nice-easy-day Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 One of the biggest complaints I see in this forum is this: Why can't he or she just be honest that they're not into me. I've been led on and I'm sure everyone in here has been led on also. Let's not talk about why people have done it but let's be honest and talk about why YOU have done it. I find it hard to believe that people will actually do this on purpose. But do they? Girls, now that it's all said and done have you actually done this on purpose and what was your reason behind it? You have nothing to hide from any of us. I've never led anyone past the initial stages of a relationship. If they can't get the hint then I'll tell them outright that it isn't going to work. I'm not talking about a couple of dates and then you drop out of site. I'm talking about a persistent game that goes on. Does this really happen or do people (girls and guys) just hang on and won't listen to what the 'other' has to say?
january2010 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Some people like to hedge their bets, don't want to be alone and keep someone hanging until they find someone who is more attractive. Others don't like to hurt others and won't break things off until they're forced into a corner.
catgotyourtongue Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Hi I believe in all honesty, I probaby did this when I was young and did not understand the complexity of feelings, the effect my actions had on people, etc. I also hate hurting people, and was selfish I am sure due to naivety and youth. I liked a lot of male attention, and although I was not trying to play games, I am sure I led some men on, in my past. The reasons some people do it: Million of them: -attention, lonliness, fear, not wanting to hurt someone, selfish gain, desire to have 'someone" even if it is the wrong someone etc., ignorance, immaturity, the list goes on. At this age and stage in my life, I would not and do not lead people on or keep a relationship going if it is not right for me. I also will end something soon if I know the other person is a lot more serious and we are not on same page, to protect them. I have dated people I liked, but did not have great chemistry with, and I held on and dated them at least a little while, because they were good men, and I was interested in them in other ways and hoped the chemistry would change. When it did not, I would end it. I do not string on people, have no need, and don't play games. A lot of people are just not sure how to handle this, lonely or playing games, or nervous, or fear of the fallout of saying "I am not interested" It's complex.....for sure. For a lot of people it is way easier to walk, and avoid, and put it off, then to speak the truth. And people like attention, back burner theory, have YOU in the wings just in case the other person does not work out. I would way more appreciate a man to tell me "hey I don't feel this is working" and end it sooner, rather than him worrying about hurting my feelings and dragging it out, of course. I would think most of us are like that..?
fishtaco Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 People are allowed to change their minds. This excuse, be it genuine or not, is unprovable, and can be use as the answer to "why" in every situation. I feel it's more important to know how to deal with it than why people do it.
catgotyourtongue Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 GOOD POINT- It struck a chord with me. I always stay stuck in the WHY which has led to many sleepless nights, and issues, to say the least. Focusing on how to deal, important. BUT I always still want to know why, trying to break self from that, and have made some progress...slight, be it, but progress!!!! I do though as well, on other hand, it helps to focus on why, because it can teach you something about yourself, and others. Patterns, choices, behaviors, la de da. People are allowed to change their minds. This excuse, be it genuine or not, is unprovable, and can be use as the answer to "why" in every situation. I feel it's more important to know how to deal with it than why people do it.
daphne Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Does this really happen or do people (girls and guys) just hang on and won't listen to what the 'other' has to say? I think this is it. If I don't want to pursue a relationship with someone I'm dating, I let them know I think we're incompatible. They may hate me, but at least they can't complain that I disappeared. Most people are just friendly and don't make plans for the future and hope you get the hint. They may like you, but aren't interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. And if they are just friends, they are hoping for something different to happen when you've established a friendship only. Though I know there are unscrupulous attention whores and guys who want to keep a girl on a string for sex just in case.
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