xpaperxcutx Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Ex: So really you're telling me to go to six different places to get groceries? Haha, some help you are By the way, I can get a discount at my store if you need anything (or a giant plush Hello Kitty, you know)! So do you live in NYC now or does your company pay for you to stay near the client? [insert a lot of useless info about his commute]. The first week here in the city was so lonely though, sitting in an empty apartment with no computer or TV or anyone to talk to. Well, I'm going to check on my flight. I'm in Orlando and it got delayed. Hopefully I'll be back by midnight. Good night! Gf: Haha I'll keep the discount in mind--wouldn't mind having a giant plush Hello Kitty in my room, haha. I'm still living at home, but I stay at my boyfriend's apartment half of the time and spend the rest at home. You're still commuting in from [censored]? Or was that before you moved in fully? It's good that you have the place to yourself. Anyways, let me know when things settle down--we should get a drink or something! Hope you have a safe flight! Talk to ya soon! Ex: I'm actually not sure if the Hello Kitty thing is for sale, so I might have to steal one. I admit, I want one too, haha. I only commute from [censored] when I'm travelling or moving stuff, but that has been often lately. Last night I got to [censored] a little after midnight and had to leave for the train station at 6:10, so that's no fun. I'll be away the next couple weekends but we should get a drink or something on a weeknight if you have time, or some weekend in 2011 if you don't. Unless the [place censored] re-opens, you're in charge of picking a place :-) What's the point of posting this? It's one thing to suspect her of cheating it's another thing entirely to hack into her FB and post her personal stuff on a forum. Don't you think your gf deserves some kind of privacy and respect in this matter?
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Well, it's a good sign she mentioned you right away to him, unprompted, and especially the fact that both of you are 'serious' enough for her to be living with you half the time. I really think she has innocent motives but just doesn't know how to broach the subject with you - I could be wrong, of course, but that's what my gut tells me. If she truly wanted to start something anew with him, she wouldn't be saying all that about you, and she wouldn't even be telling you about him. This is precisely what bothers me, though. Why would she bother telling me about him if she's going to lie about the nature of the conversation itself?
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 What's the point of posting this? It's one thing to suspect her of cheating it's another thing entirely to hack into her FB and post her personal stuff on a forum. Don't you think your gf deserves some kind of privacy and respect in this matter? I reworded most of it and omitted quite a bit. I just kept the "spirit" of the conversation intact. I posted it to give some additional context to the conversation that took place so that people could more accurately judge if I am overreacting to this situation or not.
Banker Chick Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I was interested to see this subject. My exbf (we've been broken up for the last 4 months but have continued seeing each other...yeah, it's complicated) and I were talking this past weekend. I told him eventually we will meet other people that will NOT be ok with us continuing to be "friends". He disagreed. I stated that when two people have a history, especially like we did almost getting married and still right now hanging out and having sex then that's not going to fly. He felt he could still get together with me and even though he'd want to be physical he would be able to respect that I was in a relationship with someone else. I just don't think it's possible. How long have they been broken up and how serious were they?
Distant78 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 *Groans as I sit down naked in front of my laptop* OOOOkay, Let's see here: 1. Lied to you about who initiated contact first. 2. Initiated contact with ex. 3. Invited him out for a drink since finding out he was locating to her area. 4. Then tried to downplay what she's doing. This tells you all that you need to know about her, and how this relationship will turn out...
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 I was interested to see this subject. My exbf (we've been broken up for the last 4 months but have continued seeing each other...yeah, it's complicated) and I were talking this past weekend. I told him eventually we will meet other people that will NOT be ok with us continuing to be "friends". He disagreed. I stated that when two people have a history, especially like we did almost getting married and still right now hanging out and having sex then that's not going to fly. He felt he could still get together with me and even though he'd want to be physical he would be able to respect that I was in a relationship with someone else. I just don't think it's possible. How long have they been broken up and how serious were they? They only went out for about 6 months or so. They started dating in late 2008 and broke up early 2009.
