810 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 It is not sad. Chivalry is by men for women, while common courtesy is by everyone for everyone. it's not sad for you but it is for me. same rule applies: courtesy and appreciation.
musemaj11 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 it's not sad for you but it is for me. Of course it is for you and I understand. The Southern whites were also sad when segregation was abolished.
OldSkool Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 musemaj11, it is clear to me that you have a huge chip on your shoulder and I'm not going to play into your game. I'll agree to disagree with you. I know what chivalry means to me. I like the person that I am because I subscribe to those principals. My Century: Chivalry = The belief that being a gentleman involves deferring, when appropriate, to a lady. You have a lot to learn kid. Peace
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 It is not sad. And chivalry is not common courtesy. Chivalry is by men for women, while common courtesy is by everyone for everyone. Its good that chivalry is dying in this day and age. Chivalry is not dying and it's evident by what Old is saying. I see nothing wrong with a man putting a woman on a pedestal and treating her like a queen. Afterall, without women, there would be no men
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 (edited) I always believed, perhaps naively, that women possessed great power, the power to nurture, to love, to bear us progeny, and hence treated them with great respect and care. In that zeal, I forget about their duty to responsibility commensurate with that power. Great life lesson. I changed that perspective, unhealthily in method, and now have a more balanced viewpoint. I hope the OP is seeing, in the male opinions here, information which is valuable to her. Hi Carhill, I don't post often but lurk around and always see your responses in other threads and you always seem to be the voice of reason! I really enjoy reading your replies. I agree with you and I believe that relationships should be equal. There needs to be some give and take and I think that is why I feel somewhat uneasy about this situation that I am in. I do feel that I am taking taking taking and getting all of the benefits which makes it hard for me to understand why he still continues to want to see me I don't understand what he gets out of it. Everyone is saying he might need companionship but he has friends..and roommates...he is not that lonely. Edited December 3, 2010 by ReadyforLove
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 I view this as a mutually beneficial FWB arrangement. He's getting companionship and the pleasure of your company. For this, he pays for your expensive meals and dates which you enjoy. Was the sex any good? I doubt it since he hasn't been coming back for more. Don't ignore his position on this from the outset. Yes it is good and yes he has been coming back for more lol. I mentioned in a previous post that we still see each other but we don't have sex every time we see each other. We sit up and talk and laugh, watch tv etc. We don't always have to get physical. He is fine with his and so am I. It is not only about sex for either one of us.
musemaj11 Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 musemaj11, it is clear to me that you have a huge chip on your shoulder and I'm not going to play into your game. I'll agree to disagree with you. I know what chivalry means to me. I like the person that I am because I subscribe to those principals. My Century: Chivalry = The belief that being a gentleman involves deferring, when appropriate, to a lady. You have a lot to learn kid. Peace Okay old man, enjoy your Stockholm Syndrome. I see nothing wrong with a man putting a woman on a pedestal and treating her like a queen. Of course you see nothing wrong. You are a woman! If I were a woman, I would see nothing wrong either since it benefits me. Afterall, without women, there would be no men And without men there would be women?
alexlakeman Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 He could be gay and just wants to be seen with a woman to rebuke any gay rumors. Or Just want to make the gf jealous but doesn't want sex with the OP
Author ReadyforLove Posted December 3, 2010 Author Posted December 3, 2010 He could be gay and just wants to be seen with a woman to rebuke any gay rumors. Or Just want to make the gf jealous but doesn't want sex with the OP LOL he is not gay and he doesn't have a gf and we ARE having sex. Geez, I am done with my own thread . I think I have already gotten my answer. Thanks everyone
carhill Posted December 3, 2010 Posted December 3, 2010 Just want to make the gf jealous but doesn't want sex with the OP Yes, a possibility and part of the 20/20 from my affair. For some, a 'relationship' can be a 'tool' to get something from an unrelated third party. This realization formed the beginnings of the change in perspective I alluded to prior, about holding women to a greater *responsibility* for their actions than I had before. Men have similar responsibilities, and consequences for abdicating them, as I did in my affair. The consequences for myself were an expensive divorce. OTOH, I gained a cool cat I do feel that I am taking taking taking and getting all of the benefits which makes it hard for me to understand why he still continues to want to see me I don't understand what he gets out of it. Everyone is saying he might need companionship but he has friends..and roommates...he is not that lonely. OP, in life, some people align more with 'giving' and some more with 'taking'. Neither, in moderation, is unhealthy. A great life lesson for myself has been to become more comfortable with 'taking' the love and generosity friends have offered me during the past couple very difficult years. As a 'giver', I have a hard time 'taking', or even accepting compliments, but now understand the health of that balance better. Perhaps I didn't take enough in my marriage, and it caused my exW to lose respect for me. Perhaps your man has not yet learned this life lesson. You have the power to teach him from your perspective. Regardless, I would suggest assessing the man on his merits and the chemistry you share, irrespective of his generosity. If lacking, for you, act on that assessment in a healthy way. As I once mentioned to my now departed female friend and erstwhile lover, 'I think I'll find someone else to dote on'. The unhealthy part for myself is I allowed the dynamic to go on after that for some time before finally disconnecting. Owned. It's really hard for a giver personality to turn it off. Poverty helps Good luck
OldSkool Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 Okay old man, enjoy your Stockholm Syndrome. Of course you see nothing wrong. You are a woman! If I were a woman, I would see nothing wrong either since it benefits me. And without men there would be women? I hurt for you my friend. It must be so sad to live in your misogynistic bubble. Peace.
musemaj11 Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I hurt for you my friend. It must be so sad to live in your misogynistic bubble. Peace. I agree ignorance is a bliss. I wish I hadnt known what I had known. I wish I could go back to a time when I slaved away for someone else while thinking I was doing myself a favor.
810 Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 I wish I could go back to a time when I slaved away for someone else while thinking I was doing myself a favor. i wish i could see the real person behind the musemaj11 nick
810 Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 OP, in life, some people align more with 'giving' and some more with 'taking'. Neither, in moderation, is unhealthy. A great life lesson for myself has been to become more comfortable with 'taking' the love and generosity friends have offered me during the past couple very difficult years. As a 'giver', I have a hard time 'taking', or even accepting compliments, but now understand the health of that balance better. Perhaps I didn't take enough in my marriage, and it caused my exW to lose respect for me. Perhaps your man has not yet learned this life lesson. You have the power to teach him from your perspective. Regardless, I would suggest assessing the man on his merits and the chemistry you share, irrespective of his generosity. If lacking, for you, act on that assessment in a healthy way. this is good. thank you.
musemaj11 Posted December 4, 2010 Posted December 4, 2010 i wish i could see the real person behind the musemaj11 nick Lol why is that?
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