Is she really done with me

[junebug007]

my wife asked for a divorce 2 weeks ago and told me she not in love with my anymore and that she's done. I asked her if she has filed and she told me not yet and she has no where to go but to her moms house and that she needs time to think. I asked her last night if she was 100% sure she wants this and her respose was no but close or im 50/50. but her choice might make everyone mad if that's what she wants to do. because everyone told her not to jump the gun and wait and she what happens. She still is staying at my house becuase we have 2 kids and she is in school and working part time. she keeps throwing out little hints like that would be a good girl for you or if we talk she wil use the words If, we and maybe. Im confused.

Edited December 2, 2010 by junebug007
add more things

[Ballerfamily]

my wife asked for a divorce 2 weeks ago and told me she not in love with my anymore and that she's done. I asked her if she has filed and she told me not yet and she has no where to go but to her moms house and that she needs time to think. I asked her last night if she was 100% sure she wants this and her respose was no but close or im 50/50. but her choice might make everyone mad if that's what she wants to do. because everyone told her not to jump the gun and wait and she what happens. She still is staying at my house becuase we have 2 kids and she is in school and working part time. she keeps throwing out little hints like that would be a good girl for you or if we talk she wil use the words If, we and maybe. Im confused.

 

Sorry to hear this. This same line is used over in over,"I'm not in love with you anymore"

 

Most of the time, this means there is another man. These are the key words. To much typing

 

Sit tight, wait for advice. dont react

 

others will be here soon to tell you what to do

[junebug007]

Thank you, I've ask if there was other man and she told me no she doesn't have time for another problem and she need to focus on school, work and being a mother. I've seen her email account and nothing.

[Ballerfamily]

Thank you, I've ask if there was other man and she told me no she doesn't have time for another problem and she need to focus on school, work and being a mother. I've seen her email account and nothing.

 

my wife had 5 affairs. Never admitted to one and still doesnt 5 months post divorce. I tracked my wife, have all kinds of evidence, etc. mine had a second phone and scrambling device when I started asking lots of questions. 2 of her affairs, I later befriended there friends and was told point blank that she had PA's with both. Some will never admit.

 

Yours might just be starting a EA with someone. they dont fall out of love with us. she wants to let you down easily. Lay low if you dont want to dig. Does she keep her cell phone with her at all times. Have you checked. Have you checked cell phone records?

 

Just remember, if there has been no abuse, it is all her. She is going through some crisis. She will blame it on you, at least to herself. It has nothing do with you

Edited December 2, 2010 by Ballerfamily

[Ballerfamily]

if your really in love with her, and can't imagine her not wanting to be with you, I feel so bad for you.

 

When actually use the "I'm not in love with you", or the divorce word, or I need time, or we need to seperate, they are usually gone.

 

She will be trying to get her escape plan in order, and will play you to see how you will react and what you do. She will be doing damage control to her family, friends, etc. You will not be painted as real good guy. She has to justify and project the blame , or she will be rejected by friends and family.

[junebug007]

she has kept her phone on her and put a lock on it. i asked her this morning if she there is someone again and she said "if there was I wouldn't be here and I'm not goign to go that low on you. I'm better then that."

[Ballerfamily]

most woman, aren't strong enough to up an leave a marriage and children without a soft landing to fall on. Someone is most likely providing support for her. If there is , you will drive them right into there arms by reacting angrily. Then you will be the crazy man. Stay calm. (even though your mind is racing)

[Ballerfamily]

she has kept her phone on her and put a lock on it. i asked her this morning if she there is someone again and she said "if there was I wouldn't be here and I'm not goign to go that low on you. I'm better then that."

 

I hate to say it, but what is she hiding. Good, faithful women, dont hide there phones, or keep them locked, or at there bed stand. I would bet my last cent something is going on. She has email you dont know about most likely

[Ballerfamily]

she has kept her phone on her and put a lock on it. i asked her this morning if she there is someone again and she said "if there was I wouldn't be here and I'm not goign to go that low on you. I'm better then that."

