AvianChaos Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 WARNING: This is going to be a very long story. So, five years ago (when I was still in High School), I became acquainted with a person whose reputation preceded him. He was known as the best guitarist at our school, and he certainly was. When I met him, I was instantly struck by how motivated he was and his very strong personality and sense of self. I had a few conversations with him and in one conversation in particular, he inspired me to decide that i wanted to be a composer of music. I still think of that conversation from time to time to keep me focused on my life's goal. From there on, we were always more colleagues than friends, bouncing ideas off of each other and showcasing our new skills. We only spent time together when we were discussing music. I kept my distance, however... He had a highly toxic and seemingly hateful relationship with his mother, his emotional instability was evident to me quite early on; a problem he chose to deal with by abusing marijuana. To me, when he was high he seemed completely normal so I didn't think of it as a real problem; still, it was not a lifestyle I wanted to participate in. Things went on like this for a while; we would meet up, write music, inspire each other, push one another to their limits, etc... and then I would go home and get on with my life and so would he. After a few years, we became very close, and I decided it was time to ask him to join my band. Since his band had broken up a year or so before he enthusiastically accepted. We became a lot closer through this experience, the ideas we shared became reality and we were performing them together for audiences of friends. It made me very happy, and I know it made him happy as well; because that is what we want to do with our lives. During this time, though, he developed a serious problem with alcohol abuse in conjunction with his marijuana abuse. He is a smart person and acknowledges that he is an alcoholic and is addicted to weed; but he has no intention of changing. And I guess that says it all really; I walked with him and grew with him for a time, and now that time is over and i need to move on from this relationship. But, as everyone on this site knows, this is very very hard. The alcohol abuse did cause problems sometimes, such as missing practice, uninspiring performances, but nothing that would make me want to get rid of him as a band member. We would often tell him that he could not get drunk at practice, he could not get too drunk at shows, to which he was agreeable, but did not always follow what he said. One recent incident convinced me that it was time to get rid of him; we had rented a rehearsal space for the evening and he showed up drunk, drank too much while he was there and lost control of himself completely. He exploded at all of us, telling us that we were not playing the song right, he couldnt form sentences or stand up straight and he was absolutely belligerent. We were all scared. Eventually he gathered up all his stuff and left (it was a long ordeal) and wasted the money we had spent on the practice space. Following this, he was quite apologetic, but we never really got a chance to talk to him how we wanted to. He was going ok for a while, but was slipping again and missing practices. A few weeks ago we were supposed to have a rehearsal and i had a very pleasant talk with him in which he assured me he would come to practice that night. About 2 hours before we had practice, he told me he had to run an errand and i asked if he was still coming to practice. He did not respond. He missed practice and i never said anything about it although i was enraged. He has not spoken a word to me since then, no matter what i say he will not talk to me. If i call him, he will ignore me, the only way to talk to him is through text, but he never responds. I never showed any anger or ill-will towards him, and really i don't harbor negative feelings towards him; i want him to be happy but i cannot control how he feels. He deals with his problems this way; if he has to say something that he doesnt want to say, he will avoid it and ignore you to no end. It is very hurtful to me, and it is very hurtful to anyone else who experiences it. I asked him if he wanted to quit the band and that its okay if he does. He said nothing. I begged him just to say something, he won't. He surrounds himself with friends constantly so its impossible to talk to him in person alone. None of his friends will tell me what he is going through right now. I want to help him; I want him to be ok; I wish we could still be in a band together though i know that probably cant happen right now. He has become one of my best and most precious friends, and now he wont even talk to me for a reason I dont know and he wont tell. What should I do? Stop trying to communicate with him? Let him wallow in his own fears and insecurities? Or try to help him? I just want him to know I will always be there and i will never forget the comradery we once shared.
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