FML1980 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Hi All, Am new to all of this but am just lost for answers so thought I would throw it out there. Ok so I met this great girl about 18 months ago, she was a work colleagues sister and another colleagues ex wife. Weird i know but he left her for someone else in the office and they had been separated for about a year when we met. The first 12 months went by like a dream, we are best friends, we have an amazing time whenever we were together then at about the 12 month mark when things were geting a bit serious BOOM! We never really spoke about our feelings leading upto that point but during the course of the break up we spoke a lot and she said she loved me but she just couldnt trrust that I wouldnt hurt her and was basically scared of being hurt again. I said I understood and maybe we could slow it down but the risj was too great for her so it ended. We were apart for about 3 months but spoke from time to time. After a while we met up and again it was just like normal. We both said how much we missed each other and how perfect it was being together...we started slow but because it just feels so right we got carried away again.. and again BOOM! She has said this time that this has to be it becasue she loves me and she can see how much she is hurting me and she doesnt want to do it to me anymore. I ssaid I can handle it but no go. We have caught up twice since the break up and again just had an amazing time together. She told me she is trying to block me out because she finds that easier than letting me in and running the risk if being hurt. She said she wants to be friends but i know thats just her trying to fool herself and it keeps her in her comfort zone or safety bubble where she cant get hurt. Yesterday I sent her an email that said enough is enough, i basically listed everything I know she is feeling and told her it's ok. I said I will never leave or hurt you and that I want to be there for her. I did go on to say that I would never contact her again and the ball was in her court. I am just worried now that she will never call that she will just try to block me out by seeing other guys until i am forgotten. Is this even possible does the heart really have power over the mind? Advise, opinions etc... all welcome - thanks!
Distant78 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Hi All, Am new to all of this but am just lost for answers so thought I would throw it out there. Ok so I met this great girl about 18 months ago, she was a work colleagues sister and another colleagues ex wife. Weird i know but he left her for someone else in the office and they had been separated for about a year when we met. The first 12 months went by like a dream, we are best friends, we have an amazing time whenever we were together then at about the 12 month mark when things were geting a bit serious BOOM! We never really spoke about our feelings leading upto that point but during the course of the break up we spoke a lot and she said she loved me but she just couldnt trrust that I wouldnt hurt her and was basically scared of being hurt again. I said I understood and maybe we could slow it down but the risj was too great for her so it ended. We were apart for about 3 months but spoke from time to time. After a while we met up and again it was just like normal. We both said how much we missed each other and how perfect it was being together...we started slow but because it just feels so right we got carried away again.. and again BOOM! She has said this time that this has to be it becasue she loves me and she can see how much she is hurting me and she doesnt want to do it to me anymore. I ssaid I can handle it but no go. We have caught up twice since the break up and again just had an amazing time together. She told me she is trying to block me out because she finds that easier than letting me in and running the risk if being hurt. She said she wants to be friends but i know thats just her trying to fool herself and it keeps her in her comfort zone or safety bubble where she cant get hurt. Yesterday I sent her an email that said enough is enough, i basically listed everything I know she is feeling and told her it's ok. I said I will never leave or hurt you and that I want to be there for her. I did go on to say that I would never contact her again and the ball was in her court. I am just worried now that she will never call that she will just try to block me out by seeing other guys until i am forgotten. Is this even possible does the heart really have power over the mind? Advise, opinions etc... all welcome - thanks! The only thing you can do, if you really love her, is to give her space and let the ball lie in her court, as you stated. I wouldn't wait too long though...
AlisaMarie Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I had a boyfriend that was like that. He couldn't trust me, he was scared to lose me... blah blah, I never did anything wrong and defended myself constantly. If he was so scared to lose me, why did he leave? Because the guilty dog barks. Sound's like she's projecting her guilt. If you haven't done anything to this girl to lose her trust... she's making excuses and is letting you down softly. I don't know why people do this, especially after a year! It hurts me just to read your story. I am sorry your going through this but I say let it go.
WTRanger Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 You can never promise someone you won't hurt them. It's an impossible promise. Whatever her reasons are, she's deathly afraid to commit further to you and that's something you have to deal with. It sucks and she's a coward for doing so. Think about this, if she really loved you she wouldn't be scared of some future event that may or may not happen. For all you and her know, there's a better chance of little green aliens crawling out of one of your asses and doing a Riverdance routine than you two breaking up. She's using the past to project the future and these people are dangerous to be around. She probably has the mentality that all guys she's cared about have abandoned her, yet just as she's doing with you, she's ejecting you from her life. Then, when you can no longer stand being in limbo you walk away (as you should) she's just fulfilled her "prediction." She's a soul sucker and you've got to distance yourself from her.
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