 

look up gas lighting. my ex did it to me for 20 yrs. At least yours brought up divorce. Most don't play that card right away. How has the marriage been in the last year or two? Woman don't just up and walk out. They plot and plan. They need money, support, etc.

 

We as men cant stand to think that are wifes arent good people. Mine, turned out to be one of the biggest serial cheaters, evil to the bone, manipulating, gas lighting, narcissitic b___ch ever. And we are a Christian, church going family. I could never have imagined, and still cant grasp the magnitude of it

[FreeNow]

she keeps throwing out little hints like that would be a good girl for you

 

This is an indicator that she has already cheated (PA or EA) or is very close to doing so; more than likely past tense. She might be seeking to relieve herself of guilt by pushing you out.

 

if we talk she wil use the words If, we and maybe. Im confused.

 

Affair fog, manipulating you, keeping you as a backup plan for now.

[What_Next]

There is someone else. It might only be a EA at this point, but the signs are ALL THERE!

 

Dig, keylogger, voice activated recorder, get access to her cell phone bill; whatever you need to.

 

Sit tight and prepare for the roller coaster ride of your life.

 

Read many of our threads here on LS and realize that your wife is displaying the classic signs.

 

The frequency that this happens is truly frightening!

[Gunny376]

While I recognize that it difficult and hard to do so while still living in the same house with two children you've both parented together.

 

The best thing you can do is just in so much as possible ~ leave her the Hell alone~ do the no contact ~ limited contact ~ 180's................

 

Concentrate on yourself, improving yourself (Daily identify your weaknesses, short-comings, failings ~ and seek self improvement)

 

Concentrate on your children and their wants and needs ~ and at being the best Father and parent to them that you can. Conduct your affairs and relationship with them as though she was no longer in the picture.

Focus on yourself, your basic wants and needs ~ and the rest on the children.

 

Re-direct your perspective and attitude toward working to live ~ instead of living to work? Your children and your family (which now consist of your side of the family, you and your children) should be and become your No. # 1 priority and mission in life.

 

I know what I'm speaking of from experience! The United States Marine Corps is one demanding bitch of a mistress ~ who requires daily and tests you daily mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically!

 

And that is true for not only the Marines? But the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Law Enforcement etc.

 

My suspension is that you both married young, had children young, got tangled up in work, raising children ~ trying to do too much, have too much too soon.

 

It sounds as though she just simply over-whelmed with work, school, taking care of the children, the household ~ along with your being over-whelmed with worry about being the primary provider for the household.

 

In short?

 

"When up to you azz in alligators, snakes and Indians shooting arrows at you? You tend to forget that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!"

 

Sounds to me that she needs some "decompression" time. That she needs you to "man up" and step up to the plate with the Big Boy Britches on and lighten the load.

 

Were it me I be packing her happy azz off to a spa. Sure its going to cost some money ~ that's probally not budgeted into the household budget? But its a Hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce.

 

Then I would step up and take on more of the household chores and taking care of the children. Cooking, cleaning, laundry.

 

Not to worry! I know how to do laundry and how to separate whites from colors etc. (I'm sure that Tide, or some other laundry detergent manufacturer has a website)

 

Then learn how to use a broom and mop (If you don't already know how) and hot to get on your hands and knees and scrub a toilet, bathtub, baseboards, dust yada~yada)

 

In so far as cooking? Its not rocket science ~ me, myself and I? I know how to cook ~ from scratch.

 

But for those men here that are less inept I would recommend Men's Health series of books:

 

"A Man! A Can! A Plan!"

 

"A Man! A Plan! And A Microwave!"

 

"A Man! A Plan! And A Barbecue!"

 

There are also a number of cookbooks especially from Campbell Soup and Swanson Soup that have a bunch of recipes that have less than five ingredients or less ~

 

Bida Boom ~ Bida Bang!

 

Finally I would recommend you read "Light Her Fire"

 

Its a paperback book that cost less than $6 ~ but it will get you'll a lot mileage with the wife ~ and God forbid should it come down to divorce? With the next lady in you life. Single Handedly one of the best books I've ever read.

