b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) Here's the whole story: The Breakup If you don't want the indepth version, here's a quick synopse: Brad has like me since 2007, never asked me out because he thought I was "out of his league." Eventually he got the courage to ask (since we've been hanging out a lot) and did it on October 13th, 2009. I just learned recently that he was ridiculously nervous and was trying to make everything perfect to ask me out, even though he knew I'd say yes. On October 17th, 2010, we break up (mutual) reason being distance (I'm still unsure if that's true). I cave calling him about 4 days later wanting him back he says he's "move on" and "doesn't have feelings for me anymore." I go on with life, cave again maybe 9 days after the break up, he "likes where it's going" with the other girl and he's going to "take it slow" with her (he's only known her for a month). They become a couple 2 weeks after the break up. It's been 46 days since the break up, and maybe 2 weeks NC. He's still the first person that pops into my head when I wake up (because I would always text him goodmorning and that I love him and is thinking of him), and a majority of the time I look in the mirror, I have a conversation with him if I ever were to run into him. A couple days ago, I was facebook messaging his best friends ex-girlfriend and got her advice for how she moved on (they were together for 3 years, and we pretty much dated the same guy, personality-wise). And she put things into perspective for me, she mentioned how Andrew (his best friend) did the same thing Brad (my ex) is doing (moving on really fast by dating another girl he's barely known). And said how Andrew came and asked her back 3 times (while he was still with the girl). And now Andrew has broken up with her, and is dating a "lovely", fresh-out-of-highschool girl. But here's the thing, I don't want him back anymore. I've just recently started feeling this way and I know it'll be a rollar coaster of emotions and I will always love him and care about him, but I don't want to be with him anymore. He's changed, he's not the guy I once knew. It's bad I still check up on his and her facebook (I unblocked them, horrible on my part), but everytime I look at it, it pushes me further and further from him, and makes me not want him back even more. An example being: His current girlfriend added some random guy on facebook and the guy posted on her wall saying, "Thanks for the add! :]" And Brad (my ex) responds with "Get a life." The Brad I knew would never do or say that. Anytime that would happen on my wall, (I only add people I know though), yeah he would comment, but more so in a friendly, input yourself into the conversation and say funny things (not all the time, it was pretty rare) but never would he respond in that manner. My point being, the more I creep, the more I don't want him back, and then, in turn, the less I'll creep. I don't know if this is healthy, but it seems to be working? But that being said, who knows how long this feeling will last, but I'm thinking, since I feel like this, it'll be a good idea to block her now. Edited December 2, 2010 by b_rouse
Dorian85 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 hey there. I think its actually good that you have found out who he has become. It almost certainly saved you from A LOT of eventual heartache. I know f/b creeping is hard to get away from. If you are doing the whole NC thing, that should include facebook as well. I know its tempting because its very easy to see what someone is up to without talking to them. But if you really have moved on from this guy and are done with him...then be done with the creeping as well.
Author b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 hey there. I think its actually good that you have found out who he has become. It almost certainly saved you from A LOT of eventual heartache. I know f/b creeping is hard to get away from. If you are doing the whole NC thing, that should include facebook as well. I know its tempting because its very easy to see what someone is up to without talking to them. But if you really have moved on from this guy and are done with him...then be done with the creeping as well. Oh I don't think I've moved on, and I don't think I'll be able to just yet. He was my first love, and from what I've heard, he's going to be the hardest to get over because you've never been through it before. I'm just taking it day by day, keeping myself busy with the last few days of college before break. I find it's easier to change my thought when we pops into my head. There will be something throughout the day that will remind me of him and I'll just remember it as a memory, smile, then move on with my day. Slowly I'm getting better, and I've come a LONG way! And I'm quite proud of myself!
Leandro Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Oh I don't think I've moved on, and I don't think I'll be able to just yet. He was my first love, and from what I've heard, he's going to be the hardest to get over because you've never been through it before. I'm just taking it day by day, keeping myself busy with the last few days of college before break. I find it's easier to change my thought when we pops into my head. There will be something throughout the day that will remind me of him and I'll just remember it as a memory, smile, then move on with my day. Slowly I'm getting better, and I've come a LONG way! And I'm quite proud of myself! Yea, first loves. Still getting over mine. I think you're doing good so far. Keep it up!
strength-abounds Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 First loves are always the hardest to get over.
Author b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Yea, first loves. Still getting over mine. I think you're doing good so far. Keep it up! Thanks Leandro! And thanks so much for your comments my original post, they did help me a lot! :] I just love this site! There are some things I say on here I can't talk to my friends about because they get tired hearing about it. The way I get over something, is exhausting myself by talking about it. I'm just glad you guys are always here to listen and give good advice! :]
dng Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Oh I don't think I've moved on, and I don't think I'll be able to just yet. He was my first love, and from what I've heard, he's going to be the hardest to get over because you've never been through it before. I'm on the second real one and its not easier, believe that. The first time the emotions were more like glass shards in my heart, but this time around I'm older and experience tells me what has been destroyed.
swfc_77 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 the one thing that stuck out to me is what you said about him posting things on facebook he wouldn't usually do. just shows you what type of person he has become now. my ex was the same when i was on facebook and we split i would see things she would put, things really immature, attention seeking and also things like "im so happy now" i dont mess about on there anymore, there's more to life than spying on people. take the info you have and use it to your advantage and move on. i often think about how immature and how much she wants to be in the IT CROWD it makes me laugh. i wouldn't have her back either she is a sheep. all this info from ..... facebook. if thats you in the avatar, then take some time to yourself and dont be tempted by the hundreds of guys chasing you just yet. lol.
