with her.
jam88 Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Same with me, the week right after my ex broke up with me she talked to me like I killed her cat. She was just absolutely mean and talked to me without an ounce of respect. And I never treated her badly or disrespected her, and I always made time to talk and listen to her. I have a feeling that her new boyfriend had a hand in making her act this way towards me. But whatever the reason the result was it showed me her true colors and it showed me where I ranked in her life. At least I can take comfort in knowing that I was absolutely patient with her. Strange because this is exactly how i feel about my ex Coolsbreeze.. its like i feel like someone is pulling her strings for her. Either a new guy being a walk over for her (shes getting her own way with 'him' and hes degrading me and convincing her). OR her friends/family despise me and are trying to convince her she is 'always' right when ive treated her like gold and been a strict figure (looked after her). My ex has also been angry and defensive.. everything i said to her calmly and collected during the arguement she acted like i was talking down to her when i wasnt and trying to make out i was the one in the wrong? bizarre. ALSO the other week i had a bad day but i was rather unhappy with her too and i got upset inside and my anger showed on the outside.. she asked why i was in a bad mood and i said its a long story and id tell her later. SHE was then impatient and demanded an answer and was demanding that i tell her. i said when i feel better i'll tell her when we get home but she said "you can tell me now". From there was the turning point for me since she had no respect nor patience (nor respect/sensitivity) to just wait and have a talk when we got back home. Its like she had a right to know and if i didnt tell her she would try to make me feel worse and blame me for stuff. Keeping in note that when she was on the red thing i never once flew off the handle when she had strange days. funny because the other day i may have caught her out.. she left college and texted me by accident this text "please can you pick me up from college x x x" and i when she text me a few mins later saying that text wasnt meant for me she acted weird after and i think she could be seeing someone who is actually a doormat and picks her up from college when she can easily get home herself. end of rant lol.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 4, 2010 Author Posted December 4, 2010 Jam88, you know your ex's identity on LS? Isn't that kind of hard? I mean, she can see all of this! ha ha... I'd hate to give advice and get in the middle... I hope you guys work everything out either way (together or apart). Anyway... today is day 9 of NC. He hasn't texted or called, which is fine because he and I both know it will only hurt even if the convo is civil. I miss him so much though. I really love him... I pray that one day he can look back and realize that I was the best... and smile when he thinks of me.
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