confused31 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I'm writing this, in an attempt to receive feedback, and also maybe some advice. It may be a long post, so FYI. At the end of July, my girlfriend explained to me that she wasn't sure we were meant to be together. We had been together 3 years at that point, and had "broken uP' for a brief period a year before (brief as in 3 weeks). Her uncertainty was a surprise and a shock to me. At that point, we lived 2 hours away and saw each other solely on weekends. She didnt want to break up, but wanted me to know she was having thoughts like this, and was unsure if we should be together, however did not want to break up (stop talking/seeing each other etc.) Well, two weeks later her sister was getting married, so I put this up to her being nervous/stressed about that. Wrong. I went with her to the wedding, stayed at her parents house, and she ended up going to stay at a hotel with the groomsmen. (to note, nothing happened inappropriately, however you can see how that would be uncomfortable.) We talked the next day about our relationship, and "decided" that we were going to stay together, and work at it, because that was the only way we would know what was the "right" decision. The following weekend I helped her move to her new apartment, and she did not treat me very friendly. The next weekend, I drove to see her for our friends bday. Because we live 2 hours away, I have to stay at her place. Well, about 4 hours after I arrive, she has too much to drink, and basically garners up the courage to tell me this isnt working, she doesnt want to be with me, and I need to leave because I cant stay with her. (to note, this website helped me alot back then, because I basically said "Ok, screw you, dont call me" and left. This prompted her to text me later that night, and call me in the morning crying that she did the wrong thing) So anyways, it went on and on like this for the next month and a half. She would act cold towards me, I'd say "do you want to be together or not", she would say "I just dont know" and then I would say "Then I'm leaving" and leave. This would follow with her texting me a day later saying things like "this hurts" or "are we sure we're doing the right thing". This then in turn would cause me to think she still wanted to work on our relationship. Well another note to add, during this whole thing, it turned out it occurred because she met another boy. Us living so far apart, it was easy for her to hang out with this boy and keep it from me. She did not cheat, but did not have respect for our relationship. In the end, the boy ended up telling her that her "situation was too volatile" and that he needed to move on. Two weeks after this she decided she wanted to be together, and we got fully back together. I quit my job far away, and took one in her area. I quit my job originally because I had no family/friends in that area, and decided i would move home if it didnt work out, or would move to my girlfriends area if it did. As you can tell, I now am the one having doubts about this relationship. I would appreciate any feedback or advice. I feel paranoid all the time now about who shes hanging out with, and when am I going to learn about the new boy, or if she doesnt want to be together again. I do love her, and do not want to breakup with her, but I'm wondering if its healthy to be in a relationship that feels like this, and will that feeling go away? Any advice or tips on how I should proceed would be great.
whatadeer26 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Dude, I don't think you are going to like what I have to say, but YOU SHOULD MOVE ON AND GET RID OF HER A$$. She sees you as an option and only when she was dumped did she decide to come back. I am afraid that she is using you as a stepping stone into her next relationship. I felt the same way with my ex when we or I tried to work things out. She used me and then fed me BS. Not until one of her best friends told me she doesn't treat me right, did I listen. Fool me once same on you, fool me twice shame on me. They use us for their selfish ways. I don't want this to happen to you.
Author confused31 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Whatadeer, this is what I've been contemplating. I only fear that I'm over-exaggerating things or paranoid. I dont like seeming insecure or non-confident, so I'm constantly bothered by this. I would hate to get rid of her, to then find out that I was wrong about many of my assumptions. I do love this girl, so just getting rid of her suddenly doesnt seem like the best option. However, I am considering it.
dng Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Man, I will say something and I hope you can find it in your heart or in your head to listen to me. Listen to your instincts! They are probably right or close enough to right! Don't ignore your gut feelings. They come from somewhere, they come from things you observe and what you know of her. Don't make the same mistake I made years ago just to relieve your pain of missing her. You will feel bad for a few months, but you will possibly avoid years of misery... Listen to your instincts..
whatadeer26 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I felt exactly the same way with my ex as you do now. I was worried when she wasn't with me/ paranoid about everything. My ex used me until I said enough. I told her we shouldn't talk anymore than she tried to guilt me into believe everything was my fault. Sunday she even texted me saying this isn't what she wanted she is so confused, she is depressed. You will come to a point where you will get sick of her BS. I just hope it is sooner than later. All I am saying is I wish I listened to my gut. I can only give you advice based on my past. We try to hold onto something that is lost. I still want my ex, I just refuse to be treated like an option and second best.