 

But first before applying it you need to let her decompress from all the "Storms of Life"

 

And that means giving her some time and space ~ the more you pursue? That faster and quicker your going to chase her away.

 

The more you "investigate" and "stalk" her? The further you will drive her away! The more you "hound" her? The further you drive her away!

 

People come and people go! There's no one monkey that makes a show!

 

What one will abuse? Another can certainly use!

 

When all is said and done?

 

Someone leaves you ~ dumps you?

 

It means one thing and one thing only!

 

I've to get off my dead azz and go find someone new!

 

DAMN THE BAD LUCK!

[Ballerfamily]

There is someone else. It might only be a EA at this point, but the signs are ALL THERE!

 

Dig, keylogger, voice activated recorder, get access to her cell phone bill; whatever you need to.

 

Sit tight and prepare for the roller coaster ride of your life.

 

Read many of our threads here on LS and realize that your wife is displaying the classic signs.

 

The frequency that this happens is truly frightening![/QUOTE]

 

It is so common anymore, that alot of people hardly react when they find out, even close friends. It truly is frightening, the future is very bleak. I am truly frightened for my kids. Same with bankruptcy, it so common, its a normal facet of life. It hurts us the BS more then anything, and it seems at times no one cares.

[Ballerfamily]

While I recognize that it difficult and hard to do so while still living in the same house with two children you've both parented together.

 

The best thing you can do is just in so much as possible ~ leave her the Hell alone~ do the no contact ~ limited contact ~ 180's................

 

Concentrate on yourself, improving yourself (Daily identify your weaknesses, short-comings, failings ~ and seek self improvement)

 

Concentrate on your children and their wants and needs ~ and at being the best Father and parent to them that you can. Conduct your affairs and relationship with them as though she was no longer in the picture.

Focus on yourself, your basic wants and needs ~ and the rest on the children.

 

Re-direct your perspective and attitude toward working to live ~ instead of living to work? Your children and your family (which now consist of your side of the family, you and your children) should be and become your No. # 1 priority and mission in life.

 

I know what I'm speaking of from experience! The United States Marine Corps is one demanding bitch of a mistress ~ who requires daily and tests you daily mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically!

 

And that is true for not only the Marines? But the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Law Enforcement etc.

 

My suspension is that you both married young, had children young, got tangled up in work, raising children ~ trying to do too much, have too much too soon.

 

It sounds as though she just simply over-whelmed with work, school, taking care of the children, the household ~ along with your being over-whelmed with worry about being the primary provider for the household.

 

In short?

 

"When up to you azz in alligators, snakes and Indians shooting arrows at you? You tend to forget that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!"

 

Sounds to me that she needs some "decompression" time. That she needs you to "man up" and step up to the plate with the Big Boy Britches on and lighten the load.

 

Were it me I be packing her happy azz off to a spa. Sure its going to cost some money ~ that's probally not budgeted into the household budget? But its a Hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce.

 

Then I would step up and take on more of the household chores and taking care of the children. Cooking, cleaning, laundry.

 

Not to worry! I know how to do laundry and how to separate whites from colors etc. (I'm sure that Tide, or some other laundry detergent manufacturer has a website)

 

Then learn how to use a broom and mop (If you don't already know how) and hot to get on your hands and knees and scrub a toilet, bathtub, baseboards, dust yada~yada)

 

In so far as cooking? Its not rocket science ~ me, myself and I? I know how to cook ~ from scratch.

 

But for those men here that are less inept I would recommend Men's Health series of books:

 

"A Man! A Can! A Plan!"

 

"A Man! A Plan! And A Microwave!"

 

"A Man! A Plan! And A Barbecue!"

 

There are also a number of cookbooks especially from Campbell Soup and Swanson Soup that have a bunch of recipes that have less than five ingredients or less ~

 

Bida Boom ~ Bida Bang!