Flirt Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Uhh ... sounds like you should let her have her drink and go find someone who's a little less two-faced and immature. Seriously, the best-case scenario is she doesn't trust you enough to tell you about something completely innocent. This will eventually lead to other problems, trust me. Worst-case scenario she is still into her ex and intends to cheat on you. Either confront her, or get rid of her. You've already shot yourself in the foot by violating her privacy, though, so it sounds like you two have a lot of things to iron out. Best of luck!
ReadyforLove Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Sounds like a bad situation all around. She found HIM on fb, and then initiated an outing with him. It's possible that she's not over him yet.
LuckyClover Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Seriously let her have her drink. If you said she can't then you just made mike the forbidden fruit. Since the beginning girls want what they are told they can't have. Let her go.. if she comes back, she's yours. If not, she would have left anyway... And yes her asking him to have a drink with her is her wanting to see if there is anything worth saving in that relationship. I wouldn't resist anything she does. I wouldn't even act like it bothers me. That has always been my faults in my previous relationships, I thought of me and what I wanted and so I fought for it.. big mistake... the less you care the more they want yout too. The more you care, the less interested they are. In my expierences anyway.
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Sounds like a bad situation all around. She found HIM on fb, and then initiated an outing with him. It's possible that she's not over him yet. This is my thought, too. Seriously let her have her drink. If you said she can't then you just made mike the forbidden fruit. Since the beginning girls want what they are told they can't have. Let her go.. if she comes back, she's yours. If not, she would have left anyway... And yes her asking him to have a drink with her is her wanting to see if there is anything worth saving in that relationship. I wouldn't resist anything she does. I wouldn't even act like it bothers me. That has always been my faults in my previous relationships, I thought of me and what I wanted and so I fought for it.. big mistake... the less you care the more they want yout too. The more you care, the less interested they are. In my expierences anyway. I will let her do what she pleases, but if I ever find out when it takes place, I am going to schedule something for the same time and see what she does. If she chooses to see an ex over spending time with me, that's that.
LuckyClover Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 This is my thought, too. I will let her do what she pleases, but if I ever find out when it takes place, I am going to schedule something for the same time and see what she does. If she chooses to see an ex over spending time with me, that's that. I think this is a really good plan.. Good luck. Until then just love her the way you do... That's your greatest strength. Be the best you can be and even if she is curious about this OM, he won't stand in comparrison to you.
Distant78 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 I think this is a really good plan.. Good luck. Until then just love her the way you do... No, he can't love her the way he used to as of this moment. The man recently found out his partner has been lying to him about another man, specifically an old flame. IMO the correct way for him to go about this is to pretend that everything's okay for now...
LuckyClover Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 No, he can't love her the way he used to as of this moment. The man recently found out his partner has been lying to him about another man, specifically an old flame. IMO the correct way for him to go about this is to pretend that everything's okay for now... That's what I meant
Flirt Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 the less you care the more they want yout too. The more you care, the less interested they are. In my expierences anyway. That's how emotionally immature people act. These kinds of mind games lead to nothing but resentment. My most recent ex tried to pull this same BS and that's why she's now an ex. Don't get sucked into this black hole of misery. Deal directly with the sh*t that comes your way, or it will eat away at your soul.
Seamless74 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 +1 for you actually figuring it out quickly and following your intuitions couple of takeaways from everything ive read. 1.) Her telling you about this is her basically admitting her guilt (or depending how far you want to go with this) sub consciously either telling you ahead of time shes thinking bout messing around or something about your relationship is not right. 2.) Could you imagine if the roles were reversed how would she feel,, yeah i bet shed throw a big ol temper tantrum and get really suspicious. xPAPERCUTZx said What's the point of posting this? It's one thing to suspect her of cheating it's another thing entirely to hack into her FB and post her personal stuff on a forum. Don't you think your gf deserves some kind of privacy and respect in this matter? Today 8:21 PM 3.) Bro hack away at that facebook account,, look admittedly im a little older than some not all thats for sure.. Im down with technology and stuff but what the hell is a facebook page for its to be viewed its public info.. Id never say look in someones phone or anything but if people including your girlfriend are dumb enough to post their private business online for the whole world to see screw um... Its just plain stupid,, I dont care what society says,, facebook this myspace that idiotic... And if you are in a commited relationship can you not visit her page whenever you want??? 4.) Its not whether she wants to meet him or whether shes secretly thinking bout cheating its simply a matter of respect and her lack thereof simply putting you in this situation tread carefully...
