bentnotbroken Posted December 5, 2010 Posted December 5, 2010 When, I first posted on this board, right after it first happened your responses really helped me. I just want to say thanks. Glad something could help. I remember those first few months after d-day. It is confusing at best.
alturrnababe Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 It's been 8 months since my D-Day. We are doing pretty well some months and then there are times when it just gets to me. Do I forgive him? I say I do and I want to oh so badly; because I still want our marriage and family entact. I still feel that I love him. I just don't trust. Now, I don't put anything past anyone, because of this. Do I forgive him? I don't know. I understand how people make bad---bad mistakes. I just never thought that he would do this to me and it breaks my heart that this is a memory, a fact that is now a part of our lives forever. This is partly how I feel about my husband too. Today is one of those days where I am remembering everything and forgiving nothing. I just don't know if I can get over this, ever.
wicar1 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 It's been 8 months since my D-Day. We are doing pretty well some months and then there are times when it just gets to me. Do I forgive him? I say I do and I want to oh so badly; because I still want our marriage and family entact. I still feel that I love him. I just don't trust. Now, I don't put anything past anyone, because of this. Do I forgive him? I don't know. I understand how people make bad---bad mistakes. I just never thought that he would do this to me and it breaks my heart that this is a memory, a fact that is now a part of our lives forever. He did not make a mistake. he chose to cheat on you. I still dont think it is possible to forgive a cheater and live on with it. May be emotional zombies could do that.
Author PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 He did not make a mistake. he chose to cheat on you. I still dont think it is possible to forgive a cheater and live on with it. May be emotional zombies could do that. I seriously don't know what your story is Wicar...but it really does sound like you've been badly burnt. I have read your posts and they are all one liners with negative remarks. Fortunately for us BS's who have been dealing with this..we have been making progress..obviously if we are still with our spouses. Sounds like your spouse may have NOT chosen you...who knows as you havent really told your story...which is another reason why most won't really care what you have to say..as we cannot compare our issues/feelings with you. Okay they cheated..we get that...but telling us to divorce and move on is hardly good advise when we have children, a life and a long history with them. I am not sure what your trying to prove with your negative posts...but like I said...you really do sound bitter!
bentnotbroken Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 He did not make a mistake. he chose to cheat on you. I still dont think it is possible to forgive a cheater and live on with it. May be emotional zombies could do that. I am not an emotional zombie nor do I believe that the people who do it are emotional zombies. Just like there are so many of us who would never cheat and know that, there are those of us who live by the standards of our faith who can forgive. It is indeed an individual CHOICE. It requires putting your own feelings aside to do what Christ did for us. It is a process, it is not easy and it is not something that happens one time and done. I don't know the process that people like Spark and Owl have gone through to stay with their spouses...it is admirable. I respect you have an opinion but I ask with all due respect you assume their are people who can forgive just as there are people who can cheat.
Linda9999 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I guess whether you forgive or not depends on your definition of forgiveness. I will never forget, and I will never trust 100% again, but I will move past it. I have started to move past it, I am still with him, and things are better between us than they have been in years. I refuse to take responsibility for him cheating. HE did that - it was HIS choice. However, I do take responsibility for the state our marriage was in before he cheated. I have committed to work on our marriage, with him. Neither of us made the right choice before I found out what he was up to. His choice was to cheat. Mine was to lay down and give up on having a good relationship. We didn't do what we should have, which was come to each other and recommit. We have now done that. I know how I feel. By some definitions, what I feel might be called forgiveness. By other definitions it might not be. That isn't really important to me. What's important to me is that I *do* want to work things out, and so does he. And I believe we will.
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