 

Finally I would recommend you read "Light Her Fire"

 

Its a paperback book that cost less than $6 ~ but it will get you'll a lot mileage with the wife ~ and God forbid should it come down to divorce? With the next lady in you life. Single Handedly one of the best books I've ever read.

 

But first before applying it you need to let her decompress from all the "Storms of Life"

 

And that means giving her some time and space ~ the more you pursue? That faster and quicker your going to chase her away.

 

The more you "investigate" and "stalk" her? The further you will drive her away! The more you "hound" her? The further you drive her away!

 

People come and people go! There's no one monkey that makes a show!

 

What one will abuse? Another can certainly use!

 

When all is said and done?

 

Someone leaves you ~ dumps you?

 

It means one thing and one thing only!

 

I've to get off my dead azz and go find someone new!

 

DAMN THE BAD LUCK!

 

I think alot of us have tried this. I have 3 friends plus myself, that did this for over a year. Buys you a little time, and then its right back to the issues, unless she is proactive. Which then for me, led to the second affair in a years time, and made the anger and hurt twice as bad. My approach wasn't like yours, Gunny, once cheated on, don't let the door hit you in the a$$. Once they have a foot outside the door, they have to experience it, or will never be happy. Marriage isnt that hard, its peoples resolve and there own issues in 90% of the cases. I truly believe this. Its like the real religious people, to be a Christian and get to heaven, you have to walk around with a halo on, singing kum ba ya. It shouldn't be that hard. If it is, fine, I shall be single.

 

It all comes down to better choices when we pick a spouse. Some of us keep are moral compasses aligned, remain faithful, resist temptation. Its you, not how hard you work at it. I was with my ex every Fri/Sat/Sun, for dates, and usually during the week at least once. we attended every sporting events are kids had. If your broken, unhappy, and empty, aint a damn thing I can do if you dont do it for yourself. I never was blamed my ex for my emptiness, unhappiness. I fixed myself when it creeped in. Its not what we do for are spouse, but what we do for are selves, (on the good side)

Edited December 2, 2010 by Ballerfamily

[karnak]

 

It all comes down to better choices when we pick a spouse. Some of us keep are moral compasses aligned, remain faithful, resist temptation. Its you, not how hard you work at it. I was with my ex every Fri/Sat/Sun, for dates, and usually during the week at least once. we attended every sporting events are kids had. If your broken, unhappy, and empty, aint a damn thing I can do if you dont do it for yourself. I never was blamed my ex for my emptiness, unhappiness. I fixed myself when it creeped in. Its not what we do for are spouse, but what we do for are selves, (on the good side)

 

I think some people are not made for marriage or long-lasting relationships (both man or woman). Some men marry because they want a woman to have their kids and want a full-time servant.

 

Women usually want a guy who'll sire them children and help them take care of them (most lesbians also want to have kids, despite their sexual orientation). As soon as that "Marriage/kids/family life" fantasy has been fulfilled they move on to a carefree life, involving sex with several men and not having to deal with the responsibilities of maintaining a family.

 

Unlike what most men still think, women are very similar to men in their wish to live a "wild lifestyle". Just ask Michelle Langley or other women who speak without fear of social repression.

[junebug007]

Thank you guys for the advice. She went to the first marriage couseling meeting and we have one for next week and I asked if she wanted to go and she told me. If said I was going to go then I'm going

[Ballerfamily]

I think some people are not made for marriage or long-lasting relationships (both man or woman). Some men marry because they want a woman to have their kids and want a full-time servant.

 

Women usually want a guy who'll sire them children and help them take care of them (most lesbians also want to have kids, despite their sexual orientation). As soon as that "Marriage/kids/family life" fantasy has been fulfilled they move on to a carefree life, involving sex with several men and not having to deal with the responsibilities of maintaining a family.

 

Unlike what most men still think, women are very similar to men in their wish to live a "wild lifestyle". Just ask Michelle Langley or other women who speak without fear of social repression.

 

wow karnak, you know my ex:D add in a little drinking and pretending your still college age, and you got issues. Especially at (48)