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 I decided to bring it up. I said "I wanted to talk with you about the convo last night -- it honestly rubbed me the wrong way and you were really fishy with the way you told the story." using these points: 1. I don't believe that he contacted you out of the blue, especially since you said he broke up with you and that you were really torn over it. 2. Were you guys being flirty? The comment you told me about him giving you a "hard time" over recommending multiple places to shop, to me, is pretty obvious that there was flirting. 3. When you mentioned that he kept asking why you were in NY half the time, you didn't mention to me that you told me you had a boyfriend. Why so dodgy? I then noticed that she deleted the entire conversation with her ex from FB.
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 She is bending over backwards right now trying to call me, and I told her I honestly was not up for talking right now, as I feel like she is being dishonest with me. I asked if I could see the convo in a screenshot form.
Seamless74 Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Well thats great but doesnt really change anything does it...?? Id be waaayy more interested to know why she brought it up to you in the first place... that would be my main interest... women are very subtle bro, what was she trying to get across to you?? I would ask her that..
threebyfate Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Vertex, I'm really sorry to hear this. Thought this girl was someone different and worthwhile. Apparently not. Strange how our gut instincts kick in so we know that something's amiss. Glad you hacked into her FB account to get some real information. If you want further proof, you talk to her and see if she continues to lie to you or be evasive. Personally, I'd ditch her. There was no real reason for her to lie in the first place. None what-so-ever.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 This is not good at all. The lying is a big problem. I've dealt with boyfriends telling relatively minor lies, and my instinct was always to dump them, but usually didn't. They always lied again in the future. Now it's a complete deal breaker for me. If I catch a guy in a lie, he's gone.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 2, 2010 Posted December 2, 2010 Would you be okay with your girlfriend getting a drink with an ex? No. I actually snagged an ex doing just that. I was pretty shocked but didn't show anything. I wanted to see how she acted rather than giving her something to act about. Turned out it didn't matter--we had no hope any way. I wouldn't think this would be OK in another relationship. There's no reason to do this except incubating infidelity.
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 She sent me messages from the convo from her email notifications, but I obviously knew she was sending me only half of them. She left out the ones where she reached out to contact him, and everything about the plushie/invitation to drinks/etc. I told her she saved a cookie on my computer and that I had seen the convo before she deleted it. She is going crazy right now trying to ask how to make things right
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 I had told her she was flat-out lying to me and that she was omitting things. She replied so vehemently: I am not lying! Why don't you trust me? etc etc Once I told her I had already seen the convo, she melted.
Author VertexSquared Posted December 2, 2010 Author Posted December 2, 2010 Vertex, I'm really sorry to hear this. Thought this girl was someone different and worthwhile. Apparently not. Strange how our gut instincts kick in so we know that something's amiss. Glad you hacked into her FB account to get some real information. If you want further proof, you talk to her and see if she continues to lie to you or be evasive. Personally, I'd ditch her. There was no real reason for her to lie in the first place. None what-so-ever. I talked to her about it and she lied through her teeth. I asked for a screenshot but she sent me text, then said she regularly deleted FB messages. I told her she was lying because I've seen her on my computer on FB before and I *know* she keeps her messages. Didn't have to hack to do that. She lied through her teeth and tried to displace the blame to my paranoia before I mentioned that I had already seen the entire convo.
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