danm3 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 what do you guys make of this convo? I had to go on skype for school and she messages me, I felt terrible not to say something.. I don't want to seem angry/bitter. relationship summary: LDR gf of 2.5 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago (before which she was emotionally torturing me by ignoring me and acting distant while I was trying to understand what was going on) because she 'missed that initial spark you get from meeting someone new' (at the time she was seeing someone new, who tried to use her and quit when he failed) and she can't get that with me anymore (despite me treating her amazingly, better than anyone ever has in her own words)... also she said our relationship was 'too safe' and she felt too secure because she knew i would 'never end it'... but basically, she wants to experience other guys ( i was really her first real relationship ) she desperately wanted to be friends and i told her i did not want to be friends and she needs to experience life / i wished her luck and told her she had my love... after she read that she sent me a text "i read your email but can i just tell you something?" (ignored it) i guess with the intention of keeping this open-ended... it seems like shes avoiding real closure. I've been doing well and I know she's surprised by my strength (I've always been too forgiving to her, but shes never done anything this bad) so I assume she feels the weight of her decision now... I never once asked to work it out or anything, just went NC except for me telling her I didn't want to be friends. [3:18:09 PM] HER: daniel [3:18:33 PM] ME: hi [3:18:39 PM] HER: hey =] [3:18:51 PM] HER: how are you [3:19:15 PM] ME: doin well, emt again [3:19:21 PM] HER: oh yea? [3:19:25 PM] ME: oh yea [3:19:30 PM] HER: thats awesome =] [3:19:39 PM] HER: are u volunteering? [3:19:47 PM] ME: yeah [3:19:58 PM] HER: do u still work at the movies? [3:20:08 PM] ME: yeah but i hope to work for monoc soon [3:20:09 PM] ME: paid emt [3:20:28 PM] HER: whats monoc [3:20:41 PM] ME: http://www.monoc.org/v3/index.cfm?event=begin [3:21:01 PM] HER: ohhh [3:21:05 PM] HER: exciting [3:21:16 PM] HER: hows ur moms arm? [3:21:34 PM] ME: oh yea shes been better for awhile [3:21:49 PM] HER: is it all healed up? [3:22:17 PM] ME: yeah she has some bone fragmentation but time should take care of it [3:22:25 PM] HER: thats good [3:24:12 PM] HER: hows school [3:24:36 PM] ME: awesome, they invited me to the alpha theta honor society [3:24:47 PM] HER: omg daniel [3:25:05 PM] ME: for thanksgiving i had to eat with female inmates in the state prison [3:25:08 PM] ME: for community service [3:25:13 PM] HER: wow [3:25:20 PM] HER: thats really amazing [3:25:35 PM] ME: yea it was cool [3:26:03 PM] HER: see ur doing so much better without me... then she stopped talking for about 15 min and I signed off without saying goodbye I tried to keep it as short & sweet & to the point as possible and why would she say this? see ur doing so much better without me... i feel much worse that I talked to her, I hope i didn't ruin 3 weeks of progress. but I do want her to know I've been doing well -- I won't lie, I hope that she matures and changes so we can have the relationship we once had.
Perhaps Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 what do you guys make of this convo? I had to go on skype for school and she messages me, I felt terrible not to say something.. I don't want to seem angry/bitter. relationship summary: LDR gf of 2.5 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago (before which she was emotionally torturing me by ignoring me and acting distant while I was trying to understand what was going on) because she 'missed that initial spark you get from meeting someone new' (at the time she was seeing someone new, who tried to use her and quit when he failed) and she can't get that with me anymore (despite me treating her amazingly, better than anyone ever has in her own words)... also she said our relationship was 'too safe' and she felt too secure because she knew i would 'never end it'... but basically, she wants to experience other guys ( i was really her first real relationship ) she desperately wanted to be friends and i told her i did not want to be friends and she needs to experience life / i wished her luck and told her she had my love... after she read that she sent me a text "i read your email but can i just tell you something?" (ignored it) i guess with the intention of keeping this open-ended... it seems like shes avoiding real closure. I've been doing well and I know she's surprised by my strength (I've always been too forgiving to her, but shes never done anything this bad) so I assume she feels the weight of her decision now... I never once asked to work it out or anything, just went NC except for me telling her I didn't want to be friends. [3:18:09 PM] HER: daniel [3:18:33 PM] ME: hi [3:18:39 PM] HER: hey =] [3:18:51 PM] HER: how are you [3:19:15 PM] ME: doin well, emt again [3:19:21 PM] HER: oh yea? [3:19:25 PM] ME: oh yea [3:19:30 PM] HER: thats awesome =] [3:19:39 PM] HER: are u volunteering? [3:19:47 PM] ME: yeah [3:19:58 PM] HER: do u still work at the movies? [3:20:08 PM] ME: yeah but i hope to work for monoc soon [3:20:09 PM] ME: paid emt [3:20:28 PM] HER: whats monoc [3:20:41 PM] ME: http://www.monoc.org/v3/index.cfm?event=begin [3:21:01 PM] HER: ohhh [3:21:05 PM] HER: exciting [3:21:16 PM] HER: hows ur moms arm? [3:21:34 PM] ME: oh yea shes been better for awhile [3:21:49 PM] HER: is it all healed up? [3:22:17 PM] ME: yeah she has some bone fragmentation but time should take care of it [3:22:25 PM] HER: thats good [3:24:12 PM] HER: hows school [3:24:36 PM] ME: awesome, they invited me to the alpha theta honor society [3:24:47 PM] HER: omg daniel [3:25:05 PM] ME: for thanksgiving i had to eat with female inmates in the state prison [3:25:08 PM] ME: for community service [3:25:13 PM] HER: wow [3:25:20 PM] HER: thats really amazing [3:25:35 PM] ME: yea it was cool [3:26:03 PM] HER: see ur doing so much better without me...then she stopped talking for about 15 min and I signed off without saying goodbye I tried to keep it as short & sweet & to the point as possible and why would she say this? see ur doing so much better without me...i feel much worse that I talked to her, I hope i didn't ruin 3 weeks of progress. but I do want her to know I've been doing well -- I won't lie, I hope that she matures and changes so we can have the relationship we once had. What I make of the above is this: Why do you have her on your Skype? Why do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Why are you giving her the satisfaction of friendship when she can't give you the satisfaction of a relationship? I think she just said that to justify her choice and sort of 'guilt-trip' you into feeling bad for her instead of her. You're going to ignore her. Completely. If she needs you, she will find you. The more you reluctantly go along with her friendship, the more indicative it is of your inability to take a stance for your wants. That's when you'll really be in trouble. You have to be an ass and ignore her if you want to move on and be strong. I know being in such a place and sucks and I can't stress how important it is to ignore her. Let her face the consequences of her own actions. She'll either come back or she'll stop being annoying by bringing you down every time you try to move up. Either way, you need to let yourself flow into a position where you will not care if she comes back or not. That will happen with time. 1
WTRanger Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 It's called a guilt trip. She wants to keep you on the hook and you pining away for her while she toys around with you. You shouldn't be ashamed for doing well. That's exactly what you are supposed to do! I would block her on Skype from now on if you need to use it for schooling. She's not going to change anytime soon.
Author danm3 Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 I hear ya guys... I don't feel that I did anything wrong, though... I can't control her messaging me, I honestly didn't think she'd be on skype because she only used to go on because of ME and I haven't been on in ages. I did not want to sound angry or bitter for what she did to me; that would probably make her happy. I made a new skype btw so I don't have to deal with her on there anymore
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