marathon10 Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I have been dating someone for about a year now. We are currently living together but only for the winter in the housing our seasonal job provides for us. We haven't jumped in to looking for apartments together yet. I say this because even the simple transition of moving in temporarily signified how well our relationship was going for me. We had the most wonderful summer together and I thought i had found the deepest bond I have ever had with someone before. Which leads me to my problem. Last season about two weeks into us dating, he "went home" for an extended weekend. I had suspicions from the beginning that he was visiting his ex but when I finally found the courage to confront him about it several months later her brushed it off very convincingly and told me he did indeed do home. I tried again several months later to ask him about it and he told me the same thing. About a week after we had moved in together, I asked him one final time and he admitted that he had flown out to visit his ex after we had started dating. I'm pretty crushed about all this. He admitted they slept together, only once and that he flew out to visit his best friend from college who was his ex's good friend but still stayed with his ex to give them one last chance. The trip had been planned before I entered the picture and he says he was planning on telling her he wasn't coming but as the date neared he felt more and more guilty and went anyway. He claims that had started talking again the fall before I met him and she bought him the ticket to visit her without telling him and then asked him if he wanted to use it, if not thats okay, etc. He finally said yes to see if there was anything left between them. Then he claims after the slept together the first night he realized there wasn't anything there and he liked me, his current girlfriend. Okay i get it, sometimes you need closure. But why did he pursue me if he knew he was going to visit her anyway? why didn't he just tell me the truth before he left? and then here is the painful part? why did he continue to maintain contact with her after he "realized she wasn't what he wanted?" and I mean "hey babe, i miss you too. I'll call you after work" style contact. He says its because he felt bad about using her in the way that he did. I'm so confused. Am I'm being totally bull****ted? Should I trust him? Should I leave him? What am I supposed to think about all this? He tells me he is so sorry and he was weak and confused and a dick and he loves me more than he has loved anyone before and he didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose me. urrgggghhhh... what the hell?!
PegNosePete Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 He is a liar and a cheater. If this is what he has told you happened, there is definitely more that he hasn't told you. He is in damage control, trying to make it not seem so bad to limit the fallout. The year's worth of lying is almost as bad (or worse!) than the actual event. You should get rid of him, IMO.
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