Leandro Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Thanks Leandro! And thanks so much for your comments my original post, they did help me a lot! :] I just love this site! There are some things I say on here I can't talk to my friends about because they get tired hearing about it. The way I get over something, is exhausting myself by talking about it. I'm just glad you guys are always here to listen and give good advice! :] Yea, this place helps a lot. All my "friends" stopped talking to me after she left me, so i know what it's like to not have someone to talk to. We're like your online friends.
Author b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 the one thing that stuck out to me is what you said about him posting things on facebook he wouldn't usually do. just shows you what type of person he has become now. my ex was the same when i was on facebook and we split i would see things she would put, things really immature, attention seeking and also things like "im so happy now" i dont mess about on there anymore, there's more to life than spying on people. take the info you have and use it to your advantage and move on. i often think about how immature and how much she wants to be in the IT CROWD it makes me laugh. i wouldn't have her back either she is a sheep. all this info from ..... facebook. if thats you in the avatar, then take some time to yourself and dont be tempted by the hundreds of guys chasing you just yet. lol. Haha, yeah that's me! I just feel if I put a real picture up, you get to know the person more, and can relate more to that person. I don't know, it seems as if you're talking to a human rather than nobody...it seems more personal. I'm just amazed at how immature he's become. When he was with me, he was mature, funny, fun and full of life. Maybe I had something to do with it because I'm really mature for my age, I know what I want in life and I'm going to achieve it. I'm honestly convinced I'm living in the memory of him.
Author b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Yea, this place helps a lot. All my "friends" stopped talking to me after she left me, so i know what it's like to not have someone to talk to. We're like your online friends. Haha I like that! But you should get out and meet people! I notice when I stay in my apartment by myself (I have 3 other roommates, so when they aren't around), the silence becomes too loud, and in turn, my thoughts are amplified. I mean, I'm in college, I should be having the time of my life! Not being sad over a break up. I don't know how old you are, but go out and have some fun! Invite your friends to go play laser tag and paintball! That's what my friends are doing when I head back home over Christmas Break. The more fun you have, the less it'll hurt!
Leandro Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Haha I like that! But you should get out and meet people! I notice when I stay in my apartment by myself (I have 3 other roommates, so when they aren't around), the silence becomes too loud, and in turn, my thoughts are amplified. I mean, I'm in college, I should be having the time of my life! Not being sad over a break up. I don't know how old you are, but go out and have some fun! Invite your friends to go play laser tag and paintball! That's what my friends are doing when I head back home over Christmas Break. The more fun you have, the less it'll hurt! Well I'm in college too, but a community college. Can't really have the time of your life there, lol. Most of my "friends" stopped talking to me, except for two. one is in the navy and the other gets pretty annoying after 5 minutes of hanging out with him. I still try to go out whenever I can, but I mainly just stick to the gym.
swfc_77 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 the way he acted with you was probably not the real him, some people put on a mask to try and be te perfect partner my ex did it to me. she would try to ACT like a mature young women when she was with me, when she was with friends she was a giggley little girl and she put some really immature suff on facebook, i haven't bothered with that site for 6 months and the reason is because of her, she puts EVERYTHING on there. dont let him put a hold on you reaching your goals, dont let anyone disract you from what you want. i too am guilty of this, i put a stop on my hopes and dreams to help her along the way in life, she was just too young, immature, selfish and naive to appreciate and respect what i did for her. good luck
Author b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 the way he acted with you was probably not the real him, some people put on a mask to try and be te perfect partner my ex did it to me. she would try to ACT like a mature young women when she was with me, when she was with friends she was a giggley little girl and she put some really immature suff on facebook, i haven't bothered with that site for 6 months and the reason is because of her, she puts EVERYTHING on there. dont let him put a hold on you reaching your goals, dont let anyone disract you from what you want. i too am guilty of this, i put a stop on my hopes and dreams to help her along the way in life, she was just too young, immature, selfish and naive to appreciate and respect what i did for her. good luck Well, he should keep the way he treated me, I was like a princess to him. Maybe I was too mature for him? I mean, I'm not your party-hard-drinking-loud-obnoxous girl that normal 19 year olds are. I'm the exact opposite! I don't party, I don't drink, I'm not loud nor am I obnoxious. I mean, I am outgoing, and I do love to have a good time, but I can do that without alcohol. Believe me, with my creative mind, I can find something to do. Ok, enough about me. But I don't get how he suddenly changed, and I probably never will, and to be honest, I don't care! It's such a weird feeling, I'm not over-thinking anything about him anymore! I just feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I kind of feel relieved.
Author b_rouse Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Well I'm in college too, but a community college. Can't really have the time of your life there, lol. Most of my "friends" stopped talking to me, except for two. one is in the navy and the other gets pretty annoying after 5 minutes of hanging out with him. I still try to go out whenever I can, but I mainly just stick to the gym. I do love the gym too. I always go to the gym but this time I used it as a way to get my emotions out. A great way to deal with the anger stage.
Leandro Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I do love the gym too. I always go to the gym but this time I used it as a way to get my emotions out. A great way to deal with the anger stage. Yes it is. I'm only taking one class right now, so it kinda sucks. Next semester I'm taking six class. Can't wait till then.
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