AlisaMarie Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I felt exactly the same way with my ex as you do now. I was worried when she wasn't with me/ paranoid about everything. My ex used me until I said enough. I told her we shouldn't talk anymore than she tried to guilt me into believe everything was my fault. Sunday she even texted me saying this isn't what she wanted she is so confused, she is depressed. You will come to a point where you will get sick of her BS. I just hope it is sooner than later. All I am saying is I wish I listened to my gut. I can only give you advice based on my past. We try to hold onto something that is lost. I still want my ex, I just refuse to be treated like an option and second best. Same story for me except me being the girl. He left and changed his mind so many times that after the 4th time of being back together... I was sick and nervous after a week that he'd change his mind again. And guess what... he did! But he blamed me for being so insecure and questioning is effin feelings and intentions. Well what the eff did he expect? I think this is an unhealthy relationship and you should listen to your doubts.
Author confused31 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Looks like the common response is end it. My problem is that, I went home for Thanksgiving, and the whole time I'm home she telling me how much she misses me, loves me, cant wait to see me. Then I come back Sunday and she is all lovey dovey with me. The whole time this is happening I'm thinking "When's the other shoe gonna drop here? When is she gonna start acting like she doesnt need/want me around again." Sometimes I think this thought process is destructive, but its hard to avoid. Because I think like that, I wonder if I'd be making a move off of assumptions and not fact. Ahhh what to do.
AlisaMarie Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Looks like the common response is end it. My problem is that, I went home for Thanksgiving, and the whole time I'm home she telling me how much she misses me, loves me, cant wait to see me. Then I come back Sunday and she is all lovey dovey with me. The whole time this is happening I'm thinking "When's the other shoe gonna drop here? When is she gonna start acting like she doesnt need/want me around again." Sometimes I think this thought process is destructive, but its hard to avoid. Because I think like that, I wonder if I'd be making a move off of assumptions and not fact. Ahhh what to do. Listen to your gut. If you are expecting the other shoe to drop- it will. Your only chance is to get out and move on, or seriously have a face to face convo with her about this. She needs to know your fears... and if she acts shady about it- then that shoe is dropping. If she embraces you and tells you she will do anything to make it work and for you to feel better about it... it's game on. Don't drag it out. Keep us posted!
Livin Lrge Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Listen to your gut. If you are expecting the other shoe to drop- it will. Your only chance is to get out and move on, or seriously have a face to face convo with her about this. She needs to know your fears... and if she acts shady about it- then that shoe is dropping. If she embraces you and tells you she will do anything to make it work and for you to feel better about it... it's game on. Don't drag it out. Keep us posted! This is great Advice.................
TheGrimSweeper Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Listen to your gut. If you are expecting the other shoe to drop- it will. Your only chance is to get out and move on, or seriously have a face to face convo with her about this. She needs to know your fears... and if she acts shady about it- then that shoe is dropping. If she embraces you and tells you she will do anything to make it work and for you to feel better about it... it's game on. Don't drag it out. Keep us posted! Listen to this.
Wilie Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 I to went through the wishy-washy,crazy making mind games for 5 months until I put a stop to it... listen to yourself, and you now what you need to do.. it hurts for a bit, but in the long run you are far better off... Will
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 i had a similar scenario with my girl for 6 years.i just realized that its a waste of energy and time for a lost cause. i could have invested this time in meeting other girls instead
whatadeer26 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 i had a similar scenario with my girl for 6 years.i just realized that its a waste of energy and time for a lost cause. i could have invested this time in meeting other girls instead He is right. Waste of Energy. I lost a lot of sleep wondering about her. My friends and family saw her for what she was, but I counld not. I am looking back now and I see how foolish I was. I should have seen the signs and demanded to be treated with the Love and Respect I showed. The choice is yours and yours alone, but I would hate for you to end up like the rest of us who were yanked along like toys with this "Wishy Washy" B.S.
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